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What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? - Family (14) - Nairaland

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My Fellow Married Women And Mothers, How Do You Deal With A Husband Like Mine? / Why Does Sex Slowly Die Off In A Marriage After 10+ Years?? / A Marriage List Given To A Man In Akwa Ibom (Screenshot) (2) (3) (4)

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Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by emerged01(m): 4:32pm On Jan 20, 2021
Sixfeetbelle:


Her mother should be the one to come over for omugwo. Which one is his mother should come over.

In Yorubaland,it is the mother of the husband that will come over. Except if the mother in-law is not healthy or late that the mother of the wife will come. I think one of the reasons is that anything traditional that needs to be done on the child should be from the family of the husband not the wife.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Commotfornigeri: 4:34pm On Jan 20, 2021
sowilli:
you just by all means want your mum to come, perhaps you are more concerned about pleasing your mum than your husband. please listen to your husband and do what he wants. He has told you he wants the relationship to work and that is what you should be bothered about. stop looking for someone's weakness. work on yours, he will become a better person when you work on yours.

I don't think you're married. Talk na do?

He has to act it and not just say it.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Vevejoy: 4:38pm On Jan 20, 2021
AlfaB:
You are a bad wife.

See what the scripture says.
Genesis 2:18
“It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

This means that you are but a helper to your husband. But you are not helping him. Change your ways.

Ephesians 5:22-24
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

Stop nagging him and submit to all his wishes.

Titus 2:5
To be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Working at home! That's what you must do. YOU! Not your mum, not his mum. YOU.

You must stay home and work if you want to save your marriage!

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

You boast that you can be independent of him. That is not love
You insist of having your own way instead of submitting. That is not love
You should bear him if you love him.
You should share his beliefs if you love him
You must endure if you truly love him.

1 Timothy 3:11
Their wives likewise must be dignified, not slanderers, but sober-minded, faithful in all things.

By complaining about him to his mum, especially about things he told you in confidence, you have slandered him and shown unfaithfulness. You are not a good wife.

Genesis 3:16
To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.”

You do not challenge your ruler. Ever. By challenging your husband and his beliefs, you are challenging God's edict. That is very wicked.

1 Timothy 2:11
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness.

Don't talk back to your husband.


My advice is follow him and his ways. Tell him you want to visit the native doctors with him and perform any rituals he requires of you. Ask him what he wants and do it.

Hahahahaha u got me laughing. I hear u
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Sixfeetbelle: 4:38pm On Jan 20, 2021
emerged01:

In Yorubaland,it is the mother of the husband that will come over. Except if the mother in-law is not healthy or late that the mother of the wife will come. I think one of the reasons is that anything traditional that needs to be done on the child should be from the family of the husband not the wife.

In Igboland, it's the wives mother, but that is besides the point. Joining the two together, it means one of the mothers can come for omugwo. So even if she said her mother as an Igbo woman, can't he tell her Yoruba is different and invite his mother instead? If they're from the same tribe, why was it a question? And why is it an issue?
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Sixfeetbelle: 4:45pm On Jan 20, 2021
Eluala:


Na im una still dey quarrel? Lol. Ok this time, you guys should change position, if you were doing doggy, change to missionary, any position to make both you be looking each other in the eyes, then do a lot of kissing.

Move from a lot of sex to more love making. Lol....you never can tell...It does magic.

By the way, you can also speak in tongues when the conjugal position is assumed and there is interlocking of the genital tools of pleasure generation. Lol.

I think you guys are just going through a phase in marriage which is perfectly normal and most marriages do experience such upheavals too, nothing too serious and I encourage you to not make an industry out of it. You know men can be like little kids sometimes. We lose attention too fast and somehow develop what I may term 'buyer's remorse'. But remain steadfast and conquer him with love, he will come round. For the fact you guys are still having great sex, then chill, na shakara season. You guys will be fine. I am speaking from over 16 years experience by the way.

And his use of Native doctors? please don't judge him and stop reporting him to his mum on that. Look at it this way, it could have been him depending on his Pastor for spiritual guidance. Find a way to play along with him to even understand the dynamics of his belief in the thing, if he finds you to be that genuinely interested and non judgmental, then he will begin to trust you more and only then can you have a reasonable chance of gradually talking him out if. I wish you all the best. It's not that bad and like a lot of people have advised, learn to have a calm disposition and reduce your own internal stress level, all will be well. Life is not that serious and I think your man is still 100% in love with you and committed to you, the issues notwithstanding. He is tactfully sending you a message which if printed should read something like "You can no longer always have your way with nagging, tantrums, begging, crying, shouting or other forms of emotional abuse/manipulation". Stop and reassess your engagement style. Learn to let him have his way as the head of the home and after a while he will get tired of it and trust me, you will still ultimately be in charge.

