UjuJoan2:


I think your conclusion are just wrong!!!

Just because a women doesn't want to be judged for a vice that a male counterpart will be applauded for, doesn't mean she wants to be 'applauded' too.

Not getting judged and being applauded are quite exclusive of each other. I'll give you an example . .

A woman meets a guy, they fall in love and date for years, have sex and all that. . . then something happens along the line and they break up. Another guy comes along, they date, have sex, but this time they end up getting married.

Chances are that the woman will be shamed if for some reason life brings her husband and her ex together. She had sex with the guy and for some reason she has been 'tainted'. Now for the man the opposite is usually the case. Wife runs into her husbands ex and she's filled with pride that she finally got the guy. No shame for the man here at all . . .no judgement!

Does the fact that this woman do not want to be judged for her sexual history mean that she wants to be applauded?

There are two consequences to abstaining from judging another person.

It's either:
1. You have looked the other way and remained indifferent. OR
2. You have no problem with the act and supported it.

Using your example, what these set of women want is this:
I have a sexual history, you have a sexual history. I looked the other way and remained indifferent to yours, you must also look the other way and remain indifferent to mine and not let that decide my fate with you.

See that part I put in bold?
Well that is applauding/support, and that is what female sexual liberation is all about.

These women can win if the conversation just ended in indifference, but the moment they started calling men names for deciding not to wife women with excessive mileage, they lost that fight.

Instead of y'all to be sensitizing your sisters to also start marrying men with very low or no mileage which will also level the playing field on a moral scale, y'all are more concerned with leaving the men to keep up their mileage while making sure that women increase & keep theirs up too, to be on the same immoral level with men.
Get it?

Liberation in negativity.

UjuJoan2:




You are asking an obvious question, I don't have to answer.

However, both classes in this case are subject to personal experience and socialization.

When using statistics, there is no such thing like 'personal experience & socialization'. You pick a focus group (women here) and gather data generally.


As regards my obvious question which has an obvious answer... that is my response to the comment where you were giving examples of some women doing great things.
They are the minority compared to the majority.

Yes of course, women haven't had enough time to catch up & level up, but how are you helping yourselves when the most focus remains on trivial pursuits instead of a greater purpose.

UjuJoan2:


Ahhh . . I rest my case at the bolded.

The same way successful women are more unassuming is the same way the middle class make more noise than the wealthy. Our people say 'afia oma na ere onwe ya', no need to make noise.

In any case I don't think feminism is about not being submissive, I think it's about not getting judged based on gender, but getting recognized on merit.

I keep saying that my husband is the head of our home. Even if we both go out in the morning and come home in the evening, I think its duty to go into the kitchen, make dinner and serve him while he 'rests'. But I don't let him ignore my mental capability because he is a 'man' and I'm a 'woman'. When I feel strongly about something I insist on it.

If that is what you guys refer to as feminism, then I'll be happy to wear a badge

How dare you?
Don't you know that you are basically acting like our mothers who didn't know any better?

UjuJoan2:


Ahhh . . I rest my case at the bolded.

The same way successful women are more unassuming is the same way the middle class make more noise than the wealthy. Our people say 'afia oma na ere onwe ya', no need to make noise.

In any case I don't think feminism is about not being submissive, I think it's about not getting judged based on gender, but getting recognized on merit.

I keep saying that my husband is the head of our home. Even if we both go out in the morning and come home in the evening, I think its duty to go into the kitchen, make dinner and serve him while he 'rests'. But I don't let him ignore my mental capability because he is a 'man' and I'm a 'woman'. When I feel strongly about something I insist on it.

If that is what you guys refer to as feminism, then I'll be happy to wear a badge

Uju olanrewaju

bukatyne:


No where did the OP mention virginity in her comment.

Interestingly, boys who would stoop so low to discuss their sexual contests in public would be looked down upon.

In fact, I have never seen a group of boys or men uncouth enough to discuss their sexual business in public.

