ststyreal:

What stops you from telling her yourself? Or were you forbid from telling her yourself. I decided which word to use ok. So damn mind your business ok. I choose to use calm and that you can't change, so go use your own words please. You can't dictate to me what to say and what not to say. Please get busy and move on... I will cease to respond to you henceforth.

ssexy:
I don't get it,are u saying the woman should have asked who he would love to come? There's no debate in this in omugo it's the woman's mother's right,no debate,then the man's mother can opt to come see her grandchild later on,no one talked about how insensitive the man is,a man who's wife's tears doesn't move is heartless,poster pls don't let that man control ur happiness,u didn't do any bad at all,give your child all ur love overlook him and don't nag again..nairaland men support their men so much

You would have simply asked him who he would like to have over and allow him throw the dice to your choice. Even if his mother comes, it is not an achievement..

As matter don be like this, just allow him some time. He will come around.

HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.

HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.

HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.

HarunaWest:

I am a reserved person..When people nah or talk too much..I avoid them totally...I hate plenty talk over unnecessary things.
If it's not worth it, I ain't speaking.
OP has failed to understand the man she married over the years, she is trying to impose her style on him and it won't work because obviously the man na Strong Head man...Make she calm down for am..They will be alright.

Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please

Magnoliaa:


Okay.



Exactly. Or of any result at all, if the man chooses not to budge. A joint effort would suffice, else she'd just be wasting her time to salvage THEIR marriage.

shadeyinka:

In marriage, you can't win over your spouse by proving how correct you are. The sanner of the two will stoop to conquer. Of cause as it takes two to tango, it takes the two to make a beautiful marriage.

Goooood. Both needs to stoop to conquer to make the marriage a fruitful sail. No be for the back of another tension suppose dey break every time... because you comment was a gender-specific advice. It's all good.

Magnoliaa:


Goooood. Both needs to stoop to conquer to make the marriage a fruitful sail. No be for the back of another tension suppose dey break every time... because you comment was a gender-specific advice. It's all good.

CalliDora1:
You caused it. When he asked you who was coming over, you should have been wise enough to say any one of them can come, instead of saying your mom "of course"... It sounds more like you're calling the shots in the marriage and men loath it.

Complaining about his dealings with native doctors now sounds out of place because you knew this before going into the marriage. So why complain now because everything is beginning to fall apart? You should know that anyone who visits native doctors is always hard hearted and suspects everyone and everything around them. So, learn to live with it cos you saw it from the beginning but chose to ignore maybe because he's Yankee based.

All that glitters is not gold.

Mood11:


You would have simply asked him who he would like to have over and allow him throw the dice to your choice. Even if his mother comes, it is not an achievement..

As matter don be like this, just allow him some time. He will come around.

BornToSucced:
My sister;
Advise yourself
Pray for him....Pray hard!
Stop nagging unnecessarily
Try to be happy and let your husband be for now.
Don’t pressure him for anything.

In fact, just make him feel non-existent for some time.

Cheers!

malcom1X:


The wife's mother is the one that should come over.

MejiLoyon:
I stopped reading at believe in native doctor after 17years. It's simply impossible

And it made front page
Just so you know...if you carry your marriage matter come social media you deserve to be single forever.
Also ask those that have brought theirs here, was the problem solved here? So many things happen in marriages,they solve it themselves. Go come carry am.come social media.

No be relationship oooo. Marriage. Na wah o

Vevejoy:


Yeye trap, no be woman mother di go "omuguo"? As we the abroad now na to di set trap.
No wahala my dear, thank u a bunch!

Kondomatic:
And all the men ever wanted is not to be killed with responsibilities.


She wants her mom to come so she can work. Dude has been there for 17 years but his own mom is not there and possibly have never been there. Do you think he doesn't want his mom to have a taste of good life. He would have brought her and others a long time ago if he could finance it.

In bringing the mother abroad, husband may end up spending more than what the wife will make from work during the time her mother is there. That's if she will ever go again.

Wife prolly never sat down to think about the financial burden bringing her over will add to his already heavily laden shoulders.

