Please apologize to her and promise her and yourself never to raise your hand on her again...make sure you don't tell her your total income again.. maybe divide it by 3 and tell her one part cos must times we might earn high but after all expenses and saves,you realize that the money is not as big as we think...
Tell her how you want her to cut away from her friends so as to face her marriage...cos they are impacting on her negatively...

ademidedavid:

I swear, I am really finding a way to just make myself happy and I am avoid the thoughts of having a side chick

That is it sir.

Shinny1:
Please apologize to her and promise her and yourself never to raise your hand on her again...make sure you don't tell her your total income again.. maybe divide it by 3 and tell her one part cos must times we might earn high but after all expenses and saves,you realize that the money is not as big as we think...
Tell her how you want her to cut away from her friends so as to face her marriage...cos they are impacting on her negatively...

Thought I could go in the way of my parents, they were so open in their finances and it is still working for them for 47years now in marriage .......I guess I have to disclose certain percentage of my total income , thanks so much for this

op my advice to you, since you paid her bride price and she's turning to something else, just manage to impregnant her again after she born and start to misbehave again give her divorce letter to go and enjoy her life holing around to make money. After all we Africans married for kids not love

ademidedavid:

I swear, I am really finding a way to just make myself happy and I am avoiding the thoughts of having a side chick

That will just add to your problem.

Your income is barely enough for your family...
Why do men find it hard to take a break and BE ON THEIR OWN?
Must you be with a woman? You say your woman is a problem, yet the solution to that problem is another woman?
Most times, you men are the cause of your own problem.
First of all, you don't take caution to carefully choose someone you're compatible with, then add to that a mistress? You'll just ruin your life by yourself.

ademidedavid:

She tends to be the best wife and mum if their is money but changes once its the opposite even her mum noticed her mood during this lockdown period.

You earn above 100k monthly and yet she complains instead of encouraging you.

she's very ungrateful and there's nothing like love in that marriage..

Mariangeles:


That will just add to your problem.

Your income is barely enough for your family...
Why do men find it hard to take a break and BE ON THEIR OWN?
Must you be with a woman? You say your woman is a problem, yet the solution to that problem is another woman?
Most times, you men are the cause of your own problem.
First of all, you don't take caution to carefully choose someone you're compatible with, then add to that a mistress? You'll just ruin your life by yourself.

Thanks

Mariangeles:


That will just add to your problem.

Your income is barely enough for your family...
Why do men find it hard to take a break and BE ON THEIR OWN?
Must you be with a woman? You say your woman is a problem, yet the solution to that problem is another woman?
Most times, you men are the cause of your own problem.
First of all, you don't take caution to carefully choose someone you're compatible with, then add to that a mistress? You'll just ruin your life by yourself.

Hmmmmmmmm
Even though you are right, the society really frown against a man separating from a woman apart from the excuse of infidelity. They will mock you that you are not man 3enough and not in charge of your home. That is the major reason most men stay in toxic marriages.
And just like most women, instead of them quitting an abusive marriage, they will start flirting with their bestie or a man on line and sleep with them. I guess it is a human thing.
Ever heard of a popular saying about women - A shoulder to cry on is a dick to ride on

meetme01:
You don F-up. Raising your hands on any woman talkless your wife has degraded you. That's the bitter truth.

Mr man, you lied. So women gets to push men to the limit and it's OK, but when that sane does react, it becomes degrading.

Back to the main issue. Your wife needs your unreserved apology. You need remorseful which is through your attitude. Let her know you are deeply sorry.

He does not need to apologize to his wife for any reason. Assuming he hit her for no reason, then he has to apologize for being a mad man. One thing I hate about most NL folks here is that they feel controlling anger is very easy. So as a woman she is excused when she says things to provoke her man, insensitive things at that because she's a woman but when the man reacts, he's called an animal? This is stupidity at it's level. You know, men are the sponsors of Gynocentrism and feminism.

