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How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? - Family (12) - Nairaland

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Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by SoftWerkLife: 5:20am On Jul 07, 2020
A lot has been said here already. But I guess I may just chip in a bit. As a married guy myself and from my little experience, my brother getting married and staying married is not easy. Whether being married to someone you fell in love with or not.
The gospel truth and reality is that in marriage, love is not enough. You need more than that.
Marriage is work, which requires your time, energy, resources, emotions and infact everything you've got that makes you you. So having said this, it means marriage is something that requires your deliberate and conscious input to make it work.

Yes, the circumstances surrounding your union may not have been how you envisaged or planned, but know this that everything that happens under the sun happens for a reason.

My advice to you. Seek the face of God. Ask him to help you. God always has an agenda for everything. So your case, please don't see it as a mistake.

Your wife may not be the most beautiful, or gorgeous or sexy lady. She can only be what you, the man of the house make her to be.

So if you make her out to be a mistake, an error, a reproach or a source of regret, then that is what she will definitely be. And your life will become even more unbearable. So like I said earlier, everything lies in your hands.

Every woman desires and yearns to be loved. So just try and give yourself a chance and choose to love her. Be patient with her. Teach her, nurture her, and groom her to what and how you desire your woman to be and then watch and see what will happen.
It most definitely will not be easy, but you just have to work at it.
Like someone suggested somewhere, list out what you don't like about her, then also truthfully list out the good things about her. Then see how much of the bad side you can convert to good and then get to work.

Sit down with her, and express your truth. Then tell her your decision and choice to make your union work. And also try and listen to her own side too. And find out if she too will be willing to let the union work.

There is no perfect marriage my brother.

"Straight roads does not make skillful drivers"

"It's a slow process, but quitting won't speed it up"

You are only as good as the choices you make.

What you have might just be a rough diamond. You just need to polish it.

Divorce, though always an option, is not usually the best.

I wish you the best sir

3 Likes

Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ThinkFreely: 5:23am On Jul 07, 2020
J111333:
Thing is you ain't making no effort to love your wife because if you would, you could.

Love doesn't fall from heaven, it is grown. She is your wife man, make some efforts to love her and if you truly can't then go for divorce now that you still have one kid.
People don’t make effort to love. It happens spontaneously.

Get that straight.
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by mozele(m): 5:23am On Jul 07, 2020
ImaIma1:
I guess sex happened or she just fell pregnant.

If not, why get intimate with someone you can't seem to stand.

I guess that's what ladies seem not to understand about we guys.

you see ehn, lust has always been one of the killers of men...

when a man is lustfully chasing after a woman to have a taste of what lies in-between her ties, his thinking faculty litrarily shuts down.

Whatever visible faults either in physique or character becomes totally nonexistent and unnecessary.

if men could rape a 3 month old baby, 82year-old grandma, or a mad woman down the street, why do you think he can't get intimate with someone he can't stand?

it's was never done in his right senses. when you are led by lust, these are the results you'll often get.

This is one reason I do ask God for the grace to overcome the spirit of lust in my daily prayers. It's not easy!
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by manando1(m): 5:27am On Jul 07, 2020
ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?
wow nice story , now carry your cross :-)
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ThinkFreely: 5:27am On Jul 07, 2020
lonelydude:
If you divorce her, there is a high chance that you will regret it because of your child.

I'm not a marriage counsellor but what I know works like a magic in your situation is:

1. Try to identify her love language which she must have been telling you verbally or through body language but YOU ARE LIKELY NOT LISTENING TO HER (I don't mean not hearing, I mean LISTENING TO HER).

2. When you identify her love language, meet that need......(clue: I think most women love gifts).

3. Also, try to see how you can develop her either by furthering her education or setting up/expanding a business for her.

4. Give her parents more surprise visits with gifts for them as well (you can do this without her).

Sex will naturally come before you know and your relationship will receive a boost.

Thank me later.




You guys are funny.
You think he won’t regret it either if he stays in that marriage?

You think you can force love?
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by freemi(m): 5:38am On Jul 07, 2020
sylve11:
You're in for a long thing.
In the hay days when you're telling her you loved her just to spread her like bedsheet on top a sheet, so you're telling lies, isn't it? sad

I will not say much because If you nor know how song take start make you no go hurry dance put, before you go dance GARALA inside ASONTO.... cool
u didnt even red d write up. .
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by nkezecheckport: 5:42am On Jul 07, 2020
Ask a lot of married people, they have wished they didnt marry their spouses atimes.

Love in a marriage is overated, what is realistic is friendship, tolerance, patience and sacrifice.

These explains how our people of old did it where 2 different people who never met get matched and stay married till de get very old.

Friendship
You must try and befriend her afresh, i am sure in your circle of friends their are people who could be worse that she is yet they are your friend. Now you both have a kid together you have more than enough reasons to be her friend. If she is uneducated as you claim first be her friend then afd value to her.

