Let him go 2 hell,

klear:

He didnt do anytin wrong? r u 4 ril? If its u dat caught your intended wifey in such a state, I hope u will b magnanimous enuf 2 say wat u just did if nt den it means dat u & all d oda guys who support fiance actions r hypocrites & of course men will always b MEN bt I know dia r ones out dia who have self control over dia bodies ( coz dats wat it boils down 2 )

so whats the hullaboo about?

@OP
we all react to the issue of cheating in various ways. and i want to assume that the reason you are devastated by this is that you have never done this it to him.
well you can look at it from one point, if you have not caught him cheating on you for the past four years, then first questions you should be asking are
1. why now?
2. have you always been around each other for the past four years.
3. have you ever had reasons to suspect him of cheating?
4. what have people been saying about him to you?

while i could go on about questions to ask i will like to stop at these few.

now onto answers and their meaning, the issue of cheating is not peculiar to your man alone, so also the reasons differ from person to person.

1. to find out why now, you will have to sit down and talk about it, find out why he choose this time to get caught, or whatever excuse he has got to do what he did, reasons might be, he was at the wrong place and got hooked by the 'hot' babe, secondly he wanted to do it before you guys got married,
thirdly he didn't know what came over him and he is truly sorry. amongst the host of reasons he might give to you, don't let him tell you that, it was the devils work or some silly excuse that don't add up. the purpose of this talk is to get into his psych, and understand his reasons, trust me you will be shocked at what you could learn when you are calm with such issues.

2. if you had been around each other for the past four years and you have not caught him once, then its either he was very smart and respectful, or he is telling you the truth, meaning he didn't know what came over him and he is truly sorry. but if you have not been that much together, i mean in same environment where you get to see each other often, then believe me he is a born cheat. you anly outsmarted him this time that was why you caught him.

3. if you have ever had reasons to suspect him before now, that was possibly your guts feeling or rather instincts telling you that something was wrong, and please don't ignore your instincts, they are mostly right.

4. if you tell me that people have not been talking about him to you then i will say you are not being truthful. this is  the time to get real, and evaluate what you have heard, this is time to cross check fact and fictions, how often have you been told about his randy behaviours be truthful to yourself, or you could go on a fact finding mission, ask questions. at this stage it is not about digging for dirt, you just want to know how far rotten the apple is, trust me some apples are just fresh on the outside only.

after doing your careful analysis make a decision and pray, that is if you believe in it. believe me it works wonders, the choice of a life partner is not a joke its a very serious issue. if the decision you made gives you peace after praying then go with it. if not please toe the opposite path.

then as for the guys who say cheating is a normal thing, you guys are simply hopeless,
just because you cheat does not make it alright,
why i can't blame you for cheating i certainly won't accept your ideology on the issue.

if men can cheat then women should do too. after all we are created equal.
talking about hormones, you should also know that along with that you were created with the ability to choose.
it is your choice that makes you what you are not your hormones.

my theory is simple what you condone you will eventually become.
we have told so much lies that eventually we start living a lie.
and eventually cheat our very own self of the happiness we deserve.
thats all cheating can ever bring.

@poster , 1st i must commend ur fiance 4 dis : d guy has gud taste, im no dey follow RUBBISH





;

rockchic:

Dated him for 4 and half years. And for the first time, i caught him cheating. He was acting funny for two days, so i ambushed him, went to his house at 5am, lo and behold, a babe was in his house, in the room. Turns out they met a week ago, and he invited her over, and she came to spend the night. Anyway, she left to her own house, after which i broke up with him immediately in anger.

Its about two weeks now, ex-fiance still begging and begging for a second chance. The thing that pained me most is that the girl is not like me at all. She is kinda like Mercy-Johnson backside with cossy ojioakor front side, while me i am a lepacious genevieve body type, so it was obvious that he wanted more than me body could offer.


He claims this is the first time which i doubt of course, and wants us to still go ahead with the relationship and our planned wedding. If you were in my shoes what would you do? will you forgive a cheat?

ure lucky. cos u caught him 4 d 1st tym & ure complaining. But wait, y did u go 2 his house as early as 5am? dnt u av ur own home since u are just bf&gf. So u woke up arnd 4am or even earlier 2 rush 2 ur bf house. wit d description of d lady u caught i wud prefer her 2 u cos thats the requirement most guys want in a lady. Forgive ur guy and cut the long story short. Marriage is now scarce go& ask ladies in der 30's hw they are begging guys 4 marriage

Take, eddy77 advice. It's d most practical of all, movieworld is different from realworld. But sit down and talk with him about ur rship,he wont try it again if he truly loves u.