To her, is she not working? Why have you refused to set her up in a biz? One problem I have realized in today's marriage is, finance. It's really creating a lot of issues in most marriage. As a man, if you earn from three sources, declare only two. Let her know how the money is spent to the last kobo. That was the initial problem, you need to fix that part asap

OP didn't state whether or not she's not working. She could be working but op decided to finance his home as the man. But if @op didn't set up a business or a job for his wife, it's quite appalling.

jesmond3945:
but my brother you must find a way to nip this in the bud o. It is just a matter of time your wife would fall into temptation.

If you know, you know. It's only a matter of time before the wife starts sleeping with other men to satisfy her financial cravings.

Mariangeles:


That will just add to your problem.

Your income is barely enough for your family...
Why do men find it hard to take a break and BE ON THEIR OWN?
Must you be with a woman? You say your woman is a problem, yet the solution to that problem is another woman?
Most times, you men are the cause of your own problem.
First of all, you don't take caution to carefully choose someone you're compatible with, then add to that a mistress? You'll just ruin your life by yourself.

Once there's a competition, one gets the most out of it. It's simple. If Glo was the only network in Nigeria, do you think we as the citizens will enjoy it? Competition is healthy. The second woman will know that if she fůcks up she will be changed since the first is alive.

As per your last paragraph, being compatible with your partner is one thing, having same life goal is another. So it's not enough to be compatible, same goal orientation should be considered.

KanwuliaExtra:


You think only women experience “struggle love” I’m relationship and marriages?

Time for NL “dudes” to cry with the OP!

Level don sssssshange o.

Nne, what is your stance on this issue sef?

You just dey speak in parables.

My guy, apologize for smacking her and let that be the end of it. Don't waste your energy trying to make it up with her. As for her attitude, maintain your stand on living within your honest means of livelihood. Don't go out of your way to get involved in illegal stuff to meet her demands, it doesn't end well.

Raalsalghul:


Nne, what is your stance on this issue sef?

You just dey speak in parables.

I say dudes dey suffer marriage wahala too, but na mostly women dey cry on and offline.

My stance is that it is good to know that MEN ALSO CRY in marriages and relationships.

Make dem see as e be. . . . especially on this awa NL!

KanwuliaExtra:


I say dudes dey suffer marriage wahala too, but na mostly women dey cry on and offline.

My stance is that it is good to know that NEN ALSO CRY in marriages and relationships.

Make dem see as e be. . . . especially on this awa NL!

Lol....

njelrapheal:
Outside influence, trust me. Ppl have been saying things into her ears. Op, watch her friends. Get her engaged, try to find the source of the negative influence.

Truth! Reminds me of this Nigerian movie "Discontent "

Exc2000:

whatever you do never rush an apology, she provoked you, demean your hardwork and made you feel like a poor lazy man, the moment you apologise for her bad behaviours then your are calling for highblood pressure and early death, because she would continue repeating such demeaning atititude and continue giving you mental torture and abuse in your own house till you are pushed to steal, or do whats not right


now to simple fact

Is She right to mentally toruture you after providing a house, cloths and food for her? Hell No

Are you right for getting angry and reacting (although not tolerating violence) yes you are, studies shows that bottling up anger and keeping mute to an emotional abusive partner like your wife is one of the first cause of mental issue, and cardiovascular diseases


.

imagine somebody you dey feed, cloth, house, sponsor and practically responsible to every of her demands..and yet she still get the audacity to follow you talk anyhow... as I dey read the op post, I just dey put myself in such position, and dey imagine what I'll do to her that she will forever and ever and ever regret in her life.. imagine spending the largest part of the salary you toiled 30 days for on a woman and she is indirectly telling you " what have you done for me"... 30 days of insult you get from your boss, co worker, you denying yourself some life luxuries, u risk your life to go work everyday etc and person still get mouth to tell you say you no try Hahahahahah

.
I trust the almighty God, he no go give me that kind wife. Cos I dont even want to think of what I'll do for her. ..

.



This is the solution if I were you ...
1. Start taking overdose of red pills
2. Start reverse psychology on her
3. Spend more on your kiddo
4. Start investing
5. Comot mind for her matter ( if you dont, you go get hypertension)
6. Whenever she picks argument with you, walk out and go lodge outside.

