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Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? - Family (11) - Nairaland

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Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Humblesam(m): 8:21am On Dec 19, 2019
Bro i might be late but please marriage is sweet when there is understanding and love.
No marriage is perfect and please don't spread fears into lives of young ones planning on settling down with their loved ones just because you're facing one of those things in marriage.
Calm down, face ur marriage squarely and make it work, you're the man of the house. It's as easy as that.
I repeat marriage has many positive effects to life than you think. Am proud to be called "daddy" by my Angels.

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by shugaboy6102(m): 8:28am On Dec 19, 2019
alizma:

Send her to her parents house and remain single without serious commitment to any lady for a whole year. Within this period, you can think of your life properly while studying her from afar. If she wants a home with you, she will adjust and seek for forgiveness while you will also have time to identify your errors. I can assure you that you will be making another mistake if you chose to step into another woman's life without given yourself a break. The reason is that you never had a life of a bachelor and your supposed wife is also lacking the same thing. If you were 24 when u got her pregnant, I aspect her to be 23 downward as at that time. You guys skipped something and you need time to convince yourself that the sacrifice Worth it
thanks for your advice. I appreciate

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Amanee(f): 8:31am On Dec 19, 2019
KingGBsky:


I follow nairaland so much and what I see about the ladies here is so predictable. If this was about a lady not happy in her home you will see all the feminists all out to tell the woman to quit the marriage, that her happiness is what matters most. Now it’s about a man not happy in a home that’s not even a complete marriage yet, you’ll ladies are asking him to endure. Chai. It’s a pity. Bro do what will give you happiness. No woman has the right to put a man in unhappiness. For what reason? If she chooses to make your life a living hell, then leave her and be with whoever gives you happiness. A man will work and provide for his home for one woman to make his life a living hell. Them never born that woman.

Modified: Seriously you shouldn’t be talking about going into another marriage yet. Take it easy bro and learn a lesson.



Your argument is neither here nor there, you just want to witch-hunt feminists. Please avoid me

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by princessdoyenne(f): 8:32am On Dec 19, 2019
So sorry about your home situation.

Here's the truth, you guys started on a wrong foundation.
And you both didn't do anything to make it right.
No marriage preparations
No marriage counseling, not even a proper marriage.

If the foundation is destroyed, what can the righteous do?


Secondly, not completing the marriage rites is enough to spook any woman. If you had the means, why didn't you finish what you started.

Then, leaving the marriage and getting married to another is never an option. Cancel it from your mind.
It rains and thunders everywhere. So the next one may not be your safe haven.

Here's what I would tell you: Sit down, talk with your wife.

Change your attitude towards her, be more loving and caring.

Show her the love you both shared when you first started.

Show your commitment to making things work out between you two.

Let her know you are with her because of her not because of the child.

Cut off all communication with your crush.

Get a counsellor. Get a counsellor. Get a counselor.

Pray. Pray. Pray.


Just give it sometime. You will be fine

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Sivou1(m): 8:33am On Dec 19, 2019
shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

You are not legally married as long as the bride price has not been paid and back up by signing anything @ the registry

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by KingGBsky(m): 8:34am On Dec 19, 2019
Amanee:




Your argument is neither here nor there, you just want to witch-hunt feminists. Please avoid me

Why should I?
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by DenreleDave(m): 8:39am On Dec 19, 2019
lovchalice:
. Who will he leave the mother of his child for. Why can't he make efforts to heal his relationship. He is busy saying he is unhappy. S woman that have been with him for years, without bride price or wedding, does he know how she is feeling
U ladies just keep saying trash.. See I know we have not heard her own side of the story.

Did u read this part??

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.


What if she already has another man sef, what if she is also tired and want out
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Nobody: 8:40am On Dec 19, 2019
NickD:

You just contradicted yourself by bringing God and divorce as an option in the same statement. It shows you don't read your Bible. God DOESN'T SUPPORT DIVORCE.


