Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

he will be very stubborn...

crackkhaus:



Well since you're tired of always being the one to ask him why he's keeping malice with you, don't you think it's time for you to start planning your move?

You said you don't have money yet and this is why you're still there... Madam start keeping/saving money aside small small, time dey go.

I bet you're still single....
They're family of six so just do the maths of their journey.
Even you, go ask your mum and she would likely say you guys are the reason she stayed in her marriage. Stop been quick to tell couple to quit their marriage.

veave:
Hian.

Wetin I go talk go pain you o. But na the truth I go tell you. Madam, right now I can't tell you to start with 50% so I will say 20%.

Thank God there is covid and I pray your job doesn't get affected. As soon as you resume, the second day you get to work tell him there has been a 40% reduction from your salary due to low inflow of cash. You need to save at least 20% of your salary. This money no Matter if the roof is falling down you're not to touch it. Na your back up money be that. The other 20% is for your upkeep. You and your kids should survive on the remaining 50% because you'd definitely pay tithe. It's because he knows you always have a back up plan that is why he is relaxed and allowing you foot all the bills.
No this kain thing make me say I no go marry "brother" when I dey small. Most of them are lazy and are dreamers. They expect manner to fall from heaven after their praying and fasting forgetting Paul had a handiwork that sustained him all through his life hence he didn't have to beg and depend on anyone. I no dey like this kind jist. He's not even appreciative of his supportive wife. I know women who use all their money to buy shoes, clothes and the latest asoebi, their husbands dare not say pim because they'd even take his own and join.

better talk, God bless you...

Nna17:
“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

Maybe you have something else you called love... Love is nothing without friendship. Sex is not love... Emotic and Erotic Expressions are not love...

paul1995:
This one strong lol .. make una no give the singles ones IBP

I'm telling you...

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs

How old are you to start with? I am taking some guesses.. I think you're very calm and collected. I love such kind of ladies. Can I get to know you?

Would have proffered a solution, but WTH, your story is fabricated.

kestolove95:
Divorce d modafucka nd move on with ur life, get a young guy as a sec toy...no time men are stupeed

Device u say and you're a Muslim,is this how you devoice your husband amd you're crying for husband here

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

Firstly ask your mum what are the things she has seen since she married your dad that keep her in marraige til today,and get back to me +237036440359

This is the case in most Nigerian homes.
Sister, you must save o. Cut down expenses and save o. If you buy fuel 4 times a week, reduce it to once. Reduce orishirishi food. Do everything to save. Try to see if you can do some small side hustles, it will surely help.
Secondly quit apologizing for what you know nothing of. See ignore him totally, he will come around. What kind of control is this na

Abuse can be physical or verbal and his is verbal abuse,you need to start saving and believe it or not it will be hard for him to hustle and be a man cos u provide everything hereby being the man in a relationship which he is silently resenting you for thus the abuse. No matter how much u apologise it can only get better if u allow him take charge of his home by working and being the man, it's good to support but helping to the point of making him so dependant has a bad effect in marraige ,be soft like a woman and let him look after you like a husband should with the little he has,let him be in charge again if u want to come in do it secretly or silently let him take the reins and have his ego massaged.

Marriage that should have been disbanded already.

Why do Nigerians treat divorce as if it’s a disease?

Nwodosis:
It is obvious you are not the talking type but the writing type, we have read your version, how do we get your husband's version? There is no smoke without fire!

Don't trust any woman with her nagging complain, I prefer a talking woman than those who talk with their heart, slow poisoning people, that man go don dey go to through hell from this woman, your parents helped him get job, arrant nonsense.

hajimutex1:
Thank you madam for taking your time to put all this up for people to learn from well done job
*as a marital psychologist* several things is happening in various home, some house is either husband is smoking, womanizer, gambling etc
I think your husband has only two variable base on what you put down is* BROKE* at the same time is *INGRATE* person the two are also a problem.
In counseling we give information is left for the client to choose the one that is most appropriate he or she let diagnose the two problem now
the fact that is broke is not is fault I think is general socio economic situation of the land try more to be his friend guide him the way he spent the little that come to his way and help him to reduce any form of irrelevant spending like house rent types of vehicle he use, tuitions fees etc let him know you want best for his family and you are not in her life for a problem seeker you're their for problem solve. There are other question that I may like to ask if it was normal counseling session but this can not be %100 counseling ethics on the issue of ingrate when ever you feel he you does something I he did not appriciaite you try to call him to order by doing first step you will know at time goes on this we change drastically for more enquiry called on 08021067187

