WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.

WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.


the one without tv if he is serious with u is the right person for u dts if u love him. having tv or not is not a characteristic needed in choosing a life partner what matters is how he gt and spends his money
currently doing doin ma PhD dont have TV in ma auz even though i ve a car dont see it now as immediate necesity cus i ve other expenditure to make. As someone who has ambition to further ya up to the level of PhD i dnt think shud ve even come to ya mind in talking about this dude.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.

AfroKnight:
One woman dating 5 men

Choose the richest. That’s who you really want anyway

DigitB:
The Bright guy, what's his financial status like?

His level of education?

WomaninherPrime:


Haba nau! I'm not dating 5 men... except maybe Dubem.

xynerise:
I believe you must have had sexual intimacy with all of them?

Different dicks can make a woman confused

Salt06:


I agree with this too. Op is focusing on very shallow things. Imagine rejecting a good person just because he has no fridge/ tv. Something one can stroll to the market and buy in a few minutes once Money comes in

Gaggii:


If you don't mind, we can be acquainted. I have t.v and fridge in my room, I have ssce, n.d, hnd, a.p.c, p.d.p, f.r.s.c name any abbreviation. I am in the cooperate world, very consistent and spontaneous. Infact, I will call you till your battery runs down. I already built two houses, and I have two cars, am not arrogant though.

But, I also have my own but...because nobody is perfect. Dm if you are ready to mingle and jingle because am still single

bigtt76:
Your best bet is between Dubem and Denver.

1. Dubem is already exploring ways through which you guys can have kids by by-passing the genotype issue. This is an expensive venture and for him to have suggested it means he meant well for both your future and should be given a chance.

2. Denver may not appear tidy or have a considerable high level of education now, but that may be because he doesn't have anyone to give him the push to be a better person. You will do a good job with him if you chose to go his path.

As for the others, ignore them and concentrate on these two. All the best with your final choice.

paul100:

Bro,na nedu no get TV or fridge. The story don turn your brain

livinbygrace:
My dear you have to be very careful and serious with your life.The greatest tricks and causes of Marital Delay is confusion .You are lucky to have five guys chasing you now because you are still young and probably in your 20s,few years from now you won’t have such opportunity and that’s when people like you end up in Shiloh every year.From experience,it’s easier and better to marry when you are in your prime age(young),than when you are above 30s.
So as a brother ,I will advise you go for Denver(the one with HND and doing well).Marriage is not all about grammar but capability and understanding each other.

jydmak:
Your story is confusing as you are confused. U no do summary when u dey school?

Vulcan24:
in ur mid 20s I think u will need more time, experience and focus on productive lifestyle to make u decide for yourself wat u want

that is the obvious reasons you are in multiple dilemma

when you are ready for marriage you won't be placing men on tables like options, you will be eliminating bad choices before the pose a prob

the writ itself is having teenager orientation

LandMann:
Womaninherprime

First look at yourself and ask yourself what you want and what sacrifices you are ready to make in a relationship...

Settle that fundamental question first and in the meantime stop flirting with any of the guys because you will get more confused and it may come back to hunt any relationship you enter...

Once you have decided what you want and what sacrifices you can make, look at all the guys and see the one that checks yes to MOST of your desired qualities and go with him....FULLY... knowing the sacrifices you are going to make to make everything work out.

Commit to him and make it clear to the others that you are now in a relationship and set boundaries or Break contact with them totally to avoid falling into the pit of comparison and cheating once you encounter any storm in the relationship you are now in.

If you are not ready yet, just stop flirting around and giving half green light to guys flirting with you... They are baggages that will hunt you and destroy any relationship you enter...

Your list showing you juggling between 5 guys is already a dangerous signal showing a woman who flirts and doesn't set boundaries...

Nedu seems to be the best pick but I don't know if he meets MOST of the qualities you desire. Only you know... If he does, go with him and be ready to make those sacrifices to make the relationship work... If he doesn't, be patient, your man will come.

