swiftyc00l:

A great worth of wisdom and sense coming 4rm u lot! lilkeme, yr last two posts and those of a number of peeps on here helped me make up my mind. Am gonna call him up this weekend and let him know the truth, ill do it at weekend just so it doesnt mess him up at work. This guy is a very hardworking, nice, upright and selfless guy. He has looked out for his guys and we have been thru thick and thin over issues 2getha in whateva situations in the past. He is very honest and faithful as well as innocently trusting even when it cant be proved this i know 4 a fact. I believe he deserves a whole lot better than her!

Yes, based on Nikky's story, many good guys get hooked to bad girls which they come to regret at the end and this is probably due to people like their friends keeping silent about it when they see them heading 4 disaster. There are some good girls out there better deserving of him than her, one of them ought to be blessed with a quality guy like him, NOT her. In following up with the karma story peeps, has it crossed yr mind that i could also end up in a similar position and cos i was silent now, my best pals also end up silent about stuff that would affect important life decisions. God forbid. Am o go ahead and tell him if he doubts then ill release the videos secretly to him in batches till he's doubtfree. His fiance can plan to do what she likes, i asure u, ill be READY!

Any objectors?

I hope this gets to you before you spill the beans but I just wanted to give you my advice.

To be honest, the re- virgin operation thing is not new. But it doesn't mean she is a bad person. She may have found a guy she really loves and theres something you said earlier that pained me. You said and I quote , There are some good girls out there better deserving of him than her, one of them ought to be blessed with a quality guy like him, NOT her. What exactly is a good girl? Is it one who has never slept with a man or is it a girl whose heart is truly pure? People say that God chose Mary because she was a virgin and its not true. It was because she had a pure heart and a sound mind. So in the world we live in today, who is truly good? It all depends on your definition.
She may have done awful things but please don't be so quick to judge. My suggestion is that you speak to HER . Be very honest and straightforward with her. Her doing the re- virgin operation might not necessarily be that she is capable of murder as someone said earlier. That is a girl trying to fix a mistake she once made. She probably feels that her virginity ( which is now gone)  was the only thing she could have given to her guy and she's not going to tell anyone how messed up she feels inside. You know how Nigerians are , they'll say "OH! Didn't you know when you were doing it ?"
Everyone tells you to move on but no one explains to you how to forgive yourself. You might see the whole re- virgin things as an act but I see it as a girl admitting that she messed up - not to her bf because she is just too scared. She is definitely not going about it the right way but thats why I said please speak to her first. And depending on how you structure your words, she might have a change of heart, who knows.
I am not justifying her actions in any way, however.
If you can convince her to come clean then no harm done. But be sure to ask your friend how things are going with her a while later. If you are really good friends then he will tell you about her coming clean (if she has). If she hasn't then feel free to tell him.

And please, please, I beg of you, do NOT show him the videos,  Put his feelings into consideration. Showing him will just traumatize him for life and this will just make things extremely difficult for the next girl who comes along. You said he already has trust issues and the video will not help matters. I know you want to look out for your friend but please follow my advice.

^^^^
Why does the poster need to confront the girl? Did she sleep with him? Is she marrying him? People deserve a second chance and i don't think the poster should go messing up a good thing based on what she did in the past.  Who knows if the poster's wife has a few "videos" flying around somewhere, would he like to be told about that?

He isn't confronting her. He is just telling her to be honest. It's against every rule of decency to know something that would affect your friend and NOT tell them.
If she does it herself, he won't have to be the evil friend who ruined things.

hum mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
o boy tellam oooooooooooo, even if is a bit

swiftyc00l:

A great worth of wisdom and sense coming 4rm u lot! lilkeme, yr last two posts and those of a number of peeps on here helped me make up my mind. Am gonna call him up this weekend and let him know the truth, ill do it at weekend just so it doesnt mess him up at work. This guy is a very hardworking, nice, upright and selfless guy. He has looked out for his guys and we have been thru thick and thin over issues 2getha in whateva situations in the past. He is very honest and faithful as well as innocently trusting even when it cant be proved this i know 4 a fact. I believe he deserves a whole lot better than her!

