budaatum:

You need to open your eyes too. Op shut her's and fell for "I want to be a pastor" instead of seeing what he actually was.

Other blinding things some fall for are "he fine", "he get good job, money, car, etc".

Some hardly focus on character and manner until he's baked buns in your oven and it is too late.

ReeLoaDead:

That is correct, my advice was based on her account of events. I believe I made that very clear in my post. Why not you give your own advice too or is my advice causing you to lose sleep?

Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

anslem04:




Many times i read comment like these from the ladies i get confused, can you highlight the training parents should give a male child so as to prevent futuristic wives parenting there husband or raising an adult. what are those training

omoharry:
Oga the problem the woman stated as the main reason for her unhappiness in her marriage is different from what you are quoting.she is saying she support her husband so that ur kind will not accuse her that she left all the bills for the husband alone.
If you like turn out like this very man she is complaining about and see if your wife will be gracious to accommodate you with ur nastiness ,Ur bigger than life Ego and irresponsibility toward to your family .
You Nigerian men should learn how to be good husbands to ur wives since our mothers & society have failed in that area . so that your home will be a joyful one.
Life is too short to make your wives miserable and be expecting love and submission from them..who does that anyway??of cos only some demented Nigerian men such as ur kind .

veave:
Hian.

Wetin I go talk go pain you o. But na the truth I go tell you. Madam, right now I can't tell you to start with 50% so I will say 20%.

Thank God there is covid and I pray your job doesn't get affected. As soon as you resume, the second day you get to work tell him there has been a 40% reduction from your salary due to low inflow of cash. You need to save at least 20% of your salary. This money no Matter if the roof is falling down you're not to touch it. Na your back up money be that. The other 20% is for your upkeep. You and your kids should survive on the remaining 50% because you'd definitely pay tithe. It's because he knows you always have a back up plan that is why he is relaxed and allowing you foot all the bills.
No this kain thing make me say I no go marry "brother" when I dey small. Most of them are lazy and are dreamers. They expect manner to fall from heaven after their praying and fasting forgetting Paul had a handiwork that sustained him all through his life hence he didn't have to beg and depend on anyone. I no dey like this kind jist. He's not even appreciative of his supportive wife. I know women who use all their money to buy shoes, clothes and the latest asoebi, their husbands dare not say pim because they'd even take his own and join.

Superwave:
With this notion in your head I can vouch your marriage is destined for doom before it started.


My dear sister, I am a man facing financial difficulties too but I struggle not to burden my wife n hardly take kobo from her. Anyway,she is still schooling. I will advice you to save whatever little you can from your salary. Half your salary, let your husband know you have been denying yourself of essentials you need for your everyday sustenance. Keep half of your pay to yourself and gift the remaining half to him n let him know that is all you will be volunteering to support the family with this month come what may.

He may chose not to collect it from you but be sure to place it where he can access it. As you take a penny from it let him know by noting on a jotter or sending him a message on whatsapp on the amount and precisely what the fund is used for. I want to believe you are out to save your marriage, in no time he should come to his senses and understand the weight you are lifting on his behalf. If he is still very nonchalant about is glaring failure as a father n husband, my sister run O run.

Mstick:
Hmmmmmmm this one is tough, a broke man with ego is more dangerous than a rattle snake.

Nwodosis:
It is obvious you are not the talking type but the writing type, we have read your version, how do we get your husband's version? There is no smoke without fire!

emilas1979:
My sister honestly you are the problem with your marriage, it's very common with African women. A man pays school fees and rent and probably contributes his quota on day to day running of family, yet you condemn him. Whenever a woman contribute a dime in the house, this is always the case.
Goan fix yourself and your home
Good luck

MizJaY:
Sorry for the long message but this lockdown period might favour reading long msgs.

I'm the quiet type so I have never opened mouth to insult my husband during any misunderstanding. Just arguments and my voice may go up a bit trying to explain or clear myself but he will start saying im raising my voice and talking back at him and start saying all sorts of things.

