Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 2,867,391 members, 6,881,379 topics. Date: Thursday, 26 May 2022 at 03:06 AM

My Encounter With My Successful Wife - Family - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Encounter With My Successful Wife (3402 Views)

My Face-to-face Encounter With 'poverty' And His Four Children (photos) / Wives Living In Nigeria And Husbands Abroad: My Encounter / My Encounter With A Married Man Yesterday (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply) (Go Down)

My Encounter With My Successful Wife by ZiriMane(m): 2:09pm On Jun 19, 2020
Sorry this may be a long read , but do well to read till the end.
The problem I had in my marriage is that I married a woman who was more ambitious and hardworking than me. It was hard for me because I was raised to see a man as the one who must be more successful than a woman. I was raised to believe that the man must be making more money than the woman. So my ego could not handle it at first. We live abroad and my wife is a very intelligent go getter type of woman. She is more intelligent and more hardworking than me and it was hard for me to accept this. I brought the woman abroad, she studied nursing, before you know it she has upgraded to a Nurse practitioner and was making way more money than me. She was more financially successful. In the beginning of our marriage it was very hard for me to cope with her highly driven nature. I wanted her to slow down and wait for me. As a man it is not easy to see your wife work harder than you and no matter how you try, the woman no dey tire she will be doing 5 things at the same time and is brilliant at all of them. Whatever she touches turns to gold.
It became a major problem for me to keep up with her. I started competing with my wife, and that introduced major rivalry between us. It was the worst mistake I ever made. In trying to compete with her, I was putting obstacles in her way of success so that I can catch up with her, this introduced a lot of discord in our marriage.
First of all I refused to help out in the house chores, we don’t have any help, and we had 4 children. I will refuse to cook even though I knew how to cook so that my wife will spend time cooking and be slowed down in her progress. I wanted her to be tired so she won’t have the energy to be working so hard in her career. I wanted her to defer exams and stay home with the kids for a while so I can earn more than her. So I just frustrated her with house work and looking after the kids. I told her it was a woman’s job to do that. I tried to stay away from the house as much as possible so I won’t even be there to help, she did as much as she could but before long, we were quarrelling a lot. I would even eat and leave the plate for her to wash. She will cry and beg me to support her stay home if I am not working so I can help out with the kids but I will refuse. Then she will get angry and we will exchange words, I will always accuse her of disrespecting me because she is succeeding. I told her her success had entered her head. There is nothing I didn’t do to slow this woman down. To the point of denying her sex and cheating on her to get back at her for her success. Yet this woman made friends easily and those friends helped her with minding the kids, and then she was able to apply for a visa for her mum to come. I was hoping the visa will be refused but it was granted so her mum came.
With her mum coming, staying for a few months, going for a few weeks and coming again, she had more time and she progressed fast and got to the top of her career. She was so intelligent that passing exams was so easy. Meanwhile for me, I struggled to pass my own exams. Her own is one touch she passed. I think I can say that I was jealous of my wife, I was jealous of her success. I wanted that success for myself and I was very foolish in doing that.
As she became more successful, I became a bigger enemy of that success. The conflict in our marriage got worse. Just to frustrate her I will complain about everything, I moved out of our room, just the sight of her made me feel less of a man. I had serious inferiority complex, it was bad.
Knowing that she is a family oriented woman who wanted us to stay together and raise our kids, I will keep threatening divorce to scare her and it used to scare her a lot. She kept crying and begging me, each time I act my drama, she begs and begs and I will keep reminding her that I was the one who brought her abroad and that she is nothing without me. She would always express her gratitude to me and she really tried to be a good wife but No! I was not having any of it. Her mother did her best to try to reconcile us but I wasn’t listening. All I wanted was for her to stop earning more money than me but I couldn’t say it so I don’t sound wicked. Until one day, I don’t know what happened to my wife. But she came home and asked for separation and divorce on that faithful day. Her grounds was severe emotional abuse and neglect; she said we hadn’t slept in the same bed or made love for over 2 years, so we were practically separated. I was so shocked. When the reality dawned on me that this woman was serious, and the implications to me, having to move out of the house I pay the mortgage for, having to pay child support and the damage to my children, I truly did not want the marriage to end. But the cracks in the marriage was huge. All caused by me.
She said she could no longer cope with the stress in the marriage, it was affecting her mental health and she was making mistakes at work. Before I knew it she got a lawyer who was representing her. That was when I knew I had bitten more than I could chew. I have a good friend who knows everything and he had been warning me that I was going to lose a good woman but I refused to listen. I told my friend what was happening and he advised me to swallow my ego and start asking my wife for forgiveness. Omo this was what I did oh!!! She was surprised. She said she thought that was what I wanted, that I hated her so much. This woman cried so much from the pain and suffering I caused her for 12 good years. But she agreed to give us another chance. She insisted that we must attend marriage counselling and continue sleeping apart until we worked through our issues. After several months of marriage counselling my eyes opened to the beast I was and to all the nonsense I believed in. I was so ashamed of myself for punishing her. I was so ashamed of myself for punishing a woman for being hardworking, intelligent and progressive. We made so much progress. I have apologised to my wife nothing less than 100 times since then. I have cried and asked her for forgiveness and she has since forgiven me.
We have started anew and so far it is working. We have been married for 15 years now and I am glad I stayed.
I am particularly directing my advice at men. As more women are getting educated and rising to the top in their careers, prepare yourself to accept that one of these women might become your wife one day, prepare to accept her success, prepare your mind to see her success as yours, prepare your mind to be proud of her and celebrate her rather than work against her. We all have our destinies and for some men, their destiny is to marry a woman that their destiny is to marry a woman that will be more successful than them. It is important to see that succeas yours too so that you will not lose a good woman God has blessed you with. Never make the mistake of being jealous of your own wife. I am so glad I didn’t lose. #copied
RoyalRoy
Lalasticlala
Mynd44
Rocktation

