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Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him - Family (9) - Nairaland

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I Want To Leave My Wife For My Girlfriend / Divorced Woman In Court For Refusing To Leave Ex-husband’s House / How Can I Ask A Friend To Leave My House In A Good Way? (2) (3) (4)

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Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by rawfact: 7:40pm On Dec 15, 2019
Kindheartedd, this is going to be very long and deep so don't just scan through. My guess is that you are married to a Yoruba man. I can't tell the tribe you are from. But whether you are also Yoruba or not, you need to know who a Yoruba husband is, whether he is in church or not. Because church or whatever will never take his culture away from him. "Husband" according to Yoruba Culture is know as Ade Ori (Crown) of the Woman, and not just Head as declared in the bible. You can't afford to raise your voice back at him or those other nonsense I read from your previous post. He must have tolerated all that while waiting for you to outgrow them. Because such is for Boyfriend/Girlfriend Stuff - never a Yoruba Marriage. You will have to learn on how to humbly follow his lead. After all, you trusted his leadership before saying yes to his marriage proposal.

With that said as an introduction, you will permit me to abuse you where necessary despite the fact that you seem to hate such. Meanwhile, learn that abuse from a loved one that is above one (parents, elders, husband, uncle and co) is for one's good and never an evil nor intended as such. This is Africa for goodness sake and not some white man's land, where the wife throws out the husband out of his house while his kids calls him by his first name or even shuts him up. Even some good friends can abuse someone to stop one from making a wrong decision. No wonder your bible recorded that the sting of a friend is better than the kiss of an enemy. Anyway, I took out time to read many comments on your thread and I really commend the likes of Newguyhere, Triniti, TheRedpillguy, PrinceMajestic, tunjilana and a few others who were not timid to serve you raw facts. The rest commenters literally boosted your pride.

If you are Yoruba, certainly you will understand those that are mocked as "Iyawo Asiko" (modern wife). I am going to give you an excerpt of your words and remark each, not for you because I dare say that you will resent each remark but it is particularly for the single ladies you could dare advise.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

You bear "Kindheartedd" as moniker but this plan of yours alone reveals the opposite. Firstly, you want to abscond from a husband (not a boyfriend). Meaning of that culturally is running or deserting the one that paid dowry over your head and received you into his lineage (not just family), not as a girlfriend or baby mama but as the glorified (wife). Aunty, I hail you! Secondly, you used the expression "my kids". Very laughable. Culturally, those children (particularly the male) belongs to your husband's lineage which you are now part of if you are genuinely in it. Therefore, those kids belong wholly to your husband first, before your very self who happened to carry his sperm (child) for 9 months before delivery. You claim to be a christian but you certainly have no idea of the spirituality of marriage nor acknowledge fatherhood or headship of your husband over your household. Who will fix that rot in your mind? Certainly not God, aunty but your very self if you would. Finally on that, you plan to have the best not minding if it will destroy lives (your husband and the kids), changing phone number and living a new life. Some commenters that chose to be honest with you labelled the act selfish. I particularly recommend you get natural therapy for mental health.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

Listen, followers command the leadership they get. Whether family, company, state, or nation. Mere humility from you will change this same statement of yours to "He is loving, caring, wonderful though difficult to understand at times". Also, know that many Nigerian husbands really get cocky when denied sex by their wives. Too much testosterone in the body as some puts it. Some manage it well while some really get cocky and wouldn't tell the woman. But give your man good sex regularly and stay humble and watch that statement change. Never forget this: Yoruba husbands get very cocky on arrogant wives.


He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.
Your "Ade Ori" is owing you money? As in your husband? Who owns you and your money? Or are you building another family outside the one he is heading? Sister, you are not ready for Yoruba marriage yet o. Listen, if your husband that is carrying the weight of the house as the head, whether you are supporting or not, borrows money from you, particularly for that household, in your mind, settle it that you contributed and not that you borrowed him. Even if he ended up using the money on himself. Lots of girlfriends looking forward to a guy having serious relationship with them or even marrying them do lots for the guy without feeling owed nor trumpeting it around. Abeg, give yourself peace in your head because it's obvious you carried lots of garbage from Telemundo, feminist and other "fake lives" into your marriage (reality).


I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.
Your Husband (Ade Ori) o. Not even just a lesson but a hard lesson. Aunty, you need serious mental checkup. Your brain is filled with explosive pride. At this point, I think your husband should just release you back to your people through divorce so that the court can oversee the issue of child custody because it's obvious your brain cannot be humbled. Your stubbornness and arrogance is something else. Even the verbal abuse (though not the best) your husband use regularly to check/reduce the depth of those bad-luck characters is also taken wrongly. For you trying to even change your number from friends and family that could change your heart also confirms that your husband can never succeed over you. This is why fathers shouldn't spoil their daughters before giving them out in marriage. They become a pain in the head of the gullible men that marries them. Daughter wey dey shout back at hin papa, go do more for hin husband. Some wives will be competing with their husbands rather than complementing his leadership, causing unnecessary problems, particularly for the kids. See, you practically want to lead yourself, and your financial capability is also strengthening you in your rebellion. This is why a humble woman that has no money cannot really be termed humble. In fact, you entered into that marriage mistakenly, maybe for the wedding dress, ring or kids - never for the mission marriage requires, that is, if your husband ever communicated that to you. And if he did, I dare say your type will gladly rebel.

I don't want to quote others again because I know it is worthless for you and several of your supporters. But I know one graceful lady out there whether churchy or not will pick wisdom from my remarks when it is time for her to build her own home. Your bible records that a foolish woman destroys her home while the wise one builds it. Not a foolish man o. Go and search for where it is in your bible. If you hurt or destroy your home as a woman, you will be the chief beneficiary. Same way, if you avoid satan building a castle in your mind and heart through stubbornness and arrogance, you will certainly be the most beneficiary of a happy and joyous home whether u dey go church or not.

