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Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by bilulu(m): 10:39am On Feb 06, 2020 |
iliyande:Thank you bro, will she treat her own family same way? 1 Like |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Wiifesnatcher(m): 10:40am On Feb 06, 2020 |
you obviously don't build social relationship with your husband immediate brother, if you'd calling his attention to what you see as abnormal wouldn't have been a big deal forming attitude to him won't stop anything and I like your husband God bless him, my own brother use attitude sent me packing then because he wanted to pleased his wife. if my wife give my blood brothers attitude she will become my enemy immediately retrace your relationship with your husband family most esp his brother then all this will come to pass with polite correction |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Hoephase: 10:40am On Feb 06, 2020 |
I am not sure if you will ever read this but if you do kindly think about my position carefully. This message is not just for you but for everyone of us. Most Nigerian ladies find it disrespectful for their inlaws to take something (more especially food from the kitchen) without their consent. Morally their is nothing wrong for your guests to feel free at your house but that doesn't mean they have to abuse the privilege. The idea of women asking someone not to go into their pot is nothing but power play. They want to control how much and how often the guest eats. By controlling that they are subtle telling the guests that this may be your brother house, but I am in charge here. This behaviour comes from a place of deep rooted insecurity. You might find it hard to believe but that is the simple truth and this is common among house wives with little or nothing to show for themselves other than being a second fiddle to their husband. I have had the fortune of vising brothers that are doing well whose wives are top career women with maids and cooks at home. Do you think these women gave a flying Bleep how many times we go to the kitchen or whether we dish the food ourselves or not? But go visit those brothers whose wives are pure housewives and see how they frown each time you go to the fridge to drink common water let alone when you enter the kitchen to look for something. My dear please get over yourself and bother yourself with how to improve your life rather than fighting over who dishes what. Ask those whom have had the privilege to visit families abroad they will tell you. Upon arrival the woman of the house just give you a tour of the kitchen tell you where to find things and tell you to help yourself. You think she will leave her job to come monitor how many times you ate or who dished your food? She has transcended that level of insecurity and understand that her worth is not in who controls the kitchen but how much she contributes as a person to the society. 29 Likes 3 Shares |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by friday2011(m): 10:40am On Feb 06, 2020 |
[quote author=Iwantpeace post=86392834]I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account. I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays. I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful. Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal. Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning. This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me. Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?[/quot My dear, I am a married man with kids and I will not allow even my mother to dip her hands in my wifes pot of soup not to talk of my brother, you need to talk sense into him (your brother in law) since your husband cannot do it, what type of nonsense is that, if he cannot respect himself, he should go get his own accommodation somewhere else. 1 Like |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Afriifa(m): 10:41am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Charleys:keep it up bro. Although many poor minded souls may deem you as a fool for having such standards, but we the realers appreciates your code. |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Charleys: 10:42am On Feb 06, 2020 |
bukatyne: Why should he leave his family. I thought the wife is part of the man's family too. The wife is married into that family. As a matter of fact it's the wife that's suppose leave her family not the other way round. 1 Like |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 10:42am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace: You changed the title to be more sensational? You are not a peaceful person ma’am That much is clear |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by urchcoded(m): 10:43am On Feb 06, 2020 |
1StopRudeness:the way she says MY POT u'll Kno she has accommodation issues. But op u are the wife now so if u don't like dat guy around anymore tell ur husband dat he has to leave. 2 Likes |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by pocohantas(f): 10:43am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Learn to tolerate your horseband's family. Keep tolerating and be at PEACE with them. Shebi it is just food. His brother's house for that matter. Naija women and pseudo-humility. Don't get tired yet. You started it, finish it. 3 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Restructure9ja(m): 10:43am On Feb 06, 2020 |
suko2003: In my house, you aint allowed to open a woman's pot after your food have been dished, if you want more just request and it will be done asap....there's nothing wrong with what shes doing. Every home have their principle... 1 Like |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Papanwamaikpe: 10:44am On Feb 06, 2020 |
fatymore:Happy birthday |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Sarah20A(f): 10:45am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Madam relax food is nothing to be worried about. Whenever you cook make sure you remove your hubby's own and yours then the remaining food should be his.make friend with him am sure he's not doing it on purpose to offend you and always keep your kitchen clean so that he will live by example.just have it in mind that he feels free around you and that's how some single guys behave. Just try to make a friend out of him then you'll realise that he meant no harm. |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Olam09(m): 10:45am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Lola I've told you not to bring this issue to the public why are you behaving like this na |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by fatymore(f): 10:45am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Papanwamaikpe: Thank you Papa |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by anataala: 10:46am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Good Day, Please take his brother as your own brother as per as is food matter, i advise you no to waste your time on it. Don't create a problem where there's none. Remember once you marry a man you are also marrying his relatives. Thank you Iwantpeace: |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by ab1x: 10:47am On Feb 06, 2020 |
You are not tolerant. That is my only assertion. You are just making a mountain out of a molehill 1 Like |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 10:48am On Feb 06, 2020 |