44 Likes 5 Shares

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by DominusPrime: 2:15pm On Jun 19, 2020
God bless you richly for this but God bless your wife even more. I do not know up to 10 women that a man will marry and bring abroad and then she will become way more successful than her husband and yet still remain as humble as your wife. I say God bless her again and again. You are a very lucky man. Treasure her for the rest of your life.



By the way, she get younger sister? Or even older one wey never marry? I'm asking for a friend grin

7 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Nobody: 2:18pm On Jun 19, 2020
you were a wicked man,go and sin no more.After asking women to bring something to the table, they will still hate the fact that you were able to bring alot to the table,Bruised Ego.A lesson to others.

27 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Goldenkrezi: 2:23pm On Jun 19, 2020
You were unfair ooo.

U almost lost a great wife but thank God you repented if not...

It would have been hell for you

2 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Goldenkrezi: 2:23pm On Jun 19, 2020
You were unfair ooo.
U almost lost a great wife but thank God you repented if not...
It would have been hell
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by MoonWater: 2:25pm On Jun 19, 2020
ZiriMane:
It was hard for me because I was raised to see a man as the one who must be more successful than a woman.
You were raised the best way. You were raised not to be a burden unto your wife. You were raised not to be dependent on your wife. But your decision to be harsh with life is entirely yours. As such, it can't be used to generalize other men.

No colorations to it. The OP admitted he was not intelligent which was a precursor to the kind of attitude he put up.

Its the woman's duty to take of the children, but as a husband you can help your wife out.

7 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Mrnakeina(m): 2:25pm On Jun 19, 2020
Some people are just so lucky
We don't all have a second chance

3 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by chii8(f): 2:38pm On Jun 19, 2020
Chaiii.. .. thank God for not letting the enemy win....
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Slynation(m): 2:44pm On Jun 19, 2020
How can someone be his own wizard without the influence of village people... Stories like this should end in premium tears grin

9 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by rosy1992(f): 2:51pm On Jun 19, 2020
Lovely.
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by bukatyne(f): 2:55pm On Jun 19, 2020
Interesting thread.