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Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by tiredoflife(m): 7:41pm On Dec 15, 2019
Women always play the victim card
Until u hear from the other party
All I see here is a materialistic relationship
Joint account
He earns more than I do
The marriage is just based on materialism from day one
So its must fail
U are just a greedy woman.

2 Likes

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by frozen70(f): 7:46pm On Dec 15, 2019
Kindheartedd:
I opened a thread sometime ago about my husband's attitude.

I won't just go into details but all I need now is leave, leave him for good.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.

I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.

My advice to young ones especially God fearing ones, don't marry a man who is just a casual Christian, who answers on paper 'Christianity' when asked which religion.

He never believed I can move forward, I struggled to raise my status by hard work n prayer, I went to a private uni, he even insulted my dad to my face that he waisted money on my for sending me to private uni, Haa, my ears twingled when he said it all because I was earning about 100k, he was earning way more than me and he'd never give me peace because he earns more. Named me all sorts of names. I saved little n resigned since there was no hope of earning more money where I worked.

When I asked to open a joint account his response was my income was meant for eating not saving. And ridiculously told me to hide my face for trying to measure him to my standard. That we don't earn the same amount and we can't jointly run an account. For days, he shamed me with that.

I boldly took a decision to resign and I almost end it all but I was putting things in place to get the best in life no matter what. Alas, God helped me and now, I'm doing well and my monthly income is daily getting more than his. I painfully went for a training and have decided to get an office and employ more hands because I can no longer handle tasks alone due to work load and he is killing the dream.

I know him, he wants to frustrate me, he knows the sky is not my limit again even, but I want to teach him a lesson that in his next life he will never talk any human being down.

He is getting worst daily by being abusive, I won't know peace if so stay with him. Now he wants to do what I do, so jealous and unsecured.

I live in a recluse due to my work and I have an abusive man, if not for my belief on God maybe I would have taken my life since.

I was abused as a child, I think the best for me now is live alone. Human beings are not worth it, I hate relationships and marriage now, like it's all a scam. I just want to be alone with my innocent kids.

Am just weak, it's going to be a shame, my friendd n family won't like my decision but I want to send a message to this man. He must learn to respect me, called my brain fish brain,? My own father waisted money on me? I will surely break grounds to send him a message.

Am just in pain, am soo so so sad. Once I leave him I will be a celibate for life. I will never allow any man to make me experience abuse again. Never!!!

Calm down

You have been hurt badly

Relocate without his notice and start another life

You are responsible for your own happiness and don't allow any beast to determine your happiness

Don't tell any one of your plans

Carry it out and inform them when you think it's necessary

Hide your address from every body for the time being

You can live a solo life for the time being but don't hurt your sexual feelings

Keep any marriage proposal away and have a joyous affair if you get healed

As for your husband, he will meet your family to tell them why he was frustrating your life

If he requests for reconciliation, tell him to invite his family to your family so that they settle whatever the problem is, mind you he will refuse that, then tell him that life is better for you now without him

Don't ever agree to settle with him alone, he will pretend to be good and do worst than before

But the moment his family and your listens to what he did to you he will be blamed and warned against treating you bad

No woman can be happy living with a man that is putting her through emotional trauma

Be strong and with God, you can make it with out it

Only few are enjoying their marriage others are just pretending and dying in silence

2 Likes

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by Bigcowhorn: 7:49pm On Dec 15, 2019
PrinceMajestic:
leave my dad out. He could strike u nd ur family dead in minutes, my dad, grandpa, great grandpa till the earliest of ancestor in my lineage are all very powerful DEITIES/GODS wherever they are now. They re more powerful than ur foreign allah n jehova or jesus put together. So dnt involve my dad, i could invoke on u his rage or my grandpa's rage nd u must be dead, cold n very black in seconds. So neva mention my dad if u love ur sweet life Look at my monica, u have an idea who i am. Careful boy, it ends here ok?


Up your father's rusty ass!!!


grin grin grin
grin grin
cheesy

2 Likes

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by srclark: 7:50pm On Dec 15, 2019
24kmagic:


This has nothing to do with Christianity or religion. I fall into that "casual Christian" category. I don't go to church nor read the Bible, but not many active Christians live a more just life than me. I was born and brought up a Christian, but somethings about Christianity and religion as a whole doesn't feel right to me. My religion right now is HUMANITY. Your husband lacks humanity. I can't treat a human being like this, not to talk of my wife and mother of my kids.

I wish you well in whatever you decide to do but like someone above said, do this legally before it backfires.
well said .These days i have come to realize marriage is overrated in this part of the world .Many marriages fail cause the build up stages was too toxic and unhealthy ,you find young intending couples co-habiting and chasing after irrelevant things when they should focus on developing themselves .You see a graduate wasting her time in one boys house all in the name of i want him to marry me (in the longrun she becomes totally dependent on him) .My advice to the OP you can decide to end things with your man but dont deny the kids access to their father it is very crucial in a child's life

1 Like

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by koyyes: 7:55pm On Dec 15, 2019
Sleeping with the enemy.

This toxic union usually ends up with the death of one or both partners.

Stop defining 'joblessness' or 'good income' by his own standards. Your 'horseband' is simply one of those proud 1diots that thinks he can use money to weigh the worth of humans that he cannot create. A lot of people will be grateful to earn 100k every month. But here you are fuming over your own pay just because one 1diot tells you its chicken change. Your horse band is a bad associate/influence.