The Bible is not “yours” o African
cry
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Speedprince: 8:48am On Dec 19, 2019
I see all the advices nd all, but noone has asked if the new lady knows u re married and with a child. Answer this and i can advice you properly on how to dig your grave better

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by henribj(m): 8:50am On Dec 19, 2019
fatymore:
Guys are the same.


Once you see a new lady like this, the old one becomes a witch


Leave her now and think you will enjoy the new marriage.

Instead of you to work on your marriage and do the right thing..


You are sounding so bitter.
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Dextre(m): 8:52am On Dec 19, 2019
shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me


Do not endure anything...leave the marriage or divorce properly,either way cut out o for the sake of your sanity. Depression is very real.
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by neonly: 8:53am On Dec 19, 2019
shugaboy6102:
Really am not talking even based on the new lady I met, what am asking is are we legally married? and if so do we keep enduring each other and for how long. Should I stay with her out of convenience because of what people in my church will say, my neighbours, friends, colleagues etc. Do we keep tolerating when we both know it was out of passion and youthful exuberance that landed us both in this. Oh God help me because my life is in a mess I hope someone understands me

I do understand you bro I was once in dat kind of situation but hate for d girl in question delivered me
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Dextre(m): 8:54am On Dec 19, 2019
fatymore:
Guys are the same.


Once you see a new lady like this, the old one becomes a witch


Leave her now and think you will enjoy the new marriage.

Instead of you to work on your marriage and do the right thing..


Yh let us be the same... Make he sha cut out,marriage is not a do or die affair. The woman clearly said she is looking for someone else too and here you are singling out the guy,as if he is the only person wanting out of the relationship. Una kind ehn
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by neonly: 8:55am On Dec 19, 2019
thorpido:
There was something that attracted her to you before she got pregnant or was it just a booty call?
You were sitting together and laughing at a time,I believe.Something went wrong thereafter.
Did you lose interest in her?Did you stop giving her attention?
I think your wife is frustrated about something.Can you both sit to talk when the atmosphere is right?Can you try to rekindle the flame?

If you try and it doesn't work or your heart is really gone from this relationship,then maybe you both have to go separate ways.
You are married traditionally and if you want to break it,just ask the elders from her place what it takes to annul such.
Is not dat easy once love is dead is dead except divine intervention
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Dextre(m): 8:56am On Dec 19, 2019
lovchalice:
. Who will he leave the mother of his child for. Why can't he make efforts to heal his relationship. He is busy saying he is unhappy. S woman that have been with him for years, without bride price or wedding, does he know how she is feeling


What are you saying? 'Woman that has been with him for years' and so. PS; He has been with her for years too. Victim card nor go allow una reason well,the woman wants out too,can't you read
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by calabardick(m): 9:08am On Dec 19, 2019
shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

Oh my brother, i really understand your situation.
Baby mamas never make a good wife, if you doubt ask Davido, ask Tuface, ask Wizkid.
You're in hell, sent her away, that isn't a divorce, you were cohabiting reset your life, you deserve the best.

Don't let anyone complicate your life for you.
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by calmnquiet(m): 9:08am On Dec 19, 2019
shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

Bro, work and your marriage

Let God be the foundation of your marriage, and see how joy and peace will return.

Marriage is supposed to be the most wonderful thing that would happen to a person, it just has to be on the right foundation.

2 Likes

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by LadySarah: 9:10am On Dec 19, 2019
Fairview1:



Sorry oohh!

No vex because I am asking you this question.

Could there be any special reason why you chose to capitalize all your 'Y' in your post, even when it appeared in the middle of your sentences.

I am just curious cos I know its only when we are referring to God that we consider using that approach based on some grammatical rules.


Thanks for your friendly response in advance.

Lol
My brother ,it is my Chinko Hauwei phoneoo.It keeps capitalizing some words for me.Unless i did massive editing,you'd see it alot in my sentences.

