I doubt anything anyone would say would actually hold sway over your opinion. One of the hardest people to advice is a woman in love. Follow your heart.

NerdyRudeGyal:
It's obvious you've not completely broken up with Dubem nor are you over each other, so you need to let him go to give yourself more clarity.

Of the four other guys you're seeing, Nedu is decent but you've to build with him and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with building with a man who has great qualities and potential. His story may change for the better anytime. Besides, a TV and refrigerator shouldn't cost much in Nigeria. You can help him raise the funds to buy them if he can't afford them himself.

Anyway, I feel it's ineffectual advising you because Dubem will always be in the picture irrespective of who you choose; and if you end up choosing another guy, you will still be seeing or communicating with the others.

Exactly. She's in love. Nothing anyone says will make sense to her.

Honestly I can't put everything together in your story. But my advice is that marry the Richest among them. Better to cry in Banana Island than eat Chicken at Ajegunle.

UDUJ:
Nedu
Victor
Dubem
Denver
Bright

Only you

Where do we start from now

A typical case of an average naija girls. An average Nigerian girl has 5 or more boyfriends.

Karlifate:
Confused OP with her confused thread has confused me to the extent that I'm left confused.
It is safe to call this thread, a CONFUSION GALORE THREAD.

Karlifate:
Confused OP with her confused thread has confused me to the extent that I'm left confused.
It is safe to call this thread, a CONFUSION GALORE THREAD.

Yoighaman:
@OP:
This your matter na real case study, couldn’t help but smile whilst reading other people’s comments but it is a serious matter that should not be swept under the carpet; at least that is why you have spoken up, so I’d try to give my little cent briefly.

Guy 1- Dubem: Let go of the relationship, the incompatibility in your genotypes will always rear its ugly head; why go through unnecessary stress?...and like you rightly mentioned, he could wake up one day and make a big deal out of it, citing his family as an excuse.

Guy 2- Nedu: To me, this seems to be the right guy for you and I’d like you to give him a chance. You see, a man that does not have money today can have tomorrow as long as he is ambitious and not lazy, forget about the hallucinations of other ladies, saying that they cannot date/marry a poor guy, blah, blah, blah. You can make money at any time; you can also have money today and lose it tomorrow but you see, those other qualities he has, my sister, they are very hard to come by.

Guy 3- Victor: This guy is arrogant; you will have issues with him later in future should you become more successful than he is. I can see you have great academic ambitions; this man will be intimidated and might make your life miserable. The misery would quadruple if you dare make/have more money than him.

Guy 4- Denver: I don’t have an issue with him having just an HND or not being in the corporate world, he is a businessman and can ‘blow’ tomorrow but my concern with him is that he is putting you under pressure; please take a walk, never marry anyone out of pity or pressure, you will regret it.

Guy 5:- Bright: Leave bright out of the picture, he is an unserious serial cheat, more of a playboy roaming around probably looking for whom to devour, such people can be on a revenge mission for rejecting their previous advances.

These are just my opinions, please pray to God if you believe in him, I do anyway; he (God) knows your future, I don’t, he is therefore in the best position to guide you.

Wish you all the best.

You closed the thread. Any post after this should not be taken seriously.

Ma.What You need is albino guy whose teeth are black.if you find such guy, you find your husband.

NoApology:
Damn! Too many entanglements I even lost count of your men and their specific qualities.

I think my brain is entangled. Lemme detangle first so I can comment with a cleared head. Damn!

The story just dey interestingly confusing

Is dubem ready for the financial cost of the many many he's talking about?? cos if not the he had better start finding an AA girl and leave you to find an AA guy. I and my ex dated for 3 years and some months, we were already one year plus when we found out we're both AS. we still kept dating cos we were in love and we always told ourselves that it's 50/50...But even 50/50 in this case is a very huge risk. Eventually we both came to the conclusion that the risk is not worth taking at all and we ended it. I'll suggest you and dubem do same. Goodluck with your other entanglements

In all of your write up, I did not once hear you clearly speak about yourself, what you want for yourself. What are the things that would make you feel satisfied and fulfilled in life and in marriage? These are the things you should be focusing on. If school is a great source of fulfillment for you, then who among them is 100% supportive? Who makes YOU happy? Who gives YOU peace of mind? The important things are the intangible things.

Money is important so I would not advise you jump into a relationship with poverty. So for the struggling guy, find out where his money is going and why/how he got into debt in the first place.

Take time to articulate your thoughts and write out each important thing you want from life and from marriage. After this, rank them in order of importance. Then, score each prospect on each of these considerations/things. This helps to whittle down the number and bring out at least the 2 main contenders based on YOUR own needs.

Is this something you would be open to try?

If yes, do it and let us talk again.

.

Fake story

Yoighaman:


Thank you very much for the compliment.

