Yesterday a beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy inside the plane. The lady said to him 'Can you help me to remove something from my br[i]ea[/i]st? Please.' The exciting young man replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure. So what is it?' The lady answered, "Your Eyes, id[i]i[/i]ot!"

Cool set of Jokes (as usual) - you've definitely got my vote for best poster of the year Sledge

During a soldier-hostage setup, a soldier catches 2 girls and their grandma.
Soldier: I will r[i]ap[/i]e all of you!
Girls: [i]Ra[/i]pe us but please leave our grandma out of it!
Grandma: Leave who out? War is war, everybody must face the consequences.

Lol!!!

Horney Grandma!

wow dat's a gud 1

Dad joined facebook. . .kid's status update: "Dad on FB. . .wtf!!! Dad commented, 'what is wtf?' Kid replied 'welcome to facebook'

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan Desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel.

The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay.

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'

No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the girls are.

A maid asked for a pay increase.

The madam (a wife) was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked:
'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Mam, there are THREE REASONS why I want an increase.

The first is that I iron better than you.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband say so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you are a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Your husband did.'
Wife: 'Oh.

Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed.
Wife: (really furious now) 'Ah! Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Mam. . .Your driver says'.
Wife: 'Ok Ok, So how much do you want?'

Princpial: Goodday Miss Fregene, are you the new English Language teacher?

Miss Fregene: Yes, I are!

A woman is like Bluetooth. You are next to her, she stays connected. You go away, she finds new devices. A man, however, is like wifi. Many devices can connect to him as long as he is not secured

In the exam hall look above for 'Inspiration' then look below for 'Concentration' and if none works then look BESIDE you for INFORMATION

Make sense.

Little Joe walked into his dad's study while his dad was working on the computer.
"Dad," said Joe, "Remember when you told me you'd give me twenty dollars if I passed my math test?"
Dad nodded.
"Well, the good news is that I just saved you twenty bucks."

Sledge o! I don tire to laugh! Shior, you wan kill me!

Manager: I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier today, we like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?
Boy: Warri, sir.
Manager: Well, why did you leave Warri?
Boy: Oga, nothing dey there apart from ashawo and footballers.
Manager: Really? My wife is from Warri.
Boy: Really? Which club she been dey play for?

What is the best punishment for a woman?

Give her new clothes matching her jewelry and nice cosmetics and then lock her in a room without mirror.

Couple in bed; Wife is trying to sleep and hubby is reading. Every now and then, hubby puts his hands under the sheets and slowly runs a finger along her p[i]us[/i]sy. Wife takes her nightie off and starts to gently rub his c[i]oc[/i]k and hubby says "not tonight, I'm trying to read." She shouts back, "why the f[i]uc[/i]k did you start with the pre-intimacy then?" He replied, "that wasn't pre-intimacy, I was just wetting my fingers to turn the pages!"

i can just imagine what d man's wife looks like 4 her 2 b mistaken 4 a LovePeddler by anoda LovePeddler,

Rapture has been postponed in Nigeria as the materials required to rapture the saints in the 36 states have not arrived. The Chairman of the Rapture Committee said this is to ensure a credible, free and fair rapture. A new date will be announced later today.

^^ Now that's not even funny

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," said she.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the docotor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

A police arrested a pr[i]osti[/i]tute in the hospital area and asked for her profession;

Pro[i]st[/i]itute: I'm a social Engineer
Policeman: What do you do?
Pro[i]st[/i]itute: I build and destroy erections

Two g[b]a[/b]ys got into a heated argument. Whilst arguing, 1 of them shouted: Kiss My A[b]ss[/b]! The other replied: This is not the time 2 be romantic.

Simbi was in a restaurant yesterday when she suddenly realized she desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud that she timed her gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of seconds, she felt better. She finished her lunch & noticed that everybody was staring at her. Then she suddenly remembered that she was listening to her iPod.

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well . . . .?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D br[i]ea[/i]st, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, 'Oh My God'."

A football team loses their star player, Roger D[i]ic[/i]ks, due to an injury.

Next day a headline reads: "Team to play without D[i]ic[/i]ks."

The manager calls up the newspaper and objects, so the editor changes the Headline. It reads: "Team to play with D[i]ic[/i]ks out."

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

Nice one.

An example of Total Business Failure due to Negligence. . .A Pregnant pro[b]sti[/b]tute!

tanimz:

Nice one.

My smallie. . .how art thou?

Thou art fine. How art thee fareth?