The woman is designed to be the weaker vessel, but do you know that her strength is actually manifested in the same weakness. You are wise. Keep your home together. It's in your hands and I believe that's what you are driving at, the reason you made this post. You will succeed.

Would you be happy if your wife was depending on your pastor all the time?

You people are fond of giving advise to women's that you'd never tolerate.

2 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Sixfeetbelle: 4:50pm On Jan 20, 2021
Mcslize:
Vevojoy

I understand your plight. But I can tell you that the whole issue is being complicated due the nagging aspect. If you can work on that aspect of you, trust me, you will notice great improvement on his part.

Let me give you a scenario. There was a lady I was dating sometime ago. She nag a lot. Any time I see her calls I always feel unhappy cuz I knew it's nagging she want to nag again.

So most times I do refuse picking her calls just to escape the nagging. But I was wrong. She will go to WhatsApp and drop bunch of messages, I will just read and not reply. She will then resort to insulting me with full paragraph of pages on WhatsApp, I will just read and not reply her.

She continues insulting and nagging but I won't alter a single word. She was like, I was a heartless human being. But I told her that I wasn't heartless, that the whole problem was from her. If she can work on her nagging attitude, we will just be fine.

At a point, she tried making amend and when I noticed she has changed a bit, I started giving her attention.

So, what am I saying? Men hate nagging. It chokes them up. So if you can take it by yourself to work on that aspect of you, trust me, your husband will start giving you the attention you need and start treating you right. Instead of nagging him, try and be more polite in your approach towards him when talking to him.

If you can do this, trust me, things will go back to how they were before.

Including him not believing everything his native doctor tells him?

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Sixfeetbelle: 5:05pm On Jan 20, 2021
Magnoliaa:


Too many.

It shocks me everyday.

It's like most of them right now are not capable and cannot be of making decisions without defaulting to some "teachers" tell them or culture.

It's shocking. Sometimes they are always making sense, but let it come to women's issues - you'll start seeing their misogynistic biases coming out.

I have never seen men being so biased as they do on this forum.

They like shifting roles and responsibilities. They love it like their lives depend on it. They want to be respected and submitted to even when they haven't done anything to command that respect. The Holy book says you need to love a woman first for her to be able to submit to you, but these ones seem to ignore that part of the Bible always.

When it comes to relationships, shifting blames is their first defense. For this case here, immediately she said she nags, every other thing she said after became null and void to them. They already have a foothold and that was all they needed. Let's forget about the physically abusive husband, let's neglect the 'spiritually-dependent' husband, let's ignore the 'testing-spouse' husband. Many of these guys will never allow their wife be spiritually-dependent, or physically abusive or test them, but once a man is doing it, it's alright and acceptable.

In the case she didn't add that, majority will hold on to the "until I hear from both parties" as their lifeline. Anything that exonerates them and their fellow men, they'll hang unto it, even if it will lead the woman to her death.

Tufiakwa!

2 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by emerged01(m): 5:12pm On Jan 20, 2021
Sixfeetbelle:


In Igboland, it's the wives mother, but that is besides the point. Joining the two together, it means one of the mothers can come for omugwo. So even if she said her mother as an Igbo woman, can't he tell her Yoruba is different and invite his mother instead? If they're from the same tribe, why was it a question? And why is it an issue?

Are you married?

Me,I never counted it as an issue but the day I gave birth to my first child it was really an issue. A very strong one if not for God intervention it would have led to our break up.
I tried talking to my wife that she should put herself in mother’s shoe. She realized where I was going,so she called her Mum to order but her action didn’t go well with her own mother which result into another strong issue between my wife and her mother. Thank God it was all settled. When the issue of the second child came everybody understood their roles unlike the first one.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Vevejoy: 5:17pm On Jan 20, 2021
Eluala:


Na im una still dey quarrel? Lol. Ok this time, you guys should change position, if you were doing doggy, change to missionary, any position to make both you be looking each other in the eyes, then do a lot of kissing.

Move from a lot of sex to more love making. Lol....you never can tell...It does magic.

By the way, you can also speak in tongues when the conjugal position is assumed and there is interlocking of the genital tools of pleasure generation. Lol.