If you want to make more money, it shouldn't be to impress him. You will never get his approval. Work for you and your kids only so you don't have to depend on nobody. That should be your motivating factor.

Don't leave to get back at him. Leave because you have had enough and wish to create a peaceful, clean and healthy environment for you and the kids. Don't imagine he would come begging because it most likely won't happen. He might even start spreading lies to cover face so people won't see him as the man who couldn't 'control' his wife. Yes, your 'horseband' is that proud. So get ready.

If your 'horseband' is not abusive towards the kids, don't keep the kids away from him. You already said in your other thread that he doesn't support with domestic chores for the kids so he may not bother requesting to have sole custody of the kids only to have them at the mercy of maids. Keep your kids on that neutral ground. Don't influence them taking sides. They are very observant. When they are older, they can speak for themselves.

Single parenthood isn't easy but the peace of mind that comes with it is bliss. Just ensure you have a good support system. It makes things easier. Avoid judgemental people.

Think deeply , make a resolve and start acting before that sadist turns your brain to pap.
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by DECENCY3: 7:55pm On Dec 15, 2019
Kindheartedd:
I opened a thread sometime ago about my husband's attitude.

I won't just go into details but all I need now is leave, leave him for good.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.

I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.

My advice to young ones especially God fearing ones, don't marry a man who is just a casual Christian, who answers on paper 'Christianity' when asked which religion.

He never believed I can move forward, I struggled to raise my status by hard work n prayer, I went to a private uni, he even insulted my dad to my face that he waisted money on my for sending me to private uni, Haa, my ears twingled when he said it all because I was earning about 100k, he was earning way more than me and he'd never give me peace because he earns more. Named me all sorts of names. I saved little n resigned since there was no hope of earning more money where I worked.

When I asked to open a joint account his response was my income was meant for eating not saving. And ridiculously told me to hide my face for trying to measure him to my standard. That we don't earn the same amount and we can't jointly run an account. For days, he shamed me with that.

I boldly took a decision to resign and I almost end it all but I was putting things in place to get the best in life no matter what. Alas, God helped me and now, I'm doing well and my monthly income is daily getting more than his. I painfully went for a training and have decided to get an office and employ more hands because I can no longer handle tasks alone due to work load and he is killing the dream.

I know him, he wants to frustrate me, he knows the sky is not my limit again even, but I want to teach him a lesson that in his next life he will never talk any human being down.

He is getting worst daily by being abusive, I won't know peace if so stay with him. Now he wants to do what I do, so jealous and unsecured.

I live in a recluse due to my work and I have an abusive man, if not for my belief on God maybe I would have taken my life since.

I was abused as a child, I think the best for me now is live alone. Human beings are not worth it, I hate relationships and marriage now, like it's all a scam. I just want to be alone with my innocent kids.

Am just weak, it's going to be a shame, my friendd n family won't like my decision but I want to send a message to this man. He must learn to respect me, called my brain fish brain,? My own father waisted money on me? I will surely break grounds to send him a message.

Am just in pain, am soo so so sad. Once I leave him I will be a celibate for life. I will never allow any man to make me experience abuse again. Never!!!



If this will restore your sanity then you better do it. I know you must have put things in place .

I married a man who claimed to be a 'christain', after marriage he showed out his true colours. Almost took my life due to frustration and emotional abuse but finally took that great decision of freeing myself from him.

He thought I wouldn't survive but I have conquered and he is begging but I have no plans of going back until I fully establish myself. This is after he had told my family and his own family all kinds of lies against me. Imagine saying I poisoned him and almost stabbed him to death when I have never thought of that. Only God made his people not to believe him and he kept malice with them all. Infact claiming I charmed them. I am living my life to the fullest, no compromise

All I will tell you is that YOU OWE YOURSELF A DUTY TO MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by koyyes: 8:05pm On Dec 15, 2019
samguru:
I don't want to be judgemental on your ordeal,all I can say is divorce/separation is not the solution.
From your narrations,your husband is proud,pompous and domineering and I strongly believe all these traits must have surfaced during your courtship but you thought you can cope.
My sister,you can not prove any point to a man that has good income, at worst he will get another woman and sting you further.
Please,if the insults/assaults are not life-threatening,please bring in your pastor or those who he respects alot for intervention.
If you quit and things go worst for you nko?
My sister, if not for any other thing consider the plight of your kids.
My advice
Whenever he starts his madness just trivialize everything and turn his negative energy to your positive energy.
Woman is the owner of the family, man is just the head and it is your responsibility to make your marriage work.

Bull sh1t!!!

In 2019?

1 Like

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by healthserve(m): 8:13pm On Dec 15, 2019
koyyes:
Sleeping with the enemy.

This toxic union usually ends up with the death of one or both partners.

Stop defining 'joblessness' or 'good income' by his own standards. Your 'horseband' is simply one of those proud 1diots that thinks he can use money to weigh the worth of humans that he cannot create. A lot of people will be grateful to earn 100k every month. But here you are fuming over your own pay just because one 1diot tells you its chicken change. Your horse band is a bad associate/influence.

If you want to make more money, it shouldn't be to impress him. You will never get his approval. Work for you and your kids only so you don't have to depend on nobody. That should be your motivating factor.

Don't leave to get back at him. Leave because you have had enough and wish to create a peaceful, clean and healthy environment for you and the kids. Don't imagine he would come begging because it most likely won't happen. He might even start spreading lies to cover face so people won't see him as the man who couldn't 'control' his wife. Yes, your 'horseband' is that proud. So get ready.

If your 'horseband' is not abusive towards the kids, don't keep the kids away from him. You already said in your other thread that he doesn't support with domestic chores for the kids so he may not bother requesting to have sole custody of the kids only to have them at the mercy of maids. Keep your kids on that neutral ground. Don't influence them taking sides. They are very observant. When they are older, they can speak for themselves.

