Engrgreg231:
My candid advice is for you to lock your kitchen and keep the key to yourself nobody goes in without your permission perhaps if he insists on retrieving the key I think that's when your husband will intervene

Smh

Just cut the relationship off or that brother in law leaves.you are in your husband's house and not your brother in laws house,he doesnt have any right to tamper with your kitchen anyhow.any man or woman who tampers with a married woman's kitchen does not have respect for that woman.

Sense is in everything u just said, Sage

crackkhaus:

Get busy, that's the only wisdom you need.

I've never seen a busy woman with a job or business that takes her out of the house from morning till evening, bothered about who is opening her pot.

Busy women just prepare the food and are very happy they don't have to dish it also when they have places to be and other things to be doing.

If you're so bothered about your BIL finishing your soup/stew and protein, then cook and package some of it for storage. Also take out your husband's portion and store it in a flask or container to warm it when he's ready to eat.. The only quantity of food you should leave in the pot is that which is for your BIL and he can go to it and eat it anytime he likes.
The only thing you can tell him is to ensure he cleans his plates when he's done, it's a simple request - you can even say it casually and in a playful manner.

This is how you handle visitors who are staying for extended periods.

I don't know if women don't teach their daughters how to act in their matrimonial homes anymore.
Everything must turn to fight with you young women.

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

you self, body too dey pepe you. your brother in-law used to be in charged of the house and what he is doing is just a habit. cant you have patient barely three months you are already judging your husband family. first of all why are you monitoring the young boy, listening to every sound he make in the house. the same way you feel he is restricting your freedom is also how you are restricting his freedom (he used to be the boss). you cant even be patient for the boy to spend his few months holiday forgetting that the house belongs to you. the way you narrated the story am sure you have not caught him red handed. if you see him to do it in your presence just politely tell him you don't like it. dont be unwise woman, dont destroy your marriage. i know you did not learn some virtue. tolerate woman, tolerate very soon the boy will not like to visit again because he is not in charge anymore.

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

Hmmmmmmmm this is very serious, first of all I blame you because you saw this attitude before you got married and failed to relate this to your fiance now this is happening. well now it's happening you have to let your husband know, set a camera in the kitchen and show him as proof. because adi a ma ma.... if anyone is being poisoned you'll know who to hold responsible.

Emperoradrian:


I have been reading wise and reasonable comments here from guys , which is typical, of guys, but I just read ur comment, and I am glad DAT in dis era wen reasonable women are scarce, dia is still a woman who reasons as beautiful as u, my dear, u re wise, smart, and intelligent. D last set of reasonable women dis world had , was our mothers, dis generation of women are all whack including my sisters. I have not seen ur face , bt i know You are a blessing to ur man, God bless ur future home.

It we like she didn't grow up here in Nigeria. She's different from the regular NL females . I've been observing her for a while now

midnighter:


You are making a lot of assumptions. She didnt say she doesnt want him to come inside, she said the guy doesnt excuse himself before barging in to take something.

You dont know the set-up of her house. Whether she leaves the door open for ventilation purposes, or if she needs to monitor what she's cooking or what.

Even her husband may get offended that she waits until he is not around before shutting herself inside the room as if his brother has Coronavirus.

No need for "subconscious" anything and sneaking around, scheming and planning as if youre scared.

I dont see why you should be locking yourself up inside your own home because you are afraid to open your mouth and tell your junior brother to stop entering without knocking. A simple word will suffice.

The greeting stuff is not new. He is supposed to greet her as the elder and it may be annoying to some people that he doesnt do it. But maybe as he gets to know and respect her, he will begin to do it of his own accord.

She shouldnt worry about it IMHO or she could greet him first some days to show that she is compromising

If she want some message to be passed across, she should do that through her husband.
I'm sure she must have tried that angle and her husband dismissed it that's why she sought public opinion
Now, it's time to use her head.
Start locking the door when u are inside. Simple.
And greeting, If He doesn't greet her,she should greet him
Life especially marriage is all about compromising.
U compromise to win it all. How u handle food and house issues with your inlaws make or mar your union with them and your husband.

There are many options for her.
This same brother inlaw may be her saviour when her husband start misbehaving or does she think it's always blissful?
He will be her backup one day.
If and only if she has thoughts like this at the back of her mind, ......