7. Do like you dont care
8. Ignore her antics
9. Never make the mistake of having heart to heart talk with her.cos when a lady starts misbehaving, den no dey hear word..
10. Let her realise her mistakes and come to apologise herself.
11. Make she go out go find work by herself.. cos if you establish her, she no go appreciate..





Most painful words to me this life is make person tell me " what have you done for me " ( saying it directly or indirectly)after I hussle day and night for me and you..and you have the guts to tell me that word?? Even my mama no fit tell me that kind word make I gree , cos she know say I be agbero

Iyalaya apology.

As a man, be firm even if you are wrong.

You created this yourself.
NEVER tell her to hussle ooo. That would create room for more challenges including infidelity.

Go out more, make yourself less available to her with impression of hussling.
Declare 50% of your hussle income. Spring surprises with purchase of asset or valuables

Create an atmosphere of unpredictability.

Women would live in the dreams and fantasy you create for them.
Get closer to her friends, wish same life for her.
Do all these if you love her.otherwise jappa the marriage

ademidedavid:
Its no longer a story that pastors divorce their partners, imams God to work out.
acquire the type of wealth she dreams of?

meetme01:
You don F-up. Raising your hands on any woman talkless your wife has degraded you. That's the bitter truth.

Back to the main issue. Your wife needs your unreserved apology. You need remorseful which is through your attitude. Let her know you are deeply sorry.

To her, is she not working? Why have you refused to set her up in a biz? One problem I have realized in today's marriage is, finance. It's really creating a lot of issues in most marriage. As a man, if you earn from three sources, declare only two. Let her know how the money is spent to the last kobo. That was the initial problem, you need to fix that part asap

Hmmmmm... I really hope the person behind this moniker is speaking from a place of experience and not still a mummy's boy like I suspect.
Please for all teenagers and the uninitiated on NL kindly stay off marriage topics please and please.
No be boyfriend and girlfriend matter them deh discuss for that kind threads abeg. Na ppl life so try make you no comment on wetin you never fit understand.

ademidedavid:
Its no longer a story that pastors divorce their partners, imams divorce their partners, highly educated people do same and even the so called marriage counsellors are not left out in the order of the day and it has always been a thing of worry for me with the thought that they never loved each other before marriage but getting married has changed my thinking and has made me realised that marriage only takes the grace of God to work out.
I have been married for 3years with 1 beautiful daughter with a loving wife (maybe before and some years into the marriage). I have always believed that I cannever raise my hand on my woman since my father never did such but I find it hard to believe I did the unimaginable today although It wasn't intentional.
It was due to annoyance after she asked me to stop sitting at home and go work for more money like other men even though I am a federal worker with above 100k monthly income and still do personal work as a civil engineer apart from the federal job despite the lockdown.....it really got me aggravated because I have been the one fending for the family and the kid for the past 3years and never asked for a kobo from her.....although I have noticed the urge for very flamboyant life style in her lately and has even asked me to get more money at any means, that money is everything in this life even though I have tried telling her its a gradual process, she still doesn't listen and even asked me to raise money for her to travel out of Nigeria.
I have never thought of raising my hands on any woman let alone my wife.....
please how do I change her sudden mentality towards this sudden extravagant life style because I pray it doesn't lead to something else since I can't do illegal things to acquire the type of wealth she dreams of?

This has external influence written all over it. A friend of hers have probably been blabbing to her chagrin about how her husband if spoiling her silly or worse which is that she's been getting amorous attention from another man which also involves money and gifts and promises of all the immoral things that money can buy. If this is the case then she's angry that such attention is not coming from the man she loves and is committed to.
Bottom line is your wife is being enticed by what is not real and she's really confused at this point.
Sit her down and talk to her if you can please.

Believe me, some other guy is flashing money at her. She's looking for excuses to enter the guy

Aplaudez:
The truth is you guys ain't understanding yourselves, if truly she's your wife and she's the mother of your daughter, create a very sweet environment, you can even take her out and sit her down and talk things out!

I'm not happy you couldn't caution yourself, what's done is done, please try to caution yourself next time!

God bless your family!