Amongst themselves? Yes which often times is 'coded'.

women also discuss their sexual adventures among themselves, right?

MiddleDimension:


women also discuss their sexual adventures among themselves, right?

Yes.

I would also appreciate you state your point.

bukatyne:


Yes.

I would also appreciate you state your point.

tell the kind of things they talk about?

MiddleDimension:
tell the kind of things they talk about?

Excuse me?

bukatyne:


Excuse me?

i mean is it humur, to to mock/hail their partner, or to praise themselves? what exactly? guys do all of the above

MiddleDimension:
i mean is it humur, to to mock/hail their partner, or to praise themselves? what exactly? guys do all of the above

My dear MiddleDimension,

I honestly do not understand you.

Biko shift to one dimension and explain again.

bukatyne:


My dear MiddleDimension,

I honestly do not understand you.

Biko shift to one dimension and explain again.

never mind

bukatyne:
Sorry for my long posts as usual.

This was written by a foreign woman however, I very much agree with her.

I remember when guys used to write love letters and wait for days for her to respond to now where they chat on what'sapp and conclude like they are transacting meat in one day.

The rampant nudity, crassness and bed hopping have reduced women's worth while same women scream that there are no longer good men.

They've got to go back to the drawing board especially for those who want marriage and want to be respected by men.

Nothing beats a guy who is in love and dedicated to a woman.

No woman should settle for less.

Sad that you posted an articulate, well-thought-out topic, which has received only 24 likes even after a week, probably because most people don't have the attention span or capacity to hold a line of reasoning, for the amount of time it takes to read it.

Then your post starts attracting irrelevant posts and attacks on feminism. I guess everyone has a different take on what feminism is--but among its many components, in my opinion, are self-determination and dignity. Feminism does not need to co-opt the worst facets of certain males' behaviour.

"It's my body and it's my choice" is a feminist statement. But posting unclad photos to see who can garner the most Likes from guys, is letting guys determine the posters' worth, at least in the Unclad department--and that is not in accord with the principles feminism. Feminism is still young in Nigeria. It is going through some of the same growing pains, already seen and overcome, elsewhere.

I do not know if the young women in the original article are much different from certain twenty-somethings of our own youth, with plenty of undetermined years ahead of them, now observed through elders' lenses. Nor do I know if they are "typical" of the original author's society, or what their situation is. But as you see them as fairly typical in Nigeria, and as a change for the worse, I am wondering if the trend to live for the moment, without concern for planning about life in the long term, is a result of a feeling that there isn't enough certainty in life to make plans, nor a foreseeable future to plan for. Such behaviour is a common outgrowth when people feel they have nothing more substantial to live for. The behaviour described might not revolve around feminism at all.

bukatyne:
Sorry for my long posts as usual.

This was written by a foreign woman however, I very much agree with her.

I remember when guys used to write love letters and wait for days for her to respond to now where they chat on what'sapp and conclude like they are transacting meat in one day.

The rampant nudity, crassness and bed hopping have reduced women's worth while same women scream that there are no longer good men.

They've got to go back to the drawing board especially for those who want marriage and want to be respected by men.

Nothing beats a guy who is in love and dedicated to a woman.

No woman should settle for less.

i think the op and all the women that agree with her are angry and think men have all the cards in their hands (which is not true). so they feel they have to return back to witholding the 'all important' card they think is their only bargaining chip against men. to the woman who is 'boxed-up' and feels boxed-up already, all things look unfair, hence the desperate need to look for an 'all important trump-card' to hold against men who she thinks have all the advantages. when she sees women, usually younger living their lives, she feels angry because she feels they are messing with women's 'trump-card' therefore depleting their collective power.

men do not value women more or less for being open. every man wants what he wants. there are men for every kind of woman.

nicurious ibkaye liberalchick cococandy crackhaus sagamite

NiCurious:


Sad that you posted an articulate, well-thought-out topic, which has received only 24 likes even after a week, probably because most people don't have the attention span or capacity to hold a line of reasoning, for the amount of time it takes to read it.