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Babaken(m): 9:12am On Dec 19, 2019
xteve:
na so this marriage thing be?
I always tell people that my biggest fear in life is marriage and old age. Is Because of all these kind of stories. May God see through brother.
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by jaszplus12(m): 9:15am On Dec 19, 2019
mrchineke:


Just shut up there....which nonsense karma? Who told you being alone is a problem?

Unsatisfactoriness becomes your companion for life? Pardon?

This fear of being alone is the reason so many men and women pass through life miserably.

Sir, I only expressed my opinion. I'm sure if you are also doing the same. I'm just shocked that you can start your statement with "just shut up there"
Maybe you're just nature's gutter.

1 Like 1 Share

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by petitejolie(f): 9:16am On Dec 19, 2019
I’m sure u turned her into wat she is now. U married her out of guilt while u go outside philandering. U made her insecure and dats wat happens wen a woman becomes a baby mama before becoming a wife. She thinks and feels ure going to make more baby mamas since ur long thing can’t stay one place. Pls u both shud go ur different ways before u bring more babies into dis world. She deserves a better man . While u deserve urs too. Take a break abeg
shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by geezyk(m): 9:25am On Dec 19, 2019
Someone said ladies between the ages of 21-25 are in their hoeism phase, your wife didn't enjoy hed youthfulness, she's carried the responsibility of being a mother at an early stage, while been mates are busy enjoying life. That's what's really affecting her.

Check her friends too.
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by orney(f): 9:30am On Dec 19, 2019
All of you will be lying on peace of mind,y didn't you give her peace of mind by not allowing nonsense chat and conversation from your female colleague??
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by upuphim(m): 9:33am On Dec 19, 2019
Why will a woman you are living with, a mother of your child not feel insecured and get worked up, on every slightest provocation when you only gave notice to marry to her parents? It's normal with women when somethings are not fixed. You did not meet her with this character, therefore you are the cause. At least, do the traditional marriage and if there is no money go for church blessing. For your information, no matter how careful you are, you can still marry a heartache. Let both parents and the church bless your union except you don't believe the blessings of men.

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by kuzee(m): 9:37am On Dec 19, 2019
Just reading comments grin


Get your Projectors, Smartwatches, Shoes, WatchesEarphones et al.
visit my signature
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by Toks2008(m): 9:44am On Dec 19, 2019
shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

Paid a bride price on her head and not just something....So you are married to her.

The truth is that in most cases there are no better alternatives...we just need to work on the issue and be happy together.

That she is jealous means she loves you so just sit her down for the sake of the child and make things work.

Don't be deceived... there is nothing out there.

3 Likes

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by midnighter(f): 9:50am On Dec 19, 2019
MedicH:
Yes na how else do i put it. Some ppl get married and are able to accommodate themselves. For some people it's war.

This one is just an anomaly because I know that if a 19 and 24 year old marry, they will have to make A LOT of extra effort to make each other comfortable so that neither of them will feel as if they are missing out on something.

You will be feeling like you just messed up your life getting married straight out of childhood with no chance to explore. Thats where you start getting bitter and seeing insults everywhere except if the 2 of you try your hardest to make it sweet

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by publicenemy(m): 9:54am On Dec 19, 2019
shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and we paid something on her head but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

looking for an excuse to leave the young Lady you impregnated abi?

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by duchess854: 9:57am On Dec 19, 2019
I love this trend cos of their honest response

1 Like

Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by fatymore(f): 9:59am On Dec 19, 2019
henribj:


You are sounding so bitter.
tongue
Re: Should I Keep Enduring In This Supposed Marriage? by fatymore(f): 10:00am On Dec 19, 2019
grin
Dextre:


Yh let us be the same... Make he sha cut out,marriage is not a do or die affair. The woman clearly said she is looking for someone else too and here you are singling out the guy,as if he is the only person wanting out of the relationship. Una kind ehn

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