Honestly sometimes I wished I could unleash the anger deep down and screammm but I always have self control. If u sit with him, he will give u a million reasons why I'm not a good wife and if u don't know me well, u will fall for it because he tells it so well. I will not say everything he says is false, but 80% is. Only those that really know me, will know he is d one that has problem. He's too difficult at times.

In an office, there's usually that one person that quarrels with everyone am I right? But I end up being d only person that dat person doesn't quarrel with cos I try as much as possible to avoid quarrels that's just d kind of person I am. Calm and quiet.

When I met my husband NYSC days, he was very close to God, organizing programs in church and handling them. That was the main reason I got close to him cos I wasnt so spiritual and needed someone to help me grow spiritually through life. He told me he was called to be a pastor and that excited me but I'm not seeing that now lol. He's spiritual life is almost zero. And back then, he had nothing, we would spend all my money even to reach his sick mother in the village I would buy all the foodstuff to send to her.

The way he talked he sounded promising that things will get better with him, but today, I still suffer, I have no savings, all my salary is on the house. He works too and earns but he's salary covers rent and the children's school fees finished. I do the rest but he doesn't appreciate the fact that I sacrifice everything I earn to feeding the house. We are family of 6. Everything provision, food, children school snack, fuel for car and gen, gas filing etc etc it's me. And that's how my whole salary will just go fiam.

if I ws getting a little appreciation I for no mind but rather I get insults o. It's my fault that
Money is finished, it's my fault that we have no savings, I don't know how to manage money, I'm hoarding my money etc etc those are d words that come out of his mouth o.

I used to be a beautiful woman but no more, I wear one shoe everyday to work, can't buy myself clothes shoes nothing I had to cut my hair to relieve myself from hair money lol. I'm stressed out thinking of where money will come for feeding when my salary gets finished before month end at times I have to beg my sister or my dad a pensioner or hussle one way or d other. I now developed high bp and today I'm living with hypertension taking drugs everyday. It was my parents that gave my husband d job he's doing today. He is not in talking terms with he's dad n siblings. Before he's mother died, things were not too good between them. My husband likes to always form man of d house and want me to apologise whenever there's a misunderstanding saying that I am d one wrong, I'm always wondering how am always the one wrong and he's not � every time.

Sometimes self I don't know what I did that mks him angry he will just start carrying face. Today makes it a week we are not talking cos he has been carrying face since 7days now, and went to post something on wassap yesterday that a woman that cannot apologise to her husband cannot stay in marriage.

My brothers and sisters if I know of anything I did that I have to apologise for yet I refused to apologise that is making him carry face, may God strike me. If u know I did anything wrong why not come to me and tell me u don't like what I did and tell me what i did rather than carry face up n down. He always does that. At times I do ask him and as usual am always d one at fault. Maybe it's cos I'm a quiet person he's taking me for mumu.

The national anthem now is that because he does not have money that's why I don't respect him the way I'm supposed to. I'm always careful with my word when gisting with him cos make I make mistake say Donald duke is d current governor of rivers state haaa problem don enter and it may spoil d sweet gisting we were having. He go almost insult me and become uninterested in gisting with me again cos i don talk mumu talk.

So how can I handle such man cos if no be say I be quiet person, I for don receive serious beating black and blue from this man cos he has done it earlier on in our marriage not serious beating sha but I had some bruises. If not that my parents are still alive and warned him. Tho he still attempts once in a blue moon I go jus arrange myself. But I'm kind of tired. I have no money cos trust me, if I had, Maybe i for don dey plan my move sef I no dey enjoy marriage life at all

kestolove95:
Divorce d modafucka nd move on with ur life, get a young guy as a sec toy...no time men are stupeed

Yezzybaebay:
This as bn my predicament since 2018. I'm not happy in my marriage yet I need to stay for my kids.he doesn't talk to me, eat my food or make love me. The immediate elder has bn cooking for him. I have begged n begged over Wat I don't know my crime. All he keeps saying is I like to talk bk at him when he talks. Haha sudnt I express my self even wen u accuse me wrongly.

