Welcome, Guest: Join Nairaland / LOGIN! / Trending / Recent / New
Stats: 2,637,977 members, 6,171,088 topics. Date: Friday, 26 February 2021 at 07:52 PM

My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise - Family (12) - Nairaland

Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise (46451 Views)

My Fiancée Has Stopped Picking My Calls, Please Advise Me On What To Do / How Can I Stop My Ex From Visiting My Matrimonial Home? / Dad’s Incredible Reaction To News 14-year-old Son Is Not His (2) (3) (4)

(1) (2) (3) ... (9) (10) (11) (12) (Reply) (Go Down)

Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by Pierocash(m): 1:17pm On Jan 15
Oyiboman69:
no you're wrong...you only married the woman not the child...and even if in the course of marriage and your wife had an affair,the law does not automatically grant the husband ownership. The biological father is the true owner unless he displays some paternal negligence during the process.
The court can grant the man custody no doubt but if the woman can point out the biological father of her child and its not the current husband,he looses the paternal right...the case is different if the child is above18 and no court can toil with his right at this age. Go and do your reaserch and stop displaying your naivety online...you can quote from your ethnical angle of south easterner but stop generalizing the Nigerian law from your religious perspective.... undecided
I don't know why you are arguing what the info is easily accessible on public domain.

The law may not align with your sentiment, but it doesn't change anything bro. DNA only is not the only thing used by law to award paternity, welfare, marriage, and the relationship between the child's mother are the things used to award paternity.

So far,the relationship between the child's mother and the her husband has awarded the child's paternity to the husband irrespective of the DNA. Please stop dragging yourself on the floor.

You can consult a qualified family lawyer on this issue,and you will be shocked that my summation is the true position of the law. If you are in that shoe right now, I will tell you sorry, count your loss and move on.
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by emeh5(m): 1:24pm On Jan 15
charles009:
Good people of nairaland,
Everything you are about to read is not fiction but certain reality.

At the heat of this DNA wahala, a married Ex called me on 6th of Jan to notify me that her son is mine and not her husbands. I remember vividly a certain Saturday in 2015, when we argued intensely over the paternity of the child during her pregnancy. She insisted it was her boyfriends, make una fear women. She swore she was single. Our calculations showed she was ovulating while we had some encounters. She proceeded to block me on all social media platforms and 2 months later, her friend informed me of her wedding.


The issue here is that I am married with two kids and expecting another, she told me her husband lost his job early 2018 and it has been a very rough patch for her family. she says she wants a divorce.

I asked for the boys pictures and it put instant tears to my eyes. Showed a few friends and the resemblance is striking so they said. The most painful of all, he looks not properly looked after.

I am doing fairly OK now, I wouldn't wanna to see my blood suffer, if you were in my shoes how would you handle this. My wife would not want to hear of another child...

Mature advise please...






Guy, I had similar case but God vindicated me. Go and conduct DNA test with the child secretly to confirm the paternity of the child. Because, as it it is now, this your ex is frustrated by the present situation of her family. She's looking for a way to hook up on your neck.

If the result turns out to be positive, guy, if you love your wife, let her know the outcome of DNA test you've done secretly.

But I doubt that you're responsible for that. Because, a pregnant woman knows who is responsible at the time of pregnancy.

Guy, be wise.
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by Johwyze: 1:26pm On Jan 15
Pierocash:
Forget about the child, focus on your family by law he isn't your child.
that is his child u cant change that fact��
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by WoundedLamb: 3:04pm On Jan 15
HRprof:


Don't disturb yourself, we must not copy American in everything. Traditionally the child belong to the husband who father the child because he paid his wife brides price and see her through pregnancy and took care of the child. Op is just a sperm Donor, if the woman didn't open up will he know? The husband has every right to claim the child if the DNA turn otherwise but if he decided to give the child to OP that means OP will have to refund all expenses made on that child from birth till date. Let be wise when coping Americans their tradition is different from ours as well as our laws.