Thank God the wife did not let the killjoy husband derail her.

There is a need for an overhaul in how we train our kids.

I remember speaking to a child some years back and asking the random 'what do you want to be in future' question.

And she said a nurse.

'A doctor you mean?' I corrected.

'No, women are nurses and not doctors. So she is going to be a nurse.' Replied her mother.

Omo, I weak.

Hopefully, the author would pass his insight to his kids.

3 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Bola146(f): 3:07pm On Jun 19, 2020
Thank God for His greatness in that marriage. I pray that I get my own God's own husband soon too

6 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Nobody: 3:26pm On Jun 19, 2020
bukatyne:
Interesting thread.

Thank God the wife did not let the killjoy husband derail her.

There is a need for an overhaul in how we train our kids.

I remember speaking to a child some years back and asking the random 'what do you want to be in future' question.

And she said a nurse.

'A doctor you mean?' I corrected.

'No, women are nurses and not doctors. So she is going to be a nurse.' Replied her mother.

Omo, I weak.

Hopefully, the author would pass his insight to his kids.
But even what you did is wrong.
Trying to make decisions for her. This current generation makes life difficult for a woman a 100× .
So what if a woman wants to be a nurse? She's no longer good enough? What If a woman says she wants to be a housewife raising her children to the best of her abilities? She's still not good enough. Your grievance was that women are trapped and forced to live a "particular lifestyle" while you in turn do the same. Must every woman be a CEO or "boss lady" as you put it? A woman who chooses her career over her family is celebrated while the one who chooses family over career is ridiculed. Is that not the same evil in another form? Why do you always feel you should "cage" yourself.



@OP, I'm so happy your marriage turned out better in the end.

14 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by bukatyne(f): 3:32pm On Jun 19, 2020
Tadeknkeepcalm:

But even what you did is wrong.
Trying to make decisions for her. This current generation makes life difficult for a woman a 100× .
So what if a woman wants to be a nurse? She's no longer good enough? What If a woman says she wants to be a housewife raising her children to the best of her abilities? She's still not good enough. Your grievance was that women are trapped and forced to live a "particular lifestyle" while you in turn do the same. Must every woman be a CEO or "boss lady" as you put it? A woman who chooses her career over her family is celebrated while the one who chooses family over career is ridiculed. Is that not the same evil in another form? Why do you always feel you should "cage" yourself.



@OP, I'm so happy your marriage turned out better in the end.

First, I think Boss lady or any other tag used by/for ladies is nonsense.

Secondly, I have no issues with whatever a child (not mine) wants to be.

You will agree with me that children would say 'doctor', 'engineer' etc than a nurse hence the initial correction.

While it is not bad to be a nurse, I find it wrong a mother teaching her daughter that nursing is for girls while doctoring is for men.

But again, she is not my daughter and her mother has the authority to bring up her daughter as she deem fit. smiley

3 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by extol1(m): 3:32pm On Jun 19, 2020
Bola146:
Thank God for His greatness in that marriage. I pray that I get my own God's own husband soon too
if it is Nigerian husband, I am here for you but if it is Nigerian husband based in abroad, I think their is coma
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by sisisioge: 3:40pm On Jun 19, 2020
Together you stand a better chance of winning life's challenges regardless of who's making more money... Na God say your brain reset!

1 Like

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Nobody: 3:41pm On Jun 19, 2020
bukatyne:


First, I think Boss lady or any other tag used by/for ladies is nonsense.

Secondly, I have no issues with whatever a child (not mine) wants to be.

You will agree with me that children would say 'doctor', 'engineer' etc than a nurse hence the initial correction.

