airminem:
My philosophy is basically this, and this is something that i live by, and i always have, and i always will. Dont ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason, ever. No matter what. No matter where, or who, or who you were with, or where you are, or where you've been. Ever, for any reason what so ever... What am i even saying self

My fellow Nairalander op, it is well with you.

For Christ's sake what the hell does this write up mean.

Absolute Hogwash

Ikpongiton:
You are a greedy man.so, because your in-laws come to your house, because they love their sister.na make you de paranoid, sotey you de enter kitchen go de count Maggi and indomie.that is stinginess of the highest order.your mates are funding their in-laws in school and empowering others around them.you need to change your mentality and stop to mock others who are down, because you are up.

A kid has spoken

Ishilove:
How can they give birth to 9kids?? Did they not have a future plan for these kids?

How can they be "eating like elephants" in this Buhari era? The aunty herself needs to draw boundaries.

Do most Nigerians plan before giving birth ? They give birth like rat and say God will provide . Then before you know it, they become a burden on other people . If not for the harsh situation of things in this country, it would have been worse .

Ninobraw:
No need for a long story, I got married 2 yrs ago, during our friendship I mean courtship it was very sweet and lovely, we got married 2 yrs ago and I have 1 kid.

The problem I have is that, the girl's family come to greet almost every time and when they come they eat like elephant, anything eatable they eat it, they don't use eyes to see bread tea or butter in my room, they will finish it within a day, I will end up spending a lot during the time, when I noticed that it becomes offen i started telling my wife that I am broke, I don't have money. Although my wife is very nice she earns salary of 40k a month, and do funds and cook many times with her money.

Before now I was it okay, we are like a family, now i just realized that it is making me not think straight within a week oil and cooking things we bought will just finished the cartoon of indomitable that last the 2 of us before 1 month or month plus will just finish within 4 days of thier stay, some time 3 of her family will come once and another set will come again, my wife is the first daughter, the poor parents gave birth to 9 kids all in the name of looking for a boy, so she said although the 2 boys are number 7 and 9 position, her parents should be around man 60s and the woman 45yrs old. so now I am tired of the marriage, I don't know how to talk to my wife about it, that I don't like how thier family do come offend since we got married, my families has never come to sleep over in my place for a night talkless of spending holiday in my place my parents gave birth to only 3 of us 2 boys 1 girl.

Now i am just tired I can't be responsible for someone else burden why give birth to many kids and unable to train them, i plan to have only 2 or 3 kids only, and her family want to make me be like thier father sitting at home doing nothing depending on pension for survival, i have realized that I can't achieve what i should have achieved if i continue life this way.

Before our marriage, we agreed no family members is coming to stay with us, the issue now is they don't stay but come to eat and go, it's a big cheating to me I am tired for real, even if I say I don't have money and she use her own. The money should have be able to do other important thing . She spending is also affecting me a lot, we should have been able to buy land or car or live well, not feeding battalion. I am tired please I need advice on what to do.

gather money and relocate from that place

Tajbol4splend:



Why you too come like food too much

Food is good especially when u eat well prepared one
Benue Yams sweetness no be here
Any way we do the supply 07068444039

seunny4lif:
Your in-laws come to your house 5 times a week? Or they visit once a while is total diff from each other.
You talked about them visiting once in a while? Right?

we liv very close even though dey don't sleep over but dey come n stay at times till night that's is not a problem to me, anger with u, is dat u called her father a poor man who depends on pension u know that n went ahead to marry his daughter only for u to come to nairaland to pour out ur frustration, my man remember feeding the less privileged also is a blessing I understand how u feel don't complain keep doing d good work n more blessing will come ur way thanks

okoroemeka:
poverty is too bad,it will make you behave abnormal and think weird things,what better joy will a man have if his in-laws come to his place and he will feed them very well and even given them transport money when going,when my in-laws use to come to my house I usually prepare nsala soup myself for them with catfish and oldlayers,poverty it shall not be well with you.

This isn't about poverty.

How often do your in-laws come to your house?

I don't think you understand.

The fact is that OP has to have serious discussions with his wife.

Marriage isn't a few years affairs. The woman's family must cutdown on their visits. Perhaps, OP and his wife can agree a monthly budget to support her family otherwise things might get out of control between them.

Her family is actually too large, I must say. This is not about asking OP to be more patient or run away. It isn't about poverty or anything else. Nothing pulls anyone down like having too many dependants.

The fact remains that none of these people will cease to exist if OP is no longer there. Yes, it is good to support family, but not to the extent of loosing our minds. The siblings of OP's wife should at least be doing something to support. They can't all be minors. Her mum should also be up and doing, being in her mid 40s, except she is incapacitated.

