.

@ shooze and Mrs Chima, I agree with you that character has a huge part to play in the game of love and romance. But it also applies to both the man and the woman.

For instance I know a woman that stood by her husband thru thick and thin, only for the man to frustrate her out of their matrimonial home, by bringing in another woman into the the house after 20years of marriage.

on the contrary we also have seen a more popular example in no less a person than a Cosmas Maduka of COSCHARIS, whose in-law especially the wifes uncle would not have him marry their daughter becos he is a no-body. But the wife stood by him. Please say, is the woman not reaping from the choice she made then.

I have also heard of cases where a man supports a girl and her family only for the girl to realise after many years of courtship that the man is not the right person for her or is not in the same class with her anymore(since she is now a graduate and the man is just an OMATA trader).

To all these, I still maintain that Life is  a gamble and God is the deciding factor. But we as humans have a right to make our choices and await for the profit/loss as a result of the choices we have made.

@Poster

Diary of a confused man. Why would your friend choose humiliation? No money= no marriage! This is not the girls calling, but how is he going to run the house without cash?

Seriously, don't marry if you don't have money.In this context, your age don't count one bit.

roymary:

@Poster

Diary of a confused man. Why would your friend choose humiliation? No money= no marriage! This is not the girls calling, but how is he going to run the house without cash?

Seriously, don't marry if you don't have money.In this context, your age don't count one bit.

Why do you think[b] "No money= no marriage."[/b]. One Igbo parlance said, Anayi anu otuebe ekiri manwu' Direct translation means that you don't stay one place to watch a Masquerade. The Bible said that we shall not remain in sin for grace to abound.

What all this means is that you have to try another phase of life. He has remained unmarried and the good Job could not come. His father and brothers decided to help him get a wife, may be God will smile on him when he is married. Some people get married and the door open.

I don't think it is a bad idea to try to get married at 33.

wonder shall never end o. if a man i love doesn't have good job now does that now mean i should leave him? where will i be when he gets a good job? what happen to our love? I WILL GLADLY MARRY HIM AND EVEN TAKE CARE OF HIM SELF.

come to think of it, if i was that man will be happy to be dumped cos of good job. please let us ladies change our orientation because marriage is not a bed of roses.

^^

Nwanyi Oma. I hope that is your true orientation in 'real life'. If only more women were like that. But to be very honest, I wish all HUMANS were like that. People worship money too much (especially in Nigeria) - fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, friends, neighbours, even in the churches and elsewhere. God help us.

Concerning the topic, one thing that just came to my mind is that the kind of woman that would happily marry a broke man, and remain truly happy afterwards  is one that doesn't really care about material things. Incredible as it sounds, there are indeed women (less than 1%) who really do not care about riches and comfort. All they want is a quiet life with a man they love whether they live in a hut or in a mansion. I've realized that the women who marry struggling guys they 'love' in the hope that such guys might become millionaires in the near future (because of supposed 'prospects' and whatnot) are the ones likely to become disillusioned when things don't work out as envisaged. It is therefore often best for a woman to lower her future expectations in that regard. When a woman marries a poor man she supposedly loves, only because she thinks he has 'prospects', and therefore actively hopes that it is only a matter of time before riches come, then the longer it takes for such riches to come, the more disillusioned she is likely to become. And when she becomes disillusioned along the line, it is inevitable that she would consciously or unconsciously begin to humiliate and frustrate the poor man, and put him through a lot of toment which he may silently endure with all humility due to his abysmal economic standing (poverty necessitates humility and tolerance). If, by some stroke of good fortune, such a man later strikes oil and becomes rich, you can be sure he'll then unleash his bottled-up resentment for his wife by treating her badly, taking a new wife, or finding a mistress outside. Then the wife would be saying stuff like: 'I stood by him when he was a church-rat, now that he has money he has dumped me for his girlfriends'. . .forgetting all the humiliation and torment she put him through (consciously or unconsciously) during the difficult days. If you check most of the women who say they married a poor man and that when the man later became rich, he dumped them for someone younger, I am certain that it was due to this sort of situation.

