Restructure9ja:


You're very wrong sir, except you dont understand what marriage is...your wife is a part of you not by chance like family but by covenant which you swore to during your marriage. If you allow anyone disrespect her sorry cuz u r disrespecting yourself. Why shld anybody even think is okay for his brother to enter his wife's pot? If he needs more he shld ask except he's proud and has not come to terms with the fact that, his brother is now married. He is wrong sir

let me tell you, a man that hold grudges with a lady is not a man enough, some ladies are mean and I'm a living witness of that

my brother's wife is from a rich home while my family we are just average OK, anything my brother had to give us, his wife must not be aware or else we won't get it despite showing her love and respect, she will rather want her husband to give it to her siblings that have key to get times 10 of those things, isn't that pure wickedness


if you claimed to build a social relationship with your husband immediate brother and he's acting up then influence your husband to get him his own apartment

I no your type.i have a brother also who is married so I no.what your type is all about.all i can say is that you are a wicked woman.that in law of yours could also be your husband, I mean,your husband could also have that bad character of going to the pot at nite.so ll you kill him and say its your useless kitchen. women you people are bad.once a woman comes into a family men start becoming enemies.i had a physical fight with my brother all because of that same old woman who was born in 1978 and my older brother was born in 1984.women women women.she knows she is my senior so she cant take it.u understand such a thing na.women

Offpoint:

Are you from Akwa Ibom?

Akwa Ibomite are the only people I know, have issues with someone dipping hands in their pot

Okaaaayyy this is true. Akwa ibom and cross river people. It's a culture thing.

I almost forgot. It's like stealing in those areas.

be tolerant Biko. u want him to be asking you for food whenever he is hungry abi.

He:Madam i am hungry.
Madam:u just ate moment ago wait till night. hope u got the gist.hope he wash the dishes at least

Please, don't talk to him about it. Continue to tell your husband to find solution to his brother's behavior, make your husband to understand the gravity of his brother's misbehavior.

Madam, let your brother in-law. If it were to be your own blood sister going to your kitchen.....Nobody will hear about it. So, you're now family member. He is now your brother.

Besides, if it were to be your blood brother, you will not have said anything. Small girl no dey marry ooo

oodua1stson:
gerrout!

Remind him of what you agreed with him and letting him know that your marriage is too early to bring in visitors to stay for longer days, just talk to him in love not in anger.

Back then, when I finish cooking, my elder and younger brother would come call me to dish their food when they are ready to eat, when I tell them to go do it themselves, they don't like it. When I was living with a family, I don't go to the kitchen to dish my food, I wait for the person that cooked to do it or get a permission to. These things are courtesy, manners, respect, doesn't matter if you are living there or not. It's still better for my siblings to go dish their food than my uncles, no be their house na

cococandy:
I feel like you’re not understanding where I’m coming from. if the person is visiting for a day or two. Then, It’s not out of place to ask.

But if they are living with you (which is what a prolonged visit is) will they ask for permission for breakfast, lunch and dinner for everyday they live with you? Think about it.

Being inconsiderate is a totally different conversation. Like if they eat everything without thinking of others. That’s different.

But if they eat like a normal person would, bearing in mind that they are living in the house with others, there’s nothing disrespectful about it in my opinion.

Just talk respectfully and playfully with the brother-in-law
Simple. He will change

ireneidiva:

Tell him not to dish food by himself. Tell him you will dish it for him. After cooking, store some in the fridge and keep your husbands own aside and give him his. If you are going out, make sure you keep food for him to eat when he is hungry and tell him. Example: I kept beans for you, you can eat it if you are hungry. Remind him to wash his dishes after eating. Wash your own yourself because it is your duty not his except he offers. Also try to be more tolerant and stop reporting him, he wont be there forever.

Fridge? You know maybe they have fridge?

If u were my sister I would tell you to overlook whatever the young man does, endurance is a virtue in marriage but if u do otherwise be sure of getting ur marriage ruined.

Please what's the big deal in fetching food for himself? You want him to ask you for permission or call you to come and fetch food for him? in 2020?

I feel this is no issue at all. You can even make a joke out of it. Tell him food is ready and he can help himself when he's hungry. Believe me, he will become your friend and you will be amazed how close the 2 of you will be.

My dear, pls forget about his attitude, let him eat, so long as he does not leave with you and your hubby, he only comes and go.
you made mention of staying in the bed room with your phone alone, pls try and get busy with something for your self, because if you confront him now he will say that its his brothers money so forget him,

in my house I go out in the morning around 8am to work and come back home by 5pm, my house help I pay salary to take care of my baby eat from my pot, she collect soup from the freezer and cut what she will eat with my daughter.

for me food is nothing.

1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant

He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??

he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!

He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.

see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....

Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you

Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably becos the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy.......

You missed the part when she said the brother-in-law is fund of dipping his hand inside her pot of soup.Is that the kind of thing you will tolerate? did you know if he just visited the loo without watching his hand? did you know what he must have use that hand for before putting it into the soup? that is a dirty habit and grossly unhygienic...for crying out loud that is a pot of soup for the whole family. I can tolerate and over look his other behavior but definitely not this one.

Amanee:
You are obviously the architect of your problem


Women always get this wrong during relationships, whatever you don't like, express it! Don't bottle it up and wait till marriage to address it. I don't know why you'll be having ulcer over issues in your relationship that you're waiting to address in marriage, it won't work. This is why plenty men feel like their wives have changed in marriage.

Speak your mind and speak it loud, stop hiding your dis-ease in the relationship because you want to please one man and trap him. It back fires in the end.


So sister op, you have no choice but to keep complaining while everyone starts saying that you've changed and your brother-in-law ostracizes you. You caused it by not speaking out from the beginning.