I think that her siblings and family are lazy and naturally too dependent. Perhaps, that's how they were raised. I have seen people marry into poorer families, and hardly have their in-laws visiting let alone coming to eat like elephants, every now and then.

Lazy and dependent people consume in large amounts and hardly show empathy to the one who is spending to buy these things. Laziness comes with irresponsibility and insensitivity. If you pay bills you will be mindful when creating them for others.

So, OP should have a firm discussion with his wife, and they both will have to make a stand on what her family gets monthly as some form of support. His wife has a big role to play in speaking with her family to ensure that the situation isn't misconstrued, otherwise this may negatively impact her marriage.

If the wife believes that it is not something her family would understand, she and OP could workout a discreet relocation plan, from where they can execute the monthly support idea for her family, if they want their marriage to survive.

Poor family problems ooo. When you marry from a poor family, you become their benefactor!

Yes o, na pikin be that. This person is probably a leech to his or her married sibling too!

kalu61:
A kid has spoken

Be a man, if you’ve complained to your wife about their coming and she did nothing about it, you need to take drastic steps. Many ladies are like that, Avoid all her food let her feed her family members with whatever she as now, don’t contribute a penny. Whenever they come around take your leave, avoid discussing the matter with her unless she brings it up. Then watch and wait you’ll be surprised

Slimdan360:
Stop being a selfish and stingy person,the more u give,the greater u receive,know this and know peace

Lol. Let’s be realistic bro. Imagine a man with salary of 50k, after paying bills and other stuffs , how much would remain to give other people ? This is simple logic bro. Naija is hard!!

MrMcJay:
Very simple solution.

1 Go to Oyingbo market and buy a big bag of unpeeled Egusi.

2 When next they come to your house, put off the TV, say something like 'Aunty Chizoba and Uncle Pius, when you finish eating, help me peel small egusi".

3 Use paint rubber and pack a heavy heap of egusi in front of them let them peel.

Sit back, relax and see what God will do.

Very simple technique. No stress. It will work like magic.

I almost married a lady but when I discovered this similar thing. I v to wise up. They are 7. Only the eldest sis is married and almost everytime, 2 of the siblings are in that her elder sis house. Now she is d second n if I marry her, automatically it' will shift to me.

I just wonder how some of our men give birth to battalion but won't care to train any of them. I hate seeing men like that. Very easy to enter a lady's leg but u can't train any of them. Most atimes I see our fathers ain't just wise. Ah swear.

This is the problem we r having in Nigeria now. No birth control evangelism. Even to buy ordinary condom, pple wil b looking at u like u wanna commit a community sin. Tueh

Elock1:
no matter the the money I have, I will never condone my in-laws jumping in and out of my house in search of food on a daily... Marriage should have a certain level of privacy.

Na una pikin he marry, no be all of una.

Person like me, I for Don rake since
Anything way Wan happen make e happen

Simple. Very simple.

Some stupid fellows are shouting is poverty forgetting no matter how wealthy you are, if u keep giving out and it's not coming BK, at a point u will go poor and no one will help ur sorry ass.

I married ur daughter shouldn't bring the rest of the family to my house. Their SHUD be a level of privacy in marriage.

"I don't care" is for person wey e never do. If e happen for some of them house, they will understand it ain't abt poverty

Feeding the less privileged is diff because those ones have no home or anyone else.
But giving birth to 9 children you can’t feed and expecting someone to feed that is the reason Nigeria has a nation is backwards.
When he married the girl, them no add the family join am abi na the sisters he married?
The way you talk shows your in-laws are living comfortable and that’s the reason you think it’s a good to be going to your in-laws house almost day for morning and night food

kogi2010:

we liv very close even though dey don't sleep over but dey come n stay at times till night that's is not a problem to me, anger with u, is dat u called her father a poor man who depends on pension u know that n went ahead to marry his daughter only for u to come to nairaland to pour out ur frustration, my man remember feeding the less privileged also is a blessing I understand how u feel don't complain keep doing d good work n more blessing will come ur way thanks

Gbam

xscoffy:

Very simple technique. No stress. It will work like magic.

I almost married a lady but when I discovered this similar thing. I v to wise up. They are 7. Only the eldest sis is married and almost everytime, 2 of the siblings are in that her elder sis house. Now she is d second n if I marry her, automatically it' will shift to me.

I just wonder how some of our men give birth to battalion but won't care to train any of them. I hate seeing men like that. Very easy to enter a lady's leg but u can't train any of them. Most atimes I see our fathers ain't just wise. Ah swear.