If tomorrow her husband start mistreating her, looking at babes outside or whatever, it's this guy that will stand for her.
U guys won't be there when it happens.
All our men are very traditional no matter how modern they may want to look so family is all to them.
The " This is my house, food etc" we have is always from the wife's side.
Sense is needed so she will benefit on the long run.

Contrary to popular believes, when the going gets tough, most men always take side with their family.
So thread carefully.

I wonder what she will say if mother in law is staying with her and is dipping hand inside her pot of soup.

She makes no sense at all. Tomorrow, it will be, don't touch the remote when I'm in the sitting room.

Only 3 months
We women get so many issues.

Homeboiy:
Just tell us say the guy presence no de let u waka naked for house.

Food ah, God bless my mother, she hardly serve relatives food herself, she will tel u to go and dish the one u can finish ,.

Is your mom from Edo State?

Your head get fresh oil well well...
More feathers to your hat!


quote author=1StopRudeness post=86394156] Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant

He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??

he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!

He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.

see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....

Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you

Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy.......[/quote]

Papanwamaikpe:
It we like she didn't grow up here in Nigeria. She's different from the regular NL females . I've been observing her for a while now

Oh ok, no wonder, d babe brain no b naija made.

Emperoradrian:


Oh ok, no wonder, d babe brain no b naija made.

I thought as much

1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant

He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??

he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!

He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.

see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....

Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you

Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy.......

correct

Kollyman:
If this guy were to be your own brother, would you have reported him to your hubby or creat a thread for it?

I know of people who poisoned their husband's mind towards their siblings and they were chased out of the house.

Today, everyone is on their own and even married but the intolerant madam cannot even pick her phone to call any of these guys when there was issue.

Please correct him in love and learn to be tolerant.

correct

1StopRudeness:
Mehn these are shallow, infinitesimal issues I personally feel if u ain’t the the classic “me and my husband alone kinda woman” this isn’t worth loosing ur peace over let alone creating a thread to rant

He went to the kitchen he ddnt tell me, ordinary food, did he eat everything and not leave any for u and ur husband??

he put the spoon somehow, the spoon is bend, it’s broken..... Spoon... as in ordinary 100naira spoon!!!

He wants me to greet him first..did he say so??...oh please! This is the lamest one...
what’s the big deal about saying hello and chatting when u see a person.

see, don’t get me wrong, I know we have different tolerance and organizing style as humans...and sometimes it sort of bothers some people more than normal when outsiders invade their space.....but these issues are so unimportant people will just say u are not accommodating at the end of the day.....

Madam let it go....a little accommodating spirit will make the issues u raised unimportant to you

Unless it’s really not about the spoons and pot of soup...if it’s probably because the guy isn’t allowing u moan as loud as u want or feel free in ur house with short skimpy clothes...just tell ur husband... I trust my guy.......

Most women are territorial beings by nature, especially when it comes to their Kitchen and bedrooms.
Your husband has to tell his brother to respect your privacy by not barging into your kitchen to take food without your consent.
The lady involved should give her husband some time to sort things out as he might not want to hurt either his wife or kid brother.

crackkhaus:

Get busy, that's the only wisdom you need.

I've never seen a busy woman with a job or business that takes her out of the house from morning till evening, bothered about who is opening her pot.

Busy women just prepare the food and are very happy they don't have to dish it also when they have places to be and other things to be doing.

If you're so bothered about your BIL finishing your soup/stew and protein, then cook and package some of it for storage. Also take out your husband's portion and store it in a flask or container to warm it when he's ready to eat.. The only quantity of food you should leave in the pot is that which is for your BIL and he can go to it and eat it anytime he likes.
The only thing you can tell him is to ensure he cleans his plates when he's done, it's a simple request - you can even say it casually and in a playful manner.

This is how you handle visitors who are staying for extended periods.

I don't know if women don't teach their daughters how to act in their matrimonial homes anymore.
Everything must turn to fight with you young women.

well said

mikezuruki:


This kind of matter happens often. And it gets really annoying.

Since you've discussed it with your husband, it's okay. Don't tell him what to do because you are running out of patience with your inlaw. But don't make worse off to get to 'either me or him' point.