Well, this wouldn't have been a problem if the society doesn't also encourage the husband to disavow thier legal but non biological children. Since the DNA trend started, we've seen men (legal fathers) discarding their "children" after they learnt they aren't really theirs (biologically). We all get so carried away with shaming the women that nobody reminds the men of "our culture". Then today, we're viewing things from the perspective of the man who did the do (the biological fathers) and suddenly, we remember "our culture". The only thing worth taking away from this is that we always want to take a stance that exonerates the man and heap the entire responsibility on the woman even if it means leaving the child 'fatherless'. I'm sorry to sound unappreciative of "our culture" but the wellbeing of the child is more important than any misogynistic culture and if "our culture" doesn't guarantee a home for him, I see no reason to defend it.

You say we shouldn't adopt the "American culture"; please, what's the "American culture" regarding paternity? The American culture has laid down rules for all these and they follow it religiously. What you described as your non american culture is American. In the US common law, a child born to a married woman is presumed to be the child of her husband by virtue of a "presumption of paternity" or presumption of legitimacy. The biological father isconly allowed to take responsibility if the husband disavows the child or seeks divorce based on paternity fraud. In fact, even if the couple divorces based on any other thing without mentioning paternity, the child remains their shared responsibility. This way, the child will get know who wanted him as a child and who didn't.

The difference is that Americans follow thier rules regardless of who's gaining or who's losing while you guys only remember "our culture" when it's on the side of the man whose interest you're trying to protect at the moment.
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by HRprof: 4:34pm On Jan 15
WoundedLamb:


Well, this wouldn't have been a problem if the society doesn't also encourage the husband to disavow thier legal but non biological children. Since the DNA trend started, we've seen men (legal fathers) discarding their "children" after they learnt they aren't really theirs (biologically). We all get so carried away with shaming the women that nobody reminds the men of "our culture". Then today, we're viewing things from the perspective of the man who did the do (the biological fathers) and suddenly, we remember "our culture". The only thing worth taking away from this is that we always want to take a stance that exonerates the man and heap the entire responsibility on the woman even if it means leaving the child 'fatherless'. I'm sorry to sound unappreciative of "our culture" but the wellbeing of the child is more important than any misogynistic culture and if "our culture" doesn't guarantee a home for him, I see no reason to defend it.

You say we shouldn't adopt the "American culture"; please, what's the "American culture" regarding paternity? The American culture has laid down rules for all these and they follow it religiously. What you described as your non american culture is American. In the US common law, a child born to a married woman is presumed to be the child of her husband by virtue of a "presumption of paternity" or presumption of legitimacy. The biological father isconly allowed to take responsibility if the husband disavows the child or seeks divorce based on paternity fraud. In fact, even if the couple divorces based on any other thing without mentioning paternity, the child remains their shared responsibility. This way, the child will get know who wanted him as a child and who didn't.

The difference is that Americans follow thier rules regardless of who's gaining or who's losing while you guys only remember "our culture" when it's on the side of the man whose interest you're trying to protect at the moment.

The culture has been there for ages ... until we borrow DNA from American . When a man married a woman the kids produce under the marriage automatically becomes his
What if the child still prefer the father he know to the biological father? Do you think money is the only thing a child needs? because OP now have money more that the man who father the child does not mean the child will like him more than who he knows as a father from birth. The child still have the right to disown his biological father when he turns 18. When we are making comment we should consider so many thing evolves around the circumstance.
American do not depends on father or villages right of a son like we do so when we want to copy them in everything we should think twice
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by WoundedLamb: 4:50pm On Jan 15
HRprof:


The culture has been there for ages ... until we borrow DNA from American . When a man married a woman the kids produce under the marriage automatically becomes his
What I'd the child still prefer the father he know to the biological father? Do you think money is the only thing a child me because OP now have money more that the man who father the child does not mean the child will like him more than who he knows as a father from birth. The child still have the right yo disown his biological father when he turns 18. When we are making comment we should consider so many thing evolves around the circumstance.
American do not depends on father or villages right of a son like we do so when we want to copy them in ever thing we should think twice

You're still saying "when we copy them" and I'm wondering what we're copying exactly cause the US also attributes the child to the husband of the woman just like you claim "our culture" does. So what did we copy? The DNA testing? Fine, let's leave DNA out. The possibility of knowing a child isn't yours or that you have a child in another man's family still remains (as in the case of the OP). DNA only came to serve as a proof of concept. Culture is what we do with the knowledge of true paternity and not necessarily how we got this knowledge (DNA, confession, resemblance, timing, witness, etc).