While it is not bad to be a nurse, I find it wrong a mother teaching her daughter that nursing is for girls while doctoring is for men.

But again, she is not my daughter and her mother has the authority to bring up her daughter as she deem fit. smiley
You felt being a nurse was "lesser", that is why you asked the question in the first place. Be honest, if she said doctor would you have asked "why not a nurse"?

20 Likes 3 Shares

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by DRPAIT123(m): 4:01pm On Jun 19, 2020
one heaven of a Story, I hope it hits FP so people can learn

2 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by ieemmanuel(m): 5:46pm On Jun 19, 2020
You are a lucky man
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by faithfull18(f): 6:15pm On Jun 19, 2020
Lol, not everyone gets a second chance though, thank God you swallowed your ego on time, cool story.

1 Like

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Ulunne777: 6:29pm On Jun 19, 2020
I'm not surprised!
Some men do that. They'd rather you remain in the pit with them than rise. It irks them.

9 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Fountainofyouth(f): 6:45pm On Jun 19, 2020
Your first two abi three paragraghs is exactly how most men who see their wife is succeeding react because of ego, some destroy the family with their selfishness in the process, get a divorce, then go about telling everyone that cares to listen that "I brought my ex wife abroad, she grew wings because she earns more, that's why we got a divorce", they will never say 99% of the fault is theirs, nonsense.

Men, very jealous emotional beings, but they like to guilt trip women of same, all the things we can withstand in marriage, they can't withstand one tenth of it, weak selfish beings,

Op thank your stars you were quick to reflect on your actions and see the light.

25 Likes 1 Share

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Phenomenal16(f): 6:47pm On Jun 19, 2020
Nurse praticioner......wow
Am looking forward to getting there

5 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by nahzyla: 6:48pm On Jun 19, 2020
So many women in Nigerian marriages are facing what the woman in Op story faced
Their own case is worse because their husbands are dumb as well as egotistical and are not ready to take correction unlike Op husband. The women spend their whole lives putting up with abuse because their spouses cannot be happy about their progress.

Nigerian men want working wives but do not want her success or money to exceed theirs

Just all round selfish fellows

13 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Liposure: 7:04pm On Jun 19, 2020
Phenomenal16:
Nurse praticioner......wow Am looking forward to getting there
sucess
Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Fountainofyouth(f): 7:14pm On Jun 19, 2020
Op is lucky his wife desperately wants to continue being called a "Mrs", some wouldn't stay up to one year before they divorce your cheating, disgusting, evil ass.

3 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Romangalactic(m): 7:21pm On Jun 19, 2020
After ending the last comment with blessings
Fountainofyouth:

Men, very jealous emotional beings, but they like to guilt trip women of same, all the things we can withstand in marriage, they can't withstand one tenth of it, weak selfish beings,

Op thank God you were quick to reflect on your actions and see the light, God bless your home.

She comes back to spoil it with
Fountainofyouth:
Op is lucky his wife desperately wants to continue being called a "Mrs", some wouldn't stay up to one year before they divorce your cheating, disgusting, evil ass.


What disease do we call this now?

3 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Fountainofyouth(f): 7:34pm On Jun 19, 2020
Romangalactic:
After ending the last comment with blessings


She comes back to spoil it with



What disease do we call this now?


Hehehehe, you are not feeling fine, I was thinking of how distasteful it must have been for the woman and what she had to endure, so i typed another comment.

7 Likes

Re: My Encounter With My Successful Wife by Galactico4ever(m): 7:36pm On Jun 19, 2020
Your wife must be out of this world.An Angelic Rare Gem!!

1 Like

(1) (2) (3) (4) (Reply)

Do Husbands Feel Guilty After Making Love To Their Wives / Breaking News - A Woman Gave Birth To Eleven Children At Once / Coming 4rm Abroad 4 My Wedding With #2 Million, Is That Enough?

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2022 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 162
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.