Forget that IVF guy... When love fades and the burden of marriage sets in, both of you will start regretting your decision to marry. Yes, love will fade at some point in marriage, and it's loyalty, commitment and support that will see you through the rest of the marriage journey.

Best of luck.

IYIMAN:
Op , focus on being productive while working things with God in prayer. Your desire for a good life is bringing you confusion.

Whoever you choose, avoid genotype mismatch, it comes with a lifetime of regrets.

Keep yourself busy with work and academics, maybe the right man is not even among those you mentioned.

WomaninherPrime:


Try to be a decent hunan being, even if this is a faceless forum, will you?

Bahddo:
Each one would carry his/her own load. Use your head though, don't mix temporary situations with permanent ones.

Someone with no fridge/tv today can buy expensive ones tomorrow. Having just a HND is not a disability either, many persons end up working in a field different from what we studied. Personality would hardly change in an adult, and genotype is for life.

The big question in all this is, are you even the right woman for any of them? What do you have to offer them in a marriage? Are you a multiplier or a drain on a man's resources? If the latter, they are better off without you.

Stop dating 5 men at the same time though. If it was your man dating 5 ladies because he wasn't sure who to choose, you'd have called it cheating and asked why men cheat.

Stfe:
You are what u say about urself! Y do u think geno-type can alter your marriage? When God gave Adam Eve,did He(God) considered genotype? It's because u'r nunchallant to d bible! Don't habour negative thoughts! Who say u can't give birth d normal way? Juts commit ur case to God and marry Dubem! With all things are Possible(Luke 1 vs 37).

engrajoo1:
First and foremost, your case is not really a serious one if you can just cool down and itemize what u really want for urself.... It really goes beyond material things and mere affection. Now let me underline the pro and cons of each and everyone of them one after the other.....

I think it's high time u took a concrete stand on the issue of dubem. Don't let love cover your eyes to making a mistake. What if at the event of you giving birth he's not financially buoyant to take care of the proposed kind of treatment he promised, what if those modes of giving birth failed it's better now you just let go of him than doing something you'll eternally regret.

To Nedu, the fact that he doesn't have a fridge or TV today doesn't mean he can't own a fridge or TV factory tomorrow. Have u looked into his visions and ambitions, is he someone that's comfortable with his present condition or someone that's the everything possible to get out the condition and be a better person. Check what drives him and not what he's driving... I think his vision mission and prospects tells alot about who he's gonna become and not necessarily what or who he is now.... Read most of the feet people we celebrate today some couldn't even afford a decent meal or roof over their head but many years down the line they are being celebrated all through the world. Though everything boils down to God's grace and our own personal consistency and not being satisfied with our present condition

To Victor... I think pride is one of the issue that can destroy a marriage. Mind u, pride is of different types and our definition for pride differs... He really might not be proud just that he loves what he's doing so much, he has so much passion for it and would always love to talk about it even amidst his friends... Though I'd love to have a more clarification on ur definition of his pride.

To Denver, I think the fact that he wants u to live in his family home makes him u serious.... Infact no man in his right thinking would live under his parent home when he's married not to talk of when it's even a polygamous home. BE PREPARED FOR DAILY DRAMA. Though I have no issue with him being a HND holder and not in the corporate world. Infact there are lots of opportunities outside of the corporate world and the urge to being in a corporate world is the reason many didn't maximize their potentials and they remain poor. Now what's the assurance that even if you marry a professor he'd want u to even have a master's degree. What's the assurance that even when u have all those certificates he'd not clip ur Wong and deter u from flying high. I think everything boils down to the personality of the man.

To Bright, I think you should study him the more engage him in more life decisions discussions and see his response to it. It shouldn't be as he's unserious with relationship he's equally on serious with life. Though many a times, many a people do not really take relationship serious especially when they are career oriented... It may be that he's been carried away by his dreams and once in a while when he remembers he'd have to settle with someone one-day that's when he'll remember you and he'll come knocking and in the same vein, it might be he's a womanizer... When one lady breaks his heart that's when he will remember you. Or maybe he just want to use u to catch cruise self anytime he's Hot....

