pchukwudi:
Can you post a link to that "western law" you talk about?

Sigh. Google child custody.



https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.divorcelaws.co.za/unmarried-parents-and-the-law.html&ved=2ahUKEwiVx9zi25_hAhVCtHEKHSKZCioQFjALegQIBBAB&usg=AOvVaw0sXEUDmSlFNzCkaN3AB99G&cshid=1553600259882

XhosaNostra:


I really do not care how my comment makes you feel either. That's your issue to deal with. Is this some sort of a support group for the emotionally fragile? Look, I'm not a shrink. I'm not here to appeal to your emotional sensibilities. I believe there're pills for that.

Emotional fragile indeed.... Ode

XhosaNostra:


Well, have it your way. But just know that as a father, he also has as much parental rights as you do, regardless of how you feel or what transpired. Quite frankly, no court cares about feelings. It is in your best interest to adjust your attitude & sort out your feelings before the arrival of the baby because whether you like it or not, co-parenting is a possibility you're going to have to live with for the next 18 years. It's non-negotiable. Oopsie!

Why are you so mean and insensitive?
The man doesn't want to support her through the trying period of pregnancy and you are in support of that?

Raxxye:

Why are you so mean and insensitive?
The man doesn't want to support her through the trying period of pregnancy and you are in support of that?

I'm not going to rehash the whys again. The reasons should be obvious to anyone with more sense than a goose.

CiciReally:
Hello every one, am new here, I hope I can get advice and answer to my confusion and challenge

I been dating my man for almost 2 years, Am Nigerian he’s german, he was open to me from beginning about having some infertility issue, he opened up after we had sex unprotected one day and i was worried about him getting a pill because it happened in his country.

He told me not to worry that he can’t father a child 90% so since then we been doing it unprotected and I never missed my period for a day, fast forward to after a year plus I missed my period after we spend my birthday together, being that i never cheated, I msg him asking him on scale of 1 to 100 how sure he is that he can’t father a child, he said 90%, I waited for another week still nothing so i did test and behold am pregnant, he was excited and insisted I must keep it as he never got any woman pregnant and it might be his only chance, I was troubled, always scared of 9 months, I hate hospital and all that challenges that come with pregnant.

I tried to convince him so we get rid of it but he refused and promised to be there for me.

Now 7 months into the pregnancy his behavior changed, from beginning he doesn’t pay for everything i need, hospital bills etc, I do most things on my own cos i felt he’s holding back cos he’s in doubt the baby is his, now flashback to wen i took in he confessed to me how he been going to sm special church in mountain that’s known for helping pple with his issue, prolly God heard his prayer, suddenly he changed, we agreed to get married so my family will get off my neck etc but now he’s giving me conditions, prenup and DNA after baby is born.

I have no issue with any of that but how he always bring it up, I am so hurt, I cry daily cos am � sure baby is his, only asked him to support fully as he promised till baby is born but his family and friends discouraging him, now will it be wicked of me to cut him off have my baby send him a pic, have him do DNA then deny him right to own him?? Cos i don’t think i all ever forget how he treated me the time i needed him most.

U MUST KNOW THAT GOD HAS USED YOU TO CHANGE ONE LIFE AND HISTORY. JUST IMAGE IF YOU WERE IN THE MAN SHOES? PLS KEEP THE BABY STRONG, DON'T ALLOW YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL EMOTION TO AFFECT THE PREGNANCY, AS LONG AS YOU CAN AFFORD THE HOSPITAL BILLS NO PROBLEM. MOSTLY THIS KIND OF BABY END UP AS A BOY?

The link you sent is actually about an Act on Child Right (not paternal right). And even at that, the Act does not automatically confer any right to the child on an UNMARRIED biological father.

Here's an excerpt from the link you sent:

BIOLOGICAL PARENTS

Biological mothers

The biological mother, whether she is married or not, has full parental responsibilities and rights in respect of her child. She attains those rights solely on the fact that she has given birth to the child.

Married biological fathers

The biological father has full parental responsibilities and rights in respect of the child if:

1) he was married to the child’s mother at the time of the child’s conception and birth;

2) he is married to the child’s mother; or
they are or were married at any time after the birth.