Gibberish

Tawk to the Mofo Joo
Buh use wisdom while on it
Wisdom is profitable to direct(Bible)

Let me ask you this question,

won't you get upset each time he requested for more?
He only simplfy the process to dish for himself.

I bet you with positive vibes na you go win laslas.

Like someone up there asked, if na your brother or sister you go report am not to talk of tabling this discussion?

pocohantas:


Not only akwa Iboms, growing I knew a lot of aunties that you dare not enter their kitchen and they were not from Akwa Ibom. Come be to dish from their pot. I don't know why some people are acting woke here, whereas their mothers dished for them and they picked from the eldest to the youngest- in that order.

Some women don't care, some do. Their different sentiments to kitchen and private places shouldn't be discarded.

OP should simply tell him her kitchen is personal to her. Not too late to address issues.

My poco baby, long time... where have you been?

1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant

He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??

he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!

He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.

see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....

Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you

Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy.......

Stop that. The husband should be the First person to be dished his food cooked by the wife and not a brother or whoever.

fatymore:


Thank you Papa

Where my cake?

Ginaz:


Nothing is the same sis. You may be very free and open cos that is you but with other people , you may need to use 6th sense without being told .

I can't imagine how your siblings will cope when they come for visit. Because they didn't contribute money for food they should ask for permission whenever they want to feed? Funny I must say....

My dear it won't be easy to end this dramatic attitude of your brother in-law, what you should is to call your husband when he's done with his meal in the evening after work, make him feel relaxed and discuss the issue with him again whereby he didn't give u positive reply then get a carpenter to fix that padlock that has teeth on the kitchen door, and if he chooses to do break by entry then u report the issue to your husband family because for what I know the kitchen belongs to d woman and likely the husband sometimes. Any visitor is expected to take a permission before entry, but don't in any way pick up quarrel with him so that there won't be any avenue of blame on you from anyone when addressing the issue to your husband or he's family member.


GOODLUCK

Papanwamaikpe:
Where my cake?

Should I drop my aza?

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

Since you have talked to your husband about it and he hasn't done anything, please calmly go and meet this brother-in-law of yours and talk to him(calmly oo and don't smile when saying it else he won't take you serious).
If he still doesn't change, once you cook food for your husband please carry the pots and go lock it in your room till your husband gets back. SIMPLE

Offpoint:

My poco baby, long time... where have you been?

I am fine, been around the world.
Hope you are good too?

crackkhaus:

Get busy, that's the only wisdom you need.

I've never seen a busy woman with a job or business that takes her out of the house from morning till evening, bothered about who is opening her pot.

Busy women just prepare the food and are very happy they don't have to dish it also when they have places to be and other things to be doing.

If you're so bothered about your BIL finishing your soup/stew and protein, then cook and package some of it for storage. Also take out your husband's portion and store it in a flask or container to warm it when he's ready to eat.. The only quantity of food you should leave in the pot is that which is for your BIL and he can go to it and eat it anytime he likes.
The only thing you can tell him is to ensure he cleans his plates when he's done, it's a simple request - you can even say it casually and in a playful manner.

This is how you handle visitors who are staying for extended periods.

I don't know if women don't teach their daughters how to act in their matrimonial homes anymore.
Everything must turn to fight with you young women.

that is what we do in my house too my elder brother has that same stupid character he even goes the pot in the middle of the night to take meat or fish and I find it very irritating sometimes I lock the pot of food in my room because he is never satisfied the worse part is that he doesn't even contribute money for food but he wants the largest portion...

It's never too late to stop whatever you can't endure in your home. The home is your. Talk to your husband and express the same to your brother in law. He might not see it as something big, just tell him you are not happy about it and he needs to stop such attitude.

Enjoy your home, you still have a long ways ahead.

fatymore:



Should I drop my aza?

I can host you if you're in ph

let me also say this, if its about taking meat or taking more food from the pot.its a ritual for me and my brother.we will be struggling for the first man to take meat from the pot at the dead of the nite.cos we are use to it.food was never a problem for us why growing up.we eat any time.even my father started suspecting that we do drugs.which we dont.but I ll never go to another womans pot.but if need be I ll do that.and nothing will happen. she will only go to niraland for advice . useless women.

You're just worrying over nothing, I see no big deal there. A quick reminder he had been living with the bro before you got to marry him, all these lies down to tolerance. I'm staying in my bro house to a point I go take he's clothes and shoes to wear anytime, which d wife gives me idea to do anytime I ran at of stuff. You should be more than a friend to sister-in-law to him.

Homeboiy:
Just tell us say the guy presence no de let u waka naked for house.

Food ah, God bless my mother, she hardly serve relatives food herself, she will tel u to go and dish the one u can finish ,.

God blessed you, as long as you are my family, my mom, aunties and uncles allow you to take food from their kitchen.

Iwantpeace:

no pls it's not all about that! do u know when I am not around this guy does whatever he likes at home.finish everything he sees. I just came back from the market now to look for what to cook later in the afternoon. I perceived smoke in the whole house, this guy has fried yam n ate all of it, washed the plate and left the others the way I saw it. as in from 8am -12pm he has eaten 2times not even minding if I have eaten once or not. haba!!

Hanty you the characteristics of wicked house wife, I'm sure it won't be a problem if your own sister dish her own food. And you will never agree to dish his food and take it to him and clear his table, [b][/b] So why can't he dish his own, did he eat all the meat? Abeg let the young man be. Marriage that God has not even started blessing you, you have already put time frame for family. Wife will come and go but brother will remain be it good or bad. When you said smoke I thought is, Indian Hemp was very surprised to hear na only yam frying smoke you dey complain for, the last person I know who pass this road you won pass (my uncle wife) is still childless. Be Warned, love and open mindedness is key to a lot of marital blessings