I think you guys are just going through a phase in marriage which is perfectly normal and most marriages do experience such upheavals too, nothing too serious and I encourage you to not make an industry out of it. You know men can be like little kids sometimes. We lose attention too fast and somehow develop what I may term 'buyer's remorse'. But remain steadfast and conquer him with love, he will come round. For the fact you guys are still having great sex, then chill, na shakara season. You guys will be fine. I am speaking from over 16 years experience by the way.

And his use of Native doctors? please don't judge him and stop reporting him to his mum on that. Look at it this way, it could have been him depending on his Pastor for spiritual guidance. Find a way to play along with him to even understand the dynamics of his belief in the thing, if he finds you to be that genuinely interested and non judgmental, then he will begin to trust you more and only then can you have a reasonable chance of gradually talking him out if. I wish you all the best. It's not that bad and like a lot of people have advised, learn to have a calm disposition and reduce your own internal stress level, all will be well. Life is not that serious and I think your man is still 100% in love with you and committed to you, the issues notwithstanding. He is tactfully sending you a message which if printed should read something like "You can no longer always have your way with nagging, tantrums, begging, crying, shouting or other forms of emotional abuse/manipulation". Stop and reassess your engagement style. Learn to let him have his way as the head of the home and after a while he will get tired of it and trust me, you will still ultimately be in charge.

The woman is designed to be the weaker vessel, but do you know that her strength is actually manifested in the same weakness. You are wise. Keep your home together. It's in your hands and I believe that's what you are driving at, the reason you made this post. You will succeed.

U nailed it big time. Thanks for you wonderful advice. I'm taking this into action.
Thanks oncemore

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by demoBaba: 5:20pm On Jan 20, 2021
Ecbatana:
First of all, congratulations on the birth of your baby and may the forces be in her favor.

In order to understand the problem and proffer a tenable solution, let me break down your post as follows;

(i ) You've been married for six years and you live abroad,

(ii) You struggled all those years for the fruit of the womb up till 2019 when your baby girl was born,

(iii) the both of you discussed the prospect of bringing either of your moms to come and assist with the child care. When he asked to know which of the moms you preferred, you opted for yours and also backed it up.

(iv) now your marriage is threatened, he acts coldly towards you and all you now do is nag and complain,

(v) and finally, you mentioned that he visits witch doctors and takes their counsel.


I'd like to pose a few questions where in lies my advice.

1. Where did you meet him; here in Africa or abroad? This is because many ladies here in Africa quickly rush to marry someone they hardly know for the prospect of living abroad. Most of the time it's a thing of ego.

2. Did you court before marriage and for how long? I ask this question because courtship would have given the privilege to know things about him and make a stand. Or, you knew how he behaves and visits native doctors but got carried away by something else.

3. How close is he to his mother? Most men are attached to their mothers. When he asked you which of the moms you preferred, you should have weighed this in your heart before replying him. Choosing your mom over his will give him the impression that you are selfish and want only your family members to benefit.

4. Could you please stop the nagging and complaining? No man wants a nagging woman for a wife. Though his attitude towards you is highly annoying, do not play to the gallery. Since he is not complaining about paying for day care, let him continue to pay in peace. On your own part, be positive, have confidence in yourself, worry less, face your work and in your leisure find something to keep you positively engaged. Most men like to be in control, when he sees you no longer worry and regaining control over yourself, he'll try to re-establish control. Your charms will draw him close to you again.

Let me conclude in order not to bore you, if he has people that he listens to; talk to them. Also, a lot of people need assurances, prayers and fortifications to keep them going. Some find theirs in the church, others in the mosque and your husband the shrine. Do not joke with a man's religion. If you don't like it and can't compel him to change then divorce should be your last resort. After all, you stay abroad and the law favors women in issues like this. Except your abroad is an African country. Goodluck and may the cosmic guide you.



O boy see write up on top somebody mata.

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by CHoccolaTE: 5:26pm On Jan 20, 2021
Sixfeetbelle:


I have never seen men being so biased as they do on this forum.

They like shifting roles and responsibilities. They love it like their lives depend on it. They want to be respected and submitted to even when they haven't done anything to command that respect. The Holy book says you need to love a woman first for her to be able to submit to you, but these ones seem to ignore that part of the Bible always.

When it comes to relationships, shifting blames is their first defense. For this case here, immediately she said she nags, every other thing she said after became null and void to them. They already have a foothold and that was all they needed. Let's forget about the physically abusive husband, let's neglect the 'spiritually-dependent' husband, let's ignore the 'testing-spouse' husband. Many of these guys will never allow their wife be spiritually-dependent, or physically abusive or test them, but once a man is doing it, it's alright and acceptable.

