I have been dating a girl for over 2 years now.its a distant relationship so lets say the last time i saw her was when i visited naija last year.i love this girl and i even went formally to introduce myself to the parents about my intentions to settle down with her.she is beautiful and kinda reserved and intelligent. But she have pride issues lazy to a fault and she is gaining so much weight of late that iam nt finding funny.iam on the big side and i knw d health risk attached to it nd have been on exercise nd trying to cut down ny size.but all d whole thing i complain about her doesnt seem to move her or she gets angry anytime i point out her faults.now iam confused because of how far we have gone nd meeting her family nd she knowing her family.we have gone too deep for me or her to back out.she isnt making any effort to improve.and am plañning on an intro dis xmas.and i intend to set her up bfor leaving but i have a concern if she can handle d business.
N.B..my major concern is that most of things i said i love abt her like to be reserved is probably because she doesnt lack anything cos her family aupply her excess of her needs.so she is not the one u can decieve with money.my concern is what if we re married and d fund is nt coming like she used to get from d family.will she be calling her home everytime to ask for more money or keep nagging on my ear.am confused.plz help a brother

The part l am interested in is the weight
Let's get it clear- any woman dat cannot discipline herself to lose weight and keep it off dosent love u deeply, is lazy and not a determined/focused person or is pregnant.
When u love a man, u do things so he wld compliment u, be throughly impressed even if it's eye service like some do. A woman dat has pride is playing with fire..

You're far from her.

She's chopping serious sweet Nigerian cucumber here.

It's true.
Don't doubt me

kizyalex10:
I have been dating a girl for over 2 years now.its a distant relationship so lets say the last time i saw her was when i visited naija last year.i love this girl and i even went formally to introduce myself to the parents about my intentions to settle down with her.she is beautiful and kinda reserved and intelligent. But she have pride issues lazy to a fault and she is gaining so much weight of late that iam nt finding funny.iam on the big side and i knw d health risk attached to it nd have been on exercise nd trying to cut down ny size.but all d whole thing i complain about her doesnt seem to move her or she gets angry anytime i point out her faults.now iam confused because of how far we have gone nd meeting her family nd she knowing her family.we have gone too deep for me or her to back out.she isnt making any effort to improve.and am plañning on an intro dis xmas.and i intend to set her up bfor leaving but i have a concern if she can handle d business.
N.B..my major concern is that most of things i said i love abt her like to be reserved is probably because she doesnt lack anything cos her family aupply her excess of her needs.so she is not the one u can decieve with money.my concern is what if we re married and d fund is nt coming like she used to get from d family.will she be calling her home everytime to ask for more money or keep nagging on my ear.am confused.plz help a brother

are there no women where you live? What's the point of long distance relationships? You don't like her weight, who told you she doesn't like herself like that? Will you dictate even her size to her? Why don't you marry the one you can cater to rather than looking for a ready made woman? You love her after two years of distance. Love. Love?

You do not love this woman at all. You want her family's financial support, and her presumed chastity. You already speak about her with distaste, and you are not even meeting with her regularly, being long distance. How much more terrible do you think your regard for her will become, once you are married? Do both of yourselves a favour, and break it off now.

NiCurious:
You do not love this woman at all. You want her family's financial support, and her presumed chastity. You already speak about her with distaste, and you are not even meeting with her regularly, being long distance. How much more terrible do you think your regard for her will become, once you are married? Do both of yourselves a favour, and break it off now.

Lol, the OP na Ronaldo Delima

BRATISLAVA:
are there no women where you live? What's the point of long distance relationships? You don't like her weight, who told you she doesn't like herself like that? Will you dictate even her size to her? Why don't you marry the one you can cater to rather than looking for a ready made woman? You love her after two years of distance. Love. Love?

we talk like everyday .we dont really feel the distance.and distance have nt been the problem but her attitude to adjust to the things i find faulty

HRHQueenPhil:
The part l am interested in is the weight
Let's get it clear- any woman dat cannot discipline herself to lose weight and keep it off dosent love u deeply, is lazy and not a determined/focused person or is pregnant.
When u love a man, u do things so he wld compliment u, be throughly impressed even if it's eye service like some do. A woman dat has pride is playing with fire..

thanks and what is ur suggestion

Bonatheripper:
You're far from her.