He did something wrong. Are you guys joking or something? How will you feel if you see your lovely girl
Or fiance as suppose in another guys house doing over night what ever? But I will not advice you to abandon your 4 yrs relationship for your rivals who do not know how much effort you have put to make the relationship work for the past 4 years. Who knows what the next guy you may meet will come out to be? Maybe one of these guys here telling you to go back and beg!!  It is said that the devil you know is better than the angel you have not seen. At least thank your God that the guy is one of them who will expect you to come back and beg him.

fawazbruce:


I agree with shy-one: poster should leave this guy and move on. why? cos this will happen for sure in the future, after they get married. there will also be an excuse why it happened. If the poster feels she can't get a better man than this cheat, its her decision.

No one can EVER make this decision for you cos this is your life. do you want some 22 year old person(as some posters on this forum are) advising you on what will affect the next 50+ years of your life? I doubt that. Better you make up your mind on what you want to do and live with your decision (or hate yourself and the decision)

rubysh. Show me a saint? So u want the OP to move on. Ure damn wrong. Maybe move on 2 a bishop. Who tells u d nxt wont do same. Even ur guy av cheated on u without u knowing

I mean, the guy is not one of those guys who will expect you to come back and beg them for the sin the commit ed

all the guys who are saying that he should be given a second chance are the ones who would them selves cheat lol just kidding what I was trying to say was that If I were in your position I would dump him but its really up to you

Its about time most women learn that if they go all out in a bid to catch their men red handed cheating, they are most likely going to succeed.

Women should get real and realise that men are wired differently from them. A man can sleep with a woman he doesnt even like as a person and still have great sex with her,so long as her body has it all takes. Women on the other hand,find it difficult having sex with men without emotions(many attempt to fake being non emotional). Even a prostitute,if she's picked up by a client who ends up treating her well like a normal chic ,she's most likely gonna start f, king him for free from then on.

Women should not be worried about who their men sleep with,rather they should be worried only when their men develops an EMOTIONAL attachement with another woman. Thats when she knows that she has lost him forever,

wat kind of message is this?? so they should let their man Bleep anyhow, even tho, it not emotional?? come on now. That is just bad, but hey, as far as their is no weddin ring on my damn finger, fucck those bullshiiit, i will enjoyyy my life ni o

ehen! see the kind of things people are posting in here. i pity anyone looking for advice on what to do. Anyway, we all come here for different reasons.

@ OP,

i'm too sure you know what to do even from the responses on the first page.

@ the other poster talking trash,

i hope you'd be able to give your sister, cousin or daughter the same advice.


singing: ". . . what goes around . . . travels all the way back around . . . " smh

some people on NL are really dumb esp the guys,
@poster, i'd want u to weigh shy-one's lists,
My advice-run for your life.he's done it once and would definitely do it again.your is probably God's way of telling you, dont go into it,
One thousand broken relationships is way better than one broken marriage! See the light dearie,

[b][/b]GO BACK TO HIM,DON'T SAY I DID'NT WARN YOU!!!

@poster,
Go out and look for a guy you like and have unprotected natural S-E-X.
Then you can make up with your man.
You will have gottten it out of your system.
Good luck.

Kingsleyinfo:

@OP
we all react to the issue of cheating in various ways. and i want to assume that the reason you are devastated by this is that you have never done this it to him.
well you can look at it from one point, if you have not caught him cheating on you for the past four years, then first questions you should be asking are
1. why now?
2. have you always been around each other for the past four years.
3. have you ever had reasons to suspect him of cheating?
4. what have people been saying about him to you?

while i could go on about questions to ask i will like to stop at these few.

now onto answers and their meaning, the issue of cheating is not peculiar to your man alone, so also the reasons differ from person to person.