Unmarried biological fathers

Despite the increased recognition of the beneficial role that fathers can play in the lives of their children, the Children’s Act still does not confer automatic, inherent parental rights on biological fathers in the same way it does for mothers. According to the Act, an unmarried biological father will have automatic parental rights and responsibilities only if:


1) at the time of the child’s birth, he was living in a life partnership with the mother, i.e. they were living in a de facto husband and wife relationship and chose not to get married;

2) regardless of whether he was living with the mother or not, he consents to be identified as the father of the child or applies for an amendment to be effected on the birth certificate that he be registered as the biological father of the child in terms of the Births and Deaths Registration Act, or pays damages in terms of customary law;

3) and he contributes or has attempted to contribute in good faith to the upbringing of the child within a reasonable period, and has paid or attempted to pay maintenance.

In summary, the unmarried biological father does not get any right to the child just because he slept with the child's mother. Got it? There'd even be zero basis to compel the child or her mother to do a DNA test since the so called father was never married to the woman. His right as a father is NOT even what's under consideration in the said Act. What's being considered here is the welfare of the child.


IT'S CLEAR YOU DID NOT READ THE ARTICLE BEFORE SENDING THE LINK.

XhosaNostra:


Sigh. Google child custody.



https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.divorcelaws.co.za/unmarried-parents-and-the-law.html&ved=2ahUKEwiVx9zi25_hAhVCtHEKHSKZCioQFjALegQIBBAB&usg=AOvVaw0sXEUDmSlFNzCkaN3AB99G&cshid=1553600259882

XhosaNostra:


So didn't she ask whether she should cut him out of the child's life? How's that going off on a tangent?

If you did see that! And focused only on that aspect... Then you didn't do justice to her ordeal by way of advice. Babe... U failed to address the issue generally!!!

XhosaNostra:


Shit happens. Oh well.

Exactly... and he should also except the pooo that happens once baby is born as a consequence of his actions. Just like he has made his decisions, the lady is entitled to make hers.

The man has every right to see his child ... not on his terms though...it will be on her terms, until they go to court. If she says that she doesn’t want him to be in the labour room- you think they will allow him enter? While she is in hospital post delivery if she says she does not want him to enter and see the baby - you think they will allow him? If he turns up at her door banging and banging and she calls the police - you think they won’t escort him off her property? In fact until they get to court he won’t see that child if the lady decides he can’t. He will just be begging and begging. At her mercy...

She has a lot of power - especially with a newborn infant - no court will separate a newborn infant from the mother unless there is a sound reason. A sound reason has to be something as serious as child neglect or she is a serious danger to the child.

Abeg OP you don’t have any problem. The problem you really have is wether you still want to marry this man after he has shown you what he and his family are capable off. That is your real delimma.

pchukwudi:
The link you sent is actually about and Act on Child Right (not paternal right). And even at that, the Act dies not automatically confer any right to the child on an UNMARRIED biological father.

Here's an excerpt from the link you sent:



In summary, the unmarried biological father does not get any right to the child just because he slept with the child's mother. Got it? There'd even be zero basis to compelled the child or her mother to do a DNA test since the so called father was never married to the woman.


IT'S CLEAR YOU DID NOT READ THE ARTICLE BEFORE SENDING THE LINK.

You wanted a link & I provided one. You left out the part where it says a father can still apply through the courts for his parental rights under the guidelines provided by an advocate.

I don't know which country she resides in, but there're similar laws in most countries, some more severe than the other. But the bottom line is, you cannot keep a child away from the other parent regardless of what happened between you two.

If I were you, I'd call him closer and tell him: "I understand that you are unable to father a child and I am pregnant for you now. I swear that I have never known any other man but you. If you are a bit skeptical, if you suspect me and all, I also understand that but, could you please render me all the assistance a woman who who is on her first pregnancy would need from her man? Please, do not leave me nor treat me badly. I do not have a problem with the DNA test. If eventually, the baby isn't yours, kill me, throw me out, do whatever you like, etc." by now, tears will naturally be flowing.


After you have done this, whether he changes or not... Still forge ahead. You can leave his house if you have somewhere else you could easily go.

CunnyLinguist:


Just read the whole story and i am going to be a FEMINIST for this one


1. He scammed you into skin-to-skin sex

2. He probably isn't desperate for the baby, he is playing on your intelligence.

3. Don't mind the dumb advice that the baby can be talen from you.... in Europe, the West, you have greater rights over the child except he proves you are irresponsible and can't take care of the child.

Dont sign ANYTHING!

gbam!

GoldenJAT:
If you did see that! And focused only on that aspect... Then you didn't do justice to her ordeal by way of advice. Babe... U failed to address the issue generally!!!

Address it then & stop telling me how I should have addressed it because I still stand by what I said.