She's chopping serious sweet Nigerian cucumber here.

It's true.
Don't doubt me

not all women are like that .i trust her but i might be wrong but then that is still nt my major concern.dont deviate

NiCurious:
You do not love this woman at all. You want her family's financial support, and her presumed chastity. You already speak about her with distaste, and you are not even meeting with her regularly, being long distance. How much more terrible do you think your regard for her will become, once you are married? Do both of yourselves a favour, and break it off now.

read well i dont speak of distaste.i mentioned about the good side and my concern abt adjusting to the bad side.as for his family support.i never made mention that am broke.i might nt be super rich but am very far from being called broke or gold digger.am better than an aberage naija hustler.no disrespect and i dont think her family is doing better than mine if its in that regard.jst dont be biased and read through the lines.i dont wanna marry oyibo.i love this girl in question alot .Have nt considered another woman for once.all i need is d adjustment.which seem hard for her

showafrica:


Lol, the OP na Ronaldo Delima

how do u mean.i have nt cheated on her for once .so explain more

She's reserved and doesn't like money? ..my brother we have seen it all, trust these Nigerian girls at ur own peril...

They are manipulative and can cheat on u..without u ever finding out... Another guy is shining her Congo here....

U just de console ur self with too much grammar

kizyalex10:
thanks and what is ur suggestion

brother. There are many men that can tolerate a lazy and prideful woman,the question is are u among them? If u are,pls go ahead and marry..if not cut ur Ties NOW.. who knows breaking up might help me think abt her life and make necccesary changes

kizyalex10:
we talk like everyday .we dont really feel the distance.and distance have nt been the problem but her attitude to adjust to the things i find faulty

reevaluate the meaning of a relationship and tell yourself the truth. Are you scared of females near you?

HRHQueenPhil:
brother. There are many men that can tolerate a lazy and prideful woman,the question is are u among them? If u are,pls go ahead and marry..if not cut ur Ties NOW.. who knows breaking up might help me think abt her life and make necccesary changes

thanks

BRATISLAVA:
reevaluate the meaning of a relationship and tell yourself the truth. Are you scared of females near you?

i dont want to marry a white woman and i respect relationships too.and this part of the world is where there re few africans and nigerians too.and i cant marry someone i dont love because she stays in d same country with me

Tell her if she doesnt lose the weight you arent marrying her again and see what she does. Neglecting health or physical appearance is a valid reason for breaking up with somebody...For her to get angry when you point it out is rubbish unless you said it in a rude or disrespectful way

Since you yourself do exercise you can encourage her by whatsapping each other at the gym, telling each other what you ate today, checking your weight together and stuff like that.

As for the money aspect you have to trust her. You wont know if she will change with less money until you get less money!

And theres nothing like "gone too far for me to back out"...you can cancel the wedding at any time if youre not comfortable with the relationship..dont marry anybody out of obligation or pity

kizyalex10:
i dont want to marry a white woman and i respect relationships too.and this part of the world is where there re few africans and nigerians too.and i cant marry someone i dont love because she stays in d same country with me

what if your soul mate is the white woman you think you cannot marry. Instead you've decided to pursue a long distance relationship where anything happens in between and you know next to nothing about the person. You call it love. What love? And please, allow her to be fat if she wishes to. Are you trying to control her? Do you know why she gained the weight? Is the love about her physical appearance only? Reevaluate. The thing with a made woman is that she doesn't have to listen to you since you can't control her with money. What you see is what you get. If you can't adapt to it...