Tolerance
Tolerance is the ability to live with shortcomings of another person, without this in marriage there will always be divorces. How ever there are some characteristics that should not be tolerated like abuse that could lead to death, consistent infidelity. You haven't said she is any of these. You are only worry about CLASS.

Patience
Patience helps one to tolerate and grow with someone until the desired result is achieved. Without it after every little disappointment we jump ship and look for another person. It could also help you win over someone.

Sacrifice
Sacrifice means to give up something. In marriage you must be willing to give up a few things like your pride, your space, your time, your privacy, your resources etc.

Now All I have said is to be exhibited by both PARTIES. If you are both ready to try and put work into it you can earn mutual respect and friendship will grow.

WHY SHOULD YOU WORK ON YOUR MARRIAGE
1. You already have a child together. Records show that kids whose parents are not together suffer some psychosocial defects

2. Whats the guarantee that the next person you will meet will be better. He or she may be classy and educated yet be abusive or possess any other vices.

Am not saying that this write up fixes all things because MARRIAGE IS NOT COPY AND PASTE. but give it your best before you jump out.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by koladata(m): 5:48am On Jul 07, 2020
if she's not up to 35, get her jamb form, pick one of the federal universities for her, do everything in your power to coach her so she can get in, don't pick big course, just one small educational course. let her go from home provided the federal school is in your state of residence. she will change automatically. She will also start flirting in no time which will now turn the table around , you will be the one begging for love las las

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Nobody: 5:55am On Jul 07, 2020
click on the link below and enjoy how you can have a successful marriage. https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/family/
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Kaybaba5(m): 6:00am On Jul 07, 2020
sylve11:
You're in for a long thing.
In the hay days when you're telling her you loved her just to spread her like bedsheet on top a sheet, so you're telling lies, isn't it? sad

I will not say much because If you nor know how song take start make you no go hurry dance put, before you go dance GARALA inside ASONTO.... cool


The op has started dancing surugede dance he forgot that surugede dance is a dance of spirit.... I pity him

Nevertheless what do I know
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Nobody: 6:02am On Jul 07, 2020
grin
ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Teerach: 6:02am On Jul 07, 2020
A child is not an inheritance. A child is a life. I'm speaking from a point of a broken home. A child deserves both parents most especially when they are alive. After putting your dick somewhere, now you want to run away and deprive an innocent child complete love package...... I pity you.
Solution: watch any law of attraction video. The Secret by Rhonda will save your marriage if you're not selfish.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Harmlesspill(m): 6:04am On Jul 07, 2020
Things don't grow on their own!!
Shape her to the woman you want,,nurture her to be sexy in such a way she was that attracted you.You just have to do something to solve the problem at hand.Try to find reasons to love her and work on that reason tirelessly.
If you don't bring firewood together and light it,,,you can never get the fire burning!!
Nothing is impossible but it depends the path you follow to tackle it.
Peace!!
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by MISSCONGENIALITY(f): 6:06am On Jul 07, 2020
One mistake people make is not just sleeping with people they don't have any feelings for but sleeping with them without protection.
You had the choice e to avoid all this from the moment you thought of having a fling with her. And another mistake is marrying someone just because they got you pregnant or you got them pregnant. Its not always the best decision.

From the comments you can see you have just two options. Either you make it work or end it. It's left for you decide which one you want. After all, when you started with the decision of having unprotected sex, you didn't seek advice from nairaland.
Just make sure you two take care of that innocent child.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ecnuel: 6:12am On Jul 07, 2020
You wish you never married her? You should be wishing you never had a "fling". You have not learnt the right lesson, you may make another mistake.

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by eldoradoxx: 6:16am On Jul 07, 2020
File for divorce
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by illicit(m): 6:16am On Jul 07, 2020
Carry ur cross abeg sir.

Jesus love everybody, both educated and non educated.

When u were a baby, loud and locqacious and u shit for body, didn't your momma love u

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Bola146(f): 6:16am On Jul 07, 2020
GIdiata:


and why it's also risky for women who think they have a perfect shape to seduce guys for Money. may be she agreed to spread her legs because of SHAWARMA

grin jobless girl, that is her cup of tea
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by AdonisT(f): 6:18am On Jul 07, 2020
Brother Ollins,

If this lady is as terrible as this, how were you able to get an erection to stick it into her?

How did you start the toasting to get her into your bed and arms?

The same magic you worked.
to get her pregnant, use it again.

Abi o... He wanted to use and dump the lady but God catch am.

Continue to live with her 4 d rest of ur life.

This should serve as a lesson to all the play boys out there. If you don't love her, don't try to go close to her.
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ingredient88(m): 6:26am On Jul 07, 2020
ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.
Oga, you don enter, you most go ahead, pray to God for assistance, no going back!