Omoge87:


Exactly... and he should also except the pooo that happens once baby is born as a consequence of his actions. Just like he has made his decisions, the lady is entitled to make hers.

The man has every right to see his child ... not on his terms though...it will be on her terms, until they go to court. If she says that she doesn’t want him to be in the labour room- you think they will allow him enter? While she is in hospital post delivery if she says she does not want him to enter and see the baby - you think they will allow him? If he turns up at her door banging and banging and she calls the police - you think they won’t escort him off her property? In fact until they get to court he won’t see that child if the lady decides he can’t. He will just be begging and begging. At her mercy...

She has a lot of power - especially with a newborn infant - no court will separate a newborn infant from the mother unless there is a sound reason. A sound reason has to be something as serious as child neglect or she is a serious danger to the child.

Abeg OP you don’t have any problem. The problem you really have is wether you still want to marry this man after he has shown you what he and his family are capable off. That is your real delimma.

Too long, I didn't read

You are not getting the point.

The man would have no say if the woman decides to deny that he's the father. In fact the Act you quoted has a provisions for anyone (including non-biological parents) to obtain the guardianship right. In this case, if the woman can prove that she has another man (most likely her own dad, close friend or relative) who can provide the needed male/father figure support for the child, the so called unmarried biological father would have no chance let alone right to the child.

If you get such rights by merely sleeping with a woman then marriage would no longer be a legal necessity.

XhosaNostra:



You wanted a link & I provided one. You left out the part where it says a father can still apply through the courts for his parental rights under the guidelines provided by an advocate.

I don't know which country she resides in, but there're similar laws in most countries, some more severe than the other. But the bottom line is, you cannot keep a child away from the other parent regardless of what happened between you two.

CunnyLinguist:


Just read the whole story and i am going to be a FEMINIST for this one


1. He scammed you into skin-to-skin sex

2. He probably isn't desperate for the baby, he is playing on your intelligence.

3. Don't mind the dumb advice that the baby can be talen from you.... in Europe, the West, you have greater rights over the child except he proves you are irresponsible and can't take care of the child.

Dont sign ANYTHING!

'He's probably not desperate for the baby' so what does he care if you deny him access? Truth is, if you feel so lonely and stressed going it alone in pregnancy, you would feel even more so bringing up a child alone. Common sense should prevail here. He has valid reasons to doubt the paternity of the baby. All he needs is reassurance. I see nothing wrong with a prenup. A prenup should usually take the baby into consideration. Only gold diggers are afraid of prenup. And that could explain your anxiety. The only weapon you seem to have in all these is the baby whom he may not be very keen on anyway. Talk things over with him and if he insists on DNA test, why not...unless there is something you don't want him to know. Stop the drama..

pchukwudi:
You are not getting the point.

The man would have no say if the woman decides to deny that he's the father. In fact the Act you quoted has a provisions for anyone (including non-biological parents) to obtain the guardianship right. In this case, if the woman can prove that she has another man (most likely her own dad, close friend or relative) who can provide the needed male/father figure support for the child, the so called unmarried biological father would have no chance let alone right to the child

If you get such rights by merely sleeping with a woman then marriage would no longer be a legal necessity.

Does the bolded even make a ghost of a sense to you?

pchukwudi:
You are not getting the point.

The man would have no say if the woman decides to deny that he's the father. In fact the Act you quoted has a provisions for anyone (including non-biological parents) to obtain the guardianship right. In this case, if the woman can prove that she has another man (most likely her own dad, close friend or relative) who can provide the needed male/father figure support for the child, the so called unmarried biological father would have no chance let alone right to the child.

If you get such rights by merely sleeping with a woman then marriage would no longer be a legal necessity.

Here's another bone for you to chew on

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/child-custody-between-unmarried-parents.html&ved=2ahUKEwiTi4mt6J_hAhVKDWMBHcIwDREQFjABegQIDRAF&usg=AOvVaw3BfiR09HaDnzjxgapzT7oD

CiciReally:
Hello every one, am new here, I hope I can get advice and answer to my confusion and challenge

I been dating my man for almost 2 years, Am Nigerian he’s german, he was open to me from beginning about having some infertility issue, he opened up after we had sex unprotected one day and i was worried about him getting a pill because it happened in his country.

He told me not to worry that he can’t father a child 90% so since then we been doing it unprotected and I never missed my period for a day, fast forward to after a year plus I missed my period after we spend my birthday together, being that i never cheated, I msg him asking him on scale of 1 to 100 how sure he is that he can’t father a child, he said 90%, I waited for another week still nothing so i did test and behold am pregnant, he was excited and insisted I must keep it as he never got any woman pregnant and it might be his only chance, I was troubled, always scared of 9 months, I hate hospital and all that challenges that come with pregnant.