Self centeredness is another problem you lots have. Down here, a wife will bring in her own siblings but the husband's siblings dare not stay more than a week.


It's the responsibility of a father and a mother to take care of their child not father and grandmother.

CalliDora1:


I know. Even the ops husband knows that fact but she should have known that for him to ask such, hes only trying to set a trap to see if she would fall and op fell yakata. If you know the kind of man you're married to, you would know to avoid his traps.


From all she said so far about both of them, she strikes me like someone who likes things done her own way and the man seems to be tired and wants to break her down by now letting his own will always prevail. Only that hes now doing it in excess.

Let her learn her lesson. But I believe the man will still change. He only wants to command submission from her.

emerged01:
Vevejoy,The first reason for misunderstanding which was bringing your mom over is so wrong. His mother should be the one to come over. You shouldn’t have brought this issue up since you won’t allow his mother to come. If you have a good relationship with his mother why didn’t you ask his mother to come?
How will you feel if you have a son who is in your husband’s shoe, and his wife is trying to bring her mother over to abroad to take care of your their son? Will you be happy with your son for that decision? You should know what your action will cause between your husband and his mother.
About the rest of your complain I don’t have much to say than to cut him off the native doctors.

Ecbatana:
First of all, congratulations on the birth of your baby and may the forces be in her favor.

In order to understand the problem and proffer a tenable solution, let me break down your post as follows;

(i ) You've been married for six years and you live abroad,

(ii) You struggled all those years for the fruit of the womb up till 2019 when your baby girl was born,

(iii) the both of you discussed the prospect of bringing either of your moms to come and assist with the child care. When he asked to know which of the moms you preferred, you opted for yours and also backed it up.

(iv) now your marriage is threatened, he acts coldly towards you and all you now do is nag and complain,

(v) and finally, you mentioned that he visits witch doctors and takes their counsel.


I'd like to pose a few questions where in lies my advice.

1. Where did you meet him; here in Africa or abroad? This is because many ladies here in Africa quickly rush to marry someone they hardly know for the prospect of living abroad. Most of the time it's a thing of ego.

2. Did you court before marriage and for how long? I ask this question because courtship would have given the privilege to know things about him and make a stand. Or, you knew how he behaves and visits native doctors but got carried away by something else.

3. How close is he to his mother? Most men are attached to their mothers. When he asked you which of the moms you preferred, you should have weighed this in your heart before replying him. Choosing your mom over his will give him the impression that you are selfish and want only your family members to benefit.

4. Could you please stop the nagging and complaining? No man wants a nagging woman for a wife. Though his attitude towards you is highly annoying, do not play to the gallery. Since he is not complaining about paying for day care, let him continue to pay in peace. On your own part, be positive, have confidence in yourself, worry less, face your work and in your leisure find something to keep you positively engaged. Most men like to be in control, when he sees you no longer worry and regaining control over yourself, he'll try to re-establish control. Your charms will draw him close to you again.

Let me conclude in order not to bore you, if he has people that he listens to; talk to them. Also, a lot of people need assurances, prayers and fortifications to keep them going. Some find theirs in the church, others in the mosque and your husband the shrine. Do not joke with a man's religion. If you don't like it and can't compel him to change then divorce should be your last resort. After all, you stay abroad and the law favors women in issues like this. Except your abroad is an African country. Goodluck and may the cosmic guide you.

AlfaB:
You are a bad wife.


My advice is follow him and his ways. Tell him you want to visit the native doctors with him and perform any rituals he requires of you. Ask him what he wants and do it.

sowilli:
you just by all means want your mum to come, perhaps you are more concerned about pleasing your mum than your husband. please listen to your husband and do what he wants. He has told you he wants the relationship to work and that is what you should be bothered about. stop looking for someone's weakness. work on yours, he will become a better person when you work on yours.

BlackMamba69:


This advice can only work on a matured mind - op is a spoilt, childish little girl who believes the world owes her something because she happens to have a vagina. Imagine a mother thinking taking a child to nursery is suffering. Tueh!