In the case she didn't add that, majority will hold on to the "until I hear from both parties" as their lifeline. Anything that exonerates them and their fellow men, they'll hang unto it, even if it will lead the woman to her death.

Tufiakwa!

That's Nigerian men for you.


They claim they are leaders of their families but refuse to be accountable for anything. Everything is the wife fault, if a man kills his wife Nigerian men will say the wife must have pushed him into committing murder.

If he sleeps around it's not because he is a randy horndog, no, it's the wife that grew old and fat and stopped pampering him like a baby so it's her fault.

If she insists that he must provide and be breadwinner then she is just a troublesome liability, why can't she provide instead of disturbing him?

If he is insensitive and emotionally distant, or just doesnt care for her, then she should be the one to show him love and respect and pray until he changes.

One lady came to complain on nairaland that her lazy husband wants her to start buyng things for him instead of doubling his hustle,
guess what? nairaland males told her she is very wicked and she must spend on her husband until he makes it in life.


This site is very useless when it comes to giving sensible advice to help married women.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by CHoccolaTE: 5:34pm On Jan 20, 2021
Vevejoy:


I hope this works out for me. I actually just enrolled in a program and started it this month.
Thank you!

Sorry about the insensitive "advice" you have been getting from some people.

Nairaland is heaven for deranged men that hate women.
The females blaming you on this thread, they have nairaland boyfriends that they dont want to offend that is why they throw their fellow women under the bus.

You yourself please find happiness outside your hubby, you can still be a good wife but try to overlook the things about him you cannot change, dont depend on him for your happiness and take good care of yourself, focus on your wellbeing instead of suffering high bp ontop a self centered husband's case.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Sixfeetbelle: 5:37pm On Jan 20, 2021
emerged01:

Are you married?

Me,I never counted it as an issue but the day I gave birth to my first child it was really an issue. A very strong one if not for God intervention it would have led to our break up.
I tried talking to my wife that she should put herself in mother’s shoe. She realized where I was going,so she called her Mum to order but her action didn’t go well with her own mother which result into another strong issue between my wife and her mother. Thank God it was all settled. When the issue of the second child came everybody understood their roles unlike the first one.

Why was it an issue for your family? If tradition already said who should come for omugwo, how did it become an issue?
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Mcslize: 5:51pm On Jan 20, 2021
Sixfeetbelle:


Including him not believing everything his native doctor tells him?

The native Doctor aspect is minor. We can always win others ovee by our good attitudes. If someone speaks ill of you to another person but ended up not experiencing any bad attitude from you of what the person accused you of, you've indirectedly been vindicated if the person sees nothing of such in you.

It's bad that the husband believes whatever the native Doctor tells him but on the part of the wife, she can win her husband over by her good attitude cuz we can't use fire to quench fire in this case. Only her good behaviour will restore things to normalcy in this situation and that's the step she needs to take right now if she truly wants to win her husband over.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by GAMZYTK: 6:03pm On Jan 20, 2021
Vevejoy:
Plesse forget the errors and focus on the content.

So here's my issue.

I've been married for 6yrs and it's been a blissful journey- of course with minor issues here and there but nothing to worry about until May 5th 2020 when I'd say things turned upside down.

We live abroad and struggled to have kids but God finally blessed us with a beautiful daughter in Sept 2019. Child care being super expensive here, we wanted one of our moms to come help us with the baby when I return to work after my maternity leave. So on the eve of our wedding anniversary which was the 4th of May last year, I asked my husband for the say 10th time about beginning the procedure of bringing a mom over to help since I'll be returning to work. He asked which mom and I said in my exact words; "of course my mom" because I know that when a woman gives birth, her mom usually go to help her. Did that change our story? My God, marriage has been one hell of a thing since that day.

My husband said I am selfish, disrespectful, and want to dominate him. He said things will never be the same again and since then, my marriage has been a stress zone.

My husband is numb to my feelings. He's been ignoring me, I've been a nag I'll admit since tue incident last year. I now talk alot and mostly complain about everything whenever we are together. It's sad and I've actually had conversations with myself to ignore him and stop nagging but I continue to do it, I need help on how to shut up and observe.

I can cry from now to die kingdom come and this man wouldn't be moved. He cannot shift his stance because of me at all. He does whatever he likes and disregard everything I say. E.g before this crisis, we had an appointment to see our Dr to start trying for baby number two because the Dr's advised that since we just had a baby, it's best to try for another soonest given that we had challenges conceiving the first one. This man cancelled the appointment with our Dr and has blatantly refused to start trying for a baby right now. He says when the time comes he'll let me know. Up till now the time has not come despite the fact that delaying may impact our chance of conceiving again. What a life!� � �.