1. to find out why now, you will have to sit down and talk about it, find out why he choose this time to get caught, or whatever excuse he has got to do what he did, reasons might be, he was at the wrong place and got hooked by the 'hot' babe, secondly he wanted to do it before you guys got married,
thirdly he didn't know what came over him and he is truly sorry. amongst the host of reasons he might give to you, don't let him tell you that, it was the devils work or some silly excuse that don't add up. the purpose of this talk is to get into his psych, and understand his reasons, trust me you will be shocked at what you could learn when you are calm with such issues.

2. if you had been around each other for the past four years and you have not caught him once, then its either he was very smart and respectful, or he is telling you the truth, meaning he didn't know what came over him and he is truly sorry. but if you have not been that much together, i mean in same environment where you get to see each other often, then believe me he is a born cheat. you anly outsmarted him this time that was why you caught him.

3. if you have ever had reasons to suspect him before now, that was possibly your guts feeling or rather instincts telling you that something was wrong, and please don't ignore your instincts, they are mostly right.

4. if you tell me that people have not been talking about him to you then i will say you are not being truthful. this is  the time to get real, and evaluate what you have heard, this is time to cross check fact and fictions, how often have you been told about his randy behaviours be truthful to yourself, or you could go on a fact finding mission, ask questions. at this stage it is not about digging for dirt, you just want to know how far rotten the apple is, trust me some apples are just fresh on the outside only.

after doing your careful analysis make a decision and pray, that is if you believe in it. believe me it works wonders, the choice of a life partner is not a joke its a very serious issue. if the decision you made gives you peace after praying then go with it. if not please toe the opposite path.

then as for the guys who say cheating is a normal thing, you guys are simply hopeless,
just because you cheat does not make it alright,
why i can't blame you for cheating i certainly won't accept your ideology on the issue.

if men can cheat then women should do too. after all we are created equal.
talking about hormones, you should also know that along with that you were created with the ability to choose.
it is your choice that makes you what you are not your hormones.

my theory is simple what you condone you will eventually become.
we have told so much lies that eventually we start living a lie.
and eventually cheat our very own self of the happiness we deserve.
thats all cheating can ever bring.

Kingsley - I read in detail what you wrote.  It is obvious that you have been blessed with great wisdom and discernment.

You have been listening as well as talking to God.

Shy-One is very, very impressed with you.  Thank you for sharing - such a great read.  I have learned something from you - I am grateful.  I want you to know that I also took notes. What you have taken the time to offer to NL has been very helpful to everyone - ME INCLUDED.

I will say this again and again, the day ladies put this in their thick skull, the better for the, ALL MEN CHEAT.

I will not kill anyone that cheat on me, cos we are all predator looking for prey.

@ poster, i have advice you to leave him if u cant cope, afterall he is doing you a favor. Abeg free the poor guy begging you around.

Leave today if another one will not come in, by the way the lady you caught him with is just waiting for your exit for her to come in,

Get another guy u hear and i promise you same thing go happen, if u can date an Angel then u might not have the headache of cheating, that mean u have to wait till u get to heaven.

Men cheat n nothing you can do about it, its in us, na so God create us, just ask ur brother what i just write,

If u like abuse me o, i no send una.

gbam looks like i ll have to say it in capital letters
[size=30pt]ALL MEN CHEAT[/size]

get over it
ITS IN OUR NATURE,
it does not mean we dont love our respective other halves
it does not mean we wont take care of our responsibilities

if the poster leaves her fiancee trust me the next guy is 99% likely to cheat on you
the only difference is that this guy loves u and cheats on u

the fact is this guy was sloppy, knows u caught him, is willing to make amends.
u will always have something to hold him by and u know his faults and strengths.


the devil u know is much better than the angel u dont know ooooooo

cheating means there is something he needs is missing,
it would do u well to find that missing thing, if u can do that,
u have him by the balls

ladies ar truely difficult to understand. U caught u guy cheatin & u called it off, why?
Ok let's say it's de instant hurt reaction. Natural. Two weeks he's been beggin & u still call his bluff? I guess u were financing de affair b4. Other gals dey pray make u nor take am back o.
Some1 u were prepared to marry shld hv been really really luvd by u, hence de reson why u shld be able to meet minds & trash out issues like dis. He admitted he's wrong dat's y he beggin.
Don't listen to de ladies on NL o, most ar heart broken & as such will giv heart breakin advice to u. Jus take him back if @ least he's not been doin it b4.
U never knew wat u'v got till it's gone away. I wouldn't want u wishin 4 a cheater l8r in life babes.lol