Single parenthood isn't easy but the peace of mind that comes with it is bliss. Just ensure you have a good support system. It makes things easier. Avoid judgemental people.

Think deeply , make a resolve and start acting before that sadist turns your brain to pap.





Our very own koyyes. Always dealing with toxic men as they should be treated. Well said with your comments. Excellent. Toxic relationships always ends in the death of one partner or almost close
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by Fabric: 8:14pm On Dec 15, 2019
When a person makes a decision finally, I'm sure he/she has tried several options. I'm not here to judge you because I can only imagine what you have been through over the years and the sacrifices you have made to let the union work. At this point, I'm happy you are financially independent. Don't blame yourself at all. Just aim for your personal happiness for now. Remember that things will fall in place with time,with or without him.

2 Likes

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by Nat404: 8:15pm On Dec 15, 2019
Kindheartedd:
I opened a thread sometime ago about my husband's attitude.

I won't just go into details but all I need now is leave, leave him for good.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.

I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.

My advice to young ones especially God fearing ones, don't marry a man who is just a casual Christian, who answers on paper 'Christianity' when asked which religion.

He never believed I can move forward, I struggled to raise my status by hard work n prayer, I went to a private uni, he even insulted my dad to my face that he waisted money on my for sending me to private uni, Haa, my ears twingled when he said it all because I was earning about 100k, he was earning way more than me and he'd never give me peace because he earns more. Named me all sorts of names. I saved little n resigned since there was no hope of earning more money where I worked.

When I asked to open a joint account his response was my income was meant for eating not saving. And ridiculously told me to hide my face for trying to measure him to my standard. That we don't earn the same amount and we can't jointly run an account. For days, he shamed me with that.

I boldly took a decision to resign and I almost end it all but I was putting things in place to get the best in life no matter what. Alas, God helped me and now, I'm doing well and my monthly income is daily getting more than his. I painfully went for a training and have decided to get an office and employ more hands because I can no longer handle tasks alone due to work load and he is killing the dream.

I know him, he wants to frustrate me, he knows the sky is not my limit again even, but I want to teach him a lesson that in his next life he will never talk any human being down.

He is getting worst daily by being abusive, I won't know peace if so stay with him. Now he wants to do what I do, so jealous and unsecured.

I live in a recluse due to my work and I have an abusive man, if not for my belief on God maybe I would have taken my life since.

I was abused as a child, I think the best for me now is live alone. Human beings are not worth it, I hate relationships and marriage now, like it's all a scam. I just want to be alone with my innocent kids.

Am just weak, it's going to be a shame, my friendd n family won't like my decision but I want to send a message to this man. He must learn to respect me, called my brain fish brain,? My own father waisted money on me? I will surely break grounds to send him a message.

Am just in pain, am soo so so sad. Once I leave him I will be a celibate for life. I will never allow any man to make me experience abuse again. Never!!!
Take every word he said to you as a source of motivation and work harder, you will be fine. Marriage vows are to be taking seriously. In life, not everyone you come across would be nice to you.
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by Fabric: 8:17pm On Dec 15, 2019
Fabric:
When a person makes a decision finally, I'm sure he/she has tried several options. I'm not here to judge you because I can only imagine what you have been through over the years and the sacrifices you have made to let the union work. At this point, I'm happy you are financially independent. Don't blame yourself at all. Just aim for your personal happiness for now. Remember that things will fall in place with time,with or without him.
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by MarrisManah(m): 8:30pm On Dec 15, 2019
Do it legally. Take your kids away with you. Contact a lawyer for a proper divorce asap, hence he'll claim kidnap and it won't favour you in the long run. Good luck. Some men are just not worth it.
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by Nobody: 8:34pm On Dec 15, 2019
Kalixx:


No u are not communicating.

Must all solutions be breaking up and quitting? What is it with u that makes u always advice fellow women 9 times out of 10 to quit? Any little issue, u advise them quits. Even when its not infidelity, u still say 'quit'.

Is this a societal standard? What kind of breather do they need if they want one life?

Simply advise them not to get married in the first place because there will always be problems. You too, if your children become obstinate and choose to disobey your home regulations, maybe you should call it quits with them and disguise to offer them to orphanage...so you can take a 'breather' as well.

Hope Im communicating? undecided
OK. I'm sure when a grown woman decides she wants to quit and escape far from her relationship then things must be very bad. Perhaps I should have commented she try working things out or visit a counselor to please the crowd. Hope you not comparing mature adults with kids that needs nurturing and guidance? To b truthful if the op husband is willing to change and not treat her so condescending like she's a liability, I'm sure they can work things out. That you are married does not mean you should endure toxic maltreatments....

Besides, they say absence boosts fondness, her husband may come to his senses when she's no longer in his house, then he'll go look for her..

2 Likes

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by ibksplen(m): 8:38pm On Dec 15, 2019
So sorry about this storm. May God's joy and peace surround you. Good you move out but in few weeks call your parents you are fine and safe where you are & change numbers to call them.
They would be worried.. You don't have to state where your location is. God be with you.. Tried to send you an email too . if you can approve thank you
quote author=Kindheartedd post=84919791]I opened a thread sometime ago about my husband's attitude.

I won't just go into details but all I need now is leave, leave him for good.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.

I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.

My advice to young ones especially God fearing ones, don't marry a man who is just a casual Christian, who answers on paper 'Christianity' when asked which religion.

He never believed I can move forward, I struggled to raise my status by hard work n prayer, I went to a private uni, he even insulted my dad to my face that he waisted money on my for sending me to private uni, Haa, my ears twingled when he said it all because I was earning about 100k, he was earning way more than me and he'd never give me peace because he earns more. Named me all sorts of names. I saved little n resigned since there was no hope of earning more money where I worked.

