when you dey chop the beans we NAIRALAND nor know o, na wen problem come we go hear , na you beat the drum , na still you dance

Unnerve:

Funny question, but not surprising coming from a woman. Lol

You don't understand the unique electrical impulses of a man's brain. Most men don't need to believe a woman is great or the best before sticking it into her.
The problem usually begins when he gets carried away by how good the sex was and then marries her just because of it, e.g the OP

Mtcheew, the Op didn't marry the girl based on "how good the sex was".

CsRockefeller:


Chimo! I must have used the wrong term.

I am not a Tribalist at all o. Abeg, I don't discriminate among people, class or religion. I believe in giving everyone d benefit of the doubt.

However, in marriage or family settings, I don't think I can settle with someone outside my tribe. My family is a very traditional one, I won't be easy and I have seen how my parents lived and I think o will love to model mine after them.

I love the Igbo culture. The food, the music, the language, the dance, everything about it.

I hope I'm not making a big mistake shutting out other tribes. Till date, d best ladies I've met aren't even Igbo.

Sincerely, I wish I did give her a chance but something kept pulling me out everytime I wanted to.

I'm happy you explained how you're not a tribalist. I initially thought you were anyways. This (your explanation) is exactly how I feel about Igbo ladies. I love them, they're usually light skinned and beautiful (oh my gosh) but to gather strength to ask them out, na war for me. I was so close to one like that, we were next door neighbours in a rented apartment and we got so well together. I was getting emotional already but this tribe thing ehn... I'm Yoruba btw

'I knew in my heart i didnt love'... hear urself, children from frustrated home are everly confuse, u kno hear am say 'one man one woman' u choose u don choose die there and continue from hell

ThinkFreely:
People don’t make effort to love. It happens spontaneously.

Get that straight.

I'm sure you're not married lol

@ollins,you could have married an angel,but unfortunately,angels dont marry,let me tell you the truth,mrs right is never found anywhere except in dreams.My favourite saying about marriage is that." Don't marry who you love,love who you married" because we all have our short commings,including you the op,some will say couples should be compactable,yes,compactibility here means you should consider one another.it is you that will make things work out.learn to like and love her attitude and character,since they 're not harmful to you.if you dont change your mindset towards women,you will marry the whole world and still not satisfied.

Angelfrost:
The way and manner most of us young people indulge in unprotected sex is just ridiculous and appalling.

Sex is beyond a physical act. It has far reaching emotional and psychological implications, if not spiritual!!! Maybe, HIV, Warts, Hepatitis B, etc, have now become curable! Cos, I really don't understand people knacking raw with reckless abandon like we are back in the Sixties.

Mr. Op, it's time to come off your high horse of ego and self pity! Time to have a real heart to heart with your wife (you chose and accepted to make her your wife, forget pressures. It was your decision ultimately)... There has to be a way to reach a mutual compromise with regards to intimacy and relationship. Real talk can go a very long way! You will likely discover things about her that are attractive and interesting.

Honestly, a lot of marriages across the world today are not that different from yours. Most of them even went through the motions including years of dating, loving and the works prior to the commitment at the altar, yet they are currently dry and tasteless!!! This is why many get divorced on the overused and idiotic line "Irreconcilable Differences"!!! The truth is, most people just fail to work on the relationship or friendship... This is what keeps marriages, not humping and physical attractiveness.

If that woman and mother of your child is not amenable to friendship and proper relationship, then it's time to move on and apart for good!!! This is the 21st century. Marriage is no longer a life prison of hell. Be less selfish, see her differently, and start doing things for her. Be her friend, and give her a chance to show you her great side too.

It begins with Real Talk!!! Take her out on a date for starters!

While you have spoken with a wisdom beyond your years, the op is a poster boy for the sexual immorality rocking this generation of youths. I don't pity him. He must carry his cross. The men here are excusing their lack of self control to preek not having 'manners' so let him bear the consequences of his preeks mannerlessness.

Irresponsible yoot

bukatyne:


Brother Ollins,

If this lady is as terrible as this, how were you able to get an erection to stick it into her?

How did you start the toasting to get her into your bed and arms?

The same magic you worked to get her pregnant, use it again.

It is in you like peak!

They usually say "Dont fvck who you can't marry". E get why

Op just wanted a bang

My thoughts: that's your own cross. Carry it.
You lied about loving her just to bleep her. Now the report card is out.

Probably you're one of those Red pill shit guys and all that

Now Karma and his darling Nemesis has paid you a visit

Carry your cross man. Na so life is.

If you think of divorcing her and abandoning your child, premium tears awaits.

IamDavid:

I'm sure you're not married lol

Well I am, why did you ask?

Bros I was in ur shoe some years back, don’t let anyone tell you to work it out. You can’t work what love is not involved. You can correct, instruct, discipline, teach who you don’t love it not possible ma brother. Just leave the marriage nothing can come out of it. I fought everything to stay out of the marriage now am enjoying my life with ma new sweet loving wife

ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?

ThinkFreely:
Well I am, why did you ask?

I thought all married people "know" love is, many time a deliberate decision. (In the long run)

But you have the prick to F***k who you don't love. Enjoy your misery. She's f***able but not marriageable. You're a mumu man

ThinkFreely:
You guys are funny. You think he won’t regret it either if he stays in that marriage?
You think you can force love?

Love grows, if waters(nutured).

you are on ur own

faithfull18:

Please, help us ask oh.

You choose to love, it's a decision.

Unless you mean you aren't sexually attracted to her anymore but I am sure you were when you were flinging upandan

You don't CHOOSE to love and it is NOT a decision..