Yes, based on Nikky's story, many good guys get hooked to bad girls which they come to regret at the end and this is probably due to people like their friends keeping silent about it when they see them heading 4 disaster. There are some good girls out there better deserving of him than her, one of them ought to be blessed with a quality guy like him, NOT her. In following up with the karma story peeps, has it crossed yr mind that i could also end up in a similar position and cos i was silent now, my best pals also end up silent about stuff that would affect important life decisions. God forbid. Am o go ahead and tell him if he doubts then ill release the videos secretly to him in batches till he's doubtfree. His fiance can plan to do what she likes, i asure u, ill be READY!

Any objectors?

I strongly object, and you sound like a woman, what has this girl done to you for you to make it your mission in life to destroy her happiness now? Tell me what you stand to gain by telling him? If she has changed then he will remain a happy man for the rest of his life, and if not he will surely find out himslef and nobody's gonna blame you for it. So Mr. Amebo i advise you to act like a man and shut the hell up about it- period!

Hauler , are you male or female?

I'm 100% male unlike the poster

She is a LovePeddler pure and simple and a very deceptive one!, Lets assume every thing she did in the past was a mistake or done out of youthful exuberance, and she's a changed person, lets assume she truly loves ur friend, will she lie to him about her virginity?, and going as far as wanting to regain it through medical operation for that guy?, that girl is a scam! she doesn't love the guy and she can't change the first step to changing in such situation is coming clean and accepting responsibility for what happened not hiding it and creeping back into it later in life.
If I was your friend I would be angry with u for wasting an hr before telling me, this is senseless, there are a lot of good deserving girls out there falling into the hands of guys that re not worth it, while the useless girls get the best guys because people like u waste time or are confused on about what to do. Go ahead and tell your friend Now!, now!! not in 2hrs time, not tomorrow. Don't u want your friend to be happy? to have a happy and envious family? to have a decent wife deserving of his good will? don't u!

@Hauler:
Stop trying to attack the OP's masculinity. Do you know anything about friendship or the ties that bind men? A real man and friend wont watch his best pally about to jump off a cliff.
What it things go wrong and the OP's friend gets to suffer down the line? How do you expect the OP to feel?
Would you let your kid brother go and marry the town slut who almost everyone screwed, especially if you know she lied about being a virgin? If she had come clean, Id have advocated for forgiveness, and second chances, but this scenario is a different one.

@OP should get this off his chest, and do what needs to be done. Friendship requires you make tough decisions at times, even though you might be hated for it.

hauler:

I'm 100% male unlike the poster

I thot as much.
@ poster
Like iyabasira said u dont hv to be quick wit ur judgement.Be swift to hear slow to speak and slow to wrath.
Really men are talking to u now.U have to take ur time to read other pple posts and dont jump into conclusion based on the earlier posts.

IyaBasira:



I hope this gets to you before you spill the beans but I just wanted to give you my advice.

To be honest, the re- virgin operation thing is not new. But it doesn't mean she is a bad person. She may have found a guy she really loves and theres something you said earlier that pained me. You said and I quote , There are some good girls out there better deserving of him than her, one of them ought to be blessed with a quality guy like him, NOT her. What exactly is a good girl? Is it one who has never slept with a man or is it a girl whose heart is truly pure? People say that God chose Mary because she was a virgin and its not true. It was because she had a pure heart and a sound mind. So in the world we live in today, who is truly good? It all depends on your definition.
She may have done awful things but please don't be so quick to judge. My suggestion is that you speak to HER . Be very honest and straightforward with her. Her doing the re- virgin operation might not necessarily be that she is capable of murder as someone said earlier. That is a girl trying to fix a mistake she once made. She probably feels that her virginity ( which is now gone)  was the only thing she could have given to her guy and she's not going to tell anyone how messed up she feels inside. You know how Nigerians are , they'll say "OH! Didn't you know when you were doing it ?"
Everyone tells you to move on but no one explains to you how to forgive yourself. You might see the whole re- virgin things as an act but I see it as a girl admitting that she messed up - not to her bf because she is just too scared. She is definitely not going about it the right way but thats why I said please speak to her first. And depending on how you structure your words, she might have a change of heart, who knows.
I am not justifying her actions in any way, however.
If you can convince her to come clean then no harm done. But be sure to ask your friend how things are going with her a while later. If you are really good friends then he will tell you about her coming clean (if she has). If she hasn't then feel free to tell him.

