1. Maybe if the ribs no complete, something go shele'. Good one my friend

hmmmm

dude,u d one kipin this section alive
thumbs up bro

Thanks mahn!

After one week of marriage, a couple based in Naija had the following conversation;

Wife: Honey, can I use our BB?
Husband: No problem, it's on the couch.

Few mins later. . .

Wife: Baby, can i use our jeep? I want to go and buy some tomatoes at oja oba.
Husband: But y, yo, you have your own car now, don't you?
Wife: No jor, I want to drive our jeep!
Husband: Did you say our jeep? Ok ok ok dats alright, here is the key.

As she was about to go out. . .

Wife: honey, em em. . .Can you em em. . .give me our ATM card? I want to cash our money.
Husband: If I give you our slap!!! You will not see clearly to drive our jeep. . .Nonsense!

Ballot boxes snatchers are needed urgently for employment. Applicants must be smart, athletic and ready to kill. Previous experience in 1999/2003/2007 will be an added advantage.
CV should be emailed to . . . . .@yahoo. . .com.ng.

LOL Ur application should be 1st on the heap cos u sure possess those credentials.

Just think. . .in 50 years, Grandmas will have tattoos and rap will be the golden oldies!!

A guy stops to visit his friend who is paralyzed from the waist down. His friend says, "My feet are cold. Would you get my sneakers for me?"
The guy goes upstairs and there are his friend's two gorgeous daughters.
He says, "Hi, girls. Your dad sent me up here to f[i]uc[/i]k you."
The first daughter says, "That's not true."
He says, "I'll prove it."
He yells down the stairs, "Both of them?"
His friend yells back, "Of course, both of them!"

In a sunday service,

The pastor: Turn to your left and tell your neighbour that it shall be permanent.
Young boy: (Looking at an im[i]be[/i]cile after some seconds was confused and said) Don't mind him.
Im[i]be[/i]cile: God save you. I for bite you today.

lol!!

who wants to be bitten in church??

classic! Nice one sledge

1. Have a woman that can cook.

2. Have a woman that can clean and wash/laundry.

3. Have a woman that can arrange your bed properly. (Sex)

4. Have a woman that is independent and can take care of herself.

5. (Most important of the rules) Make sure that none of these women ever comes across eachother.

Dog is truly man's best friend!

Not convinced? Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car for an hour and when you open it, see who's happy to see you and be sure to get back to me on your experiment.

Those with 1st Class are so bright that they occupy the technical positions as Engineers & Doctors and it's likes.

Those with 2nd Class are smart and acquire MBA, become Administrators and control the '1st Class'.

Those with 3rd Class enter politics, become Ministers and control both the 1st & 2nd Class.

Finally, those who 'FAILED' join the underworld and control EVERYBODY irrespective of Class.



Where do you belong?

Smart thieves come up with anything justifiable to their actions just like below:

A friend asked God for money but he knows God doesn't work that way. So, he stole some cash and asked for forgiveness.

Furtherance to the bolded above;

A man goes to the priest and says, "Father forgive me for I stole some chickens." The priest replies, "How many chickens?"The man replies, "Hmmm. . . 5 . . .er, but let's say 10 I'll steal the remaining 5 on my way home."

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'Blackout' by PHCN
'Escape' by Ibori
'Desperate' by Atiku
'Umblera' by Patience
'Must be me' by Buhari
'Swindle' by Cecelia Ibru
'Barely 13' by Yerima
'Kampe' by Obj
'Assault' by Deji of Akure
'Insane' by Sanni Kaita
'F[i]uc[/i]k up' by Super Eagles
'Madness' by House of Rep
'April F[i]oo[/i]l' by Jega
'Sidon look' by Nigerians.

Contact MODERATOR for your desired choice and home delivery also available.

During lunch at work last week, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn't).

When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.

He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump! I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other leg, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!

Eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, so I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long.

He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table, with their hands to their noses, chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

A Professor at one of the IIM's (INDIA) was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing

2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising

3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing

4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car) for her,
pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say: "By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations

5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says: "You are very rich! Can you marry me?" - That's Brand Recognition

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback

7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap

8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person comes and tells her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share

9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets

Now go out and market the hell out of your product!!!

neva a dull moment with this thread,

6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback

Brave, Intelligent, Gentle, Polite, Energetic, Nutty, Industrious, Sensitive

And if all fails, read the CAPITAL LETTERS only.

Spread the slogan

"We stare because we care!"

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he
noticed Bob's wife, Sue wasn't wearing any pant under her dress. Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you liked under there?' Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you N50,000.' After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested. Sue told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p, m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of N50,000, they went to the bedroom and
closed their transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. And upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?' With a lump in her throat Sue answered 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.' Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'And did he give you N50,000?' Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did give me N50,000.'

Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, 'He came by the office this morning and borrowed N50,000 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back.

^^^ Ooooh!! Nasty!!

An aboki was withdrawing money from d ATM. The aboki behind him said "Ha! Ha! Haaa! walahi, u be fool, me I don see ur password na four star (****).
1st aboki: "Nonsense na u be fool, na 1258 be my password."

Tehehehehehe

kai mallam! up aboki, wallahi

Wise boy + Wise girl = Fight

Wise boy + Stupid girl = Sex

Stupid boy + Wise girl = Love

Stupid boy + Stupid girl = Marriage

Someone has suggested that for all we know, Naija may be another planet's hellfire. So they'll say "All sinners go to Nigeria!"

Good one(s) Sledge406

^^ Bibs

yes darling, me miss u so much

and I've missed you too girl!

Bibs, did you miss your road to locate this place or you were hijacked

Athink you don snatch ballot boxes finish, you don dey appear. Wait o! E remain one more (s)election.

Meanwhile welcome back and stay put!