Please, the crux of this issue has nothing to do with America. Africans should stop blaming the west for everything. Let's address ourselves cause this is about the inconsistencies in our own culture simply cause we want to please the man. Otherwise, why aren't people discouraging men from leaving thier legal children when they find out they aren't biologically theirs (regardless of how they found out)? Why don't we remind them of "our culture"? Why are we talking about our culture now that we're facing the biological father?

I'm not faulting your take on the topic. I'm saying, if we want to enforce this culture, we should also encourage the legal fathers to take responsibility of the kids. Otherwise, the culture would just be an object of misandry.
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by Oyiboman69: 5:46pm On Jan 15
Pierocash:
I don't know why you are arguing what the info is easily accessible on public domain.

The law may not align with your sentiment, but it doesn't change anything bro. DNA only is not the only thing used by law to award paternity, welfare, marriage, and the relationship between the child's mother are the things used to award paternity.

So far,the relationship between the child's mother and the her husband has awarded the child's paternity to the husband irrespective of the DNA. Please stop dragging yourself on the floor.

You can consult a qualified family lawyer on this issue,and you will be shocked that my summation is the true position of the law. If you are in that shoe right now, I will tell you sorry, count your loss and move on.
In Nigeria, the determination of the paternity of a child or person is either by an acknowledgment by the biological father or by proof via documents as decided by the Supreme Court in Ukeje v. ... In Nigeria, a child is anybody below the age of eighteen years. This is contained in section 477 of Child Rights Act.
Currently the highest law of Nigeria is the supreme court and I can find where it states that the paternity of a child is automatically awarded to the husband because he paid the bride price and thereby denied the paternity of the biological father....
It is not written anywhere in the apex law and this verdict has been reached in 2014...I don't need to school you of the fact that the supreme court judgement is supercede your customary court and beer parlour meetings...and don't forget that the mother of the child is the one bringing up this issue....
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by Prettychild(f): 5:53pm On Jan 15
Nato008:

what are u even saying....she was pregnant and he asked her she said is not his....is not like he was running from the responsibility now she is back claiming another thing and u are saying zip up, is like ur own issue is about sex, people having sex in relationship...if that is ur beef abeg shift..
See what you are saying, why didn't he tell the wife before marriage that he dated a girl who got pregnant, when he asked her, she said the pregnancy wasn't his?
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by Nato008(m): 6:20pm On Jan 15
Prettychild:

See what you are saying, why didn't he tell the wife before marriage that he dated a girl who got pregnant, when he asked her, she said the pregnancy wasn't his?
wait I don't understand... tell the wife that his ex once got pregnant and said the baby was not his...why, for the wife to use the info and do what...how does he telling her that then correlate to his present predicament
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by Pierocash(m): 6:37pm On Jan 15
Oyiboman69:
In Nigeria, the determination of the paternity of a child or person is either by an acknowledgment by the biological father or by proof via documents as decided by the Supreme Court in Ukeje v. ... In Nigeria, a child is anybody below the age of eighteen years. This is contained in section 477 of Child Rights Act.
Currently the highest law of Nigeria is the supreme court and I can find where it states that the paternity of a child is automatically awarded to the husband because he paid the bride price and thereby denied the paternity of the biological father....
It is not written anywhere in the apex law and this verdict has been reached in 2014...I don't need to school you of the fact that the supreme court judgement is supercede your customary court and beer parlour meetings...and don't forget that the mother of the child is the one bringing up this issue....
you are such a naive ,but arrogant and pompous fellow. You have been sounding derogatory from onset despite the fact that i have been civil and trying to moderate your ignorance.

The case of glady Lois Ukeje V you are citing does not correlate with the discussion on ground, that case is talking about inheritance of a female child. So what has that got to do with the topic of discussion? A child is anybody below the age of 18 bla bla bla! Who asked you that.

