RightToReject:
Don't automatically guilt trip yourself or allow any other person to guilt-trip you. It's only bad and unsafe for your health if your bad attitude ( e.g., insatiableness/greed or domineeringness) necessitated it. In that case, the onus is on you to conquer yourself and get rid of the bad attitudes.

It's good for your overall health, however, if your partner's bad attitude (e.g., thoughtlessness, greed, or self-absorption) and refusal to mend his ways after you've repeatedly complained and brought to his attention his failings that have usually necessitated it, regardless of how unpalatable it seems. And in this case, the onus is on your partner to mend his ways to avoid being at the receiving end of your shouting.

The fact is that many times, people who gradually but unwittingly found themselves developed shouting (not nagging though) towards their partners/people close to them are those who come into equity with clean hands and always strive to give their best in the union. So, when the other party fails to live up to the expectation of justness, an attitude like shouting knowingly or otherwise becomes inevitable.

You just wrote op

richboy7:


Aunty ain't you the one that told us one time ago that you and your husband are the quite type and you're happy that you shared the same nature. How come?

And so?

bet9ja:
My brother, there is no limit, I got married 11 years ago. I am speaking from experience. When you give your wife a free ticket to disrespect you. It will be deficult to renegotiate.

The problem is your mindset, not even what you think.

1. Fear is not respect. If is simply fear and can be easily overcome with time. Once it has been overcome, it is rendered and meaningless - of no worth. Our ancestors feared and worshipped what they called spirits and feared them at most every turn. But look what happened after people realized there was no need to fear such things?

2. You think respect is a birthright which it is not. It is earned, and the sooner you realize that, you sooner to quit with the whining and get instead to earning the respect you desire to have where your wife and kids are involved.

3. What you see as disrespect is actually your wife reacting to what she has determined is a stressor, usually the state of communication between you couples puts a strain on partners and each reacts in a way to push off the stress. If you can die to your ego and work on bridging the communication gap between yourself and your spouse, and maybe pay more attention to what she is saying - even if you cannot fix whatever you know , at least let her know what she is saying is acknowledged - you can begin to enjoy a better marriage.

77up:
Lamani ,it's just unfortunate that no matter what you read here, you may still continue yelling.


That particular character is inbuilt

Exactly. Some people are not articulate and so when they force themselves to speak, it comes out as yelling, especially when they've kept quiet so long.

Ligxy:
One thing I've learnt to do is to be very quiet when hubby is talking angrily, he ALWAYS apologize afterwards, even if I was the guilty one, but if I don talk back, the whole thing always end in an unsatisfactory way for me.
He hardly gets angry tho, that guy is just an angel.

Op, you can just keep quiet if you really don't want to shout, it's not really a must to prove some points after all.

Does your partner share the same personality traits as the OP’s partner?

Davash222:

One of the disadvantages of getting married to a feminist.

In African tradition, it's a sacrilege for a woman to raise her voice at her husband talk more of yelling at him.

In a sane African society, such a woman should be dragged to the market square, disgraced and punished by her fellow women!

you nailed it bro. This is exactly what I am passing through. My wife is a Feminist, always willing and ready to shout at me. Sometimes, she goes physical.

The day her cup will full, she will look up the meaning of Regrets in an Encyclopedia.

Ligxy:
One thing I've learnt to do is to be very quiet when hubby is talking angrily, he ALWAYS apologize afterwards, even if I was the guilty one, but if I don talk back, the whole thing always end in an unsatisfactory way for me.
He hardly gets angry tho, that guy is just an angel.

Op, you can just keep quiet if you really don't want to shout, it's not really a must to prove some points after all.

This is exactly what my wife does to me. I don't find it pleasing but I must confess. It works in most situations.

Whenever u wanna talk to him, first count 1-10. It will give u that time u need to be conscious of ur voice volume

Try to meet a psychologist. There is something wrong with your subconscious.

Practice distracting yourself, when he is talking to you, try observing yourself, like you are watching a movie, but you in that movie, observe how you feel, and why you do it, and then with time, you will have the ability to control yourself, because you are more aware and observant of yourself and what's happening inside you.

Local woman swallowed speaker

Davash222:

One of the disadvantages of getting married to a feminist.

In African tradition, it's a sacrilege for a woman to raise her voice at her husband talk more of yelling at him.

In a sane African society, such a woman should be dragged to the market square, disgraced and punished by her fellow women!

its because you men don't get yelled at you have become so incurably foolish . Imagine someone talking this rubbish - too big to be yelled at - who are you ,? You carry two head ? Becos you have Penis ? Nonsense .