And please, please, I beg of you, do NOT show him the videos,  Put his feelings into consideration. Showing him will just traumatize him for life and this will just make things extremely difficult for the next girl who comes along. You said he already has trust issues and the video will not help matters. I know you want to look out for your friend but please follow my advice.

By by showing the video u will kill him emotionally and he may not be ready to marry again God forbid.And then u 'l be cajoling to settle down.He will never trust any woman again.Am telling u

It's not about destroying the girl's happiness, It all about NOT DESTROYING my friends happiniess. Whether I tell him now or not, The secret is out there, He is going to know soon., May be he is even reading this posts.

Do you need anothe BIG LIE to cover a lie in the name of remorse?, If you are remorse, come out clean and tell your guy that i have done it before (kini big deal?) you might spare him the 'horrific' details  instead of lie ingggg and still puting another lie lie (virgin operation).

somebody like the girl can lie to get herself a certificate then she need another lie to get herself a job, then another set of lies to get herself promotion and somebody like IYABSIRA is saying she is a good girl because she has a pure heart.

if she has a pure heart come out clean and stop deceieving the man. If the man loves you, he can still go ahead and marry you and stay beside you whenever anybody want to use your past to haunt you. Instaed of cajoling him to marry you at ALL COST

Poster say the truth and Let the devil be ashamed and be free from guilty conscience.

WETIN CONCERN U AND UR FRIEND FIANCEE MATTER, BEST FRIEND AS A LIMIT, COME OOOOOO,IF U TELL AM NKO AND HE STILL MARRY D GIRL WETIN GO HAPPEN TO UR FACE, ABA ELE JA YAN,
IF SHE RE-SOW HER YANSH N BECOME VIRGIN AGAIN N ALSO SHE HAD CHANGED FROM HER OLD WAYS SHE MIGHT EVEN BE A BETTER WIFE THAN THOSE ONES WEY NEVER SEE LIFE B4,

likeme:

^^^ Good one there
It's not about desroying the girls happiness, It all about NOT DESTROYING my friends happiniess. Whether I tell him now or not, The secret is out there, He is going to know soon., May be he is even reading this posts.

Do you need anothe BIG LIE to cover a lie in the name of remorse?, If you are remorse, come out clean and tell your guy that i have done it before,  (kini big deal?) you might spare him the 'horrific' detals

instead of lie ingggg and another lie lie. She can lie to get herself a certificate then she need another lie to get herself a job, then another set of lies to get herself promotion and somebody like IYABSIRA is saying she is a good girl because she has a pure heart.

if she has a pure heart come out clean and stop deceieving the man.

Poster say the truth and Let the devil be ashamed and be free from guilty conscience.

Do u know the gravity of this and u r now saying she shld come clean by telling the guy?It is easier said than done, my friend

dinggle:

She is a LovePeddler pure and simple and a very deceptive one!, Lets assume every thing she did in the past was a mistake or done out of youthful exuberance, and she's a changed person, lets assume she truly loves your friend, will she lie to him about her virginity?,  and going as far as wanting to regain it through medical operation for that guy?,  that girl is a scam! she doesn't love the guy and she can't change the first step to changing in such situation is coming clean and accepting responsibility for what happened not hiding it and creeping back into it later in life.
If I was your friend I would be angry with u for wasting an hr before telling me, this is senseless, there are a lot of good deserving girls out there falling into the hands of guys that re not worth it, while the useless girls get the best guys because people like u waste time or are confused on about what to do. Go ahead and tell your friend Now!, now!! not in 2hrs time, not tomorrow. Don't u want your friend to be happy? to have a happy and envious family? to have a decent wife deserving of his good will? don't u!