BRATISLAVA:
what if your soul mate is the white woman you think you cannot marry. Instead you've decided to pursue a long distance relationship where anything happens in between and you know next to nothing about the person. You call it love. What love? And please, allow her to be fat if she wishes to. Are you trying to control her? Do you know why she gained the weight? Is the love about her physical appearance only? Reevaluate. The thing with a made woman is that she doesn't have to listen to you since you can't control her with money. What you see is what you get. If you can't adapt to it...

any child mostly born of a white women is seen as a lost sperm bro.they cant come bck to naija and still u carter for them.and i want a core african child.i love her but still want her to adhust atleast for love.i love her too

kizyalex10:
any child mostly born of a white women is seen as a lost sperm bro.they cant come bck to naija and still u carter for them.and i want a core african child.i love her but still want her to adhust atleast for love.i love her too

Though I dont totally agree with Bratislava, what you just wrote there is really not true

A child whether born of a white woman or not will always like to come back as long as you as the parents give the correct orientation

I have plenty of cousins with parents from the same state sef who have never been to Nigeria in their lives because their parents never bothered to bring them. And there are people in Lagos, Abuja and other major cities who say they cant go to their place and their kids still end up getting confused

If you marry a white lady who has a positive disposition towards Nigeria and not one who just wants to corner you in one suburb in New Jersey, after a while she will even begin to come back without you

If you visit Shoprite in any reasonable state on a Saturday afternoon you will see the white ladies wandering around with their kids so being white is not the problem here but correct orientation and marrying an open-minded person who embraces you and your background

kizyalex10:
I have been dating a girl for over 2 years now.its a distant relationship so lets say the last time i saw her was when i visited naija last year.i love this girl and i even went formally to introduce myself to the parents about my intentions to settle down with her.she is beautiful and kinda reserved and intelligent. But she have pride issues lazy to a fault and she is gaining so much weight of late that iam nt finding funny.iam on the big side and i knw d health risk attached to it nd have been on exercise nd trying to cut down ny size.but all d whole thing i complain about her doesnt seem to move her or she gets angry anytime i point out her faults.now iam confused because of how far we have gone nd meeting her family nd she knowing her family.we have gone too deep for me or her to back out.she isnt making any effort to improve.and am plañning on an intro dis xmas.and i intend to set her up bfor leaving but i have a concern if she can handle d business.
N.B..my major concern is that most of things i said i love abt her like to be reserved is probably because she doesnt lack anything cos her family aupply her excess of her needs.so she is not the one u can decieve with money.my concern is what if we re married and d fund is nt coming like she used to get from d family.will she be calling her home everytime to ask for more money or keep nagging on my ear.am confused.plz help a brother

i wonder how u guys do this long distance thing. When i was leaving Nigeria, i told my girl not to wait for me. If she get sense, she go use her tomgue count her teeth.

midnighter:


Though I dont totally agree with Bratislava, what you just wrote there is really not true

A child whether born of a white woman or not will always like to come back as long as you as the parents give the correct orientation

I have plenty of cousins with parents from the same state sef who have never been to Nigeria in their lives because their parents never bothered to bring them.

If you marry a white lady who has a positive disposition towards Nigeria and not one who just wants to corner you in one suburb in New Jersey, after a while she will even begin to come back without you

If you visit Shoprite in any reasonable state on any Saturday afternoon you will see the white ladies wandering around with their kids so being white is not the problem here but correct orientation and marrying an open-minded person who embraces you and your background

not asians. Bro but i wanna marry nigerian and igbo too

How can you even be with someone you're afraid of breaking up with?