Also, he has decided that no parent will come and I'm back to work already. My poor baby who use to sleep till 9am now suffer in this winter getting up at 6am to be dropped off at daycare all because her father is angry and want to make sure he doesn't do anything that will make his wife smile. He'll rather spend thorns of money paying for daycare even after I've told him that I don't mind his mom coming. Mind u, I have a very good relationship with my inlaws, especially my mom inlaw so it's not an inlaw fight.

The worst of them all is that despite living abroad for 17yrs, this man believes so much in native doctors to the extend that I can't even explain. Infact it's something that I've always fought him about and talked against. I've even complained about it to his family. And guess what, when I talk against, he tells his native drs who of course has ignited the fire in our home. Can you believe that in this chaos this man took me on a vacation in August last year that he wanted to clear his mind so we can start a new chapter and be happy again only to tell me that I have been trying to use a charm on him in the past months thats why things got rough. He said the 3 women I am using appeared to him but he is stronger ����. I am laughing because I felt pity and ashamed for him. How can a grown man be this vulnerable to suitsayers? I have never in my entire life visited a native doctor for myself not to talk of going to take a charmI didn'tvisit the native drs when I was strugglingto have a baby and this man thinks I'llvisit one now to charm him. Wondering y he will even believe such a thing. Infact I don't even know any native doctor. So when he said that, I told him that if I had known that his change of attitude is because of this stupid reason, I would not have fought for my marriage like I did. Of course I got so mad and told him a piece of my mind. I am even ashamed of telling people that despite this man's exposure he consults native Dr's in Africa more than even the people in Africa. Infact if they say yes that's what he listens to. He has even paid a flight from here to Africa because a native Dr told him that his dad who raised him to be the man he is today is trying to kill him and he should come for protection.

I decided to tell his mom about the accusation. His mom told me she scolded at him and warned him never to say such nonsense. Well I just pity him and I'm praying for him. But truth is I regret my marriage to him because of these his believes. I just don't believe in divorce and don't even have the heart to move out I would have done so. Mind u, I am 100% independent so it's not an issue of being scared of surviving alone.

Well one Sunday night as usual I talked to him like crazy and he said "all he wants is for our relationship to work and he will put in his best effort with support from me. I said I want same and will put in my best effort with support from him too*. This happened around september and things have been like normal on and off since then.

I have a few worries which I'd like you to advise me on the way forward.
- My husband is heartless. No matter how I lament, cry, beg, approach him nicely. Infact no matter the manner in which I bring up an issue to him, he doesn't get moved at all. He stays on his stance and doesn't care. How am I suppose to live with a man like this. He goes mute when I try having a conversation with him.

- I have a weakness of talking alot which I acknowledge and I'm doing my best to work on it though I'm yet to change completely. But I can say there's a huge improvement. Infact I'm able to walk away now.

Can a marriage really work out out without a compromise from both parties? I feel like I am compromising alot but this man is doing whatever he likes. In all of these he doesn't cheat but has abused me physically 4times in our 6yrs of marriage which I'm still pained about. The worst abuse right now is emotional abuse and I've told him so several times.

We use to be an exemplary and happy couple up till this may 2020. What will you do in a situation like mine With? With a man like my husband who I'd say lacks empathy and a concience how do I deal with him? His mom said she talked to him but I don't see any difference.

I feel miserable right now in my marriage. Since I got married this is our hardest hit and unfortunately it got prolonged probably bc of his native Dr's who told him I am using a charm on him which he believed.


Help me out please

You are really passing through Hell, if you are a Christian, send in your prayer � request via This mail: prayerchainministry247@yahoo.com. Remember what Jesus said "if you ask any thing, believing it shall be granted".

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 6:03pm On Jan 20, 2021
Ecbatana:
First of all, congratulations on the birth of your baby and may the forces be in her favor.

In order to understand the problem and proffer a tenable solution, let me break down your post as follows;

(i ) You've been married for six years and you live abroad,

(ii) You struggled all those years for the fruit of the womb up till 2019 when your baby girl was born,

(iii) the both of you discussed the prospect of bringing either of your moms to come and assist with the child care. When he asked to know which of the moms you preferred, you opted for yours and also backed it up.

(iv) now your marriage is threatened, he acts coldly towards you and all you now do is nag and complain,

(v) and finally, you mentioned that he visits witch doctors and takes their counsel.