How are they not enjoying themselves?

They have been happy until all of a sudden she wants extravagant life.

Her friends are influencing her

ademidedavid:

Thanks

Op, nothing do you bro. Abeg watch this interview Emeka Ike gave about his ex-wife.
https://www.nairaland.com/5854214/emeka-ike-blasts-suzanne-emma


To paraphrase that yoruba proverb "dog wey wan lost no dey hear the hunter's whistle "
As someone here rightly pointed out, these are the kind of women we have today. There is absolutely nothing you can do.

ModelX:

Op, nothing do you bro. Abeg watch this interview Emeka Ike gave about his ex-wife.
https://www.nairaland.com/5854214/emeka-ike-blasts-suzanne-emma


To paraphrase that yoruba proverb "dog wey wan lost no dey hear the hunter's whistle "
As someone here rightly pointed out, these are the kind of women we have today. There is absolutely nothing you can do.

Thanks so much, I appreciate.....if we are facing such then what does the future hold for our kids?

Prenonjebose:
My guy, apologize for smacking her and let that be the end of it. Don't waste your energy trying to make it up with her. As for her attitude, maintain your stand on living within your honest means of livelihood. Don't go out of your way to get involved in illegal stuff to meet her demands, it doesn't end well.

Thanks so much, well noted

ademidedavid:

Thanks so much, I appreciate.....if we are facing such then what does the future hold for our kids?

Bro what can the righteous do? We live in wicked times.
That Emeka Ike ex-wife abandoned 4(four) little children including a baby. Four!
My brother, wo, I have nothing to add. God save us.

ModelX:

Bro what can the righteous do? We live in wicked times.
That Emeka Ike ex-wife abandoned 4(four) little children including a baby. Four!
My brother, wo, I have nothing to add. God save us.

Thanks a lot bro, I appreciate and cherish your contribution.....may God bless you

Poorboy:
Broke man ,broke man if her father is not broke will she be totally dependent on you.

How old is she?

Is she educated?

Does she have a job?

Is the other sisters married and doing well than you people?

Is she from a wealthy home, like she is used to comfort already?

Which state do you reside?

See you cannot satisfy greed, your wife is a greedy person. How can your wife ask you to look for money for her to travel out then you feel you have a wife.

Work on your emotions don't allow the term wife to make you try to impress, if you put yourself in unnecessary pressure to make money and die before your burial another man will already be sleeping with her. She is the money type.

Tell people the truth and let them know their worth, I once told my fiancee I am not your responsibility, if you can't survive quit.

Don't regret beating her, though I don't subscribe to that.

Thanks bro, the elder sis is unmarried yet and not from a that wealthy home though she graduate from a private uni......

ademidedavid:

Thanks bro, the elder sis is unmarried yet and not from a that wealthy home though she graduate from a private uni......

she graduated from a private University. Then she is from a well to do home, so step up your game.


Look for a federal government job for her, even if it requires you paying money. It will help

I am also a Federal Government Staff on 8/4 earning about what you're earning.

So I understand how you feel it's not easy.

I base in Abuja

Poorboy:
she graduated from a private University. Then she is from a well to do home, so step up your game.


Look for a federal government job for her, even if it requires you paying money. It will help

I am also a Federal Government Staff on 8/2 earning about what you're earning.

So I understand how you feel it's not easy.

I base in Abuja

Well understood but how do you get a federal job when there is no opening yet and she doesnt even like my kind of job .. Also on level 8 step 2

ademidedavid:

Well understood but how do you get a federal job when there is no opening yet and she doesnt even like my kind of job .. Also on level 8 step 2

Why does she not like your job?


It's a job with security, what you need is strategy to grow, think of what can give you money in your environment. Save money and start it.

You know how you got your Federal Government job, so that is how you will do to get one for her.

Poorboy:
Why does she not like your job?


It's a job with security, what you need is strategy to grow, think of what can give you money in your environment. Save money and start it.

You know how you got your Federal Government job, so that is how you will do to get one for her.

Its not bro but a lecturing job.....I have been trying all means to do so but she just doesn't like the job. ..