U r calling somebody a LovePeddler,do u know the past of the woman u r married to or want to marry?So far ur woman is not a virgin, forget abt her past cos what u dont hear will not hurt u.

wavemasta:

@Hauler:
Stop trying to attack the OP's masculinity. Do you know anything about friendship or the ties that bind men? A real man and friend wont watch his best pally about to jump off a cliff.
What it things go wrong and the OP's friend gets to suffer down the line? How do you expect the OP to feel?
Would you let your kid brother go and marry the town slut who almost everyone screwed, especially if you know she lied about being a virgin? If she had come clean, Id have advocated for forgiveness, and second chances, but this scenario is a different one.

@OP should get this off his chest, and do what needs to be done. Friendship requires you make tough decisions at times, even though you might be hated for it.

A man will always be a man and a boy will always be a boy.What is friend and the ties that bind men?But a real man and friend can jump of the cliff?!Fear of losing this guy may be her problem which may be the reason why she is running helter skelter to cover up.She respects and loves this guy so much.You can see this.It is always difficult to lose the ones we love,remember.
Am telln the poster to just call her and have some words with her.

sherrify:

WETIN CONCERN U AND your FRIEND FIANCEE MATTER, BEST FRIEND AS A LIMIT, COME OOOOOO,IF U TELL AM NKO AND HE STILL MARRY D GIRL WETIN GO HAPPEN TO your FACE, ABA ELE JA YAN,
IF SHE RE-SOW HER YANSH N BECOME VIRGIN AGAIN N ALSO SHE HAD CHANGED FROM HER OLD WAYS SHE MIGHT EVEN BE A BETTER WIFE THAN THOSE ONES WEY NEVER SEE LIFE B4,

Abi ooo.Thank u

i fit swear say dat ashi na yoruba girl!! Full of lies and deception. Its in their nature,

see war dey come

@NikkyKay,
We can see the extent you girls can go to get married after messing up their life, some can even go to the extent of doing VOODOO to get a man to marry them.

What was she thinking when she was doing the video? Forgiveness comes from confession not by adding another deciet.
The bedrock of every Successful relationship should be TRUST. Trust don't come from deciet, they come from the truth.

Desperadoes everywhere!

tell him my guy

@ V i feel u die, If any among you have never sinned then be the first to throw stones

greateros:

i fit swear say dat ashi na yoruba girl!! Full of lies and deception. Its in their nature,

greateros:

If only we can get rid of the things that pull us down as a nation (tribalism, religious sentiments, nepotism, corruption), and pay more attention to the things that will build us as a nation (intelligent citizens, unity in diversity, respect for one's culture and religion, one love), Nigeria would av been a true third world country that even united states, Britain, china and the rest of the world powers will be too scared to mess with.

Look at this noble project embarked upon by a fellow Nigerian despite all the difficulties and challenges facing enterprenuers in Nigeria instead of us being proud of the man and borrow leaf from his determination, majority of all the comments is more of tribalism and idiosyncrasy! non of us take cognizance of the fact that the plant will not employ only igbos but also yorubas, hausas, igalas, tivs beroms, and other tribes in nigeria!

Fellow Nigerians we are approaching 50 and yet we are still behaving like toddlers! He who does not know where the rain starts beating him will not know when it stops beating him! My countrymen is it not time we stop being childish?!!!

suegbe

likeme:

@NikkyKay,
We can see the extent you girls can go to get married after messing up their life, some can even go to the extent of doing VOODOO to get a man to marry them.

What was she thinking when she was doing the video? Forgiveness comes from confession not by adding another deciet.
The bedrock of every Successful relationship should be TRUST. Trust don't come from deciet, they come from the truth.

Desperadoes everywhere!