As such, any woman that chooses to marry a broke guy whom she truly loves should do so without banking on his 'prospects' or hopes for future riches. Life has no guarantees. Just marry and hope for the best while also expecting the worst - with the mindset of 'I love him so much that I'd rather suffer happily with him, than enjoy unhappily with someone else'. A woman that ordinarily craves the good things of life (fine cars, lovely houses, expensive jewellery and clothes, vacations, and other vanities) but hooks up a poor man because of supposed 'love' and 'prospects' is sure to sooner or later start frustrating his life, cheating on him, and humiliating him if he doesn't achieve the expected financial breakthrough soon enough. I know that for a fact.

pro01:

^^

Nwanyi Oma. I hope that is your true orientation in 'real life'. If only more women were like that. But to be very honest, I wish all HUMANS were like that. People worship money too much (especially in Nigeria) - fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, friends, neighbours, even in the churches and elsewhere. God help us.

Concerning the topic, one thing that just came to my mind is that the kind of woman that would happily marry a broke man, and remain truly happy afterwards  is one that doesn't really care about material things. Incredible as it sounds, there are indeed women (less than 1%) who really do not care about riches and comfort. All they want is a quiet life with a man they love whether they live in a hut or in a mansion. I've realized that the women who marry struggling guys they 'love' in the hope that such guys might become millionaires in the near future (because of supposed 'prospects' and whatnot) are the ones likely to become disillusioned when things don't work out as envisaged. It is therefore often best for a woman to lower her future expectations in that regard. When a woman marries a poor man she supposedly loves, only because she thinks he has 'prospects', and therefore actively hopes that it is only a matter of time before riches come, then the longer it takes for such riches to come, the more disillusioned she is likely to become. And when she becomes disillusioned along the line, it is inevitable that she would consciously or unconsciously begin to humiliate and frustrate the poor man, and put him through a lot of toment which he may silently endure with all humility due to his abysmal economic standing (poverty necessitates humility and tolerance). If, by some stroke of good fortune, such a man later strikes oil and becomes rich, you can be sure he'll then unleash his bottled-up resentment for his wife by treating her badly, taking a new wife, or finding a mistress outside. Then the wife would be saying stuff like: 'I stood by him when he was a church-rat, now that he has money he has dumped me for his girlfriends'. . .forgetting all the humiliation and torment she put him through (consciously or unconsciously) during the difficult days. If you check most of the women who say they married a poor man and that when the man later became rich, he dumped them for someone younger, I am certain that it was due to this sort of situation.

As such, any woman that chooses to marry a broke guy whom she truly loves should do so without banking on his 'prospects' or hopes for future riches. Life has no guarantees. Just marry and hope for the best while also expecting the worst - with the mindset of 'I love him so much that I'd rather suffer happily with him, than enjoy unhappily with someone else'. A woman that ordinarily craves the good things of life (fine cars, lovely houses, expensive jewellery and clothes, vacations, and other vanities) but hooks up a poor man because of supposed 'love' and 'prospects' is sure to sooner or later start frustrating his life, cheating on him, and humiliating him if he doesn't achieve the expected financial breakthrough soon enough. I know that for a fact.

hmnn,what a wonderful write up,but i doubt if any lady can get married to a poor man without such expectations,everybody wants a good life,  not just for yourself but for your kids and the one you love as well, thats why any lady  who considers marrying a poor man does so because he has prospects and all and she has it at the back of her mind that its definitely gonna get better. Love alone isnt enough to sustain marriage.

pro01:

^^

Nwanyi Oma. I hope that is your true orientation in 'real life'. If only more women were like that. But to be very honest, I wish all HUMANS were like that. People worship money too much (especially in Nigeria) - fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, friends, neighbours, even in the churches and elsewhere. God help us.

Concerning the topic, one thing that just came to my mind is that the kind of woman that would happily marry a broke man, and remain truly happy afterwards  is one that doesn't really care about material things. Incredible as it sounds, there are indeed women (less than 1%) who really do not care about riches and comfort. All they want is a quiet life with a man they love whether they live in a hut or in a mansion. I've realized that the women who marry struggling guys they 'love' in the hope that such guys might become millionaires in the near future (because of supposed 'prospects' and whatnot) are the ones likely to become disillusioned when things don't work out as envisaged. It is therefore often best for a woman to lower her future expectations in that regard. _ _ _ _ _