Then your post starts attracting irrelevant posts and attacks on feminism. I guess everyone has a different take on what feminism is--but among its many components, in my opinion, are self-determination and dignity. Feminism does not need to co-opt the worst facets of certain males' behaviour.

"It's my body and it's my choice" is a feminist statement. But posting unclad photos to see who can garner the most Likes from guys, is letting guys determine the posters' worth, at least in the Unclad department--and that is not in accord with the principles feminism. Feminism is still young in Nigeria. It is going through some of the same growing pains, already seen and overcome, elsewhere.

I do not know if the young women in the original article are much different from certain twenty-somethings of our own youth, with plenty of undetermined years ahead of them, now observed through elders' lenses. Nor do I know if they are "typical" of the original author's society, or what their situation is. But as you see them as fairly typical in Nigeria, and as a change for the worse, I am wondering if the trend to live for the moment, without concern for planning about life in the long term, is a result of a feeling that there isn't enough certainty in life to make plans, nor a foreseeable future to plan for. Such behaviour is a common outgrowth when people feel they have nothing more substantial to live for. The behaviour described might not revolve around feminism at all.

feminism is not new in Nigeria, it is well established. growing up, we were indoctrinated with the mantra ''what a man can do, a woman can do better''. before we were born, there were already women like fela's mother etc.

i don't know where you got the idea that feminism is new in Nigeria. also, what the lady described is alive and well in Nigeria. do you live in Nigeria, i would like to ask! looking around, there are a lot of people cohabiting. there are a lot of women wearing skimpy things. you do not live in Nigeria to have said this.

UjuJoan2:


I think your conclusion are just wrong!!!

Just because a women doesn't want to be judged for a vice that a male counterpart will be applauded for, doesn't mean she wants to be 'applauded' too.

Not getting judged and being applauded are quite exclusive of each other. I'll give you an example . .

A woman meets a guy, they fall in love and date for years, have sex and all that. . . then something happens along the line and they break up. Another guy comes along, they date, have sex, but this time they end up getting married.

Chances are that the woman will be shamed if for some reason life brings her husband and her ex together. She had sex with the guy and for some reason she has been 'tainted'. Now for the man the opposite is usually the case. Wife runs into her husbands ex and she's filled with pride that she finally got the guy. No shame for the man here at all . . .no judgement!

Does the fact that this woman do not want to be judged for her sexual history mean that she wants to be applauded?

you think this is unfair?

MiddleDimension:


i think the op and all the women that agree with her are angry and think men have all the cards in their hands (which is not true). so they feel they have to return back to witholding the 'all important' card they think is their only bargaining chip against men. to the woman who is 'boxed-up' and feels boxed-up already, all things look unfair, hence the desperate need to look for an 'all important trump-card' to hold against men who she thinks have all the advantages. when she sees women, usually younger living their lives, she feels angry because she feels they are messing with women's 'trump-card' therefore depleting their collective power.

men do not value women more or less for being open. every man wants what he wants. there are men for every kind of woman.

nicurious ibkaye liberalchick cococandy crackhaus sagamite

A thoughtful analysis, and I think the pattern holds true for anyone feeling "boxed up"--all things look unfair. In this case, an older woman who has withheld the "trump card" against her own inclinations, might feel angry...maybe just on a personal level, that the rules of the game, as she perceives them have changed--after she sacrificed some of her happiness to live by the old rules. Or she might feel that the collective power of women is being depleted, as you say.

NiCurious:


A thoughtful analysis, and I think the pattern holds true for anyone feeling "boxed up"--all things look unfair. In this case, an older woman who has withheld the "trump card" against her own inclinations, might feel angry...maybe just on a personal level, that the rules of the game, as she perceives them have changed--after she sacrificed some of her happiness to live by the old rules. Or she might feel that the collective power of women is being depleted, as you say.

there is no fire on the mountain, like the OP tried to paint. it is up to everyone the kind of discussion they want to engage in; but all these men this, men that; women this, women that; if you want to tow that line thinking it will lead to peace, happiness, fulfillment, etc, then i guarantee you that it will get to a point, you will break down, and what a break down that would be.

