asapeola:
Dear Ademidedavid, I decided to reply ur post cos I av experienced ur situation personally: Just fresh from NYSC, I was teaching but I had an ex who sometimes moaned abt my paygrade (just abt 33k/month then). She would ask "When r u gonna get a car?" And I would be like "Are u normal?" (In MC Macaroni's voice). Then she nearly confused my life when suddenly she said "My friend's boyfriend just gave her (the friend) 100k for fun." Bros, we talking abt my slightly over my 3 months salary o! I argued it as a man but i was worried (as u were) that my woman was bn influenced and I just cant help it. Eventually, it turned out that the 100k wasnt actually a gift but for other purposes. But what if i had done something drastic just to "meet up"? Na so i for just kee myself for nothing.
Many people have bashed on u here, some actually right and some too extreme! I still wouldnt wanna bash for u laying ur hand on ur wife cos I wasnt in the situation u faced, ur apology may depend on ur wife's reaction after that action of urs. Did she stop nagging? Did she realise she's overstepped her bounds n shocked? If she did, then u may apologize. Its always amusing when people say "walk away" lol...dem neva jam a woman in all her glory of fury.
On the flip side, I would suggest u c her moans as her own way of wanting a better life for her family. Trust me, even if uv got all the money in the world, women wld still moan for the nearly impossible like "Making love on the moon"[left][/left]. I really do believe u want the best life for your family and i also must commend u for bn open n honest abt ur finances, pls dnt be discouraged! I was trained that way too but it doesnt mean we shld be careless abt how we spend it. Encourage her to always save from whatever u gv for monthly upkeep and her own income. She needs financial discipline and for her to appreciate hw difficult it is to save and watch money grow.
Thank God ur a civil engineer and a lecturer, well I dnt no hw tight ur schedule but I think u shld start practising ur skills by the side more. U could start by looking for small building projects to consult for (even if na just bungalow) and u also need to update ur skills regularly. I have a civil engineer colleague (tho we r in the power industry), but he gets small jobs via referrals mostly and yet we work for a private firm!
Lastly, an advice from a brother, U need to be careful with ur wife cos when a woman starts getting so influenced from the outside...its always not easy to turn their heads back in. Just gats continue to talk more with her n show her all d cards, hopefully she go reason with u.

God be with you bro and ur family.

Its a long story, Aye! No vex!!!

Thanks so much brother, I took my time to read and digest your write and its so helpful, I so much appreciate your contribution. God bless you and yours.

[color=#] 659616[/color]

www.nairaland.com/attachments/11572461_659616_jpeg6dad1c05539b85a34ff5cbefbec574b8

If she says go out and make money , just go and book a hotel room and rest with ur smallie girlfriend. In the evening go home and form tiredness. With that peace will reign and u will live longer

Hmmn.

Another evidence that slay queens are getting better husband than Church girls. 99% of Complaints of Married Men about their wives attitude on this forum can be summarized as REGRETS OF MARRYING A SLAY QUEEN

HarunaWest:
Sorry to say, if I were in your shoes, that slap will land on her cheeks. I hate when people don't appreciate someone's efforts.

If she want to live flamboyant, then let her make her own money. I won't take an insult on my person from someone that isnt contributing to my development.
Don't apologize for slapping her, lock up. You are the man of the house not the other way round, if she doesn't seem it fit to apologize to you, just dey look am.
If you dare apologize, you will kuku loose the remaining small respect that she has for you cos from look of things that woman has been brainwashed by material stuff.Cheers

Op read and adopt this.

ademidedavid:

Thanks a lot, she's asleep now.....I sincerely appreciate.

dnt apologize, look up. if u apologize it will make u look weak. Yes u should not have raises ur hands but it is a done act and I belief this will make her seat up

meetme01:
You don F-up. Raising your hands on any woman talkless your wife has degraded you. That's the bitter truth.

Back to the main issue. Your wife needs your unreserved apology. You need remorseful which is through your attitude. Let her know you are deeply sorry.

To her, is she not working? Why have you refused to set her up in a biz? One problem I have realized in today's marriage is, finance. It's really creating a lot of issues in most marriage. As a man, if you earn from three sources, declare only two. Let her know how the money is spent to the last kobo. That was the initial problem, you need to fix that part asap

You make absolutely no sense. Next time, don't give advice, you're not good at it

the people giving advice aren't even married neither have they been able to hold down a relationship for long

ademidedavid:
It's no longer a story that pastors divorce their partners, imams divorce their partners, highly educated people do same and even the so called marriage counsellors are not left out in the order of the day and it has always been a thing of worry for me with the thought that they never loved each other before marriage but getting married has changed my thinking and has made me realised that marriage only takes the grace of God to work out.