I'd like to pose a few questions where in lies my advice.

1. Where did you meet him; here in Africa or abroad? This is because many ladies here in Africa quickly rush to marry someone they hardly know for the prospect of living abroad. Most of the time it's a thing of ego.

2. Did you court before marriage and for how long? I ask this question because courtship would have given the privilege to know things about him and make a stand. Or, you knew how he behaves and visits native doctors but got carried away by something else.

3. How close is he to his mother? Most men are attached to their mothers. When he asked you which of the moms you preferred, you should have weighed this in your heart before replying him. Choosing your mom over his will give him the impression that you are selfish and want only your family members to benefit.

4. Could you please stop the nagging and complaining? No man wants a nagging woman for a wife. Though his attitude towards you is highly annoying, do not play to the gallery. Since he is not complaining about paying for day care, let him continue to pay in peace. On your own part, be positive, have confidence in yourself, worry less, face your work and in your leisure find something to keep you positively engaged. Most men like to be in control, when he sees you no longer worry and regaining control over yourself, he'll try to re-establish control. Your charms will draw him close to you again.

Let me conclude in order not to bore you, if he has people that he listens to; talk to them. Also, a lot of people need assurances, prayers and fortifications to keep them going. Some find theirs in the church, others in the mosque and your husband the shrine. Do not joke with a man's religion. If you don't like it and can't compel him to change then divorce should be your last resort. After all, you stay abroad and the law favors women in issues like this. Except your abroad is an African country. Goodluck and may the cosmic guide you.


Respect
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by DEBJOCH1(m): 6:04pm On Jan 20, 2021
NA WA OOOO, MADAM EVEN NOW YOU ARE STILL NAGGING. YOUR HUSBAND IS MY KIND OF MAN JOR, THE BEST WAY FOR A YOUNG MAN TO LIVE LONG IS TO BLUNTLY IGNORE EVERY NAGGING WIFE, THE DAY YOU START PAYING ATTENTION TO A NAGGING WIFE, THE DAY YOU START DIEYING GRADUALLY.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Sixfeetbelle: 6:05pm On Jan 20, 2021
Mcslize:


The native Doctor aspect is minor. We can always win others ovee by our good attitudes. If someone speaks ill of you to another person but ended up not experiencing any bad attitude from you of what the person accused you of, you've indirectedly been vindicated if the person sees nothing of such in you.

It's bad that the husband believes whatever the native Doctor tells him but on the part of the wife, she can win her husband over by her good attitude cuz we can't use fire to quench fire in this case. Only her good behaviour will restore things to normalcy in this situation and that's the step she needs to take right now if she truly wants to win her husband over.


Good attitude cannot win over a man that has been brainwashed to think his wife is evil and that his father wants to kill him.

Good attitude cannot win over a man that has been physically abusive to his wife for six years. Four times in six years is more than excessive for her 'bad attitude'

Good attitude cannot win over a man who made a mountain out of a molehill over who should come for omugwo.

Good attitude cannot make a man be less stubborn and more attentive. 'naggers' only nag when the other party doesn't heed to their words. As a rule of thumb, parents nag stubborn kids, never the sensible ones.

All in all, good attitude will only make you a 'doormat' to a man who's behavior you don't understand and a man you're not compatible with.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Nobody: 6:06pm On Jan 20, 2021
HarunaWest:
You typed a lengthy post just to pass a simple message.This is were the problem lies. You talk too much...
You are draining your hubby....Give him a break, he will come around sooner or later.
Become more kind and generous towards him.
Shẹ́ talks much abeg... No man on earth will like a woman like this

2 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by DavidEsq(m): 6:09pm On Jan 20, 2021
DoubleEngine007:
There are people that know this Bible more than you do,their marriages still failed. If you fail to do what you're supposed to do as a husband or as a wife,bible verses won't help you oga. If you like read from Genesis to Revelation. Now tell her to qoute these verses to her said husband ,if that will make him change. Someone that's not even a Christian undecided I told you to direct your advice to the op,and stop quoting me please..
This is why u have always failed WAEC.