MiddleDimension:


feminism is not new in Nigeria, it is well established. growing up, we were indoctrinated with the mantra ''what a man can do, a woman can do better''. before we were born, there were already women like fela's mother etc.

i don't know where you got the idea that feminism is new in Nigeria. also, what the lady described is alive and well in Nigeria. do you live in Nigeria, i would like to ask! looking around, there are a lot of people cohabiting. there are a lot of women wearing skimpy things. you do not live in Nigeria to have said this.

I should rather have said that feminism in Nigeria is not at the same point of progress, as where I'm living. Different factors contribute--cultural traditions and religious conservatism come to mind. The discussions on this thread alone show divergent understanding and acceptance of various shades of feminism.

To me, cohabiting and wearing skimpy clothes, do not equate with feminism. For clarity, let me try to separate the intertwining threads of women's sexual liberation from women's liberation on other fronts, from "feminism" (for which everyone has a different definition).

What I'm seeing in the OP is sexual liberation on the part of the teenage girls. Sexual liberation here is acknowledging themselves as sexual beings who express and indulge their sexuality. (That they are crude and obnoxious about it is negative liberation, in my opinion, as Crackhaus also noted above.) "It's my body, I can do what I want" suggests that the speaker is sexually liberated, but might yet be insecure in their self-understanding. By insecure, I mean by posing scantily clad and pouty lipped, seeking social media likes, they are marketing themselves as sex objects. Objects, not self-defining persons. They are seeking external approval; male approval. It might be a youthful thing, taking the new, blooming body for a test drive, and seeing what it can do. But it is still gauging their worth by male opinions.

Women's sexual liberation is not the whole of women's liberation, though. Women's liberation includes freedom of education, career choices, choice of mate, an equal voice within marriage, access to contraception, not to mention financial emancipation, political involvement, and the right to vote...every aspect of life, not that this is a complete list. With these rights, come all the attendant responsibilities. A liberated woman, in my view, is one who has matured to a whole, well-rounded, adult, responsible for every aspect of her life.

Women's liberation can't really be discussed without talking about men's liberation. At the same time that many women find traditional roles and expectations confining, and want to carve out a broader life for themselves, many men feel threatened, because those women are, in their view, "taking over" what they consider to be their territory--taking on roles by which they've defined themselves--or limited themselves to; roles which they feel define them as men. (Some other men accept the entitlements traditionally accorded to manhood, without earning them, and feel threatened and exposed when some women show merit, more than they do.) As women increase their presence and roles in society, men also benefit from broadening their own concept of themselves. That may be through increasing their own competencies, or exploring non-traditional roles and skills, and perhaps excelling in them. The liberation movement is an opportunity for people to become liberated--growing into their whole selves, using all their talents, and becoming responsible and well-rounded adults, without limitation through sex or gender.

My view.

MiddleDimension:


there is no fire on the mountain, like the OP tried to paint. it is up to everyone the kind of discussion they want to engage in; but all these men this, men that; women this, women that; if you want to tow that line thinking it will lead to peace, happiness, fulfillment, etc, then i guarantee you that it will get to a point, you will break down, and what a break down that would be.

Sorry, I don't follow.

NiCurious:


I should rather have said that feminism in Nigeria is not at the same point of progress, as where I'm living. Different factors contribute--cultural traditions and religious conservatism come to mind. The discussions on this thread alone show divergent understanding and acceptance of various shades of feminism.

To me, cohabiting and wearing skimpy clothes, do not equate with feminism. For clarity, let me try to separate the intertwining threads of women's sexual liberation from women's liberation on other fronts, from "feminism" (for which everyone has a different definition).