I have been married for 3 years with 1 beautiful daughter with a loving wife (maybe before and some years into the marriage). I have always believed that I cannever raise my hand on my woman since my father never did such but I find it hard to believe I did the unimaginable today although It wasn't intentional.

It was due to annoyance after she asked me to stop sitting at home and go work for more money like other men even though I am a federal worker with above 100k monthly income and still do personal work as a civil engineer apart from the federal job despite the lockdown.....

It really got me aggravated because I have been the one fending for the family and the kid for the past 3 years and never asked for a kobo from her.....

Although I have noticed the urge for very flamboyant life style in her lately and has even asked me to get more money at any means, that money is everything in this life even though I have tried telling her its a gradual process, she still doesn't listen and even asked me to raise money for her to travel out of Nigeria.

I have never thought of raising my hands on any woman let alone my wife.....

Please how do I change her sudden mentality towards this sudden extravagant life style because I pray it doesn't lead to something else since I can't do illegal things to acquire the type of wealth she dreams of?

She asked for money and you beat her.
Imagine such happening to your daughter. If it reaches your ears, will you be happy?

Is very very unfortunate , because with my experience,you have to start preparing for the worst scenerio. With what you wrote ,she has grown wild and maybe in friendship with very bad friends ,whom are influencing her attitude negatively..

meetme01:
You don F-up. Raising your hands on any woman talkless your wife has degraded you. That's the bitter truth.

Back to the main issue. Your wife needs your unreserved apology. You need remorseful which is through your attitude. Let her know you are deeply sorry.

To her, is she not working? Why have you refused to set her up in a biz? One problem I have realized in today's marriage is, finance. It's really creating a lot of issues in most marriage. As a man, if you earn from three sources, declare only two. Let her know how the money is spent to the last kobo. That was the initial problem, you need to fix that part asap

Shut up!
F-up say wetin happen?


Senseless kid mentality.

You will grow brain someday...

meetme01:
You don F-up. Raising your hands on any woman talkless your wife has degraded you. That's the bitter truth.

Back to the main issue. Your wife needs your unreserved apology. You need remorseful which is through your attitude. Let her know you are deeply sorry.

To her, is she not working? Why have you refused to set her up in a biz? One problem I have realized in today's marriage is, finance. It's really creating a lot of issues in most marriage. As a man, if you earn from three sources, declare only two. Let her know how the money is spent to the last kobo. That was the initial problem, you need to fix that part asap

mr man somebody is complaining about extravagant woman you are here saying apologies. You dont have the slightest idea of this man is talking about. Women are terrible. Don't ever make woman your friend. They are like raven wolves

meetme01:
You don F-up. Raising your hands on any woman talkless your wife has degraded you. That's the bitter truth.

Back to the main issue. Your wife needs your unreserved apology. You need remorseful which is through your attitude. Let her know you are deeply sorry.

To her, is she not working? Why have you refused to set her up in a biz? One problem I have realized in today's marriage is, finance. It's really creating a lot of issues in most marriage. As a man, if you earn from three sources, declare only two. Let her know how the money is spent to the last kobo. That was the initial problem, you need to fix that part asap

Very Stupîd asslicking comment

I repeat never marry a woman that have tasted lavish lifestyle. Most of them have dated so many yahoo boys and even ritualist. It's important to find out whom she has been with oh. Once a woman taste lavish lifestyle nothing can make her manage with a 100k salary earner for long.

ademidedavid:
It's no longer a story that pastors divorce their partners, imams divorce their partners, highly educated people do same and even the so called marriage counsellors are not left out in the order of the day and it has always been a thing of worry for me with the thought that they never loved each other before marriage but getting married has changed my thinking and has made me realised that marriage only takes the grace of God to work out.

I have been married for 3 years with 1 beautiful daughter with a loving wife (maybe before and some years into the marriage). I have always believed that I cannever raise my hand on my woman since my father never did such but I find it hard to believe I did the unimaginable today although It wasn't intentional.