2 Likes

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Vevejoy: 6:19pm On Jan 20, 2021
psalms37:
Madam, nobody is perfect and I don't think a divorce is the answer as every relationship has its own challenge. Having said that I have a few observations from your write up and maybe some suggestions too.
1. I don't think your husband is heartless, rather I believe you've been using emotional blackmail (crying, silent treatment etc) in the past and he has decided to become numb to it. See ehn, men can be funny at times, they can decide to teach their partner a lesson and do things to hurt that person even sometimes hurting themselves or doing what they aren't proud of in the process. This COULD be the situation in your case and h just wants you to let off his case a bit.
2. Have you considered thinking about things from his own stand? He may have his reasons for not agreeing to your mum of his coming over. I think you should stop talking about it completely and make arrangements suitable for your baby, you could hire mature nanny who'd come to the house to care for baby while you're at work. That way baby gets her full sleep and since he doesn't mind paying then I think it's perfect.
3. You need to have a talk with yourself and decide to be the woman he fell in love with. Decide to love him and love him even when he gives you attitude, seduce him is he not your husband. I believe he'll come around
4. You have to let him know physical abuse is unacceptable and you would not hesitate to involve the police if he lays a finger on you, love and being married doesn't turn one stupid, thankfully, you live in a sane clime so if he ever touches you again in violence, sistership, call the police and let him cool his anger in the cell. You also get angry at times and don't hit him so why should he feel free to do that to you. Take a stand on it and ensure you do the needful if he doesn't live up to his word.
5. Finally about the native doctor, there may be nothing you can do about this o except to keep praying for him and working on yourself. You could think about some of the suggestions above, pick up a few of them and act on it wait for awhile to observe his behavior to your new self then have a heeart-heart conversation with him to talk about your marriage and your concern s about his penchant for native things.
Being married for 6years in the abroad is no joke and you are a survivor but we are all works in progress and can certainly do with external help from time to time.

Thank you!
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Magnoliaa(f): 6:21pm On Jan 20, 2021
Sixfeetbelle:


I have never seen men being so biased as they do on this forum.

They like shifting roles and responsibilities. They love it like their lives depend on it. They want to be respected and submitted to even when they haven't done anything to command that respect. The Holy book says you need to love a woman first for her to be able to submit to you, but these ones seem to ignore that part of the Bible always.

When it comes to relationships, shifting blames is their first defense. For this case here, immediately she said she nags, every other thing she said after became null and void to them. They already have a foothold and that was all they needed. Let's forget about the physically abusive husband, let's neglect the 'spiritually-dependent' husband, let's ignore the 'testing-spouse' husband. Many of these guys will never allow their wife be spiritually-dependent, or physically abusive or test them, but once a man is doing it, it's alright and acceptable.

In the case she didn't add that, majority will hold on to the "until I hear from both parties" as their lifeline. Anything that exonerates them and their fellow men, they'll hang unto it, even if it will lead the woman to her death.

Tufiakwa!

The thing weak me, sis.

I know women get their own for bodi, but there's this self-awareness we have about it. You'll find more women castigating another for a bad behavior before you'll find one man chiding another for a bad behavior. Na only to dey form bro code and sharing tips on how to 'bed' women dem dey excel at.


Sixfeetbelle:



Good attitude cannot win over a man that has been brainwashed to think his wife is evil and that his father wants to kill him.

Good attitude cannot win over a man that has been physically abusive to his wife for six years. Four times in six years is more than excessive for her 'bad attitude'

Good attitude cannot win over a man who made a mountain out of a molehill over who should come for omugwo.

Good attitude cannot make a man be less stubborn and more attentive. 'naggers' only nag when the other party doesn't heed to their words. As a rule of thumb, parents nag stubborn kids, never the sensible ones.

All in all, good attitude will only make you a 'doormat' to a man who's behavior you don't understand and a man you're not compatible with.

You worded this better than I could have!

I mean, who are women being good women and submissive to? Alllll of the preachings we've been preaching on top women for years, and people still think the problems of marriages always come from women? The average lady has been broken and conditioned for marriage. In fact, you have doormats around already - who are willingly to climb mountains. But alas, her feelings, person and needs continue to get trampled on, she reacts and everybody scream, "that's what we've been saying."
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Ihatebuhariwith(m): 6:23pm On Jan 20, 2021
My instinct is telling me dat u r the one causing problem for your self.. E be like u deh talk too much.. I hate nagging woman.

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Vevejoy: 6:24pm On Jan 20, 2021
Mcslize:
Vevojoy

I understand your plight. But I can tell you that the whole issue is being complicated due the nagging aspect. If you can work on that aspect of you, trust me, you will notice great improvement on his part.

Let me give you a scenario. There was a lady I was dating sometime ago. She nag a lot. Any time I see her calls I always feel unhappy cuz I knew it's nagging she want to nag again.