I thought I am discussing with a learned fellow, but is crystally clear that you know nothing. You talked about south easterner tradition in your previous comment,you talked about religion bla bla bla. Now you are talking about customary stuffs and beer palour just, are you suffering from dementia? We are talking of matters of legal jurisprudence ,you are talking out of line. Instead of you to humble yourself and learn ,you are busy ranting puffing and talking of schooling someone more sound than you. Boy,go and shove your ego and accept the reality, count your loss and move on.
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by alloy123: 10:42pm On Jan 15
Explain to your wife just like you informed us here after all you didnt marry your wife when it happened so as to see grounds for unfaithfulness.It was ur ex that caused the situation this way.
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by efficiencie(m): 12:02am On Jan 16
woleabayo:
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS TO SIT YOUR WIFE DOWN AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING TO HER AND BEG HER TO FORGIVE YOU

Story! Easier said than done.
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by efficiencie(m): 12:07am On Jan 16
...this is what happens when you keep digging borehole with your digger every time you are given the chance...now you have dug the hole that has come to haunt you. Confess your sin to your wife and face the consequence. If your wife committed this atrocity you will throw her out of your house. Own your crap and face the consequences.
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by sapeleboi(m): 12:34pm On Jan 16
lipsrsealed

Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by Seandisputed(m): 1:08pm On Jan 16
noble2faith:


I swear! Some women are very very heartless! Just imagine such height of wickedness! What will become the husband of his ex if he eventually knows that the child he has been taking care is not his child?

This may be suicidal coupled with his current situation of being jobless. Even his so called ex's life might be at stake if her husband eventually knows.

The person I pity most is the hubby of the ex.
Men and women have different concepts of love.
Women love opportunistically.
Women are not rational to a large extent, that's the reason what sounds illogical to you sounds logical to them.
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by Seandisputed(m): 1:12pm On Jan 16
luminouz:


You have the best comment so far...

The rest are just emotion laden drivel without any practical applications.
Thank you luminouz.
I'm one of your lowkey fans though, with the way you hit trolls with the "K" letter.
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by MummyD2020(f): 2:24pm On Jan 16
Pierocash:
Forget about the child, focus on your family by law he isn't your child.


It is easier said than don. It's his blood out there u talk about law. Which law abeg?
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by MummyD2020(f): 2:29pm On Jan 16
LOSKYXANDER:

In truth, this is the most sensible post on this thread!!


The best thing is to confirm via DNA first, if its positive, then he should go see the ex and hubby for the kid AMICABLY
Re: My Ex Said Her Son Is Mine - Please Advise by BluntCrazeMan: 2:41pm On Jan 16
charles009:
Good people of nairaland,
Everything you are about to read is not fiction but certain reality.

At the heat of this DNA wahala, a married Ex called me on 6th of Jan to notify me that her son is mine and not her husbands. I remember vividly a certain Saturday in 2015, when we argued intensely over the paternity of the child during her pregnancy. She insisted it was her boyfriends, make una fear women. She swore she was single. Our calculations showed she was ovulating while we had some encounters. She proceeded to block me on all social media platforms and 2 months later, her friend informed me of her wedding.


The issue here is that I am married with two kids and expecting another, she told me her husband lost his job early 2018 and it has been a very rough patch for her family. she says she wants a divorce.

I asked for the boys pictures and it put instant tears to my eyes. Showed a few friends and the resemblance is striking so they said. The most painful of all, he looks not properly looked after.

I am doing fairly OK now, I wouldn't wanna to see my blood suffer, if you were in my shoes how would you handle this. My wife would not want to hear of another child...

Mature advise please...
If you can move on, please move on..
She is now manipulating you, just the way he did to that other boyfriend/husband of hers in 2015.

(1) (2) (3) ... (9) (10) (11) (12) (Reply)

I'm Tired Of My Marriage!!! Please Help / Check Out Photos Of This Stylish Abuja Based MUM Of 6 / Nigerian Lady Who Slapped Her Mother, Sent Back To Nigeria. See Reactions

(Go Up)

Sections: politics (1) business autos (1) jobs (1) career education (1) romance computers phones travel sports fashion health
religion celebs tv-movies music-radio literature webmasters programming techmarket

Links: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10)

Nairaland - Copyright © 2005 - 2021 Oluwaseun Osewa. All rights reserved. See How To Advertise. 167
Disclaimer: Every Nairaland member is solely responsible for anything that he/she posts or uploads on Nairaland.