What I'm seeing in the OP is sexual liberation on the part of the teenage girls. Sexual liberation here is acknowledging themselves as sexual beings who express and indulge their sexuality. (That they are crude and obnoxious about it is negative liberation, in my opinion, as Crackhaus also noted above.) "It's my body, I can do what I want" suggests that the speaker is sexually liberated, but might yet be insecure in their self-understanding. By insecure, I mean by posing scantily clad and pouty lipped, seeking social media likes, they are marketing themselves as sex objects. Objects, not self-defining persons. They are seeking external approval; male approval. It might be a youthful thing, taking the new, blooming body for a test drive, and seeing what it can do. But it is still gauging their worth by male opinions.

Women's sexual liberation is not the whole of women's liberation, though. Women's liberation includes freedom of education, career choices, choice of mate, an equal voice within marriage, access to contraception, not to mention financial emancipation, political involvement, and the right to vote...every aspect of life, not that this is a complete list. With these rights, come all the attendant responsibilities. A liberated woman, in my view, is one who has matured to a whole, well-rounded, adult, responsible for every aspect of her life.

Women's liberation can't really be discussed without talking about men's liberation. At the same time that many women find traditional roles and expectations confining, and want to carve out a broader life for themselves, many men feel threatened, because those women are, in their view, "taking over" what they consider to be their territory--taking on roles by which they've defined themselves--or limited themselves to; roles which they feel define them as men. (Some other men accept the entitlements traditionally accorded to manhood, without earning them, and feel threatened and exposed when some women show merit, more than they do.) As women increase their presence and roles in society, men also benefit from broadening their own concept of themselves. That may be through increasing their own competencies, or exploring non-traditional roles and skills, and perhaps excelling in them. The liberation movement is an opportunity for people to become liberated--growing into their whole selves, using all their talents, and becoming responsible and well-rounded adults, without limitation through sex or gender.

My view.

it is very good you called it you view and that's all i needed to hear.

i think you are a very young person so cannot understand this issues very much or you just living in denial.
even in the western world, feminism is seen in different light. not all people in the west are for feminism and they are becoming more vocal about it, both men and women. a lot of feminists in those societies do not like it. i am sure you have hear of the women against feminism group on tumblr? they also there on facebook too. i am sure you have heard of Jordan Peterson and how many people even in the western world are begining to have his own opinion too as can be seen in the large number of people who watch his youtube channel.

if there are women out there who take selfies and pout and dress scantily for male attraction, then that's ok and i see nothing wrong with it. that does not mean they are doing it for male validation. doing it for male attention does not mean for validation there is a difference. and only women who are feminists and some not very discerning men like yourself, i am sorry to say this (remember i told you i suspect you are a very young person who cannot really understand the issues or you just living in denial, i say this with no intention to offend but because of the lack of better ways to put it). men also dress up to get women attention to. that's got nothing to do with validation, but the desire to be attractive to the lady he wants. this is not only decent and means he has a high regard for the lady, but it is also his evolutionary sense expressing itself in his behavior. another reason i think you are a bit naive on this issue is that: you think these feminists who are offended perpetually about what they think is women's attempt to get validation from men are actually anti seeking validation from some else? wait till they get the idea that men are seeking validation from women and sense how they become temporarily relieved of their tension and assume the position of a power drunk tyrant! who is that person who sees dressing to get male attention as an attempt to get male validation? only feminists and undiscerning men do; hence my earlier submission: to the one boxed up, all things appear unfair and there is no need to start an activism for things like this hence my response to you in another post that there is no fire on the mountain therefore we should not get deceived into joining feminists in their debates; it gives you a false idea of reality.

