A man was f[i]uc[/i]king a nurse. She shouts: Aah! It's painful.
Man: Kamini, daily you are injecting me where I don't have hole. I'm putting it in your hole and you say it hurts.

A Xhosa man, a Sotho man and a Zulu man are in a bar discussing how st[i]u[/i]pid their wives are when the Sotho man says, "You know, my wife must be the most stupid woman on this planet. There was a sale down at the supermarket last week and she bought R3000 worth of meat and we don't even have a freezer."

The Xhosa man says, "That's nothing. My wife went out last week, bought a brand new car for R400,000 and she can't even drive."

Then the Zulu man says, "You think that's st[i]u[/i]pid? I went home lastweek and my wife told me that she'd booked herself a two week holiday in Nigeria. I watched her packing her case and she took nearly 40 condoms with her and she doesn't even have a p[i]en[/i]is."

Bros Sledge mind urself well well o, i didnt snatch no box but stole ballot papers fa.
Anyways, i wont tell you that next for my line of action is sucide bombing and the target na here      

You wan wreck Seun ni or you wan inflict injuries for NLers abi na dry jokers?

Wait o did you say suicide bomb I nor dey NL on that day.

So you dey steal ballot papers from Presidential vote to use for Gubernatorial? You go sell the remaining one give akara sellers. I swear you're in for gain but lemme have the proceeds before you self-explode with some NLers.

A lady goes to her parish priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. "They say, 'Hi, we're pr[i]osti[/i]tutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, "I can see why you are embarrassed."

He thought a minute and then said, "You know, I may have a solution to this problem. I have two male parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house and we will put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship. I'm sure your parrots will stop saying that phrase in no time." "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw his two male parrots were inside their cage, holding their rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After just a couple of seconds, the female parrots exclaimed out in unison, "Hi, we're pr[i]osti[/i]tutes. Do you want to have some fun?" There was a stunned silence. Finally, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, "Put the beads away, Francis, our prayers have been answered!

Sledge Medical Association researchers have made a remarkable discovery. It seems that some patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood. It tends to make the men c[i]o[/i]cky and the women lay better.

Lwbmb, tight jokes u got here.

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far A[i]ss[/i] kissing will take you

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and A[i]ss[/i] kissing that will put you over the top

At a jewellry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Don't you want her name engraved upon it?" asked the jeweller. The young man thought for a moment and then, ever the pragmatic, steadfastly replied,
"No, just engrave it: To My One And Only Love. That way, if we break up and she throws it back to me in anger, I can use it again"

Teacher asks children, what do you wish to do in future?

Ram: I want to be a pilot.
Vinod: I want to be a doctor.
Deepa: I want to be a good mother.
Ravi: I want to help Deepa.

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw and spots another man (Veli) on the 1st floor. He yells down to him but the noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning, "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor (Veli) nods his head, pulls down his pants and starts mast[i]urb[/i]ating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and shouts," What the f[i]uc[/i]k is wrong with you, i[i]di[/i]ot? I said I needed a handsaw!" The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."

Sledge if u eva run 4 d best poster dis year,u'll win.

Thanks for the compliment.

Boy asks a Girl: How much calcium is there in a woman's breast?

Girl: I dont know but it has enough calcium to help a man's boneless thing standup

i go with Eldav for once

if u up for it,u got ma vote

n i wil rig studios own

A guy knocked at my door today and asked me for a donation for his local swimming pool so I gave him a glass of water to start him off.

Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller?

Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of b[i]oo[/i]bs are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there're three kinds of b[i]rea[/i]sts. In her twenties, a woman's br[i]ea[/i]sts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?" asks the boy.

"Yes," said the father, "you see them and they make you cry."

A professor at a university is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: “How many people here believe in ghosts?” About 40 students raise their hands.

“Well that’s a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you’ve ever seen a ghost?” About 20 students raise their hands.

“I’m really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?” 15 students raise their hands.

“That’s a great response.” “Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?” 3 students raise their hands.

“That’s fantastic.” “But let me ask you one question further. Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?” One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, and says, “Son, all the years I’ve been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You’ve got to come up here and tell us about your experience.”

The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium. The professor says, “Well, tell us what it’s like to have sex with a ghost.” The student replies, “Ghost?!? S[i]hi[/i]t. From back there it sounded like you said ‘goats!’”.

^^Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww!!!

3 rats were arguing about who had much swagger and efizzy.

1st Rat: I chop food with rat poison, I no die.

2nd Rat: I dance awilo on top mouse trap, nothing do me.

3rd Rat: Bone dat tin!!! see that cat wey dey go so? Na me give am belle!

Seen it before, but its still funny. Lol.

A woman was sitting in the bar with two guys beside her. The first guy says to the bar man, 'Johnnie Walker, single.' while the second blurts out, 'Jack Daniels, single.'

At that, the bar man approaches the lady & asks, 'and. . . you ma'am?'

'Nkechi Khubeka, married.'

TEACHER: Pete, do you know what a 'period' is?

PETE: Yes Sir! When my sister said she missed her period, my mum fainted, my dad got very mad and the driver ran away!

My Dear,

Thank you for being my love for the last five years and half. When you recieve this letter I believe you might have a new boyfriend and started enjoying your dating life.

Every lover needs to struggle a bit to get a boyfriend or a girlfriend. I got another girl from the next street and as you know this my 20^th girlfriend. When the love blossoms, everyone starts writing love letters. You know very well I have written many love letters to you and you knw how difficult it is to come up with all those romantic poems nowadays dear and it's a time consuming work. In order to avoid all these, I need all my love letters back so that I can edit and send them to my new girlfriend. Please, send them back to me cos I don't have any photocopy of these letters.

Another thing my dear, I've given you one beautiful photo of me, can you send it to me? You know it's the only nice photo I ever took.

Also during our five and half years of love, I've spent a lot of money on impressing you. Here's a list of expenses incurred & I request you to clear it at the earliest. The expenses are as follow;

Lunch/Dinner 1300
Drinks 670
Snacks 435
Juice 569
Cinema 700
Internet chatting 450
Mobile 700
Some I dont remember including gifts but estimate of 14000.00

Please try to clear the above amount so that I can spend the money on my new girlfriend and please the currency is in US Dollars. Moreover, if you have some of my gifts lying with you, I'm ready to take them back at half the price. Please, calculate the value of the left over and deduct it from the above statement of account.

Enclosed here are your love letters which weigh 4kg in case you need poems to write to your new boyfriend.

I hope you'll cooperate with me.

Your EX Gi Dis

A popular motivational speaker addressing his audience said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife!" The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!" Laughter and Applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!" The wife went; "ahhhh!" with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out ". . .and I can't remember who she was!"

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing first degree burns from boiling cooking oil.

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't paste.

A rastaman went to visit an old family friend. He knocked on the door and someone inside said: " Who is there ? "

Rastaman: " IT IS I AND I, JAH RASTAFARI, KING OF KINGS, LORD OF LORD: CONQUERING LION OF THE TRIBE OF JUDAH, SON OF HAILE SELASSIE I"

The person inside responded: "SORRY,I CANT OPEN THE DOOR FOR ALL OF YOU!"

Lol @ 'em jokes

Chicken is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of a standing cock.

Lettuce: I'm not happy with my looks, I look like a tree.

Cabbage: And me, I look like a brain.

Mushroom: That's not too bad, me, I look like an umbrella.

Banana and Sausage: OK! OK! Can we please change the topic?

A man fainted outside Mr. Biggs and soon a crowd formed around him. A passer-by suggested, "give him some water, it will help." The man heard this and opened one eye and replied, "comot from here, if na water I wan drink, I for go faint for water board."