So most times I do refuse picking her calls just to escape the nagging. But I was wrong. She will go to WhatsApp and drop bunch of messages, I will just read and not reply. She will then resort to insulting me with full paragraph of pages on WhatsApp, I will just read and not reply her.

She continues insulting and nagging but I won't alter a single word. She was like, I was a heartless human being. But I told her that I wasn't heartless, that the whole problem was from her. If she can work on her nagging attitude, we will just be fine.

At a point, she tried making amend and when I noticed she has changed a bit, I started giving her attention.

So, what am I saying? Men hate nagging. It chokes them up. So if you can take it by yourself to work on that aspect of you, trust me, your husband will start giving you the attention you need and start treating you right. Instead of nagging him, try and be more polite in your approach towards him when talking to him.

If you can do this, trust me, things will go back to how they were before.
Ok thank you. I appreciate your advice.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by DoubleEngine007: 6:25pm On Jan 20, 2021
DavidEsq:

This is why u have always failed WAEC.
I think that's the same reason you don't have sense undecided
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by emerged01(m): 6:35pm On Jan 20, 2021
Sixfeetbelle:


Why was it an issue for your family? If tradition already said who should come for omugwo, how did it become an issue?
But this is not a matter of omugwo. It is matter of who is staying with the kid when both leave for work.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Sixfeetbelle: 6:40pm On Jan 20, 2021
emerged01:

But this is not a matter of omugwo. It is matter of who is staying with the kid when both leave for work.

Was it not about omugwo visit she made in her post?

If not, then a nanny can stay with the kid nah. Why even bother inviting their mother over? Even I wouldn't invite my mother or my mother-in-law to come be the nanny.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by DavidEsq(m): 6:48pm On Jan 20, 2021
DoubleEngine007:
I think that's the same reason you don't have sense undecided
U see what I was saying? It's a good thing u didn't dispute the truth of failing WAEC.

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Liposure: 6:52pm On Jan 20, 2021
Sixfeetbelle:


I have never seen men being so biased as they do on this forum.

They like shifting roles and responsibilities. They love it like their lives depend on it. They want to be respected and submitted to even when they haven't done anything to command that respect. The Holy book says you need to love a woman first for her to be able to submit to you, but these ones seem to ignore that part of the Bible always.

When it comes to relationships, shifting blames is their first defense. For this case here, immediately she said she nags, every other thing she said after became null and void to them. They already have a foothold and that was all they needed. Let's forget about the physically abusive husband, let's neglect the 'spiritually-dependent' husband, let's ignore husband. ys will never alls
ah! My sister that is not true oh. According to my bible in ephesians 5, wives must submit first. Unless its not the same bible we ve been reading

1 Like

Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by Sixfeetbelle: 6:54pm On Jan 20, 2021
Magnoliaa:


The thing weak me, sis.

I know women get their own for bodi, but there's this self-awareness we have about it. You'll find more women castigating another for a bad behavior before you'll find one man chiding another for a bad behavior. Na only to dey form bro code and sharing tips on how to 'bed' women dem dey excel at.

Because that's the only thing they care about. Bedding women is a conquest for them. And they hate it when a woman seems to be better at the game than they are.



You worded this better than I could have!

I mean, who are women being good women and submissive to? Alllll of the preachings we've been preaching on top women for years, and people still think the problems of marriages always come from women? The average lady has been broken and conditioned for marriage. In fact, you have doormats around already - who are willingly to climb mountains. But alas, her feelings, person and needs continue to get trampled on, she reacts and everybody scream, "that's what we've been saying."
[/quote]

It's tiring, tbh. These 'submissive, loyal' bullcrap they regurgitate time and time again does not matter in situations where the man is undeserving of it, hence why the sanctimony of marriages is so watered down. Many have seen that being a 'good wife' does not necessarily mean you'll have a good marriage. A good marriage requires two to tango, but in a case where one is always receiving the 'advice', not much will be achieved.

Sometimes, I wish couples who bring their problems online can ask their spouses to do too so we can advise them individually on how to make their marriages work instead of all these 'be good' speeches.
Re: What Will You Do In A Marriage Like Mine? by zedman1(m): 6:58pm On Jan 20, 2021
[quote author=Vevejoy post=98230388][/quote] I don't like people who are too spiritual or superstitious. I don't like such people at all, but that's me. He even reach native doctor level. Perhaps you saw no problem with that until now, I don't know. Then, as for you, please try and tame your tongue. People who talk too much have tendency of saying unprintable things when they're angry. Perhaps you said something on that said date that he just cannot remember to forget.

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