I tried to convince him so we get rid of it but he refused and promised to be there for me.

Now 7 months into the pregnancy his behavior changed, from beginning he doesn’t pay for everything i need, hospital bills etc, I do most things on my own cos i felt he’s holding back cos he’s in doubt the baby is his, now flashback to wen i took in he confessed to me how he been going to sm special church in mountain that’s known for helping pple with his issue, prolly God heard his prayer, suddenly he changed, we agreed to get married so my family will get off my neck etc but now he’s giving me conditions, prenup and DNA after baby is born.

I have no issue with any of that but how he always bring it up, I am so hurt, I cry daily cos am � sure baby is his, only asked him to support fully as he promised till baby is born but his family and friends discouraging him, now will it be wicked of me to cut him off have my baby send him a pic, have him do DNA then deny him right to own him?? Cos i don’t think i all ever forget how he treated me the time i needed him most.

I am so sorry you feel this way. Please try to ignore the comments criticising you. The burden you bear is not easy right now and it must hurt very deeply for him not to stand by you now. However, you have to just look inward for the strength to go through this. No matter the outcome between both of you, you are about to be blessed with a wonderful bundle of joy. Somehow, all the pains will be worth it in the end.

Your guy, like most men, is probably withdrawing because he is trying to figure things out. As you said, he probably has a lot of negative voices in his ear right now and he is feeling confused. His fear is having his hopes crushed when the baby comes. I wouldn't put too much thought to it. Once the baby comes, I am confident his attitude will change and he will start spoiling both of you. Just focus on staying calm and healthy until you have your baby.

As for signing the prenup, the truth is that the baby shouldn't be the reason you get married. Only marry him if you are sure he truly loves you and not just the baby. If you do decide to marry him, PLEASE get your own lawyer to go over the prenup especially regarding the rights to your child.

Just keep your head up. Our mothers have experienced similar situations and still had us and the cycle will continue till the end of time.

Omoge87:

White men look after children that are not theirs all the time ... Nigerian men don’t. I may be wrong ooo and OP if I am please correct me.

Ooops white people are crazy, trust me. Their family/relationship decisions are really on the high. White men who can marry an active porn star while husband works in a Bank. She will come back from work & he would ask, how was your day.

Anyway OP's boyfriend was a pure scam & the baby is his. He should man up & start paying child support.

Not being able to impregnate any girl, did he tell you the condition? Following surgery, genetics, or any other disorder? What's the condition of the pregnancy, well?
Did anything change in your attitude or something else? This is a trying time, especially at this stage of pregnancy. Hope you are adequately covered for the health care services.
I wish you well.

CiciReally:
Hello every one, am new here, I hope I can get advice and answer to my confusion and challenge

I been dating my man for almost 2 years, Am Nigerian he’s german, he was open to me from beginning about having some infertility issue, he opened up after we had sex unprotected one day and i was worried about him getting a pill because it happened in his country.

He told me not to worry that he can’t father a child 90% so since then we been doing it unprotected and I never missed my period for a day, fast forward to after a year plus I missed my period after we spend my birthday together, being that i never cheated, I msg him asking him on scale of 1 to 100 how sure he is that he can’t father a child, he said 90%, I waited for another week still nothing so i did test and behold am pregnant, he was excited and insisted I must keep it as he never got any woman pregnant and it might be his only chance, I was troubled, always scared of 9 months, I hate hospital and all that challenges that come with pregnant.

I tried to convince him so we get rid of it but he refused and promised to be there for me.

Now 7 months into the pregnancy his behavior changed, from beginning he doesn’t pay for everything i need, hospital bills etc, I do most things on my own cos i felt he’s holding back cos he’s in doubt the baby is his, now flashback to wen i took in he confessed to me how he been going to sm special church in mountain that’s known for helping pple with his issue, prolly God heard his prayer, suddenly he changed, we agreed to get married so my family will get off my neck etc but now he’s giving me conditions, prenup and DNA after baby is born.

I have no issue with any of that but how he always bring it up, I am so hurt, I cry daily cos am � sure baby is his, only asked him to support fully as he promised till baby is born but his family and friends discouraging him, now will it be wicked of me to cut him off have my baby send him a pic, have him do DNA then deny him right to own him?? Cos i don’t think i all ever forget how he treated me the time i needed him most.