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by DaInferno(m): 6:26am On Jul 07, 2020
ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?
yes, this is how you will live for the rest of your life, unless you both start teaching each other how to love each other
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Angelfrost(m): 6:28am On Jul 07, 2020
The way and manner most of us young people indulge in unprotected sex is just ridiculous and appalling.

Sex is beyond a physical act. It has far reaching emotional and psychological implications, if not spiritual!!! Maybe, HIV, Warts, Hepatitis B, etc, have now become curable! Cos, I really don't understand people knacking raw with reckless abandon like we are back in the Sixties.

Mr. Op, it's time to come off your high horse of ego and self pity! Time to have a real heart to heart with your wife (you chose and accepted to make her your wife, forget pressures. It was your decision ultimately)... There has to be a way to reach a mutual compromise with regards to intimacy and relationship. Real talk can go a very long way! You will likely discover things about her that are attractive and interesting.

Honestly, a lot of marriages across the world today are not that different from yours. Most of them even went through the motions including years of dating, loving and the works prior to the commitment at the altar, yet they are currently dry and tasteless!!! This is why many get divorced on the overused and idiotic line "Irreconcilable Differences"!!! The truth is, most people just fail to work on the relationship or friendship... This is what keeps marriages, not humping and physical attractiveness.

If that woman and mother of your child is not amenable to friendship and proper relationship, then it's time to move on and apart for good!!! This is the 21st century. Marriage is no longer a life prison of hell. Be less selfish, see her differently, and start doing things for her. Be her friend, and give her a chance to show you her great side too.

It begins with Real Talk!!! Take her out on a date for starters!
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ttaiwo09: 6:30am On Jul 07, 2020
I suggest you just create a space, let her travel maybe to stay with your close relatives or her own parents for like 2-3 months. let's see if you're really going to miss her absence to the extent that u will want her to come back home. if this happens, u guys just have grow with the love and always keep space if something is not right between you.
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ooe33: 6:35am On Jul 07, 2020
Boda, no be only ten commandments dey?

HembaqMbk:
Bible says "Love your wife". It is a commandment. So just love her. It is the only way to cope.
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Ooe33: 6:41am On Jul 07, 2020
He must cope oh.
He is s*x starving his wife and u are saying he shouldn't waste what.
9ja women dey dull for court case that's why u get mind come write this thing.
Scope her again, date her again. Two of u must do the changes. Change some of ur personalities to suite her and let her do the same.
She isn't educated? Boda take her to sch. Enroll her in private lessons, let her get her SSCE if she doesn't already have one.

Ningen:
You only live once man. Don't waste it.

You don't have to cope, grow old and die in a loveless marriage, when you can divorce each other and move towards a very happy life.

Staying for your child??

He will do better with happy parents!
Regardless if the parents are together or apart.
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by KhingLufem1(m): 6:48am On Jul 07, 2020
bukatyne:


Brother Ollins,

If this lady is as terrible as this, how were you able to get an erection to stick it into her?

How did you start the toasting to get her into your bed and arms?

The same magic you worked to get her pregnant, use it again.

It is in you like peak!
Exactly
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by OBku4(m): 6:54am On Jul 07, 2020
bukatyne:


Brother Ollins,

If this lady is as terrible as this, how were you able to get an erection to stick it into her?

How did you start the toasting to get her into your bed and arms?

The same magic you worked to get her pregnant, use it again.

It is in you like peak!
Before checking the gender, I knew it's the quote of a woman.
So just a lil info. Dick no dey look character or love. Purely sensual

That's why a man can cheat but still love his wife.. Dick no get manners o grin

1 Like

Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Nobody: 7:02am On Jul 07, 2020
.
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Nobody: 7:03am On Jul 07, 2020
You can start growing your love with her most men don't love their wife when they first got married so you can start, loving your wife now, by going out often, and make plans with her and try to understand her more, establishing more communication...
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by Nobody: 7:03am On Jul 07, 2020
bukatyne:


Brother Ollins,

If this lady is as terrible as this, how were you able to get an erection to stick it into her?

How did you start the toasting to get her into your bed and arms?

The same magic you worked to get her pregnant, use it again.

It is in you like peak!
the world has changed. You don't have to toast any girl before you lay anymore.
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by sylve11: 7:08am On Jul 07, 2020
Nuel4:
una go just open mouth waaa dey talk anyhow. Were you there when he said he said love her? I don't remember the last time I told any I love her but I dey fucck them steady. There are girls everywhere you don't have to tell anything

The op edited the contents but it's okay to trade insults. I have ignored so many replies because they didn't see the original post.This will be this last time replying you. Thanks. cool
Re: How Do You Cope If Married To Someone You Don't Love? by ntyce(m): 7:08am On Jul 07, 2020
Ishilove:
I
^^
This here is someone who did not allow his preek think for him.

Brother Ollins, be like CsRockefeller

Be like CsRockefeller the tribalist? Uhn
undecided undecided undecided

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