When I asked to open a joint account his response was my income was meant for eating not saving. And ridiculously told me to hide my face for trying to measure him to my standard. That we don't earn the same amount and we can't jointly run an account. For days, he shamed me with that.

I boldly took a decision to resign and I almost end it all but I was putting things in place to get the best in life no matter what. Alas, God helped me and now, I'm doing well and my monthly income is daily getting more than his. I painfully went for a training and have decided to get an office and employ more hands because I can no longer handle tasks alone due to work load and he is killing the dream.

I know him, he wants to frustrate me, he knows the sky is not my limit again even, but I want to teach him a lesson that in his next life he will never talk any human being down.

He is getting worst daily by being abusive, I won't know peace if so stay with him. Now he wants to do what I do, so jealous and unsecured.

I live in a recluse due to my work and I have an abusive man, if not for my belief on God maybe I would have taken my life since.

I was abused as a child, I think the best for me now is live alone. Human beings are not worth it, I hate relationships and marriage now, like it's all a scam. I just want to be alone with my innocent kids.

Am just weak, it's going to be a shame, my friendd n family won't like my decision but I want to send a message to this man. He must learn to respect me, called my brain fish brain,? My own father waisted money on me? I will surely break grounds to send him a message.

Am just in pain, am soo so so sad. Once I leave him I will be a celibate for life. I will never allow any man to make me experience abuse again. Never!!!
[/quote]
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by AfroKnight: 8:41pm On Dec 15, 2019
What a sad concluding statement.

And that is how all men end up as scum in the eyes of women these days. One man is going to define all of us.

Anyway, I know what it feels like to be in love with a lady who needs you to be sad for her to be happy. Weird flex, but na so we see am.

Madam, you married your enemy. I am happy you have finally decided that your sanity is sacrosanct and you would leave him to protect it. All the best.

1 Like

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by Nobody: 8:41pm On Dec 15, 2019
AwkaetitiBabe:
OK. I'm sure when a grown woman decides she wants to quit and escape far from her relationship then things must be very bad. Perhaps I should have commented she try working things out or visit a counselor to please the crowd. Hope you not comparing mature adults with kids that needs nurturing and guidance? To b truthful if the op husband is willing to change and not treat her so condescending like she's a liability, I'm sure they can work things out. That you are married does not mean you should endure toxic maltreatments....

Besides, they say absence boosts fondness, her husband may come to his senses when she's no longer in his house, then he'll go look for her..


It's alright. I wish ur first set of comments was like this. We are all humans after all, and social for that matter. In the end, we all want to feel loved and cared for. Keep commenting and correcting in love -- that's whats makes us better humans.

1 Like

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by Nobody: 8:49pm On Dec 15, 2019
AwkaetitiBabe:
OK. I'm sure when a grown woman decides she wants to quit and escape far from her relationship then things must be very bad. Perhaps I should have commented she try working things out or visit a counselor to please the crowd. Hope you not comparing mature adults with kids that needs nurturing and guidance? To b truthful if the op husband is willing to change and not treat her so condescending like she's a liability, I'm sure they can work things out. That you are married does not mean you should endure toxic maltreatments....

Besides, they say absence boosts fondness, her husband may come to his senses when she's no longer in his house, then he'll go look for her..


And I apologise sincerely for abusing u the other time. I was really angry cos I felt for the OP. Pls dont take it personal. Im sorry.

1 Like

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by tot(f): 8:54pm On Dec 15, 2019
All the best with your decision. Stay safe sis.
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by friendl: 8:54pm On Dec 15, 2019
Think about your children madam ,..an separated home affects the kids more

1 Like

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by odigiri1983(m): 8:55pm On Dec 15, 2019
Op pls take this advise .
[qu2ote author=catwalq post=84921423]Leave if you need to but let it be for your peace of mind and not an act of vengeance. If you're leaving to teach him a lesson,it might not be wholesome for you and the kids especially.


I wish you peace
[/quote]
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by Nobody: 8:56pm On Dec 15, 2019
Kalixx:


And I apologise sincerely for abusing u the other time. I was really angry cos I felt for the OP. Pls dont take it personal. Im sorry.
Well, that's what makes nairaland fun though it's becoming toxic. It's all cool

2 Likes

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by lokito: 8:57pm On Dec 15, 2019
rawfact:
Kindheartedd, this is going to be very long and deep so don't just scan through. My guess is that you are married to a Yoruba man. I can't tell the tribe you are from. But whether you are also Yoruba or not, you need to know who a Yoruba husband is, whether he is in church or not. Because church or whatever will never take his culture away from him. "Husband" according to Yoruba Culture is know as Ade Ori (Crown) of the Woman, and not just Head as declared in the bible. You can't afford to raise your voice back at him or those other nonsense I read from your previous post. He must have tolerated all that while waiting for you to outgrow them. Because such is for Boyfriend/Girlfriend Stuff - never a Yoruba Marriage. You will have to learn on how to humbly follow his lead. After all, you trusted his leadership before saying yes to his marriage proposal.

With that said as an introduction, you will permit me to abuse you where necessary despite the fact that you seem to hate such. Meanwhile, learn that abuse from a loved one that is above one (parents, elders, husband, uncle and co) is for one's good and never an evil nor intended as such. This is Africa for goodness sake and not some white man's land, where the wife throws out the husband out of his house while his kids calls him by his first name or even shuts him up. Even some good friends can abuse someone to stop one from making a wrong decision. No wonder your bible recorded that the sting of a friend is better than the kiss of an enemy. Anyway, I took out time to read many comments on your thread and I really commend the likes of Newguyhere, Triniti, TheRedpillguy, PrinceMajestic, tunjilana and a few others who were not timid to serve you raw facts. The rest commenters literally boosted your pride.