Meanwhile, where are you in Germany?

pchukwudi:
You are not getting the point.

The man would have no say if the woman decides to deny that he's the father. In fact the Act you quoted has a provisions for anyone (including non-biological parents) to obtain the guardianship right. In this case, if the woman can prove that she has another man (most likely her own dad, close friend or relative) who can provide the needed male/father figure support for the child, the so called unmarried biological father would have no chance let alone right to the child.

If you get such rights by merely sleeping with a woman then marriage would no longer be a legal necessity.

https://www.lawhelpmn.org/self-help-library/booklet/rights-and-responsibilities-unmarried-parents

This is what happens where I live. Maybe where she lives the laws are different. No point going round in circles with the girl ... from everyone’s comments to her she is in the minority. She is only trying to worry the OP unnecessarily. OP pls rest well. You will be fine.

https://m.dw.com/en/germanys-highest-court-strengthens-unmarried-fathers-rights/a-5862670

This above link - applies to German laws although it is old.

XhosaNostra:


Too long, I didn't read

That’s fine sweetie- whether you read it or not does not negate what I wrote. It was not for you it was for the OP who presented the problem. Everything written on this thread is for her- not for yourself or myself.

Remain blessed sweetie. �

Omoge87:


That’s fine sweetie- whether you read it or not does not negate what I wrote. It was not for you it was for the OP who presented the problem. Everything written on this thread is for her- not for yourself or myself.

Remain blessed sweetie. �

When will people learn to start reading in detalks so that they can answer properly...

XhosaNostra:
If the baby is his, then you have no right to keep him out of his child's life. That is wrong. Your issues are with him. Don't involve the child in your bitterness as this may lead to your downfall. What if he chooses to fight you through the court system for full custody? Is that something you're up for? Is it even worth it? Swallow your pride & let the man be part of his child's life without your baby mama drama. It's not about you!

excessmon:
When will people learn to start reading in detalks so that they can answer properly...

Did you read?

You can start here

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/child-custody-between-unmarried-parents.html&ved=2ahUKEwiTi4mt6J_hAhVKDWMBHcIwDREQFjABegQIDRAF&usg=AOvVaw3BfiR09HaDnzjxgapzT7oD

lomprico:


Because you are bitter. Jealousy is written all over your comment.

True

XhosaNostra:



Does the bolded even make a ghost of a sense to you?

You quoted this but you said she has no right because they are not married. So you knew that aside marriage there's other partnership. Karma fall on you.

CiciReally:

@XhosaNostra Pls dear read carefully before judging or calling me bitter and tagging me dramatic, coming from a fellow woman, is it okey that he got me in this situation then backed out? To come back wen the storm is over, what sort of man or father is he? What will it cost him to stand by me till is time to confirm his doubt, I hav no issue if he doesn’t even pay the bills but that support mean the world, am new to this no friends or family around but him.

He was not ready for a baby after all just like you. So free the guy, this is the result of unprotected sex, live with it. Like the other guys said, you guys will be fine later but not now. He told you 90% infertile and you agreed what of the other 10%? Don't play the victim please, he did not lie to you or put you in the family way without your consent. He was trying his luck and you accepted thinking he had all the emotions to stand by. Every man passes through this stage unprepared pregnancy. Both of you will be fine later if you don't blow the fuses.

Amhappy:


You quoted this but you said she has no right because they are not married. So you knew that aside marriage there's other partnership. Karma fall on you.

What are you on about? When & where did I say she has no rights?

So you people got your knickers in a tight wad up your asses because my opinion differs from your chorus? Tough shit!

Fuckkking love this XhosaNostra girl. Very objective, devoid of emotions and sentiments and unwavering in her stance. Girl simply refused to be bullied hence all the attacks.

KevinDein:
Fuckkking love this XhosaNostra girl. Very objective, devoid of emotions and sentiments and unwavering in her stance. Girl simply refused to be bullied hence all the attacks.

...

XhosaNostra:


What are you on about? When & where did I say she has no rights?

So you people got your knickers in a tight wad up your asses because my opinion differs from your chorus? Tough shit!

You said she has no rights because they are not married. That her right starts when she gives birth. So the baby in the womb is not a baby Abi. Baby in the womb doesn't eat, doesn't need medical checks,does need father but when he or she is born, he will suddenly become human Don't you know a baby in the womb can die if not taken care of? A baby may develop improperly without good nutrition,a baby can get sick, a baby start hearing voices in the womb. That was the most insensitive comment you made to a pregnant woman. And I so wish you the same.