Lamanii22:
This is one bad thing I discovered recently about myself, I yell at him when I am trying to prove a point, no insults but my voice is always high.... Then I feel bad about it afterwards....

A factory resets slap can do the job perfectly.....

Kobojunkie:
It's not character but an emotional response to stress in the OP'S case.

Anyhow, my message is passed already

Lamanii22:
This is one bad thing I discovered recently about myself, I yell at him when I am trying to prove a point, no insults but my voice is always high.... Then I feel bad about it afterwards....

When the conversation starts getting heated, count 1-10 before every response to him.

Lamanii22:
This is one bad thing I discovered recently about myself, I yell at him when I am trying to prove a point, no insults but my voice is always high.... Then I feel bad about it afterwards....

You have bad character and need's to be humble.
Whenever you are angry,please take a cup of chilled water and you will be OK. It works like magic though

Have you prayed about it? God hears when we sincerely ask for help

Lamanii22:
This is one bad thing I discovered recently about myself, I yell at him when I am trying to prove a point, no insults but my voice is always high.... Then I feel bad about it afterwards....

Don't prove a point, its called internal anger,sometimes you don't even know you have it.

Just don't talk when the discussion is getting heated

there are some things that need self-effort to correct, i don't think prayers change attitudinal patterns, it takes effort, maybe with some prayers, but the individual effort really counts. .

It will take time, but with faith that she can change it, and acceptance that she needs to work on it, gradually she would win it.

FLYFIRE:
Have you prayed about it? God hears when we sincerely ask for help

I won't wish a nagging woman on even my brother. May the Lord help men out there.

I have lived with someone that nagged a lot, it was God that helped my mental health.

mental health is very important, it leads to other beneficial outcomes.

Nuttella:
I won't wish a nagging woman on even my brother. May the Lord help men out there.

I have lived with someone that nagged a lot, it was God that helped my mental health.

Lamanii22:
This is one bad thing I discovered recently about myself, I yell at him when I am trying to prove a point, no insults but my voice is always high.... Then I feel bad about it afterwards....

you wey no fine u manage find bf u wan come pursue am with shout

Lamanii22:
This is one bad thing I discovered recently about myself, I yell at him when I am trying to prove a point, no insults but my voice is always high.... Then I feel bad about it afterwards....

you are possessed by a marine spirit....

go for spiritual cleansing

If not for the fact that he is a bloody simp , na better slap for don reset that your goat brain.

dem born any woman well say she try that rubbish with me?


omo if he can manage that stupid yelling, then dat guy na correct simp i swear.

AbdulAkpan:
you nailed it bro. This is exactly what I am passing through. My wife is a Feminist, always willing and ready to shout at me. Sometimes, she goes physical.

The day her cup will full, she will look up the meaning of Regrets in an Encyclopedia.

Instead of waiting for her cup to be full, why don't you address issues as they come especially if you want a good marriage?

And didn't you know she was a feminist before you married her??

Lamanii22:
This is one bad thing I discovered recently about myself, I yell at him when I am trying to prove a point, no insults but my voice is always high.... Then I feel bad about it afterwards....

First see him as your father two bewere of friends you follow . Three prayer is the key, always pray .

Lamanii22:
This is one bad thing I discovered recently about myself, I yell at him when I am trying to prove a point, no insults but my voice is always high.... Then I feel bad about it afterwards....

You must be a Yoruba girl, rudeness is inherent in their gene.

Keep it up, you can never stop, even if you wish to.. e dey for blood

some traits are learnt.
How did your Mother relate with your Father, if it's similar then that's how you got it.
Consciously make efforts to stop it.

Lamanii22:
This is one bad thing I discovered recently about myself, I yell at him when I am trying to prove a point, no insults but my voice is always high.... Then I feel bad about it afterwards....

Nuttella:
I won't wish a nagging woman on even my brother. May the Lord help men out there.

I have lived with someone that nagged a lot, it was God that helped my mental health.

So any woman who gets angry is a nagging woman?

skywalker240:
If not for the fact that he is a bloody simp , na better slap for don reset that your goat brain.

dem born any woman well say she try that rubbish with me?

omo if he can manage that stupid yelling, then dat guy na correct simp i swear.

Dem never lock you up for this nonsense be reason why you dey spew this foolishness for here. I hope you lift your hand against a woman that will make sure you are put in your rightful place for it.

You need to stop the feeling of you better than him..that's it u have seen his weakness and so u think he is no matching your standard.

Lamanii22:



Well I am sorry to disappoint you, times have changed.... And I am not a feminist....

You are still making mouth, upon all these your bad character