This your number 3 though.... I can't imagine someone apologizing over and over again for a crime not committed and I sure would detest it s a man.

Miz_JaY: My first r/l was a flirt, he disappointed me so bad, I didn't date for almost 3 yrs and wen I realised I was not getting any younger, I decided to enter anoda r/l, which lasted for almost 5 yrs. During this period, I was paying d bills even when I had no job. I am too calm & cool so he took advantage of that. I decided to go my way though it was a tough decision because of all the sacrifices I've made for almost 5yrs and I'm 28, couldn't imagine I wasted almost 5yrs on a r/l dat ended up no where, I snobbed enough guys that period because I chose to stay faithful, I don't double date & also he promised me marriage. I am supposed to be a very pretty gal but I don't always look good cos I'm always worried about what he will eat or wear etc so instead of using d money to take care of my looks, I channel it to him. Was I being stupid for 5 yrs? ? Its not just about love though it was compassion because I couldn't stop helping him as I couldn't watch him suffer. I didn't think I was getting a fair treatment as he scolds me at any slight mistake I make making me feel like a mumu when I'm a smartass. Sometimes I wished I Can just have babies & take care of them myself without marrying? I can't seem to meet any really good guy, my dream guy. I've suffered in d hands of my 2 relationships and I'm tired of men, even if I decide to date, I can never date a broke arsse anymore, I used to hate d talk dat a guy has to really have cash b4 u date him but omo I second that now as I have seen Oba.. I am wrecked cos I took care of a guy for 5yrs and I'm suffering for it. By now I should have a land and at least a small ride & some cash saved up in my account if I had invested all dat money I spent for 5yrs on dis guy. I am so devastated....what guys do to gals...Mtscheww...Smh...now I'm wondering where I would start from. Sometimes Why do some really good girls go through baad relationships? I just feel like d world should end already

Jellia:



I am sure you have a perfect definition of the "BROTHER " you are talking about. It will be great if we don't use conductive reasoning whenever we are analysing a population. It's not fair.

MizJaY:


So I though sha cos I'm not sure I'm d only one going thru this kind thing. Most marriages na just mk we manage dey push am dey go...

Alawaxbimbex:
With the kind of stories I read daily on nairaland about marriage...I'm so scared of marriage ooo...God pls bless me with a good husband when it's time for me to marry

CAPSLOCKED:


I AM THE HUSBAND IN QUESTION AND I'VE COME TO DEBUNK ALL OF THIS WOMAN'S CLAIMS AS FALSE.

bukatyne:


I see two issues:

1. You both are earning below the standard of living you have set for yourselves. In what ways is your husband trying to increase his earnings?

2. Do you have a written budget where you can track income with expenditure so you see where you can cut expenses (I know what you have is not enough however, that will reduce the mental stress on you).

3. You have the classic egoistic Nigerian husband. How do you navigate them? By apologizing when issues crop up whether you are wrong or not. Yorubas call that apology 'gba je n simi' or 'sorry, let me rest.'
So issues come up, it is quickly 'sweetheart, sorry, I did not mean it like that.', 'sorry, no vex' etc.

4. His spiritual life: what happened to the man that wanted to be a pastor? Just how you leaned on him for spiritual growth, you might need to return the favour now.

And good that you have to wisdom to avoid his blows since you are still willing to stay.

Jullima:
.

Fortune118005:

Are you sure, then treat your wife well

kestolove95:
Divorce d modafucka nd move on with ur life, get a young guy as a sec toy...no time men are stupeed

katyamizotta:

But she also stated that her husband pays rent and school fees. She didnt say she was spending alone

Havemercylord:
At this point, I am a single man...IF I SEE SUCH A WOMAN AS THIS, WALAHI SHE WILL FOREVER BE HAPPY