Now you're gonna make ubunja cry

kizyalex10:
any child mostly born of a white women is seen as a lost sperm bro.they cant come bck to naija and still u carter for them.and i want a core african child.i love her but still want her to adhust atleast for love.i love her too

What?! Goodness! And how do you know she loves you? It's so far away. You said she's prideful etc, but you think that the love will make it right. Don't be angry, but you might be doing this for other reasons than love, and may not have to do with children refusing to go to Nigeria. I don't see the love you're describing. I see a disconnect. You're miles apart.

midnighter:


Though I dont totally agree with Bratislava, what you just wrote there is really not true

A child whether born of a white woman or not will always like to come back as long as you as the parents give the correct orientation

I have plenty of cousins with parents from the same state sef who have never been to Nigeria in their lives because their parents never bothered to bring them. And there are people in Lagos, Abuja and other major cities who say they cant go to their place and their kids still end up getting confused

If you marry a white lady who has a positive disposition towards Nigeria and not one who just wants to corner you in one suburb in New Jersey, after a while she will even begin to come back without you

If you visit Shoprite in any reasonable state on a Saturday afternoon you will see the white ladies wandering around with their kids so being white is not the problem here but correct orientation and marrying an open-minded person who embraces you and your background

I can't believe the wasted sperm talk. Must a child come to Nigeria before it's not a waste? Kizyalex10, fine someone where you are and speak with them to know if they can agree to your demands of visiting Nigeria. How sure are you the Nigerian one will want anything to do with Nigeria after marriage? Long distance is fake, because absence makes the heart fonder. You haven't been close enough to know what you feel if it will last

BRATISLAVA:
I can't believe the wasted sperm talk. Must a child come to Nigeria before it's not a waste? Kizyalex10, fine someone where you are and speak with them to know if they can agree to your demands of visiting Nigeria. How sure are you the Nigerian one will want anything to do with Nigeria after marriage? Long distance is fake, because absence makes the heart fonder. You haven't been close enough to know what you feel if it will last

Well thats why I said I dont totally agree with you (though the bolded is correct IMO)

A Nigerian child must come to Nigeria and know his roots (whether his mother is white, asian, whatever). He has a culture and an inheritance, a family. If the person doesnt come back, they are actually wasting away over there in a sense.

Life is not all 24-hour electricity, good roads and free education. Of what use is your wonderful education if you dont even know where you come from

Furthermore whether a long distance relationship will work depends on the two people involved in it...its not fair to say that it's fake.

Even people who were together for 5 years and decided to marry can still divorce in under a year if care is not taken.

The guy shouldnt rule out dating a woman in the place he is on the basis of travelling ...as long as she is interested in coming back and embracing his culture there is no problem. As both of us pointed out, there are Nigerian women who will "waste your sperm" finish if they have the chance so thats not a fair criterion.

I'm still a kid, and i lack experience in issues like this........ let me wait for the elders ;DI'm still a kid, and i lack experience in issues like this........ let me wait for the elders

midnighter:


Well thats why I said I dont totally agree with you (though the bolded is correct IMO)

A Nigerian child must come to Nigeria and know his roots (whether his mother is white, asian, whatever). He has a culture and an inheritance, a family. If the person doesnt come back, they are actually wasting away over there in a sense.

Life is not all 24-hour electricity, good roads and free education. Of what use is your wonderful education if you dont even know where you come from

Furthermore whether a long distance relationship will work depends on the two people involved in it...its not fair to say that it's fake.

Even people who were together for 5 years and decided to marry can still divorce in under a year if care is not taken.

The guy shouldnt rule out dating a woman in the place he is on the basis of travelling ...as long as she is interested in coming back and embracing his culture there is no problem. As both of us pointed out, there are Nigerian women who will "waste your sperm" finish if they have the chance so thats not a fair criterion.

I disagree that Nigerian children must come back. How can you bring them up all their lives in a foreign country then expect them to want to come to your dysfunctional country, because you are from Nigeria? Why did you leave Nigeria in the first place? To have children outside then bring them back? What!

That's baseless culture/mental restrictions! You come from wherever you find yourself. If that's a criteria for marriage, then the only person you can marry will be a Nigerian. But then you are limiting yourself to the good people out there. That condition of "she must bring the children back to Nigeria" is unbelievable.