Are you sure you're a psychologist because all I see is you destroying their marriage the more. Whenever she see's her husband, the one thing that will race to her mind is "look at this ingrate" because you told her, her husband is ingrate.
If they both commit their earnings to the family and still don't have savings or wearing one pair shoe to work, that means they both earn peanut. The wife sound dumb but all you could deduce from her epistle is "ingrate".
Smart women are known to be creative and corcern. After the birth of their second child, she's to come with plans, pressure the husband and task him that they will be needing more money as the family grow. Men are quick to give-up on life.
Obviously what she was struggling with at that time is love, affection, care, and acceptance from the husband without thinking about what lies ahead.
The husband knows her weak point that's why he seems angry everytime. She can ace her game because is never too late.

Let me say this, firstly your husband has a bad attitude and wrong approach to the problem at hand. Your problem is largely financial and it has crept into cause many issues in your family

1. Instead of sharing work I.e. husband pays school fees and rent and you take care of feeding, why not draw up a budget for all of your expenses and fund it at a reasonable ratio based with him funding more.

Let me tell you what is playing out here, you feel burdened and you have no savings, you feel he is doing less but he will likely have no savings and feel burdened too, school fees for 4 kids, 3 terms a year isnt a joke either.

I blame you guys for growing your family that big without any good income to match it. However if you have a clear budget, you will see what each person does and it is easier to appreciate each other's sacrifice. Also you will know the expenses that can be cut.

2. After you have clarity on your expenses, start discussing how to invest what is left over in order to improve the family income, merely trying to save without expanding will not lead you anywhere

3. Approach him calmly through this conversation, when the family income increases he will likely be a different man. Though his actions are not justified except he has tried to take you through this journey in the past and you misunderstood him. You guys can only pull through together but the first step is put visibility to what you both do.

Sister it is your cross carry it ok

There is nothing like the classical egoistic Nigerian Man. So you married a Godly Man and he changed. What did you do about it? You have a part to play. He is head, you are the kneck. If you uphold him in prayer, selflessly, walking in love towards him ( in the true sense of what walking in Love means from the Bible perspective),he would change... that is a certainty. If you had continue praying for him from your marriage, he wouldn't become what you say he has become. Marriage is the beginning unit of Gods church, break or bring disunity in a marriage, you bring destruction on the family and home. What should you pray about? Pray for him to be the Man God intended him to be. Pray for yourself also. If you listen to the advices you have recieved here, you would destroy your home. Check women who are separated. And count the number of them who are successful. I am not excusing his attitude. He is answerable to God, however, God would only deal with every disobedience once our obidience is complete. The is factual.

Stay out of dis if u ar single...

kestolove95:
Divorce d modafucka nd move on with ur life, get a young guy as a sec toy...no time men are stupeed

where this one come from ? If u don't have anything reasonable to say , can't u just shut it ? some people sef.

MizJaY:
So
So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself.

Hmmmm. This is. Funny oooo. So beating wey carry bruises no serious. I fear who no fear you

From your write-up, the following are the flaws you found in your husband;

1. He says you do not respect him because he is broke.
2. You said he had beaten you in the past, again you said its not serious beating but you had bruises, perhaps you both struggled and got bruised in the process. At least, none of these happens again despite the the current tension at home.
3. You said you used to look beautiful but not anymore because of financial hardship, you admitted he is broke now which means in the past, he took care of you or he he eased pressure on you to take care of yourself.
4. He does not appreciate the financial sacrifices you make, your writings does not suggest that you appreciate him either in fact, that is the reason you posted this in a public forum.
5. He takes care of the rent and school fees, from my experience as a married man, this is about
70 to 80% of the household expenditure.
6. No mention was made of infidelity, we can assume that he is a disciplined man.
My inferences,