Can a man forgive like that.It is only God that can forgive.Do u want to tell me u dont hv ur own skeleton in ur cupboard.Am not a desperate woman cos i dont hv any reason to be.
I dont want u to get me wrong, am not defending this lady or trying to say what she did or doing is good.

seyibrown:

How many men tell their fiancees that they have despoiled or 'chanced' several girls or abused several minors? Many good women end up with rapists and paedophiles as husbands! Why is anyone complaining they get sluts for wives when their fathers and brothers made sluts out of the women?

Poster, It's tricky! You might lose your friendship! I'd say talk to the girl, find out if she has changed. If she has changed, there is no need to tell your friend. Assure her that you will keep it confidential and keep a bit of distance from your friend. If she double-crosses you, that will be the time to send the videos to your friend!

That is a very good point.

@seyibrown ,
How will you feel if your friend knows that the guy you are about to tie the knot with is a serial rapist or armed robber or a cultist? You are not aware and ur best friend is aware.   wont you feel betrayed by that friend?

@greaterrors

i sorry for ur future

How can she say she is a virgin when she is not, wouldn't the guy find out eventually?, secondly you need to tell your guy about this if it is really true.

Cheers.

Its amazing how some have forgotten that LOVE requires trust and openness. I totally subscribe to the idea of you calling the lady first and telling her to open up to her fiance about her past, explaining to her about the fact that a lot of the porn videos being in the possession of so many others and you not wanting to be a part of those deceiving your friend.
After the talk if she still isnt prepared to own up, then and only then can you tell your friend.
That she was prepared to cover het tracks as per the 'virginity thingie' puts her in very bad light.

ud4u:

How can she say she is a virgin when she is not, wouldn't the guy find out eventually?, secondly you need to tell your guy about this if it is really true.

Cheers.

There's no sure way to tell if a woman is a virgin so no he wouldn't find out eventually.

from what you typed it seems to mii that the babe's a very dead babe abeg tell ur guy and save him the humiliation from people that know the babe.

please let her be, we all have dirty secret,but when we meet the love of our life we will want to be perfect for them,gals;we are like hghways u can never tell how many have crossed us, cant believe ladies on this forum.
 GOD WILL HELP US

Still a tricky issue. On one end, your friend deserves to know the truth about his gf's past but the truth should hv come from her and not from his friend. She might be a changed person and the type to remain faithful. Maybe she is scared of the implication of having a tainted past that she is ashamed to admit the truth. It does not mean she has to be crucified for her past. Her major mistake is she should hv opened up about her past from the beginning or say nothing instead of lying. Just a simple "I hv had a very rough past in relationships I am ashamed to talk about". If the guy wants to know more, then that's his cup of tea.

The poster on the other hand is right in trying to protect his friend. But has he considered the fact his friend might be happy and really in love with this girl. Maybe her past wouldn't even matter or he would prefer not to know such dirty details. By showing him the videos, you torment him for life if he decides to stick with the girl. No one deserves to see a video of a girl he loves being done by other guys. Not even good to see a girl he is dating on a video like that.

Poster, what kind of a person keeps a xrated video of another school mate for four yrs. That's kinda perveted too. Who is the poster to judge that the girl is not good enough for the friend when the friend has chosen the girl as the one he wants. The heart works in mysterious ways. I can decide to fall in love with an ashewo. My friends better keep their mouths shut if they know anything. But I deserve to know what I am going into b4 I even start.

In this case, tho your friend wants to know the truth abt his girl cos he doesn't really know her past, so I can grudgingly say let him know.Poster tell your friend she has a shady 'not so good' past when it comes to relationships. But you would rather she tell him herself. If she lies to him, then you can tell him. Only show him proof when he asks for it.

likeme:

@seyibrown ,
How will you feel if your friend knows that the guy you are about to tie the knot with is a serial despoiler or armed robber or a cultist? You are not aware and your best friend is aware.   wont you feel betrayed by that friend?

I will feel betrayed only if he was still doing it and my friend did not tell me! If he[b] had stopped and it was in his past[/b], I would understand why my friend did not tell me! Tha's why I suggested he find out if the girl has changed before acting!