bilulu: The “showcase her witchcraft” part got me laughing really hard ... .it’s clear it’s not really about the issues...she doesn’t just want anyone around...I concluded when I got to the “greet me first” part of her complain...if her own brother was around will she get mad he went to take stew in the pot, won’t she greet her brother freely even if he ddnt greet her first?? |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by sainthumble: 10:48am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Charleys: I saw d video too DAT season two sweet me die |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by ahiboilandgas: 10:48am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:he must be silly and shamless inlaw |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 10:48am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Rubbish... Go and bury your pride.. If u don't want him dipping hand in Ur stew...after u cook pour in a plate put for fridge... He waits for you to greet him first, shey as u greet the guy u receive debt alert for your phone. .him go Comot for Ur house na one day abi na permanent visitor. Next jare 2 Likes |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Papanwamaikpe: 10:49am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Nnemuka:First time you're making sense. Nice one |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by lararovers: 10:49am On Feb 06, 2020 |
this situation is the most annoying situation u can ever face as a woman in marriage... IN-LAWS... almost two years in marriage i faced exactly the same thing but i was only bitter for like a year and i also realized my husband loves his family, i learnt to stop complaining cuz it makes him unstable emotionally bcuz he loves me so much too... i just made up my mind to love and tolerate my in-laws to save my marriage...thou it wasn't easy... my best advice is tolerate him and also pray to GOD settle in fast so that he can let u leave in peace. LOBATAN 1 Like |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 10:49am On Feb 06, 2020 |
SweetCunt97: Thank you! Many people use that quote to justify their wicked, selfish acts towards their spouses’ family Who even uses that word cleave? What does it even mean? Can’t it mean to forsake all other love interests? That same Bible that instructs you to obey your parents in order to live long surely cannot mean that contradictory cleave clause? I always judge people who live out that injunction in that clinging, clingey, clannish way as too bland and base 1 Like |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by jaxxy(m): 10:49am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace: I want to address this part cos the scenario u painted isn’t exactly thesame. If u lived with ur sister inlaw u wud definitely dip ur hands in her pot I think. That said i think it is rude like u said bt it depends on the set up of the house and sm factors also like familiarity, maturity, custom and tradition etc... However if u don’t like it politely tell him so he doesn’t feel offended. Cheers |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by midnighter(f): 10:50am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Have you tried politely asking him to wait until you come back so that you can dish him the food? And asking him to bring out his plates when he's done As far as he is concerned, the whole battle is being fought inside your head and he doesnt know anything about it. Except you tell him and he refuses to listen, nobody will know how to advise you. Its kind of awkward though; is it that you dont dish him enough in the first instance or what That he had to wake up in the night and serve himself again 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Papanwamaikpe: 10:50am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:Shut up! You're lying. Stop adding salt and Maggi to make your story more spicy! 4 Likes |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by JoffreyBeroth(m): 10:50am On Feb 06, 2020 |
laborious: |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Charleys: 10:51am On Feb 06, 2020 |
sainthumble: What video? Guy I stayed with my brother, we've been staying together ever since our University days. Our Dad paid for the house. He was always carrying chicks so I didn't care about them. I was used to seeing different girls. |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by AmTruth: 10:51am On Feb 06, 2020 |
For me I think women always gets it wrong in saying no one should visit them when they are married, especially husband's relative. As a married man I don't think after the support some of our relations gave to us before marriage should lead us not accepting them to our home because we're married. This send a wrong signal about a wife and people should take note of this. My wife has been very comfortable allowing my younger ones staying with us because during our courtship she knows I don't joke with my relations especially my parents and younger ones and I define it to my relations also that no one jokes with my wife. So in the house, everyone knows his boundaries And we are all Happy and my wife confess that too. But that doesn't mean that sometimes misunderstanding doesn't come No! Women should understand that this our relations have played very important role in the major part of our lives. So meeting you as a wife in a later path of my life should make me deny their access to my home would not be easily possible. For dipping into your pot of soup, that is very wrong and your husband must not accept that. I advise, you Summit to your husband's decision on the home staying matter, if you want to have a happy married life. 1 Like |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by gbeseun(m): 10:51am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Babes, Stop listening to advice of unmarried.they are boys and girls and no nothing about marital living. First is discuss with your husband and watch him take action himself.if he didnt just keep quiet and use ur brain. If you buy 1000 meat before,when he arrived buy 500naira meat that can last for only two days,i fb you want eat serve everybody and leave only one meat for your hubby,test him with that. Dont attempt to talk to him because his brother will always have ways in his heart. Rem they have known for 20yrs before you married ur hubby,and u came in just 3mnth ago so becare full. God be with u. |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 10:51am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Octopusssy: I agree that you can do this I want to believe you would be badas.s enough to do same while dating? That’s how real people behave Cos that’s the genesis of this issue- she was pretending to be easygoing before “she became lucky” Cheers |
Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by friday2011(m): 10:52am On Feb 06, 2020 |
caz01: Overlook what? That he should continue going into her pot of soup, come on guys, its wrong, what is wrong with "iyawo, pls help me with some food, i am hungry, or if she is not available, go out and get noodles to eat" very soon, he will start going into there 1 room to sleep on there bed. Me i am married with kids, i will not even wait for my wife to talk to him, before i will put him where he belongs, nonsense |
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