| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by sorepco(m): 11:49am On Feb 06, 2020 |
MY LEAVE UR YARNS. I MENTIONED SUM1 IN ANOTHER POST THAT TOOK IN HER COUS FOR 6 MONTHS WITH HER 4 BOISIN THE STATES...THEY CAME FOR HOLIDAYS BUT DECIDED TO REMAIN INDEFINITELY.
FEEL AT HOME FOR THEM MEANT MY FRIENDS LITE BILL A MONTH WENT FROM BOUT 80 TO 400 DOLLARS. THE BOYS CANT CLEAN AFTET THEMSELVES AS THEIR MUM TOLD HER THEY WILL LEARN?
SHE EVENTUALLY KICKED DEM OUT...GAVE HER CUZ A CAR SUBSEQUNTLY N WAS PAYING INDURANCE. AFTER 1YR DE cuz had an accident with the car...guess wot? She told my cuz to fix up the car since it's on insurance n she has no Moni? My friend refused n di cuz came n dumped di car...just 200 USD to fix!
We Nigerians have an entitlement mentality fullstop!
FO[quote autr=cococandy post=86399719]Well then let’s agree to disagree.
If someone lives with me, I want them to feel free enough to eat whenever they are hungry.
In her case, if it’s about finances she and her husband can ask him to contribute or only agree to host when they can afford to.
About feeling too much at home, lol. That’s the whole point. If someone lives with you, they should be able to feel very very at home. Otherwise they shouldn’t come.
That’s why opening your home to long term visitors is not a small decision. Weigh it well, decide and plan how you’re going to finance it, consider if you can stand living with said person for the amount of time they need or want to stay. And then when the decision is made, it’s made. Everyone should be able to live comfortably without walking on egg shells.
[/quote] |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:50am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Madam stop leaving food in your pot. Cook a meal at a time and make sure you dishes all the food after cooking then wash your pot. By this he will understand your language. You don't need to complain all the time. Be as wise as a serpent. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Enemyofpeace: 11:52am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Your marriage is just 3 months hold and you have started complaining and finding faults. This is Africa and not Europe or America, you better tolerate your inlaws if you want peace in your home/want your marriage to survive. You have not even burn a children which should be your major concern for now for them, na faults you dey find. You go remember this advice one day, if you refuse to took it.
I'm in love with dominique and she knows it |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by americaninja1: 11:52am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
it's not because something has been done or not and please I m older than him my younger sis and him are age mates. I m just saying he should respect the fact that he's brother is no longer single.do u know he can come into our room to pick his brother's stuff even wen am inside without excuse or something. u get problem trutru. Is it ur stuff he picked. If ur sis pick up ur used clothes will she also request permission from ur husband. I can c u getting jealous of d closeness of ur husby and his bro. Mind ur business and face ur husband. He’s nt competing with u. Just brothers lifestyle 1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:53am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Hoephase:
I am not sure if you will ever read this but if you do kindly think about my position carefully. This message is not just for you but for everyone of us.
Most Nigerian ladies find it disrespectful for their inlaws to take something (more especially food from the kitchen) without their consent.
Morally their is nothing wrong for your guests to feel free at your house but that doesn't mean they have to abuse the privilege.
The idea of women asking someone not to go into their pot is nothing but power play. They want to control how much and how often the guest eats. By controlling that they are subtle telling the guests that this may be your brother house, but I am in charge here.
This behaviour comes from a place of deep rooted insecurity. You might find it hard to believe but that is the simple truth and this is common among house wives with little or nothing to show for themselves other than being a second fiddle to their husband.
I have had the fortune of vising brothers that are doing well whose wives are top career women with maids and cooks at home. Do you think these women gave a flying Bleep how many times we go to the kitchen or whether we dish the food ourselves or not?
But go visit those brothers whose wives are pure housewives and see how they frown each time you go to the fridge to drink common water let alone when you enter the kitchen to look for something.
My dear please get over yourself and bother yourself with how to improve your life rather than fighting over who dishes what.
Ask those whom have had the privilege to visit families abroad they will tell you. Upon arrival the woman of the house just give you a tour of the kitchen tell you where to find things and tell you to help yourself. You think she will leave her job to come monitor how many times you ate or who dished your food?
She has transcended that level of insecurity and understand that her worth is not in who controls the kitchen but how much she contributes as a person to the society. U are very smart. Poverty and joblessness is the cause here. It's only on nairaland I read about pot restriction. 2 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by blakkgino: 11:54am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Just one question for you, if he was your brother would you feel pissed off with his attitude the way you are now? What the dude is doing is wrong as women dont like that generally but if their own sibling do such it becomes a non issue.