This is the problem we r having in Nigeria now. No birth control evangelism. Even to buy ordinary condom, pple wil b looking at u like u wanna commit a community sin. Tueh

Gbam
If you want to stay alive else run oooh

900warriorz:
That is why rich or poor, I can never marry a lady that has more than 2 siblings

Stop coming here and be telling ur rubbish am off to work

Xenry:
This is what happens when you marry from a poor family, you will automatically become a burden bearer for all.

---

Tell your wife to feed her family, while you feed yours! Imagine feeding a family of 11 just because you are married to One—that's unfair na!

---

Try and relocate if you can. Because with the way they use to feast on your food, they might as well feast on your flesh when the food is no more .

---

But they eat too much ooo! Damn!

---

I tell you bro, Redpill no fit handle this problem ooo. So you need to Japa!

marrying from poor is not the problem, because if he doesn’t marry the poor girl , who will now marry the poor girls out thr... so and this life no balance is just for us to try and balance it. People are hungry out there and they need financial help. I believe he can just talk to his wife and still do little he can do to assist and God will still continue to bless the Husband for feeding the poor girls. Na wetin our government no plan be this and if to say there is allowance citizens collect every month that can still be sustaining people till they get job and have there own apartment. The prayer is God should just continue to bless the all the married men out there helping the wives one or the other.

seunny4lif:
Feeding the less privileged is diff because those ones have no home or anyone else.
But giving birth to 9 children you can’t feed and expecting someone to feed that is the reason Nigeria has a nation is backwards.
When he married the girl, them no add the family join am abi na the sisters he married?
The way you talk shows your in-laws are living comfortable and that’s the reason you think it’s a good to be going to your in-laws house almost day for morning and night food

oa before u marry dere daughter were u d one feeding them? no so how do u know he can't feed them? One thing u must understand u can't stop them from visiting dere sister except u want to walk out of the marriage. I remember u mentioned ur wife using her own money to buy food too try n b a good man with good heart is just a matter of time ok dey will soon marry n u will be free for now feed them n more blessing awaits u

Ninobraw:
No need for a long story, I got married 2 yrs ago, during our friendship I mean courtship it was very sweet and lovely, we got married 2 yrs ago and I have 1 kid.

The problem I have is that, the girl's family come to greet almost every time and when they come they eat like elephant, anything eatable they eat it, they don't use eyes to see bread tea or butter in my room, they will finish it within a day, I will end up spending a lot during the time, when I noticed that it becomes offen i started telling my wife that I am broke, I don't have money. Although my wife is very nice she earns salary of 40k a month, and do funds and cook many times with her money.

Before now I was it okay, we are like a family, now i just realized that it is making me not think straight within a week oil and cooking things we bought will just finished the cartoon of indomitable that last the 2 of us before 1 month or month plus will just finish within 4 days of thier stay, some time 3 of her family will come once and another set will come again, my wife is the first daughter, the poor parents gave birth to 9 kids all in the name of looking for a boy, so she said although the 2 boys are number 7 and 9 position, her parents should be around man 60s and the woman 45yrs old. so now I am tired of the marriage, I don't know how to talk to my wife about it, that I don't like how thier family do come offend since we got married, my families has never come to sleep over in my place for a night talkless of spending holiday in my place my parents gave birth to only 3 of us 2 boys 1 girl.

Now i am just tired I can't be responsible for someone else burden why give birth to many kids and unable to train them, i plan to have only 2 or 3 kids only, and her family want to make me be like thier father sitting at home doing nothing depending on pension for survival, i have realized that I can't achieve what i should have achieved if i continue life this way.

Before our marriage, we agreed no family members is coming to stay with us, the issue now is they don't stay but come to eat and go, it's a big cheating to me I am tired for real, even if I say I don't have money and she use her own. The money should have be able to do other important thing . She spending is also affecting me a lot, we should have been able to buy land or car or live well, not feeding battalion. I am tired please I need advice on what to do.

Their is a simple solution to this. Relocate! You live too close to her family. Relocate somewhere far, as far as 400 naira for transportation from her family and they won't come again unless absolutely necessary.

okoroemeka:
poverty is too bad,it will make you behave abnormal and think weird things,what better joy will a man have if his in-laws come to his place and he will feed them very well and even given them transport money when going,when my in-laws use to come to my house I usually prepare nsala soup myself for them with catfish and oldlayers,poverty it shall not be well with you.

Too much of everything is bad

Obviously you don't like what's going on in your marriage. Talk to your wife about it and put a stop to it. Be a man and take charge!

A man that cannot talk to his wife is that one a man?

fannybaby:
. Your own mother's call is disturbing him

It is very possible.