Leave that boy, your village people dey use am. The boy might make you exhibit behaviours that questions who you truly are to your husband and inlaws. Because as una just marry, them still dey watch you closely, and na that boy they may be using to 'test' our new wife. You just may not know. What i am saying may sound crazy but it is plausible.

why would they be testing new wife na? Do they want to return her back if she turns out bad? 3months is too early for any family members to start staying with any new married couple for goodness sake, and the place they are managing is quite small how would they have any privacy? People are so insensitive.

americaninja1:
And somebody will marry u like dis. Even his mum is a visitor. Uno he can divorce u anytime. Can he divorce his siblings and mum. U just related by law my sister, u can be separated by law any day any time.

This is exactly what my dad told my sister when she was having issues with her husband....he said and I quote:

“ look around you, you are the odd one out in this house everyother person is related to him by blood, u are the only one related by law and sexually ....law is just paper, it can be changed as fast as it was written, sex can be bought anywhere for as little as 5k”

You are the giant behind your problem, what you will not accept as a married woman should have been rejected while you guys are courting.

The guy has been doing it and you never complain, now it will be difficult for him to stop.

You need to table the matter to your husband in such a way that he will understand it from your angle.

Enjoy it while it last

Everything I'm enjoying now from my Uncle is because of my mother's attitude then to her husband's family. My uncle told me my mummy always give him extra money anytime is going back to school then after my daddy don settle him ...

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

He hasn't said anything and it is bothering you? Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. To be honest, you must be a tyrant. So because he is married to you means he should be rude to his brother? Of course he wouldn't want to disrespect the brother because of you. Those two people are related by BLOOD and if you know what is good for you, better dont come between two brothers. That he is married to you doesn't make you a God. Learn to be tolerant, if you were not told in marriage course you would have been told that tolerance is very important.

From your write up you are not accommodating at all and you never said this to your then fiance all because you were looking for marriage. Marriage is not a crown. These two people have been living together, without being told are you not supposed to know the brother gave him attention at a time? Now instead of you to win his trust by being nice to family u want to start setting barriers.

You have to be accommodating, you dont expect someone to tell you come and serve me food another time come and serve me food. You will be the one to come down here to say brother in law is commanding you.

At this point you have only lived with your husband for just months. As for now, YOU ARE NOT THE CLOSEST TO HIM. That is is the bitter truth. You have to earn this by being supportive. Being supportive is not all about money but loving those your husband loves.

Charleys:
You are still another girlfriend to his brother and when your time comes you will leave.

Your husband needs to talk to him and tell him that you are a different person that you are not his other girlfriends that he brings to the house, maybe he still has that mentality.

I stayed in my brother's house for two years I no even behave like this. I dey look for how to impress make madam no vex influence brother (through sex) make him comot me for house

I saw ladies come and go but when this particular one came no be person tell me to behave. Now they're married. If I want to go stay there for two weeks they'll still beg me not to go home because my record there no one has broken. Not even her relatives.

Seriously your case is like mine......no relatives neither her own or mine own can bear what I bear there.... Even will have to wait for her to dish food oooooo I humble die do like loyal boy until am out.

I derive no pleasure in sexist compliments that put other women down.

Thanks but you need to do better.

Emperoradrian:


I have been reading wise and reasonable comments here from guys , which is typical, of guys, but I just read ur comment, and I am glad DAT in dis era wen reasonable women are scarce, dia is still a woman who reasons as beautiful as u, my dear, u re wise, smart, and intelligent. D last set of reasonable women dis world had , was our mothers, dis generation of women are all whack including my sisters. I have not seen ur face , bt i know You are a blessing to ur man, God bless ur future home.

God bless you for this Forum. Mr Seun . You indeed a blessing to our Generation. More grace Egbon. Anty just Pretend as if nothing is happening. Put him in his place
So he won't scatter your home. When the time comes, he will get tired.

My brother does same and my wife doesn't complain..It is just understanding that people do not have..It is just food for God sake. When your brother in-law helps in doing house chores,u don't see anything wrong with that

Foodqueen:
What this
U tolerated it during courtship and it becomes a norm when u married his brother.

U are one of those people that don't like husband relative. Madam, be more tolerance. At one time or the other I av my bro and sister in-law live with me though separate times.
I respect them alot and at the same time send them errand I will send my younger ones... All u have to do is just apply wisdom. They are no longer with me but the respect we av for each other is topnotch.

He won't be with you forever. So chillax.

Nice words... She is the my husband is my all type.

The day awoman married, she also married her hubby's siblings.
same goes to the day a Man marries.

cococandy:
I derive no pleasure in sexist compliments that put other women down.

Thanks but you need to do better.