My one cent to you.

WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.

steppin:
From the Op's taste, non of them fits her type of man.
If she gets married to any of them, she won't be happy, cos she settled for the available.
As for the broke guy who doesn't even have a TV, if he's above 30yrs and still don't own a TV, he won't be ready in a very long time.

Dminister:
This story is very confusing. You ought to have known before now that there is no perfect man and no condition is permanent.

The very guy who doesn't have a TV set and a refrigerator would be the right choice for you because I can see the other guys having all the qualities you mentioned about him.

He doesn't have a TV set and a refrigerator which is the only problem keeping you away from him. You don't have to let that be a problem to you. You should let him know what your plans are. If he agreed to your plans he would hustle it out to settle down with you. Every man is capable of doing things when there is a challenge.

Some women brings out the spirit of hustle and breaking financial burdens in a man and this is exactly many women don't know but they tends to see a man as not capable of taking care of them. You can make him over turn his financial incapability. There is still enough to make those things available in his apartment. This is what I have to contribute but sit down and think very well.

DivineTurnAroun:




[color=#000099][/color] op please you need a break to clear your mind from all these things. First go on break for good one month and during this break don't call or pick call from them (inform them that you will like to be alone during this period)
Use this period to pray to God your heavenly father he will come to aid. Believe me

Quite true. Already thought about this. Thank you so much!

WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.

jossydee1:


You are apt with this. You spoke my mind to a large extent.

I will only add little to it

For Nedu;
Look into the vision in his heart that he's ambitious of fulfilling. Is it a realistic vision
If his vision is SMART
Sensible
Measurable
Achievable
Realistic and
Time bound (this is very important. How long is it probable for him to attain the reality of his vision? Will there be something no matter how little it is that will take care of your bills and sustain you together before he "blow"? )
If all these are taken care of, you should go for that guy. Men of big visions always laugh � last

Victor will cage your life and destiny. You will regret ever getting entangled with him because it will always be a race full of envy

Denver
Smile ☺. You want to have PhD and this guy wants to marry you into his polygamous family house, he are signing up for real trouble. Moreover, unkept guys probably don't change. He can't live your lifestyle and you will have to put up with some of his behaviors that will most likely look "unlearned and low class" attitude to you.
I know how bad it can be when you want to look corporate and you find yourself in the midst of people who stigmatize you for being "educated". It might even affect your rapport.

Talk to that poor guy and let him show you his plan for your family if you eventually get married. Look at things from both the worst side of it and the best side of it.

I speak as human. Let God lead you

simplesearch:
Kai! This generation of semi wise fellow. Making a vow to God to have sex just twice only, where as it is clearly stated that one attempt is capable of sinking your soul in hell forever, thank God you are still alive to amend your ways. God cannot be mocked, taken permission to commit sin ahead of time is a believe generated from the pit of hell. God will never at any time, for anyone and under no circumstance, give permission to anyone to sin even if that'll be their last, so all those waiting to tow the path of preconfession of sin before commission should brace up to the consequences it hold.

NerdyRudeGyal:
It's obvious you've not completely broken up with Dubem nor are you over each other, so you need to let him go to give yourself more clarity.

Of the four other guys you're seeing, Nedu is decent but you've to build with him and there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with building with a man who has great qualities and potential. His story may change for the better anytime. Besides, a TV and refrigerator shouldn't cost much in Nigeria. You can help him raise the funds to buy them if he can't afford them himself.

Anyway, I feel it's ineffectual advising you because Dubem will always be in the picture irrespective of who you choose; and if you end up choosing another guy, you will still be seeing or communicating with the others, including Dubem.

Chii59:

Exactly. She's in love. Nothing anyone says will make sense to her.

WomaninherPrime:


It's been making sense. I knew I just needed some unbiased opinion.

WomaninherPrime:
Good evening house. Kindly read patiently. I promise to be as honest as possible.