Back in the days my sis will tell me to go dish what i wanted to eat if i was hungry but will not give such privilege to her in laws.
The kitchen is her domain tell the dude straight up but not rudely |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Ramanto(m): 11:54am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Marriage still dey shack your brain. Life is not worth all the stress and strictness. Just accommodate the poor boy and move on 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by CosmicJames(m): 11:54am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
pls wat wisdom do u suggest I apply now? You seem to be a good woman. But I don't like the fact that you let your husband to beg you for the stay of his immediate brother. Looks like your husband is weak! Apart from that, you look good! Now here is what you should do. For once in your life, decide to be a Super Women! How? Take life very simple. Consider what your husband bro is doing as nothing. Over look and tolerate it the same way you did before marriage and you will be fine. You must see that guy as a temptation in your home. A temptation you must overcome to maintain your good wife status. Otherwise, the very thing you tried really hard to avoid before the marriage will still happen now |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by sorepco(m): 11:55am On Feb 06, 2020 |
She can even make enuff stew or egusi to last 1 or 2 weeks. Do not add any vegetables or ingredients so far it is blandbor tasteless n put in di freezer. Whenever u want to cook get a quantity for that time from freezer n add all condiments necessary so u do spend hrs cooking.... eyinjuege:
Just cook enough food per meal, and leave no extras
Stop cooking excess.
Once you cook, dish your husband's own in a cooler and keep near your bedside. Dish your own and eat, and dish his own too. Shikena
It might be more stressful cooking more often, but it will save you the stress of shouting
Make stew/soup for a meal, and nothing more |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by gabicon: 11:57am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude
Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.
I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.
I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.
Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.
Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.
This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.
Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me? I sympathize with you my dear, however you need to understand that anything that is being built to last has to have a solid foundation and building a solid foundation is governed by rules of the necessary modalities of how strong a foundation is required. Simply put, every strong marriage is built on core values, your family core values create the rules and regulations that govern your family. These core values are communicated to anyone that comes to live in your home, irrespective of how close our family is boundaries are required so that people are not offended or take offense. The problem here is your marriage hasn't been built on core values, I can bet that your brother in-law does whatever he wants, when ever he wants and however he wants. I will suggest you solve this problem holistically because it's only a matter of time other family members will come with their own behaviour. What I think you can do is give your husband plenty of sex, after which discuss creating core values and rules to govern your home, write them down, your husband is the chief enforcer of the core values, communicate your core values to anyone who decides to live with you and outline the consequences. It would have been a lot easier to do it before you both moved in together, but it's never too late to be right, confronting your BiL may not be a wise step, he is the family informant, anything he says they will believe. |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Adakintroy2: 11:57am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Its not you house yet neither is it your pot of soup either you will earn that house with tine.
Many of you women don't get things. You are free loafers by defaulth. That is you wait till the guy is well to do and you marry him and try to do away with his family instantly. Life does not work that way especially in Africa were each man success owes a lot to family sometimes extended. You don't just come in and sit on everything you have not earn that right yet yourself.
My brother is a doctor, my mother sold her wrapper at one point and gold necklace to buy his expensive text books. I even lend him twenty thousand one time unwilling. I was a gambler. I hate giving people my money even my brother. He had no willing lover then very single that boy
Now he is earning almost half a million as monthly. Am OK myself l. But God knows I will break any woman heads that tell me to take permission before I come visit or my mother, or dictate for me what to Do in my brothers place. If I want to put two spoon in the pot or eat when I want I have earned it so have my mother. God knows that. She would not have glance at him if he was on the street. people gave him that push to get tI wereally he isaid today. Honor and respect those people and r and you too will receive yours. for now you are beneath them in true honor.
I don't trust you will be there if the guy goes broke tomorrow. So pls earn your place humbly. Let those who have been tried and tested feel free around him.
Form mugu and let them fell free. With time when you have stayed with him and suffered long enough respect and trust will come. You will be part of the family. For now you have known him few yrs. They have known him since birth. Pay attention to this little details. Humility will come for you. Learning to give homage to the ones before you is a godly place. 1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by sorepco(m): 11:57am On Feb 06, 2020 |
U no well. Ick used. Clothes in a room where madam is naked? americaninja1:
u get problem trutru. Is it ur stuff he picked. If ur sis pick up ur used clothes will she also request permission from ur husband. I can c u getting jealous of d closeness of ur husby and his bro. Mind ur business and face ur husband. He’s nt competing with u. Just brothers lifestyle |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:57am On Feb 06, 2020 |
midnighter:
Wow.