If you are Yoruba, certainly you will understand those that are mocked as "Iyawo Asiko" (modern wife). I am going to give you an excerpt of your words and remark each, not for you because I dare say that you will resent each remark but it is particularly for the single ladies you could dare advise.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

You bear "Kindheartedd" as moniker but this plan of yours alone reveals the opposite. Firstly, you want to abscond from a husband (not a boyfriend). Meaning of that culturally is running or deserting the one that paid dowry over your head and received you into his lineage (not just family), not as a girlfriend or baby mama but as the glorified (wife). Aunty, I hail you! Secondly, you used the expression "my kids". Very laughable. Culturally, those children (particularly the male) belongs to your husband's lineage which you are now part of if you are genuinely in it. Therefore, those kids belong wholly to your husband first, before your very self who happened to carry his sperm (child) for 9 months before delivery. You claim to be a christian but you certainly have no idea of the spirituality of marriage nor acknowledge fatherhood or headship of your husband over your household. Who will fix that rot in your mind? Certainly not God, aunty but your very self if you would. Finally on that, you plan to have the best not minding if it will destroy lives (your husband and the kids), changing phone number and living a new life. Some commenters that chose to be honest with you labelled the act selfish. I particularly recommend you get natural therapy for mental health.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

Listen, followers command the leadership they get. Whether family, company, state, or nation. Mere humility from you will change this same statement of yours to "He is loving, caring, wonderful though difficult to understand at times". Also, know that many Nigerian husbands really get cocky when denied sex by their wives. Too much testosterone in the body as some puts it. Some manage it well while some really get cocky and wouldn't tell the woman. But give your man good sex regularly and stay humble and watch that statement change. Never forget this: Yoruba husbands get very cocky on arrogant wives.


He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.
Your "Ade Ori" is owing you money? As in your husband? Who owns you and your money? Or are you building another family outside the one he is heading? Sister, you are not ready for Yoruba marriage yet o. Listen, if your husband that is carrying the weight of the house as the head, whether you are supporting or not, borrows money from you, particularly for that household, in your mind, settle it that you contributed and not that you borrowed him. Even if he ended up using the money on himself. Lots of girlfriends looking forward to a guy having serious relationship with them or even marrying them do lots for the guy without feeling owed nor trumpeting it around. Abeg, give yourself peace in your head because it's obvious you carried lots of garbage from Telemondo, feminist and other "fake lives" into your marriage (reality).


I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.
Your Husband (Ade Ori) o. Not even just a lesson but a hard lesson. Aunty, you need serious mental checkup. Your brain is filled with explosive pride. At this point, I think your husband should just release you back to your people through divorce so that the court can oversee the issue of child custody because it's obvious your brain cannot be humbled. Your stubbornness and arrogance is something else. Even the verbal abuse (though not the best) your husband use regularly to check/reduce the depth of those bad-luck characters is also taken wrongly. For you trying to even change your number from friends and family that could change your heart also confirms that your husband can never succeed over you. This is why fathers shouldn't spoil their daughters before giving them out in marriage. They become a pain in the head of the gullible men that marries them. Daughter wey dey shout back at hin papa, go do more for hin husband. Some wives will be competing with their husbands rather than complementing his leadership, causing unnecessary problems, particularly for the kids. See, you practically want to lead yourself, and your financial capability is also strengthening you in your rebellion. This is why a humble woman that has no money cannot really be termed humble. In fact, you entered into that marriage mistakenly, maybe for the wedding dress, ring or kids - never for the mission marriage requires, that is, if your husband ever communicated that to you. And if he did, I dare say your type will gladly rebel.

I don't want to quote others again because I know it is worthless for you and several of your supporters. But I know one graceful lady out there whether churchy or not will pick wisdom from my remarks when it is time for her to build her own home. Your bible records that a foolish woman destroys her home while the wise one builds it. Not a foolish man o. Go and search for where it is in your bible. If you hurt or destroy your home as a woman, you will be the chief beneficiary. Same way, if you avoid satan building a castle in your mind and heart through stubbornness and arrogance, you will certainly be the most beneficiary of a happy and joyous home whether u dey go church or not.

Mr man, please leave this "third mainland bridge" write up on Ade Ori nonsense you wrote up there. I am very intuitive that YOU ARE THE MAN suffering this lady. She has ego but yours is way beyond hers. How dare you insult and abuse your wife daily, making her pass through hell? If she doesn't give you sex regularly, so what? You need to be ashamed of yourself to bring up this egocentric advice you put up here. Go and beg your wife!!!

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by OgaBuhari: 8:59pm On Dec 15, 2019
PrinceMajestic:
shut the hell up, you trying ways to get in her panty and ogabuhari disgraced you. We knw you alrdy PM her. Apologiset to ogabuhari for advicing u again fvckin another man's wife. Bad man, u need change
boss the guy is an asslicker.
there are two hoes here by moniker midnighter and Fountainofyouth and I speak the truth to raw truth to them and this asslicker BigCowHorn has been attacking me because of them and pretended to be a nice guy and later sent them a pm asking for their pussy and they turned the bastard down.
Thank God u have also seen it.
Don't blame him, the guy is sex starved and a chronic masturbator.

1 Like

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by BiggyB242(m): 9:00pm On Dec 15, 2019
Cutehector:
How do people even end up marrying demons. It really beats my imagination. The matter tire person

When they marry for the wrong reason, handsomeness, wealthy,swag, "he's fun".