I like to keep my privacy intact inasmuch as I would like to give my advice. Like others usually do, I suggest you create a new moniker and state what the issue is. We can all then respond to you as done for the OP.

Thanks.

You're right. I wish I could respond to several contacts trying to reach me but for my privacy I didn't.
I'd suggest Nairaland.com has PM feature so that we would not need to send messages with our personal email

Marry dubem you dated for years or endure with nedu

so with all this your customers u still nor get common sense to know say Nedu na the best Abi ?
1. u dey embarrassed because nedu nor get TV and fridge KO ?
so because of TV and fridge u wan lose a good man ?
chai aunty u mumu en ,ur stupidity na over 100%
2. u dey embarrassed say nedu nor get money currently Abi ?
so u nor know say tomorrow get belle and God fit change anything under 2seconds Abi ?
3.wetin u get to offer any of this men if u marry den ? na ur mumu masters and PhD certificate u get or character, peace, humility, support, prayer etc
finally aunty u be confused goat
wetin local man know sef

squash47:
Only you ? If I tell u say this story no confuse me, na lie I lie...tufiakwa.

I read reach middle... Loss for road and just gave up. Op pls sack all of them and start afresh.

showafrica:


I read reach middle... Loss for road and just gave up. Op pls sack all of them and start afresh.

I jus tire

Stylekay:
Even me sef is confused. Ask Lalasticlala

But lalasticlala no sabi anything na apart from snakes.

So I think you should tell her to try and contact BrightO for Big Brother Naija for the best advice to her situation.

WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.

Choose none

u better go ask God if sand remain so u go mould the kind person u want....see wahala...I dey buy Bitcoin sha

Stylekay:


A typical case of an average naija girls. An average Nigerian girl has 5 or more boyfriends.

And all for help them with bills

Yoighaman:
@OP:
This your matter na real case study, couldn’t help but smile whilst reading other people’s comments but it is a serious matter that should not be swept under the carpet; at least that is why you have spoken up, so I’d try to give my little cent briefly.

Guy 1- Dubem: Let go of the relationship, the incompatibility in your genotypes will always rear its ugly head; why go through unnecessary stress?...and like you rightly mentioned, he could wake up one day and make a big deal out of it, citing his family as an excuse.

Guy 2- Nedu: To me, this seems to be the right guy for you and I’d like you to give him a chance. You see, a man that does not have money today can have tomorrow as long as he is ambitious and not lazy, forget about the hallucinations of other ladies, saying that they cannot date/marry a poor guy, blah, blah, blah. You can make money at any time; you can also have money today and lose it tomorrow but you see, those other qualities he has, my sister, they are very hard to come by.

Guy 3- Victor: This guy is arrogant; you will have issues with him later in future should you become more successful than he is. I can see you have great academic ambitions; this man will be intimidated and might make your life miserable. The misery would quadruple if you dare make/have more money than him.

Guy 4- Denver: I don’t have an issue with him having just an HND or not being in the corporate world, he is a businessman and can ‘blow’ tomorrow but my concern with him is that he is putting you under pressure; please take a walk, never marry anyone out of pity or pressure, you will regret it.

Guy 5:- Bright: Leave bright out of the picture, he is an unserious serial cheat, more of a playboy roaming around probably looking for whom to devour, such people can be on a revenge mission for rejecting their previous advances.

These are just my opinions, please pray to God if you believe in him, I do anyway; he (God) knows your future, I don’t, he is therefore in the best position to guide you.

Wish you all the best.

WISDOM at its peak!!!!!!

I sincerely hail you, dearest. You made the most sense with your contribution. I really wish OP could take to your advice and simplify her life.

Love and Live simple.

WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.

If he had Bsc is not a problem right? You really have a shallow thinking. Since you think spending 5 years in the higher institution to get an HND and also going for a service doesn’t mean anything to you. You really need to go wash your face with cold pure water.

WomaninherPrime:


Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

This is your man!. Check, he should be a Cancer. It is our way Even when we don't seem serious, we are actually very serious but we need you to pull towards us not away. We don't chase, we wait!

You're very stupid.

Hian! Only you, 5 guys allign for your door mouth? The story is confusing. The elders here will help you!

Nedu is the guy. He is the only one you attribute so much great attributes you would expect in a husband and father of your kids. All he needs to do is improve his finances and you guys are fine..

I believe there isn't a way to do match making. The question I would like to ask if truly you understand all the guys u mentioned, which one of them are willing to sacrifice to stay with even in face of hardship.

Life is not 2 + 2= 4. There are always complications

You are so confused and more complicated than Nigeria.

How can this lady succeed in making everyone so confused at once

Hey, i mine confuse too? Yes i am.

I did not even read the story, but after reading the comments am now very confused

WomaninherPrime:

I'm honestly confused �.

honestly am equally much confused too..