About yourself

1. Based on your previous postings, you are 35 years old, you already have 4 children. You had a C section during your last birth which you said caused you to develop a high BP. you spend a lot on this monthly.
2. You are the quiet type, though you sometimes argue with him and your voice goes up
3. He says a "million" reason why you are not a good wife, you admitted 20% of them are true. Lets assume that you do same, though your own reasons are not yet up to a million.
4. You gave no clues about your level of earning, or your husband's. You are a family of 6, (4 children). You provide food, care for the children, school snacks, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc, that's how your whole salary gets finished before mid month.



My Advice

Admit that you both have flaws, you have a structural financial problem which neither of you have control over. Your husband may be cranky because his ego is bruised over his financial incapability. What you said about him suggests he is a responsible man. Show some understanding and help him restore his ego

90% of the advice i have seen here still holds the traditional mentality of holding the man responsible for all the financial problems in the family. Home Responsibilities are for both parties, no man wants a liability as wife. It takes 2 to tango, particularly in this economic era. People advice you to start saving 50% of your earning, the man has same right to save for his retirement too. We know who will suffer if both of you becomes selfish. Both of you should cut your cloths according to the available resources.

Nwodosis:
It is obvious you are not the talking type but the writing type, we have read your version, how do we get your husband's version? There is no smoke without fire!

. You've spoken well. The god's are happy with your response

This is copy and paste, not Op story.

Before you sleep at night and in the early morning call your husband and pray together holding his hands

bukatyne:


I see two issues:

1. You both are earning below the standard of living you have set for yourselves. In what ways is your husband trying to increase his earnings?

2. Do you have a written budget where you can track income with expenditure so you see where you can cut expenses (I know what you have is not enough however, that will reduce the mental stress on you).

3. You have the classic egoistic Nigerian husband. How do you navigate them? By apologizing when issues crop up whether you are wrong or not. Yorubas call that apology 'gba je n simi' or 'sorry, let me rest.'
So issues come up, it is quickly 'sweetheart, sorry, I did not mean it like that.', 'sorry, no vex' etc.

4. His spiritual life: what happened to the man that wanted to be a pastor? Just how you leaned on him for spiritual growth, you might need to return the favour now.

And good that you have to wisdom to avoid his blows since you are still willing to stay.

Can I have your WhatsApp no? Or you message me on 07061864075. I need to discuss something with you in confidence.

Alawaxbimbex:
With the kind of stories I read daily on nairaland about marriage...I'm so scared of marriage ooo...God pls bless me with a good husband when it's time for me to marry

I'm your God giving husband baby

Sure u got a point on that..but some points from that woman can't be judged by that man Sha.

olumzzz:

Exactly what I'm saying. What gives you 100% assurance that she is saying the truth?
We really need to learn to calm down.

Mehn can't believe I read every single comment... E no go better for covid-19!

My sister pls start saving and at the same time start planning your move. He is tactically subjecting you to psychological torture.
Take a shield or shelter before you run mad.

bukatyne:


I see two issues:

1. You both are earning below the standard of living you have set for yourselves. In what ways is your husband trying to increase his earnings?

2. Do you have a written budget where you can track income with expenditure so you see where you can cut expenses (I know what you have is not enough however, that will reduce the mental stress on you).

3. You have the classic egoistic Nigerian husband. How do you navigate them? By apologizing when issues crop up whether you are wrong or not. Yorubas call that apology 'gba je n simi' or 'sorry, let me rest.'
So issues come up, it is quickly 'sweetheart, sorry, I did not mean it like that.', 'sorry, no vex' etc.

4. His spiritual life: what happened to the man that wanted to be a pastor? Just how you leaned on him for spiritual growth, you might need to return the favour now.

And good that you have to wisdom to avoid his blows since you are still willing to stay.

Thanks for this analysis... You must have been long in marriage

Man must be young. Quote me if I'm wrong.

First off, the children are much - 4

Secondly, that's your husband's temperament live with it.

Thirdly, pray for him and you will see him change in Jesus name. Amen