Most of the time is not poverty bro, but if something is too much or rampant, it will be annoying.. I understand the man feelings..is not easy..and you that is cooking everyday, if they visit you often than expected will you have the strength to be doing that (cooking nsala or watin )always

okoroemeka:
poverty is too bad,it will make you behave abnormal and think weird things,what better joy will a man have if his in-laws come to his place and he will feed them very well and even given them transport money when going,when my in-laws use to come to my house I usually prepare nsala soup myself for them with catfish and oldlayers,poverty it shall not be well with you.

Discussing with your wife is ok but might not yield the desired result, move out to another location preferably one close to your place of work or business, commodities are pricey in the market, lavishing stuff now is not advisable.

Xenry:
Poverty catch fire!

---

Poverty is a sin abeg.

Guy, you are talking gibberish... Everyone knows how they get their money. Probably you were born with silver spoon.

It wouldn't have been a burden if the visit is once a while but when they make your new home unbearable by constant visiting, it not productive.

Mind you, he needs to grow his family financially and all.

Even if he is getting 500k every month in this time with this kind of family, he won't make a headway.

My advice to the op, try to use your head. When there is nothing now, they would be the first to rubbish you.

Plan your life, call you wife and try to explain with wisdom. Don't make it feel as if she is choosing between you and her family. Don't please. If that doesn't work, then you need to relocate to a far place but consider your place of work.

Lastly, don't forget your own family bro. No matter little it is.. try to give your own parents as well.

Come up with something uniform you would be giving both families.

Save, invest and plan for your immediate planning. It is well

Mordson:
But this is not enough to make you get tired of your marriage.

My brother, i feel your frustrations however what you are doing is a very noble thing as you have become the first son of their family.
Have a heart to heart discussion with your wife and make her see things from the overall existence of your own family, that is you , her and your child.
While you cannot ban her family members from coming to the house, there can be some level of control but it must be done tactfully and without bitterness.

NO FOLLOW YOUR WIFE QUARREL OH!! Just reason with her and may God increase you so that you can gain the capacity to handle more responsibilities because they are coming..

Relocate far away from them so that it won't be easy for them to stop by frequently. For instance, if you are staying in Surulere, and they live around that environs, you can relocate to Lakowe, Ibeju Lekki. You'll be able to reduce those visits by 85-90%.

Also have a discussion with your wife on the impact of the whole family influx into your home. You should be strategic so that it doesn't cause a civil war.

Good luck!

Ninobraw:
No need for a long story, I got married 2 yrs ago, during our friendship I mean courtship it was very sweet and lovely, we got married 2 yrs ago and I have 1 kid.

The problem I have is that, the girl's family come to greet almost every time and when they come they eat like elephant, anything eatable they eat it, they don't use eyes to see bread tea or butter in my room, they will finish it within a day, I will end up spending a lot during the time, when I noticed that it becomes offen i started telling my wife that I am broke, I don't have money. Although my wife is very nice she earns salary of 40k a month, and do funds and cook many times with her money.

Before now I was it okay, we are like a family, now i just realized that it is making me not think straight within a week oil and cooking things we bought will just finished the cartoon of indomitable that last the 2 of us before 1 month or month plus will just finish within 4 days of thier stay, some time 3 of her family will come once and another set will come again, my wife is the first daughter, the poor parents gave birth to 9 kids all in the name of looking for a boy, so she said although the 2 boys are number 7 and 9 position, her parents should be around man 60s and the woman 45yrs old. so now I am tired of the marriage, I don't know how to talk to my wife about it, that I don't like how thier family do come offend since we got married, my families has never come to sleep over in my place for a night talkless of spending holiday in my place my parents gave birth to only 3 of us 2 boys 1 girl.

Now i am just tired I can't be responsible for someone else burden why give birth to many kids and unable to train them, i plan to have only 2 or 3 kids only, and her family want to make me be like thier father sitting at home doing nothing depending on pension for survival, i have realized that I can't achieve what i should have achieved if i continue life this way.

Before our marriage, we agreed no family members is coming to stay with us, the issue now is they don't stay but come to eat and go, it's a big cheating to me I am tired for real, even if I say I don't have money and she use her own. The money should have be able to do other important thing . She spending is also affecting me a lot, we should have been able to buy land or car or live well, not feeding battalion. I am tired please I need advice on what to do.

Xenry:
This is what happens when you marry from a poor family, you will automatically become a burden bearer for all.

---

Tell your wife to feed her family, while you feed yours! Imagine feeding a family of 11 just because you are married to One—that's unfair na!

---

Try and relocate if you can. Because with the way they use to feast on your food, they might as well feast on your flesh when the food is no more .

---

But they eat too much ooo! Damn!

---

I tell you bro, Redpill no fit handle this problem ooo. So you need to Japa!

Nothing concern red pill here o..

Na from courtship, baba suppose don shine hin eyes but baba fii jettison the idea thinking say everywhere go soon once hin marry...

Relocate to a far distance