"Women's liberation can't really be discussed without talking about men's liberation." again, a very naive idea. this is nothing but a tactical maneuver to get men on board and a poor attempt at dismissing the idea that feminists are man haters. women DO NOT find the so-called traditional roles confining. and men do not feel threatened that women are becoming engineers. how do i know this? from the several studies done in the US on this very issue. one of the traditionally male role is the STEM. studies have shown that despite so much that have been done to take women into the field of STEM, only 11% practice engineering out of the 20% that have engineering certificate and even more women leave after just 10years of practice. this is also the case down here in Nigeria. many women left to start up a family, like Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist said.

the world should stop pretending women and men are the same when it comes to what they consider to be fulfillment. if getting into men areas is what women truely find fulfilling, why then are they leaving in droves? why then do we not have majority of students in the stem courses to be women despite the fact they have in some cases quota systems in place for them? a google search can bring in touch with tons of credible materials to confirm this. as a man myself, i did not get into stem because it is social expectation of me. i look around me, wonder about the beauty of things around, and i got applied to study in the stem. this is also the case in Nigeria. most physics teachers are men. most people who have a physics degree do not practice physics and the case is even more so for women. a pretense that this is not the case will only set women up for a very very miserable life, and i ask you, a young man, not to add to that delusion and naivety. men do not go into women dominated areas because they do not find it fulfilling. the reason i and many men do not go into so called women field is because we just do not think it, and it is not a problem with culture, we just do not think it.

"many men feel threatened, because those women are, in their view, "taking over" what they consider to be their territory--taking on roles by which they've defined themselves--or limited themselves to; roles which they feel define them as men." again, this is another very naive comment to make. it shows you either do not understand the issues or have been made to deny wrongly label men's experience hence you call it being intimidated.
i will ask you a question, and it seems you live in the US. you think white people who are against black lives matter are intimidated of black men when they voice their irritation against black lives matter? do you agree that group persecution can lead to group solidarity and a fight back? i would really like to know your answers to this questions.

"As women increase their presence and roles in society, men also benefit from broadening their own concept of themselves. That may be through increasing their own competencies, or exploring non-traditional roles and skills, and perhaps excelling in them. The liberation movement is an opportunity for people to become liberated--growing into their whole selves, using all their talents, and becoming responsible and well-rounded adults, without limitation through sex or gender." again i say a tactical maneuver by the feminist movement to present feminism as also pro men. if anyone is wise, he should not fall for this.

bukatyne:
Have Women Lost Their "Feminine Mystique?"

In my despairing opinion, too many of us have become a louder, dumbed-down, sexed-up, selfie-snapping, pouty-lipped, desperate shadow of our former selves. That's what men are seeing, and that's how they're treating us.

I was sitting in the movie theatre this past weekend to see The Imitation Game with my husband Don when a gaggle of twenty-something gals walked into the theatre, continuing past us to sit in the very back row.

Like lipsticked versions of the typical unruly kids at the back of the bus, their antics were soon in full-swing and their volume was set to maximum. Here's what we -- and every single other person in the theatre -- heard.

"I shi*t you not, I was so f*cking wasted I can't remember how I got home!"

"You were like SO f*cking hilarious! You were like dry humping that guy so bad...he probably went in the can to jerk off..."

"That guy sent me a pic of his dick!"

Just as one young woman was launching into a fairly graphic description of the aforementioned "dick," a theatre employee -- oh how my heart went out to this poor chap -- approached them and asked them to keep it down. After finding several ways to argue with and insult him, they finally piped down. And then they left halfway through the movie.

As you may know, The Imitation Game (a fantastic film, by the way) is set in London in the 1940s. It co-stars Keira Knightly as Joan Clarke, a brilliant young woman who was part of Alan Turing's code-breaking team and who spent the war years helping him decode the German's Enigma machine.

We, as women, used to be something of an enigma to men. We used to have feminine mystique, an inscrutable and alluring "something" that men wondered about. And boy, did they try hard to figure us out. They used to trip over themselves trying to impress us with their charm, kindness and wit.

There's a scene in The Imitation Game where a young lady is flirting with a man at a pub. She says to her friend, "He'll be coming over here soon...I smiled at him 10 minutes ago and haven't looked back since."

And guess what? She was right. The man knew exactly what the smile meant: "I like the looks of you, and if you're willing to take the risk and come over here, you'll have a warm reception."

Fast-forward to 2015. Forget the inviting smile and feminine allure. Now, a guy can sign on to Tinder and use GPS to track women who have advertised an eager willingness to have sex. There's no subtlety, no mystery, no effort.