I think its communication; next time he does that you can try saying "Ahn, Im still inside na, wont you knock?". Maybe he would apologise and go back.
There dont seem be any boundaries because you havent set any, then you end up storing up irritations in your mind. Its possible that he doesnt even realise that what he's doing is wrong Rooms have locks. Must everything be a problem? She should lock the damn room if she is in there. Why won't the guy enter their room? Why the restriction? If it's her sister or bros, will she restrict them? We always manufacture problems when there is none instead of using our sixth sense. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Promomarlie: 11:57am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Well I don't expect your husband to say anything because when he tells his brother to stop eating what he can provide anyhow he wants is unheard-of
*before marriage it wasn't your pot but now you have pack in completely its become your pot, oh! Lawd, I laff in French
*if it's your sister she can dish, serve and even help you to cook, but because it's your husband's brother it's vice-versa, this laff na for pidgin
*You know for sure that his only here for a while but yet you want all the restricting order on him. I shake my head for you
*Lastly you can simply tell him to assist you in doing the dishes if you saw him as a brother oh no you don't because his not the husband and whenever he dishes food your face go be like shit way them march, and you're not happy seeing him because he has over stayed his welcome of 2 weeks
NB: Wife come and go (only few stay forever) brother will always be and that surname can never change. Ask any couple that lasted until death, they never set all these rules that you have. |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:58am On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
like I said before I spent the yuletide season in their family house and never will he do that. i m very positive about that . how comes he is doing this now?? Coz he has lived with his brother for quite a while now, so he feels very comfortable around ur brother and his home. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by haryorbarmie83(m): 11:58am On Feb 06, 2020 |
So you have decided to bring this matter here. Ok, I will be coming home next weekend. 1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by bigiyaro(m): 11:59am On Feb 06, 2020 |
madam op! two brothers have been living together in peace before u came in, don't drive any wedge between blood relatives because of food or whatever, in Africa you are married to the whole of ur husband's family, my father once told me that of all the people in my family, my wife is the only one that is not my relative.....las las blood is thicker than water, u can be disposed of, and another woman brought in, but children, brothers, sisters, mothers and fathers will still be there cos na blood join dem, so op, lay low jare, the boy will grow up and leave his bro's house eventually then u can have ur soup, since na pot of soup be ur problem, when other women dey hustle for solid money. 1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 11:59am On Feb 06, 2020 |
FrLukas:
Accommodating spirit.
What next will she have to accommodate?
If the brother in law comes to her and says, "our wife, come and let me dip my wick in your oil", she should say, "ah, yes! In the spirit of accommodation come and dip?"
What is wrong is wrong.
This isn't about food. This is about respect. It's just rude to go to someone else's pot and open it, not to talk of dipping your hand inside.
A different case if you provided the money for the soup.
The action reeks of blatant disregard. That's what this is all about.
Like someone said earlier, the brother has refused to shift his mentality from thinking of the woman as girlfriend instead of wife that she is now.