1 Like

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by Nobody: 9:07pm On Dec 15, 2019
AwkaetitiBabe:
Well, that's what makes nairaland fun though it's becoming toxic. It's all cool

Really toxic these days oo. People no dey smile this next level.

Thanks for understanding though. Goodnight.
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by Annie001: 9:16pm On Dec 15, 2019
rawfact:
Kindheartedd, this is going to be very long and deep so don't just scan through. My guess is that you are married to a Yoruba man. I can't tell the tribe you are from. But whether you are also Yoruba or not, you need to know who a Yoruba husband is, whether he is in church or not. Because church or whatever will never take his culture away from him. "Husband" according to Yoruba Culture is know as Ade Ori (Crown) of the Woman, and not just Head as declared in the bible. You can't afford to raise your voice back at him or those other nonsense I read from your previous post. He must have tolerated all that while waiting for you to outgrow them. Because such is for Boyfriend/Girlfriend Stuff - never a Yoruba Marriage. You will have to learn on how to humbly follow his lead. After all, you trusted his leadership before saying yes to his marriage proposal.

With that said as an introduction, you will permit me to abuse you where necessary despite the fact that you seem to hate such. Meanwhile, learn that abuse from a loved one that is above one (parents, elders, husband, uncle and co) is for one's good and never an evil nor intended as such. This is Africa for goodness sake and not some white man's land, where the wife throws out the husband out of his house while his kids calls him by his first name or even shuts him up. Even some good friends can abuse someone to stop one from making a wrong decision. No wonder your bible recorded that the sting of a friend is better than the kiss of an enemy. Anyway, I took out time to read many comments on your thread and I really commend the likes of Newguyhere, Triniti, TheRedpillguy, PrinceMajestic, tunjilana and a few others who were not timid to serve you raw facts. The rest commenters literally boosted your pride.

If you are Yoruba, certainly you will understand those that are mocked as "Iyawo Asiko" (modern wife). I am going to give you an excerpt of your words and remark each, not for you because I dare say that you will resent each remark but it is particularly for the single ladies you could dare advise.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

You bear "Kindheartedd" as moniker but this plan of yours alone reveals the opposite. Firstly, you want to abscond from a husband (not a boyfriend). Meaning of that culturally is running or deserting the one that paid dowry over your head and received you into his lineage (not just family), not as a girlfriend or baby mama but as the glorified (wife). Aunty, I hail you! Secondly, you used the expression "my kids". Very laughable. Culturally, those children (particularly the male) belongs to your husband's lineage which you are now part of if you are genuinely in it. Therefore, those kids belong wholly to your husband first, before your very self who happened to carry his sperm (child) for 9 months before delivery. You claim to be a christian but you certainly have no idea of the spirituality of marriage nor acknowledge fatherhood or headship of your husband over your household. Who will fix that rot in your mind? Certainly not God, aunty but your very self if you would. Finally on that, you plan to have the best not minding if it will destroy lives (your husband and the kids), changing phone number and living a new life. Some commenters that chose to be honest with you labelled the act selfish. I particularly recommend you get natural therapy for mental health.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

Listen, followers command the leadership they get. Whether family, company, state, or nation. Mere humility from you will change this same statement of yours to "He is loving, caring, wonderful though difficult to understand at times". Also, know that many Nigerian husbands really get cocky when denied sex by their wives. Too much testosterone in the body as some puts it. Some manage it well while some really get cocky and wouldn't tell the woman. But give your man good sex regularly and stay humble and watch that statement change. Never forget this: Yoruba husbands get very cocky on arrogant wives.


He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.
Your "Ade Ori" is owing you money? As in your husband? Who owns you and your money? Or are you building another family outside the one he is heading? Sister, you are not ready for Yoruba marriage yet o. Listen, if your husband that is carrying the weight of the house as the head, whether you are supporting or not, borrows money from you, particularly for that household, in your mind, settle it that you contributed and not that you borrowed him. Even if he ended up using the money on himself. Lots of girlfriends looking forward to a guy having serious relationship with them or even marrying them do lots for the guy without feeling owed nor trumpeting it around. Abeg, give yourself peace in your head because it's obvious you carried lots of garbage from Telemundo, feminist and other "fake lives" into your marriage (reality).


I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.
Your Husband (Ade Ori) o. Not even just a lesson but a hard lesson. Aunty, you need serious mental checkup. Your brain is filled with explosive pride. At this point, I think your husband should just release you back to your people through divorce so that the court can oversee the issue of child custody because it's obvious your brain cannot be humbled. Your stubbornness and arrogance is something else. Even the verbal abuse (though not the best) your husband use regularly to check/reduce the depth of those bad-luck characters is also taken wrongly. For you trying to even change your number from friends and family that could change your heart also confirms that your husband can never succeed over you. This is why fathers shouldn't spoil their daughters before giving them out in marriage. They become a pain in the head of the gullible men that marries them. Daughter wey dey shout back at hin papa, go do more for hin husband. Some wives will be competing with their husbands rather than complementing his leadership, causing unnecessary problems, particularly for the kids. See, you practically want to lead yourself, and your financial capability is also strengthening you in your rebellion. This is why a humble woman that has no money cannot really be termed humble. In fact, you entered into that marriage mistakenly, maybe for the wedding dress, ring or kids - never for the mission marriage requires, that is, if your husband ever communicated that to you. And if he did, I dare say your type will gladly rebel.