Now, women are fighting each other tooth-and-nail to pose naked on various online sites so their finest assets can be viewed and "judged" by men. If you're really lucky, you might even get the Slut Whisperer to post your pic on his Twitter account. Hey, that's the big time, girls!

The fact is, men have never thought so poorly of women as they do now. Their opinion and treatment of women -- from apathy to disdain -- isn't getting better, it's getting worse. And it's women who are paying the price. Studies have shown that the hook-up culture and living together without a commitment harms women who often "settle" for these things when they would actually prefer marriage.

Yet for some reason women refuse to look at their own behaviour and role in this. The nastiest feedback I have received about my admittedly controversial dating guide, The Modest Minx has been from women who were irate at the message that a woman show "less ass and more class" while dating.

Yet these are often the very women who complain that they're sick and tired of being treated "like garbage" by men. These are often the very women who say one thing, "I'm proud to be a slut!" but who feel something else, "I feel used, discarded and strung along...I feel lonely and sad."

I add my voice to those women who lament how poorly men seem to think of us nowadays. It seems like, despite how far we've come in terms of legal and socio-economic equality, we have never been held in such contempt by men. That matters to me, since I value the relationship between men and women.

Some people blame feminism. I don't. I'm proud to be a feminist. It's just that I don't equate feminism with treating our bodies like sexual trash and thinking that is sexual empowerment. I don't think swaggering into a movie theatre like a group of drunken frat boys means we're liberated. I don't think sending pics of our naked bodies to men for their gawking pleasure is a feminist act.

Oh, I can just hear the groans now. "Ugh, another backwards article trying to slut-shame women..." It's funny how people fall back on that accusation the moment someone expresses an opposing opinion about femininity.

Here's the thing: There's nothing wrong with sexual modesty. There's nothing wrong with conducting yourself with social grace in public. It isn't oppressive to use your manners or send the message that you have some class. In fact, you might find that "acting like a lady" motivates the men in your life to act like gentlemen.

Quality men tend to approach quality women. That's dating, decoded.

Personally, I'm sad to the see the mystique disappear. I find it depressing that so many women prefer to be downloaded and "pinged" instead of romanced. I've always been a vive la difference type of person.

And I'm not alone -- although strangely enough, it's mostly young single men that seem to agree with me. Not a day goes by that I don't receive feedback from a single man who says he's looking for Mrs. Right, but all he can find is Miss Right Now.

If you have the opportunity, go see The Imitation Game. Not only is it a story that deserves to be told, but it's a fascinating study in how feminine behavior has changed over the past several decades. Note how differently we as women now conduct ourselves.

In my despairing opinion, too many of us have become a louder, dumbed-down, sexed-up, selfie-snapping, pouty-lipped, desperate shadow of our former selves. That's what men are seeing, and that's how they're treating us.

Or if you prefer, you can just sit at the back of the theatre and talk as loud as you can about dicks.

https://m.huffingtonpost.ca/debra-macleod/female-sexuality_b_6581084.html

Love the article so much.

It looks to me that women are becoming men and men are becoming women.

NiCurious:


Sorry, I don't follow.

i was trying to neutralize the feeling activists of various ideologies like feminism want to impose on us that the human being is in grave danger hence the call that we should get up and do something. this is why i said there is no fire on the mountain. and that there are underlining issues which resorting to activism can never solve.

take for example the kiki mordi's revelation of the sexual misbehaviours of lecturers. that's a crime that has been investigated and punishment meted out. so why the activism? should we start an ideology to agitate against robbery and all the other crimes that exist in the human society? the only reason they resort to activism is because there is another underlining issue on a personal level, an underlining issue of hate, bitterness and resentment which cannot be solved by a resort to activism; instead, the activism can mask and complicate their emotions because of the intellectual argument they can bring up to back up themselves. but as soon as they meet their match who can bring up a higher intellectual argument, and they always do, then their emotions that have been masked for so long will become obvious again and the wound even worsened. this doesn't only apply to feminism, but to all other ideologies out there.