akin101:

gbam looks like i ll have to say it in capital letters
[size=30pt]ALL MEN called akin CHEAT[/size]

get over it
ITS IN AKIN'S NATURE,
it does not mean we dont love our respective other halves
it does not mean we wont take care of our responsibilities

if the poster leaves her fiancee trust me the next guy is 99% likely to cheat on you
the only difference is that this guy loves u and cheats on u

the fact is this guy was sloppy, knows u caught him, is willing to make amends.
u will always have something to hold him by and u know his faults and strengths.


the devil u know is much better than the angel u dont know ooooooo

cheating means there is something he needs is missing,
it would do u well to find that missing thing, if u can do that,
u have him by the balls

@shy-one thanks for the compliment, but i am just like every other guy,
i've only learnt to master my emotions, and not the other way round.

Nigeria is the only country where we give accolades for all the wrong reasons.

we live in self denial so we delude ourselves by thinking that others behave the way we do.

like i said earlier, why the reasons for cheating may differ across board,
it still does not make it alright.

in a 'defined' relationship cheating may mean different things to different people,
but whether you want to allow it in your's is a different matter entirely.

the ability not to cheat is simply applying the power of self control
we all get tempted, no doubt, but making a choice is what differentiates us from DOGS.

don't kid yourself, by saying[b] it is in our nature.[/b]
it is in our nature also to kill, lie, steal, and all manner of evil as pertains to the human mind, but we all have a choice to do what is right or not.
we as humans are naturally selfish, and thats why we give excuses for our weaknesses.

and it is men like you who can't stand intelligent women, because of your level of reasoning.

I am a man and a handsome one at that, I've got a girlfriend and a sound relationship. i don't cheat not because i can't but because i believe there is more inside of me than the ability to cheat.
so MR. speak for yourself alone. and i bet you don't have the guts to tell your girlfriend this idea you are trying to sell to us.

and like i will always say what you condone you eventually become

@Publisher, may u continue to publish more

u don hit the nail both on the head n tail.

All men are not equal, if anyman is here n trying to tell what he is not, time will tell,

Cheating is wrong like any other sin, but time will tell

@ poster, learn to love urself by taking him back, there is no angel on earth to marry, na men dey here so make do of what u have,

If u like get another male, luck am inside house, u will see women penetrating just to have a one night stand with him. i repeat ALL MEN CHEAT ,

I have told u before, he is doing you a favour,

U have the choice to go or stay, Another chick is waiting to have him knowing that he CHEAT a lot.

@ poster, a lot of things had been said on this topic, it is left for you to follow your heart, but what type of engagement have you done with him, sorry for asking. Have you done your traditional marriage waiting for the white wedding or you have not done anything?

For me, i think you should accept him back, then may be if the wedding has not been fixed, you can try and delay it a little and also pray about it. Because he can pretend to be a saint before marriage even if you delay it for 10yrs, then after marriage, he will continue with his cheating attitude.

If you are to leave him, what are the possibilities that the next person you meet will not be worse than him. In the end, everything depends on God and you, follow your heart, dear, though it is painful, but what can we do.

Those that are mentioning age, do you think that ladies of 45 yrs don't get married to their choice, so because of age, she should settle for the less, though she didn't tell us how age in this case.

The guy doesn't need to beg. He just need to pretend he wants the other lady then you will realise your mistake and come looking for reconcilliation.
Your guy pick a more attractive girl and you are forming. Try it with some guys and you will lose

Women get problem sha. So if d girl looks physically asset worthy & u don't na problem? Then u wanna break up? How many Naija men like Small Physical Assets SPAs? My advice to u goes thus. Just take a break and make up ur mind. U might find out u really love this guy or along the way meet someone better. I believe in fidelity in any form of relationships but what can a man do in an imperfect world. There men who prefer exclusivity and those kind of men get really hurt when their women cheats on them but there're questions I always ask myself. Must I commit a sin because a friend or partner does same? So how do I balance idealism and reality? A world that says ideally sharing of 'inner secrets' are the exclusive preserve of couples with an unspoken & spoken, unsigned & signed connection and yet this same world hypocritically in reality condones & promotes breaking of this exclusivity. I used to say things like if my wife cheats on me I'll divorce, retaliate blah blah blah but then like one adoned with much wisdom said in ages past, all is vanity. So take a step away from the whole situation and make a decision. It has nothing to do with who's been cheated or not, who's been offended or not, but rather do I love this guy and does he as well? Can I count on him when I need him the most & can he count likewise? If you realise you don't love him after the temporary break then do yourself & him a favour & breakup. Remember the spoken word is a function of an unspoken heart.