It was due to annoyance after she asked me to stop sitting at home and go work for more money like other men even though I am a federal worker with above 100k monthly income and still do personal work as a civil engineer apart from the federal job despite the lockdown.....

It really got me aggravated because I have been the one fending for the family and the kid for the past 3 years and never asked for a kobo from her.....

Although I have noticed the urge for very flamboyant life style in her lately and has even asked me to get more money at any means, that money is everything in this life even though I have tried telling her its a gradual process, she still doesn't listen and even asked me to raise money for her to travel out of Nigeria.

I have never thought of raising my hands on any woman let alone my wife.....

Please how do I change her sudden mentality towards this sudden extravagant life style because I pray it doesn't lead to something else since I can't do illegal things to acquire the type of wealth she dreams of?

[quote author=ademidedavid post=89482112]
She tends to be the best wife and mum if their is money but changes once its the opposite even her mum noticed her mood


But don't you think her attitude could be from her friends or those she associates with?

grafixdon:


You make absolutely no sense. Next time, don't give advice, you're not good at it

thank you bros. That guy lack sense

ademidedavid:

Yes, she has been listening to how most of her friends have travelled out and seeing them on social media, how they send things home and the others on instagram but are we now running a race? Not that we are doing so badly here in Nigeria.

Hmm. I feel you nigga from a Goodnigga. Women are often destroyed by friends, just the way Eve was destroyed by her best friend ,serpent. The worst scenario is that, they believe their friends more than you. It is the life of women. However, you can't kill yourself to sponsor your wife extravagances. Tell her the state of things calmly. And if she still insist, tell her she is free to have her life that for now you can't afford that. Stand your ground and watch her reactions, that will determine your REACTION!!!!

You've entered one chance,seriously. A wife like that is worst than the devil. Maybe u didn't do ur due diligence on her b4 marriage. It's this kinda woman that pushes husband to early death.

ademidedavid:
It's no longer a story that pastors divorce their partners, imams divorce their partners, highly educated people do same and even the so called marriage counsellors are not left out in the order of the day and it has always been a thing of worry for me with the thought that they never loved each other before marriage but getting married has changed my thinking and has made me realised that marriage only takes the grace of God to work out.

I have been married for 3 years with 1 beautiful daughter with a loving wife (maybe before and some years into the marriage). I have always believed that I cannever raise my hand on my woman since my father never did such but I find it hard to believe I did the unimaginable today although It wasn't intentional.

It was due to annoyance after she asked me to stop sitting at home and go work for more money like other men even though I am a federal worker with above 100k monthly income and still do personal work as a civil engineer apart from the federal job despite the lockdown.....

It really got me aggravated because I have been the one fending for the family and the kid for the past 3 years and never asked for a kobo from her.....

Although I have noticed the urge for very flamboyant life style in her lately and has even asked me to get more money at any means, that money is everything in this life even though I have tried telling her its a gradual process, she still doesn't listen and even asked me to raise money for her to travel out of Nigeria.

I have never thought of raising my hands on any woman let alone my wife.....

Please how do I change her sudden mentality towards this sudden extravagant life style because I pray it doesn't lead to something else since I can't do illegal things to acquire the type of wealth she dreams of?

Oga, don't put yourself under unnecessary pressure just to please your wife. Na her mate dey support their husband with millions. Wetin she don do for you?

Seems you exchanged words with your wife often. If e easy why she never make am and support you. Stop entertaining her with your response, she doesn't deserve it.

I bet she is from IMO mbaise ?


Crazy ladies

The most urgent question for you to ask is 'how can I show regret for my lack of restraint and laying my hands on another adult who is married to me?', after you have gotten help for that one you will then ask about how to change mentality.

You mentioned laying your hands on your wife in passing and excusing your behaviour as ordinarily you are not like that. How many ppl that have provoked 6ou outside your home have you beaten? You have problem.

So you don't know that marriage is dynamic and issues will come up, it's your wife today, tomorrow it will be you who has deviated from some standards, in fact you have deviated by beating her. If she had beaten you back forr deviating from a Godly man to the one that beats his wife, would you have understood? Answer me or you pass who dem go beat? Unto say you carry XY chromosome. And it's a big fat lie that your dad has never beaten your mum, you just chose to blot it out of your memory. Fix your priorities dear

ademidedavid:
It's no longer a story that pastors divorce their partners, imams divorce their partners, highly educated people do same and even the so called marriage counsellors are not left out in the order of the day and it has always been a thing of worry for me with the thought that they never loved each other before marriage but getting married has changed my thinking and has made me realised that marriage only takes the grace of God to work out.