The heart LOVES whom IT loves and that's THAT..

leave or die there, thats a suicide mission, i feel your pain bro

Ishilove:

While you have spoken with a wisdom beyond your years, the op is a poster boy for the sexual immorality rocking this generation of youths. I don't pity him. He must carry his cross. The men here are excusing their lack of self control to preek not having 'manners' so let him bear the consequences of his preeks mannerlessness.

Irresponsible yoot

The sexual immorality dubbed 'sexual freedom' is soooooo scary.

How do people hop from one person to another without feelings or commitment?

Sex has sadly lost its sacred nature.

DarkJeddi:
You don't CHOOSE to love and it is NOT a decision..

The heart LOVES whom IT loves and that's THAT..

Love is not a feeling, love is patient, kind, keeps no record of wrongdoing etc.

The gizgiz you feel is often referred to as lust.

Besides, we have different kinds of love, the Philio, agape etc.

coputa:
Love grows, if waters(nutured).

This one the op narrated won’t grow, unless we don’t wanna tell ourselves the truth. They are too incompatible.

IamDavid:

I thought all married people "know" love is, many time a deliberate decision. (In the long run)

Not in this case when the person is totally not your kind of person. Unless she has some attributes that are appealing to the guy.

ollins:
Let me cut the story short. Had a fling with this girl, along the line she got pregnant. You know all that talk of "if you could sleep with her, then you must marry her" "if you got her pregnant then you must marry her", Iooking back now, I wished I hadn't listened to all those voices.

I knew in my heart that I didn't love her, even she knew but the pressure from the family was too much, I had to marry her. On my marriage day I was practically crying within me.

Her character is just opposite of all I wanted in a woman, she's barely educated, loud and loquacious.

That's my cross I am carrying today, stuck in a loveless marriage.

The warmth and Romance is absent from our home, we have not had intimacy since beginning of the year till now, we just have no interest anymore in each other. We are just living together for the sake of our child.

My question now is how does one cope�? Is this how I am going to live the rest of my life?

You know of her character like this and you were doing it raw, am sure it wasn't once or twice

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In all this, please take some time to consider your child. If I not mistaken, this is your firstborn?

Whatever decisions you take will have a significant impact on the future of that child. If you leave now, the child will most likely stay with the mother for the first 6 years before you are likely to take over custody, assuming the next wife you marry agrees to take up that responsibility. A child's character is Majorly shaped by early upbringing - making changes thereafter becomes harder. If you separate from the mother in a bitter manner, most likely the child will grow in an atmosphere of animosity towards you. Values, education, social skills etc are formed at this foundation stage- would you be comfortable leaving your child to be brought up alone by wifey and presumably her family?

Imagine the wahala when you now want to marry wife #2? It's not so easy to find a new partner that will love your child as their own. Additional complications have entered the matter- you may have a wife who cannot or doesn't want to relate with your child, maltreats them behind your back etc. God save you if the child is coming to your home with festering animosity or even an inferiority complex. Or you have a culture where the firstborn son or daughter occupies an exalted position so your new wife is already operating at a disadvantage, now breeding some new animosity.

My suggestion, just as a few have mentioned previously, is that you attempt first to develop a relationship with your wife, do all within your power to improve her as well as yourself. Set a target time within which you will see if things improve, examine all the consequences, learn from your mistakes. You can do this with her if she is a rational person or work it out on your own and see how she reacts. Plenty prayer and focus required on your part as head of the house and a daddy.

If after a few years, the situation is totally irredeemable, work on a civil divorce knowing you did your best and move on. God bless you.

You can learn to love each other. That's the truth.

sylve11:
You're in for a long thing.
In the hay days when you're telling her you loved her just to spread her like bedsheet on top a sheet, so you're telling lies, isn't it?

I will not say much because If you nor know how song take start make you no go hurry dance put, before you go dance GARALA inside ASONTO....

What is this one talking about?

Fu...cking simpleton!

If you're not just an attention seeker, you enjoyed and loved her sexual prowess before you got her pregnant. So what was it that used to got her attracted to you then. Let that memory always come to your heart so that you will start loving her again and as well enjoy happy home.

Its too late to do anything now.

In your next life, learn to keep your JT in one place and look well before you leap.

You are not the only one in this situation. Even people who once loved themselves are struggling now to keep it going so
Stop crying over spilt milk. The deed is already done.

My advice, learn to love her and stop looking at the "sophisticated" ladies out there whom you're now using to compare her. If you marry those one too, you'll still not be able to manage them. Marriage is deeper than what a lot of singles envisage or see from the outside. So just continue in your own, this time prayerfully.

Chigold101:
Bros, did the OP say this lady is troublesome?
Did the OP say this lady is trying to fight him?

so what will be the reason he hate her if not any of this

gudvibz:
Try and get to know her, try understanding her and get all to her. Both of u need to sit down and talk about you (both) and ur likes and dislikes, virtually about everything, if nothing changes well separation or u bear it till the end.

You know love is grown

What makes you think he hasn't done that before coming to the open?

For a man to relate his pains he must have act. A man I say.

bros
u Ve forgotten ur old tactics ?

the way u convinced her to like u
the way u convinced her by spreading her legs like bed sheet
the way ur dick stood and u inserted the Sim inside d phone and she was screaming harder harder

bro use dat dsame skill and everything ll comeback and love ll be in ur home.

do it d way u did it b4 and she ll follow u like mtn any were u go

You have enter the journey, if you want to help yourself, you have to focus on her strengths, overlook her mistakes and weakness. The marriage is not about two perfect people coming together, is all about two imperfect people coming together,love themselves for whom they are.
If you can focus on positive part of her life, you will see reasons to love her. Help your baby. Remember little love that makes you her attracted to you.