@poster, if i were u i would go to him immediately after reading this.

My reasons are:

1. No man can just wake up one morning and decide to cheat on his fiancee (not girl friend), except he u gave him a reason to do so. So what did you do?

2. This is the first time he is cheating after 4 1/2 years of dating, meaning he is not a Play Boy and it may never happen, if u get back together.

3. You've dated him for almost 5 years and someone he has know for just one week wants to take him and u are letting her have him just like that. who knows maybe she has always envied you. Maybe u don't really love him as u've claimed.

4. A man does not beg a woman for a long time if he does really care about her, be a virtuous woman, be smart because right now he is in a vulnerable state, were bitches can penetrate him and make your years with him a waste of your time.

5. As for the stalking, that was wrong.   The best way to handle a man is to know more and speak less. Give him the benefit of the daunt afterall it is the first time.    Honestly right now trust has a gap in ur relationship and u both have to start afresh.

6. As for the boosty and bootylious gold digger, am sure she was just a fling. Biologically men a sexually stimulated by a woman's appearance.  But being married is more than that and i am sure he has seen that in u that is why he is begging.

7. Don't throw wat you've laboured for all this years away just like that.   Go to him, sit with him, talk to him, tell him how hurt you really are, listen to his explanations why he really did it (don't argue) and try not give him reasons to do it again.

8. Finally, i want you to search your heart and measure his good side and his fk ups, if you still love him do the aboves and if you don't feel anything for him again. Let him know how u feel and let go.    while u start another search for a PERFECT MAN.



mail me, on beeman05@yahoo.com   when u fix ur wedding date.


BEING PATIENT IS THE BEST WAY LIVE WITH A MAN.

sleekman:

Women get problem sha. So if d girl looks physically asset worthy & u don't na problem? Then u wanna break up? How many Naija men like Small Physical Assets SPAs? My advice to u goes thus. Just take a break and make up your mind. U might find out u really love this guy or along the way meet someone better. I believe in fidelity in any form of relationships but what can a man do in an imperfect world. There men who prefer exclusivity and those kind of men get really hurt when their women cheats on them but there're questions I always ask myself. Must I commit a sin because a friend or partner does same? So how do I balance idealism and reality? A world that says ideally sharing of 'inner secrets' are the exclusive preserve of couples with an unspoken & spoken, unsigned & signed connection and yet this same world hypocritically in reality condones & promotes breaking of this exclusivity. I used to say things like if my wife cheats on me I'll divorce, retaliate blah blah blah but then like one adoned with much wisdom said in ages past, all is vanity. So take a step away from the whole situation and make a decision. It has nothing to do with who's been cheated or not, who's been offended or not, but rather do I love this guy and does he as well? Can I count on him when I need him the most & can he count likewise? If you realise you don't love him after the temporary break then do yourself & him a favour & breakup. Remember the spoken word is a function of an unspoken heart.

Go to whymencheat.com and find out why,

@ poster He'll simply do it again ~ move on,

@ poster am sorry dearie as much as i feel for you i just have to tell you to take him back. something similar happened to me, we were so close, we have even gone very far but not married i caught him with my friend yours is even better you don't know the girl, you know what i was mad, i was broken, i was scattered i cried, i wept i even fell sick but i made a decision in all i left him and moved on with my life,

its over 3years now he is married and he sent me a text message last week telling me how he missed me just for 5mins pleasure that he wishes me all the best and hope i meet a great guy who wouldn't throw away what he has just for few mins pleasure, after i read it, it came to my senses that:

1. was i too rigid?
2. i might not be a cheat but am i a saint?
3. what if we were married would i have left him because he cheated?

so my dear pls move on with him plan ur wedding, i guess he is repentant.

But that is not to say that guys go on cheating because someday you might loose the best gift ever.