As for long distance relationships, they thrive because the two are apart. They are not really living with each other and know nothing about each other. He says she's prideful, fat, etc, and he's not even living with her. There's already a disconnect. They think they're in love because they are far from each other. For some they can meet a thousand people while they are apart then act in love because they feel the person at the other end could be their "perfect person", simply because they are too far for the imperfections to show. In their mind there's this wonderful person. It's fake.

Moreover, him pointing out that her parents give her all the money she needs means what exactly? Is he looking for someone he doesn't have to take care of financially or he is actually, really in love?

I don't sense love, but trying to fit conditions. He's not talked about her character, and the little bit he's revealed seems to be complaints. She hasn't attacked his own weight so he should cool down about hers. What if she's recovering from a pregnanc

How can you call yourself mature and then come to Nairaland to ask us to advice you on a life issue as serious as marriage, when in the actual sense, you have seen the negative signs.

BRATISLAVA:
I don't sense love, but trying to fit conditions. He's not talked about her charactg from a pregnanc

Nah, I mean come back occasionally to visit and know his place/people. Of course the person doesnt need to live anywhere he doesnt want to live. But they at least need to see where they come from.

You left Nigeria in the first place because the country is dysfunctional. You didnt leave because there is something inherently wrong with the people who live there. If not for destiny, you also would have been suffering Nigerian condition so I dont see what is so difficult about coming back once in a while. You have a root, you must come back and see it for yourself or you will grow into a confused adult.

This especially important for black people. Especially black boys! They are bombarded daily with the message that they are totally useless...they need to see the other aspect of their life..their position in the world.

Its actually a baseless mental restriction and a sign of inferiority complex and timidity to starve your kids of cultural education just because you believe that you have "escaped" from your stupid country. A truly enlightened person would make all the effort to inculcate their origin into their kids.

Natasha Akpoti is on Channels tv fighting INEC right now, her mother is a white lady yet she has the guts and empowerment to contest for Kogi state governorship. If her father had avoided Nigeria believing that it was too "dysfunctional", where would she be

I dont know what OP has in mind...I am not necessarily advocating for moving permanently back to Nigeria with the wife and kids...I just meant that they should at least visit.

For the long distance relationship, all that stuff you are saying is just a condition of being in that kind of relationship. People who stay together in the same place all the time also face their own problems...people who are in normal relationships still fake and cover up their imperfections. Dont we see threads about that on here every day??

People meet thousands of people in their office, the eatery, the road, wherever and still mess up So thats not particular to long distance relationships. Whether the relationship works or not depends on how patient the couple is and how much they are willing to adjust as they get to know each other.

He says she is prideful and fat because he has observed behaviour that has led him to believe that she is prideful and fat! How is that a disconnect Are you saying that she wouldnt be fat if he were by her side 24/7? And the problem isnt that shes fat, the problem is that she refuses to do anything about it.

He pointed out that she is not too free with herself because she is already well taken care of, unlike some hungry/gullible girls who will throw all their morals out of the window for shawarma and coke. I dont see anything wrong with that observation, in fact it was a smart one.

His question was, what would she be like if she didnt have all that anymore? If he is not able to provide the lifestyle she is used to, how will it affect the relationship? Again, this is a perfectly reasonable question!

Love is important but its also important to have certain standards for what you want in a spouse and what you can and cannot tolerate. Love is just the initial primer. You still have to be realistic about whether you can actually cope with the person.

She hasnt attacked his weight, maybe she doesnt have a problem with fat guys...thats her business. Moreover, he said that he was trying to reduce his weight.

He is telling her that her weight is a problem for him, instead of her to work on herself she is getting angry, does that make sense to you Being overweight is not something you can argue for since its not beneficial.

You have seen a couple of red flags and you are still indecisive. Let common sense prevail.