I'm a young woman in her mid-20s. I've been in three relationships so far... two were sexual, and one was purely celibate, though it didn't last beyond 6 months.

I recently got out of a 2-yr relationship with Dubem when we discovered our genotype isn't compatible. But the problem is that we're still doing a lot of back and forth. Dubem wants the relationship to continue because he's working on how we'd have our babies via IVF or chorionic villi testing to first determine the sex of the baby.

This has put me in a very confusing situation because I'm unable to move on while he's still holding on for us... and at the same time, I just keep thinking about how life would be a lot easier if I'd just marry a genotype compatible man and have children the regular way without the stress and huge financial cost of an IVF.

To fully move on from Dubem, I started seeing other people..

Nedu is a very great guy... has everything I want in a man, but he's having some financial challenges right now. He's cute, godly, very intelligent, good humour, communicates very well, respectful, sound family values, neat, and seems to me like someone who can take charge of his home. But his financial situation gives me cause for concern... he doesn't seem like he'd be comfortably ready to start a family in another 2/3 years. But that aside, his condition just dampens my enthusiasm to even visit him or start a committed relationship with him. No TV or fridge in his apartment. I feel embarrassed/sorry for him when he has to go watch TV at his friend's or neighbour's... Or I'm thinking of cooking stuff to take to him... but no fridge to store. Joykiller. Or the fact that he can't be a support system to me at the moment...

There's also Victor who comes off as a great guy but I've refused to pay him enough attention all these months because I'm still entangled with Dubem. Victor is doing quite well, and is passionate about his job, but he likes to talk about himself way too much, and seems a bit arrogant. The vibes I get off him is that he tries to be at his best behaviour when he's with me, just to impress, but maybe he's real. While I don't like like him at the moment, I feel if I gave him a chance, I'd see some other aspects of him that would make me love him.

There's Denver on the other hand. Denver is an absolute gentle man... and doing fairly well with his business. I almost said yes to him, but I felt it was coming from the place of pressure. He was putting me under a lot of pressure to say yes... he wants to get married in a minute, but I'm still not resolved on marrying him. Plus he's from a polygamous family, and his plan is for us to live in his disputed family house if/when we get married, and I feel that comes with a lot of drama. Also, he's a bit lackadaisical about his wellbeing. He doesn't seem very tidy. His car always has things strung about. I worry, too about his level of education. He has just a HND and is not in the corporate world whereas I have serious plans to get either a double masters plus lots of certifications or a Ph.D I fear there might be some sort of incompatibility years down the line. Other than these concerns, Denver is a great guy.

Then there's Bright... I've known Bright since I was in uni... he was planning a surprise engagement once, when we weren't even dating. He's the most inconsistent and confused man I've ever met. He's consistent for a aweek or two, then goes off-radar only to resurface again after a few months. But somehow he seems to believe I'm the one who's never agreed to take him seriously. But how do I take a man who's inconsistent seriously? Ideally, he shouldn't be on this list because I long cancelled him... but he called this morning and we had a very long conversation... which was short of him pleading that I calm down and take him seriously so we can move to the next level.

Now the reason I created this thread. I like having a linear focus when I'm in a relationship, but I'm unable to leave Dubem because all these other guys have one issue or the other. No, I'm not looking for a perfect guy. Dubem isn't perfect, but we've come a long way, and we love each other, and we've come to accept and understand each other as we are.
I've become impatient... I feel like I'm at the prime of my life as a woman, and I have other suitors to choose from but I'm holding on to a very precarious relationship. Dubem might as well just wake up one day and decide that our genotype incompatibility is a big deal and we should see other people... at that time, one year of my life would have gone by...these great guys would have probably moved on, too. A woman's hotcake period is fleeting. For my personal plans, I'd love to be married by next year.


Ohh. I mentioned the thing about my two sexual relationships because I made a hasty vow to God once that I wouldn't have sex with more than two men before getting married. I don't know ...God is a merciful God, yeah...But that vow still pops up in my mind now and again. So I can't go into any careless relationship, and now I can't choose.

I'm honestly confused �.