I don't want to quote others again because I know it is worthless for you and several of your supporters. But I know one graceful lady out there whether churchy or not will pick wisdom from my remarks when it is time for her to build her own home. Your bible records that a foolish woman destroys her home while the wise one builds it. Not a foolish man o. Go and search for where it is in your bible. If you hurt or destroy your home as a woman, you will be the chief beneficiary. Same way, if you avoid satan building a castle in your mind and heart through stubbornness and arrogance, you will certainly be the most beneficiary of a happy and joyous home whether u dey go church or not.
You deserve the award of the most stupid and senseless write up of the year
Your sense of reasoning is so poor, you need to check in to the nearest hospital

1 Like

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by tot(f): 9:28pm On Dec 15, 2019
rawfact:
Kindheartedd, this is going to be very long and deep so don't just scan through. My guess is that you are married to a Yoruba man. I can't tell the tribe you are from. But whether you are also Yoruba or not, you need to know who a Yoruba husband is, whether he is in church or not. Because church or whatever will never take his culture away from him. "Husband" according to Yoruba Culture is know as Ade Ori (Crown) of the Woman, and not just Head as declared in the bible. You can't afford to raise your voice back at him or those other nonsense I read from your previous post. He must have tolerated all that while waiting for you to outgrow them. Because such is for Boyfriend/Girlfriend Stuff - never a Yoruba Marriage. You will have to learn on how to humbly follow his lead. After all, you trusted his leadership before saying yes to his marriage proposal.

With that said as an introduction, you will permit me to abuse you where necessary despite the fact that you seem to hate such. Meanwhile, learn that abuse from a loved one that is above one (parents, elders, husband, uncle and co) is for one's good and never an evil nor intended as such. This is Africa for goodness sake and not some white man's land, where the wife throws out the husband out of his house while his kids calls him by his first name or even shuts him up. Even some good friends can abuse someone to stop one from making a wrong decision. No wonder your bible recorded that the sting of a friend is better than the kiss of an enemy. Anyway, I took out time to read many comments on your thread and I really commend the likes of Newguyhere, Triniti, TheRedpillguy, PrinceMajestic, tunjilana and a few others who were not timid to serve you raw facts. The rest commenters literally boosted your pride.


Clearly, you are an abuser.
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by koyyes: 9:37pm On Dec 15, 2019
Oselu28:
I'm from a broken family, I'm not proud of it but I can't stop anyone from making decisions that will make them happy.

up till this day we still talk about my father,the good things he did when we lived together, I'm sure my mother has learnt her lessons but it's too late to go back....

yes he was abusive, she had bruises, was scared of sleeping at night, going home was scary for us as well but we miss him now


if only two people had sat down,let their ego's down,I'd still be leaving with my father and my brother won't call my father to send him money for project in 100L

Your point?

You prefer that your mum dies or becomes mentally unstable just so you don't have to pick up your phone to remind your dad of his responsibilities as a father?

1 Like

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by koyyes: 9:41pm On Dec 15, 2019
AwkaetitiBabe:
Baba give your advice and move on. Mr Analyst in female affairs oshi. When someone say the truth it becomes a problem. If a man is going through abuse and what not, I'll advice him to take a breather too afterall we have just one life to live.... You can't spend it being unhappy. Hope in communicating

Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by eni4real(m): 9:48pm On Dec 15, 2019
Kindheartedd:
I opened a thread sometime ago about my husband's attitude.

I won't just go into details but all I need now is leave, leave him for good.

My plan is to totally leave the state we live now to a different state to start life all over with my kids. I work, I will make sure they have the best. I won't let my family know my whereabouts. Change my phone number and live a new life.

I do not want any one to link me up with him again. I hate him now. I have heard enough, enough of abuse. He's done more damage to me than good. His is proud and ungrateful.

He is owing me a lot of money but I can let go.

I want to teach him a hard lesson by leaving with my kids before he return from work on Monday.

My advice to young ones especially God fearing ones, don't marry a man who is just a casual Christian, who answers on paper 'Christianity' when asked which religion.

He never believed I can move forward, I struggled to raise my status by hard work n prayer, I went to a private uni, he even insulted my dad to my face that he waisted money on my for sending me to private uni, Haa, my ears twingled when he said it all because I was earning about 100k, he was earning way more than me and he'd never give me peace because he earns more. Named me all sorts of names. I saved little n resigned since there was no hope of earning more money where I worked.

When I asked to open a joint account his response was my income was meant for eating not saving. And ridiculously told me to hide my face for trying to measure him to my standard. That we don't earn the same amount and we can't jointly run an account. For days, he shamed me with that.

I boldly took a decision to resign and I almost end it all but I was putting things in place to get the best in life no matter what. Alas, God helped me and now, I'm doing well and my monthly income is daily getting more than his. I painfully went for a training and have decided to get an office and employ more hands because I can no longer handle tasks alone due to work load and he is killing the dream.

I know him, he wants to frustrate me, he knows the sky is not my limit again even, but I want to teach him a lesson that in his next life he will never talk any human being down.

He is getting worst daily by being abusive, I won't know peace if so stay with him. Now he wants to do what I do, so jealous and unsecured.

I live in a recluse due to my work and I have an abusive man, if not for my belief on God maybe I would have taken my life since.

I was abused as a child, I think the best for me now is live alone. Human beings are not worth it, I hate relationships and marriage now, like it's all a scam. I just want to be alone with my innocent kids.

Am just weak, it's going to be a shame, my friendd n family won't like my decision but I want to send a message to this man. He must learn to respect me, called my brain fish brain,? My own father waisted money on me? I will surely break grounds to send him a message.

Am just in pain, am soo so so sad. Once I leave him I will be a celibate for life. I will never allow any man to make me experience abuse again. Never!!!
How old are you?
And how many kids do you have already?? cool
Re: Finally, I Have Decided To Leave Him by vik110(m): 9:49pm On Dec 15, 2019
Abeg keep running don't stop till ur name enters heaven merit list keep running

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