---------- As such, any woman that chooses to marry a broke guy whom she truly loves should do so without banking on his 'prospects' or hopes for future riches. Life has no guarantees. Just marry and hope for the best while also expecting the worst - with the mindset of 'I love him so much that I'd rather suffer happily with him, than enjoy unhappily with someone else'. A woman that ordinarily craves the good things of life (fine cars, lovely houses, expensive jewellery and clothes, vacations, and other vanities) but hooks up a poor man because of supposed 'love' and 'prospects' is sure to sooner or later start frustrating his life, cheating on him, and humiliating him if he doesn't achieve the expected financial breakthrough soon enough. I know that for a fact.

bhusayor:


hmnn,what a wonderful write up,but i doubt if any lady can get married to a poor man without such expectations,everybody wants a good life,  not just for yourself but for your kids and the one you love as well, thats why any lady  who considers marrying a poor man does so because he has prospects and all and she has it at the back of her mind that its definitely gonna get better. Love alone isnt enough to sustain marriage.

@Pro01. That was a master piece contribution. It seems you studied human Psychology. The type of woman that will marry a poor man without too much expectation you said are less than 1%. I con-core !!!

@bhusayor, Your reply to @Pro01 is apt, candid and precise. I guess you are also a trained Psychologist.  Every one expects good life.Above all " Love alone isnt enough to sustain marriage". I agree with you completely.

However, I will add, there is a very small percentage of men (man or woman) who have such expectations but are humbled by life experiences. They accept the condition they find themselves, though not what they want, yet they are not ready to complain. Hence, the women in this group joins the less that 1% @Pro01 was talking about.

Therefore, men look for ladies that fall into the first group of less than 1% or the other group that joins them. It boils down to sher luck to find such women, especially in Nigeria.

.

Tell him to turn knowledge into expertise. It is called consulting. I never looked for Job again and I am fine,
Tell him to carve a niche for himself and sell his knowledge. If he's not lazy to read books and research anyway.

@OP
tell your friend to ask the woman howmuch she earns,gone are those days where a man is made to provide the whole money for the house
check this seen, what about if your friend is an MD of a company and something hapens he losses his JOB the next year after marriage, those that mean the wife gonna quit the marriege?
My advice to ur friend is for him to concentrate and develop himself on whatever he is doing, if the girl says she aint ready to marry him for just financial reason tell him to ask her to go jump his wife is only round teh cornner.

GennyO:

Well I see it that their faith and true love they profess to each other is on test at this point. the man has faith that things will be better and that is why he proposed, but the lady is in doubt considering the hardship in Nigeria today and that's why she didn't accept the proposal outright. I faced such a situation and I thank God that I 'm having no regrets at all at all. My husband had nothing and I too had nothing but we are both graduates, today we are gainfully employed with our two luvly kids and we are very comfortable. It gives joy knowing that both of you built your family from the scratch rather than jumping into already made homes.
It is with FAITH that Abraham became the father of all nations, so if two of them will have faith that they will make it come what may and pray over it with all sincerity, you will be amazed at the favours and open doors of abundant blessings they will get!
Some people had good jobs and comfortable lives before marriage but later they became paupers while some were paupers but later became rich after marriage. Aku enwero ebe (meaning that wealth has no permanent residence)

@ poster
Yes I would marry him even without a good job- because having a good job is not a guarantee of having a happy home, it is when you marry the person you truly love, trust and respect that you can feel happy and contented. so the lady should try and get her priorities right to avoid having regrets later.

Nice talk!!!

i think u guys should give the girl a break. while i agree that true love is patient, i also happen to know (from personal experience) that marrying a guy without a job, or with a low paying one when what u really want is a comfortable guy is a no-no. what if she marries him and they continue the hand to mouth existence? and when the kids start to arrive, what happens? since age is not on the guy's side, he should find another girl who is comfortable with his status, and keep being the hardworking lad i presume he is, before long, things will look up. but the girl should not be pressured into marrying him if she isnt totally for it o! lets be real, no one wants a dependent couple as friends. thats my take on the matter.

truth is i wouldn't marry him either, truth b told, it's a lot of stress n frustration trying to meet ur daily needs when u no his broke fink of d children ul'd bring to dis world to suffer, it's jst wicked, pray for him tho

Pardon, I just feel like resurrecting you

@Sauer mahn I just reaf Pro01's comment and I was like oh oh oh, you know that expression when your eyes have been uncovered and you can finally see something for what it is, that write up is a classic.