He should respect himself and leave his married brother alone to enjoy his young marriage. U guys are mounting walls of respect and courtesy over and unimportant matter like food...food that other women will expect you to go and take urself..... most women won’t even expect the brother inlaw to be waiting for her to come and dish him food every time he wants to eat..... if u have created a respect and control issue here it’s ur opinion.... but it’s just food at the end of the day..... a very unimportant matter 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Adufeamos: 11:59am On Feb 06, 2020 |
To be frank. The guy lack manners. Pls just have separate pot for ur hubby. Den let Ur hubby kno u re nt comfortable wit it. Den pray Ur hubby caught him in d act. Den if Ur hubby dnt talk.it mean u av to relax Nd patient til he wil go finally. Den pls do everything possible to make his going far come to reality eg relocation school Job etc. |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Felix6: 12:01pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
Dear madam, I want to BEG you before it is too late. please anyhow possible kill every traces of this seed that is about to germinate in your life, erase every atom of it from your thoughts, because if you don't do that now; i bet you the price will be too much not only on you, but your husband, the children, your husband's brother and the entire family in the nearest future. every one that has contributed to this issue, whether for, or against has valid points, but i tell you the whole ball is in your court. from your write up u said the boy has been staying with his brother before you got married to him, so i can say he knows the shortest route to the kitchen than you, but i am not going to say that! also before his brother moved to get his own place, both have stayed in their parent's house may be a single room sef, hmm strong bond, first love. longer than your "2 years courtship nd 2 years in marriage" but this doesn't count either, I can go on nd on, but MADAM! MADAM!! MADAM!!!, i want to implore you to take the positives out of this whole situation be happy now, and happy HAPPIER in the nearest future. it is far better to have a brother inlaw that eats your food freely than those that will simply say thank you i am not hungry even when they are starving. when this situation arises your husband too will loose his appetite for your food, and just like that it will extend to other areas and other family members will be drag in as every member start to align themselves based on perception. hence the APC VS PDP scenarios will start to play out in your home nd extended family. may God forbid this. madam please act as the mother which you are, a very strong pillar to family building, sooner than later, natural instincts will sets in on that guy and he will start to realize he needs his own space to function well in life, before u say jack he is out of your house and you will even miss him for the little troubles  . madam i pray the lord almighty gives you the strenght to go through all this, but i can assure you, happier future awaits you, don't let yourself to be caught in this messy web, no, don't go reporting to your husband, or telling the guy u don't like him going to your pot, or can't you greet, leave all that, it is only when you think about these stuff much, they become big deal and gragually erode your happyness. thank you. 3 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by GraGra247(m): 12:02pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude
Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.
I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.
I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.
Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.
Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.
This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.
Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me? Aunty, this is totally unacceptable in any locality or tradition including Africa. You made a mistake by condoning this behavior before marriage. You should've told your fiance and let him deal with it by then. He has to choose between you or his brother. |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by bonnyhope: 12:03pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude
Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.
I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.
I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.
Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own[b], he ate and slept off [/b]when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.
Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.
This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.
Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me? lol is like you sabi cook o he ate and slept off well, this is a trivial issue that should be resolved within you, the husband and the guy |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 12:03pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
This is the best advice you can get here, @op just heed this advice. crackkhaus:
Get busy, that's the only wisdom you need.
I've never seen a busy woman with a job or business that takes her out of the house from morning till evening, bothered about who is opening her pot.
Busy women just prepare the food and are very happy they don't have to dish it also when they have places to be and other things to be doing.
If you're so bothered about your BIL finishing your soup/stew and protein, then cook and package some of it for storage. Also take out your husband's portion and store it in a flask or container to warm it when he's ready to eat.. The only quantity of food you should leave in the pot is that which is for your BIL and he can go to it and eat it anytime he likes.
The only thing you can tell him is to ensure he cleans his plates when he's done, it's a simple request - you can even say it casually and in a playful manner.
This is how you handle visitors who are staying for extended periods.
I don't know if women don't teach their daughters how to act in their matrimonial homes anymore. 
Everything must turn to fight with you young women. 1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by bonnyhope: 12:03pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude
Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.
I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.
I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.
Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own[b], he ate and slept off [/b]when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.
Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.
This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.
Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me? lol is like you sabi cook o he ate and slept off well, this is a trivial issue that should be resolved within you, the husband and the guy |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by galadima77(m): 12:04pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
Iwantpeace:
Sorry its a bit long. Its just that I don't like anything that will disturb the peace of my mind. And again I have been to their family house and I know he can't do that there then why is he doing it in my place here Stop taking ftc in your threads! All has been said from page 1. Amanee said it all |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 12:04pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
NaijadrivaCars:
@Iwantpeace This guy above is your husband's brother.
BTW, it is wrong to go to a woman's kitchen anyhow. Even if you are related to his husband, give her the courtesy of controlling her kitchen. See I’ve heard this issue many times.... what I ask the wife is simple: “will you be angry if it’s ur brother that entered the kitchen to dish himself food” the answer is always “no” .... and the reason is very simple: it’s not a big deal.... it’s only a big deal now because this wife doesn’t see the bother inlaw in good light..... I keep saying it... it’s just food.... this woman doesn’t like the guy and he doesn’t just want him around that’s why something unimportant as food and spoon and he ddnt greet me first is working her up... The “my pot” part is just irritating.....it shows she has control complex.... 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by pongwa(m): 12:05pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
You should learn to live at peace with others, if your husband sees nothing wrong with that, then let it slide, accept your husband's family way of life and see how peace will reign supreme in your home. Love covereth all Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude
Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.
I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.
I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.
Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.
Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.
This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.
Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me? |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by bonnyhope: 12:06pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
Uisce:
His lack of manners towards you didn't start today but while you were dating your husband. You should've spoken up then.