she is not the first to talk about feminism in Nigeria. she is not the reason schools and organizations have laws against sexual harrassment as schools and organizations already have that since long ago. proof of her bitterness can be seen in her twitter handle: "politically incorrect" and "views are all mine" including those views expressed in tweets she retweeted, that humiliates the man. tweets like "women's freedom=men's suffering". she wishes men suffer even after justice have been delivered her. that's why she resorted to activism trying to paint the idea on her timeline that the society is on fire. but by that post of mine which you responded to by saying "you do't follow", i was trying to douse that alarm raised by her and all other activists of other ideologies with the exception of the LGBTs since i feel those ones still have a genuine reason to form organizations, and tell you that there is no fire on the mountain. since there are no rules in Nigeria to forbid women from driving, owning properties, going to school and climbing any career ladder, etc, i see no reason to form an ideology and create the fear that the world is on fire, and by extension, divide the genders even more. sexual harrassment is a crime like any other crime and will not go away. this means it should be treated like any other crime like robbery, murder etc. and when these other crimes happen, we do not start an ideology to divide the various demographics in the society.

be sure that in the future when another case like the one she investigated happens again, and they will still happen again, the said person will still resort to activism again claiming all the things she is claiming now even if at that time, more things have been done for women in addition to things they enjoy now, and even after justice must have been delivered. activists are never satisfied and the reason for that, is the hate, resentment, and bitterness that underlies their activism. and this bitterness (especially that from feminists), if i must tell you since i sense you are a very young person in your 20s who do not understand these issues very much, is not caused because they were sexually harassed; but also because they have been hurt, not by JUST ANYONE, but either by someone they love so much and had a relationship with, or they want so much they cannot have.

the one who denies this, is only willing to say hurt from love or lack of it has no devastating and chronic effect on the human psyche.

Ybaby:


Love the article so much.

It looks to me that women are becoming men and men are becoming women.

so you can see why it makes no sense to call it toxic masculinity why when a man behaves like the man that he is, and then praise women and call them strong for behaving just the same way as the man?

MiddleDimension:


so you can see why it makes no sense to call it toxic masculinity why when a man behaves like the man that he is, and then praise women and call them strong for behaving just the same way as the man?

A man is a protector, a provider, a leader, an encourager, a rock, a father and that can never be toxic.

I think strong is a derogatory term to use for a woman. In my opinion, a woman is nuturing, loving, fragile, helpful, nourishment provider, peace, beautiful and that can never be toxic.

Ybaby:


A man is a protector, a provider, a leader, an encourager, a rock, a father and that can never be toxic.

I think strong is a derogatory term to use for a woman. In my opinion, a woman is nuturing, loving, fragile, helpful, nourishment provider, peace, beautiful and that can never be toxic.

the world today does not see it that way.

MiddleDimension:

the world today does not see it that way.

Oh well! Marry a woman who is feminine and you stay masculine.

Donot rape or molest or take what is not given, be a worthy leader

Ybaby:


Oh well! Marry a woman who is feminine and you stay masculine.

Donot rape or molest or take what is not given, be a worthy leader

why did you put the last part?

MiddleDimension:
why did you put the last part?

Lol, I was caught off guard as well immediately I got to that bit about rape.
Interesting conversation so far, and then boom, something completely unrelated.

Unnerve:

Lol, I was caught off guard as well immediately I got to that bit about rape.
Interesting conversation so far, and then boom, something completely unrelated.

it buttresses my point about all these issues. beyond the eloquence, there are issues which the activism cannot and will never solve. they just have to find a way to make sure you are monster with two horns in your head and a tail wagging behind your back.
even all the people i mentioned: bukatyne, ibkaye, liberalchick, cococandy, crackhaus, sagamite did not even reply.

@MiddleDimension, no vex.

MiddleDimension:
why did you put the last part?

Iberre!

Why did I add the first part?