You don't need to derive pleasure from wat I said, I just spilled my mind, rather Dan giving u a compliment..
Thanks too.

cococandy:
Well then let’s agree to disagree.

If someone lives with me, I want them to feel free enough to eat whenever they are hungry.

In her case, if it’s about finances she and her husband can ask him to contribute or only agree to host when they can afford to.

About feeling too much at home, lol. That’s the whole point. If someone lives with you, they should be able to feel very very at home. Otherwise they shouldn’t come.

That’s why opening your home to long term visitors is not a small decision. Weigh it well, decide and plan how you’re going to finance it, consider if you can stand living with said person for the amount of time they need or want to stay. And then when the decision is made, it’s made. Everyone should be able to live comfortably without walking on egg shells.

You are a dying breed
Please are you married? If you are then do you have a sister that thinks like you? I'm really serious right now

Iwantpeace:
I Need Advice About My Brother Inlaw Attitude

Hello good morning Nairalanders. I have been a guest and a member of this forum for quite some time now. I have equally seen and learnt from the inputs of many issues brought here especially family one. So I decided to create this new account.

I am a new married woman, my marriage is barely 3 months. Before we got married I and my husband agreed that visitors will not stay longer than 2 weeks in our home. Although he begged me that his immediate younger brother whom has been staying with him will stay for a while or comes to stay with us anytime he is on holidays.

I reluctantly agreed just for peace to reign. He shuttles between our home and my SIL homes for now. To cut the long story short, prior to when we got married that I go visit my then fiancé, anytime I cook this guy is fond of dipping his hands into my pot of soup or food without asking me and this is what I am not comfortable with and I really don't like it. I have sister in law too and I have sisters too anytime I go visiting I don't dip my hands into their pot of food without their consent I see it as something disrespectful.

Again, I couldn't talk then because I feel he may say 'ha dem never marry her she dun de get attitude', now he's continued the same attitude. Yesterday, I made food for the house, dished his own, he ate and slept off when he woke up late in the night he went to my pot again and spoilt my dishing spoon in the process. meanwhile I have not dished out my husband's meal.

Coincidentally, my husband came in from work at that moment and I was going to the kitchen to serve him his meal when I saw him doing what I don't like. When he saw me he said 'this spoon dun spoil '. I kept quiet. I later discussed with my husband, told him that I am not happy with the way his brother is entering my kitchen anyhow n because I am someone that don't like keeping things in my mind I like saying it out to free myself. When I told my husband he said we will talk in the morning.

This morning, the first thing this brother in law of mine was to go straight to the kitchen to look for something to eat. This is someone that will eat and keep the dishes, whenever he is around I don't stay in the living room anymore, my room and my phone is my companion because we stay in a one bedroom flat for now. He's giving me this attitude of it's my brother's house so I can do as I please, when he comes back he expects me to greet him first. I am not saying he cannot stay but my main issue is that he is tempering with my kitchen and trying to flex muscles with me.

Pls how do I handle this issue with my husband amicably because up till now he hasn't said anything and it's bothering me?

First of all madam call the guy and talk to him as your sibling.

Then, work on your tolerance. Marriage is a circle. That involves both nuclear and extended. U never know who will become king tomorrow. Don't Isolate your husband from his siblings. if they do meeting on your head u won't know peace.

That boy has been with your hubby since lifetime. Don't be the problem between them. and don't force ur hubby to attack his blood.
Talk to the guy as sister brother way.

Foodqueen:
What this
U tolerated it during courtship and it becomes a norm when u married his brother.

U are one of those people that don't like husband relative. Madam, be more tolerance. At one time or the other I av my bro and sister in-law live with me though separate times.
I respect them alot and at the same time send them errand I will send my younger ones... All u have to do is just apply wisdom. They are no longer with me but the respect we av for each other is topnotch.

He won't be with you forever. So chillax.

nice one. I don't see any issues here

Papanwamaikpe:
Your way of thinking is so irritating. Tufiakwa!

Hug a live transformer.

The Lord will deliver you,you want to scatter family abi.if your suppose husband get medical or financial problem now, you go run commot for the house.na only the family go remain for the guy,sorry for your life

You are just looking for problem where there is actually none. It´s only in Africa we think this way. Assuming your in-law is wealthy, will you complain?

it´s food for god sake. So you want him to either wait for you to serve him before he can eat in your house? Emancipate yourself from this very old way of thinking. And mind you, don´t forget the table can turn at anytime.