It appears he has no respect for you. Your husband should do the needful asap and put him in check since you're unable to speak up for yourself. do you know their ages? |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 12:07pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
1StopRudeness:
U guys are mounting walls of respect and courtesy over and unimportant matter like food...food that other women will expect you to go and take urself..... most women won’t even expect the brother inlaw to be waiting for her to come and dish him food every time he wants to eat..... if u have created a respect and control issue here it’s ur opinion.... but it’s just food at the end of the day..... a very unimportant matter Bro, I respect your opinion on the matter. I do. But think about it. The couple lives in a ome-bedroom apartment. Food is definitely an issue here, and a big one too especially when you have a brother that eats like a glutton. The couple don't have a child yet but they are already feeding an extra mouth. And that extra mouth is extra wide. At least that's what I was able to glean from her post. 1 Like |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by Nobody: 12:07pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
frozen70:
Politely tell him that you want him to stop going to your pot and will appreciate if he needs any thing from the pot, he should let you know and you did prefer to dish yourself
He may be the glutton type and eats any how
At this stage, you don't need husband permission to do that, it's your home and your kitchen is exclusively your rightful place and you have to let him know that even your husband doesn't go to your pot
Be firm and stand on your feet, no body will support any body going to a woman's pot without her permission
Let him go and report you to his family, if they call you, say it to them just the way you told him and say it in his front and his presence
It's time you say out the things you don't like and stand up and defend it
As for your husband, don't give him that chance to surpress your decision, he is the type that loves protecting his family rather than his wife
Don't get scared, you owe no one explanation
This is where we all get it wrong in Nigeria. The kitchen is not the woman's exclusive right. So many grew up with that notion. Some BIL cook, do u know that? Some husbands cook too? Anybody can cook so why is it the wife's exclusive right? As anybody can cook, so anybody aside kids have the right to dish out food and eat. U don't eat in a tensed up environment. Ordinary food? After cooking, some are dished into plastics and stored in the fridge or freezer. Don't she have fridge or freezer in her house. Dish out her husband's in food flask and leave the remaining in the pot. Why will I dish out food for a grown up living with me? I will also wash his plate after eating too. Very unnecessary. Where women should apply sense, they won't. It's only inside food matter. As if the guy will live with them forever and her kids wont visit their uncle in the future. 2 Likes |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by sonofanarchy(m): 12:08pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
GindoX:
Bro, what are you saying. She is complaining of ordinary food and you are talking about her buying him gift? Such attitude will appear strange to the guy. When someone is making you uncomfortable, tell him politely. Worse worse una go fight, but you don voice out. If na normal human being, him go readjust for you..
Na your husband house, okay? No let anyone dey do anyhow. ok |
| Re: My Brother-In-Law Dips His Hands Inside My Pot Of Soup by americaninja1: 12:08pm On Feb 06, 2020 |
PrimadonnaO:
@IwantPeace, I absolutely agree with this guy. It would seem that his very presence in the house irks you. By “dipping hand” into your pot of soup, I’m pretty sure you don’t mean that literally. You mean he goes to serve himself or what? Do you have a policy of being the one who dishes food to everyone? He shouldn’t eat until you’re there to serve him? Is that what you mean? Babe, you have strength, and beyond that it would make you come off as a difficult person.
When I’m dishing food to baby boy’s friends, it’s really out of courtesy, otherwise, I let them know to feel free to go help themselves.
I’ve learnt that in dealing with your man’s friends and family, it’s a lot easier when you accept them as your very own people...and take them as they come. When they see that you’re not putting on airs around them or disapproving of them, y’all will get along very fine, trust me. Plus you’d get less affected by every little thing they do.
The way I grew up, when one person cooks, the other cleans and washes up the dishes. There was a time when baby boy has his brother and two friends living with him, and there would be times when I’ll cook and everyone will eat and stack up the plates in the sink. Most times I’ll wash them up if I’m in the mood, and largely because I hate to see the kitchen untidy. But at certain other times, I wash just mine and leave the rest so they’ll get the message that under normal circumstances they should clean up after themselves. And while I’ve done this, I’ll still go into the living room to shine teeth with them.  They can’t even get angry. If I’m pressed to complain at all, I complain to baby boy not his friends... and my attitude towards them won’t change at all.
The point really is that, you go about these things with wisdom.
u are my type of woman ... Ur type brings good luck and happiness to the home. God bless u and your hubby real big. So u can be able to feed more stomachs cause u got a heart of gold. 1 Like |