I have been married for 3 years with 1 beautiful daughter with a loving wife (maybe before and some years into the marriage). I have always believed that I cannever raise my hand on my woman since my father never did such but I find it hard to believe I did the unimaginable today although It wasn't intentional.

It was due to annoyance after she asked me to stop sitting at home and go work for more money like other men even though I am a federal worker with above 100k monthly income and still do personal work as a civil engineer apart from the federal job despite the lockdown.....

It really got me aggravated because I have been the one fending for the family and the kid for the past 3 years and never asked for a kobo from her.....

Although I have noticed the urge for very flamboyant life style in her lately and has even asked me to get more money at any means, that money is everything in this life even though I have tried telling her its a gradual process, she still doesn't listen and even asked me to raise money for her to travel out of Nigeria.

I have never thought of raising my hands on any woman let alone my wife.....

Please how do I change her sudden mentality towards this sudden extravagant life style because I pray it doesn't lead to something else since I can't do illegal things to acquire the type of wealth she dreams of?

www.nairaland.com/attachments/11572505_4686485_jpeg70dc24bd21438d27ffa676a5351eb48d

With the way you sounded, you are very responsible and truthful fellow. I know you are feeling so bad that you raised your hand on your wife because of her attitude, my brother let me tell you the truth the hard way is the best way. Please don't mind her cut your coat according to your clothes, she has bad friends that are influencing her, what she does not know is that you have a good and secured job which you will grow to become a director one day or even perm sec and then you will balance for life. Don't let her influence you and push you into illegal things that you live to regret.

Prayers.

meetme01:
You don F-up. Raising your hands on any woman talkless your wife has degraded you. That's the bitter truth.

Back to the main issue. Your wife needs your unreserved apology. You need remorseful which is through your attitude. Let her know you are deeply sorry.

To her, is she not working? Why have you refused to set her up in a biz? One problem I have realized in today's marriage is, finance. It's really creating a lot of issues in most marriage. As a man, if you earn from three sources, declare only two. Let her know how the money is spent to the last kobo. That was the initial problem, you need to fix that part asap

.
Dang!!!
Do you have sense at all? Hitting his wife has degraded him, but the wife was not degraded by running her mouth like a tap.

You are handsome.

Dump her and find someone else who makes you happy. Life is too short.

I really don't understand how this life would look without money!

Man don't kill urself just to satisfy someone else's quest for flamboyancy.

Believe me, if u kill urself just to get it done at all cost, she moves on even before u get buried.


So do ur best and leave the rest to ur maker

[quote author=ademidedavid post=89482112]
She tends to be the best wife and mum if their is money but changes once its the opposite even her mum noticed her mood


But don't you think her attitude could be from her friends or those she associates with? If yes, pls try as much as possible to disengage her from them before it gets late.

Most ladies are deeply influenced by what they hear.

ademidedavid:
It's no longer a story that pastors divorce their partners, imams divorce their partners, highly educated people do same and even the so called marriage counsellors are not left out in the order of the day and it has always been a thing of worry for me with the thought that they never loved each other before marriage but getting married has changed my thinking and has made me realised that marriage only takes the grace of God to work out.

I have been married for 3 years with 1 beautiful daughter with a loving wife (maybe before and some years into the marriage). I have always believed that I cannever raise my hand on my woman since my father never did such but I find it hard to believe I did the unimaginable today although It wasn't intentional.

It was due to annoyance after she asked me to stop sitting at home and go work for more money like other men even though I am a federal worker with above 100k monthly income and still do personal work as a civil engineer apart from the federal job despite the lockdown.....

It really got me aggravated because I have been the one fending for the family and the kid for the past 3 years and never asked for a kobo from her.....

Although I have noticed the urge for very flamboyant life style in her lately and has even asked me to get more money at any means, that money is everything in this life even though I have tried telling her its a gradual process, she still doesn't listen and even asked me to raise money for her to travel out of Nigeria.

I have never thought of raising my hands on any woman let alone my wife.....

Please how do I change her sudden mentality towards this sudden extravagant life style because I pray it doesn't lead to something else since I can't do illegal things to acquire the type of wealth she dreams of?

You married a survivalist..Naso Dem way be ..Always trying to survive instead of living