i don tire to address all the flying bombs on this thread sef.

if person say make una get closer to God, una no go gree.

if person say make una live in a God fearing manner, una no go gree.

if person say make una pray [kun fun adura], una no go gree.

na wa.

kandiikane:
Ogugua88,
You see your mates with husband get jealous/hate her for it and  do something drastic about your mate's situation(maybe steal the husband)-envy
You are not envious of your mates because the desire to have a husband and children stems from you.
It becomes envy If you have never wanted marriage nor children but then become resentful towards your mates possession after seeing how happy she is with her husband and family

My post on "seeing your mates with a husband and family" is not based on envy but despair,desperation and heartache- which was already there but worsened by seeing your age mates with what you desire but don't have. . .

Layman's term
Eg: I want a certain type of shoes I saw in a store window but cannot afford and so I left the store unhappy. . .Next day I see my friend with those shoes I want  this will make me more unhappy and I become more desperate to get the shoes- This is not me being envious

I see my friend with the shoes I become jealous and I resent her for it, I might then steal the shoes when she is not looking or destroy it-this is me being envious

Envy has more than one meaning; it isn't only jealousy. Envy, jealousy, unhappiness, heartache, all go hand in hand and can lead to someone becoming desperate. Someone wouldn't become desperate in this situation if she wasn't envious of someone else's situation in the first place.

i think i've heard too many women boast about how they're not interested in marriage, then turn right around and attempt to snatch men who are already in relationships, to believe a lot of bunkum.

i'm strong, independent, dont need a man, dont date that type, etc.

all that vanishes into thin air like magic.

like nollywood sef.

ogugua88:

Envy has more than one meaning; it isn't only jealousy. Envy, jealousy, unhappiness, heartache, all go hand in hand and can lead to someone becoming desperate. Someone wouldn't become desperate in this situation if she wasn't envious of someone else's situation in the first place.

I have given you two sides of a story.

She was already desperate before seeing her mates with a family. . .Her mates situation only heightens the desperation and heartache even more. . .
It is not envy- with envy you tend to lean more on the resentful side. . .

kandiikane:

@Ivynwa, OPRAH, has a man in her life.

She is successful and still has a man in her life.

Sweetheart, there is a difference between being married and having a man in your life. One can have a man friend to lean on with no plans of procreating with him or tying the knots. It is a matter of choice and that I think is what this thread is about.
The Poster was concerned about the desperation on both men and women to get married which is caused by factors (societal pressure & peer pressure) that should not be the main factors motivating marriage.

Brite02:

@thread,
what happen to the verse of the bible that stressed that man should go into the world and multiply? Marriage is a good thing, the thing about it is that when you are old you will learn the benefit of marriage and also having children. In summary, be it man or woman i'd advise try and get married. . . When you are old you'l know why!

Marriage is beautiful when done well by the parties involved, having children (Kids?? I love them   ) is great but let's not get it twisted. Marriage or kids does not ensure a loneliness-free life. There are married couples that have such great divides between themselves that they are lonely even while married. There are kids that grow up and leave home without caring about their parents, I have seen a woman complain that her married children do not bother about her and that she needs to get a man for herself     (Lol, don't mind that my neighbour----she is still the same one that loves Naija men like crazy   )

Husband-o-o, children-o-o, me o-o and you-o-o. A day is appointed for us all to mud/delete/di*( I no wan di* yet abeg  ) and husband and children may even journey ahead of you leaving you lonely. Like Cap28 said "Nothing is guaranteed".

yes, everybody will die.

so because of that people shouldnt marry or have children?

I am not saying for none to marry or have children because we will di* someday. I'm only making one of us here that was making it sound like only the unmarried and childless experience loneliness realize that that isn't so.

I love children, I have no problem with people having children they can take care of.

@ivny. . .
You have said it all, what ensure one's happiness in marriage is marrying miss right or mr right! Endorsed!!!

Ivynwa:

Sweetheart, there is a difference between being married and having a man in your life. One can have a man friend to lean on with no plans of procreating with him or tying the knots. It is a matter of choice and that I think is what this thread is about.
The Poster was concerned about the desperation on both men and women to get married which is caused by a factor (societal pressure) that should not be the main factor motivating marriage.

There is a huge difference with marriage and having a male "friend" in your life-yes because marriage represents the union between God and his people and also for man and woman. . .Unless you are not spiritual then you do whatever you want but if you have a male friend and you love each other and you both want to spend your lives together the thing to make it whole is marriage.
We are in a world where beliefs are instilled at a very young age and are a part of life. Attraction for the other sex or same for some people comes at a very young age and we know that the end result of this attraction is what leads to marriage. . .Marriage comes from people's beliefs and many do not just one to live with someone without the union of marriage. . .If we were living in a world where spirituality and beliefs were not around then I do not think marriage would be either. . There are many women who are living in places where marriage is not forced on them but  their choice to get married, to have that union with someone. Nowadays, many men just want to sleep with you and leave and many men/women who have beliefs want to have the union first before knowing eachother sexually and because of the lack of many men/women not wanting that it leads to the desperation to find someone who has the same beliefs to them. . .
I do know many women are being forced in marriages they do not want to be in but I also know that many of these women want to find someone they love who loves them back to marry.
If you noticed- the dreams of a human to get married stems from childhood-where they plan the man/woman they want to marry, how they want their weddings to be etc.
We are in the times where people do not respect the constitution of marriage anymore which is leading to women/men having children with different people, having sex with anybody without a care in the world. . .Some people do not want that, some people want to grow up, become successful, get married and have children and most importantly have God in their lives. . .
For the OP to say people who are not married should just live their lives is just silly. . .You have been living your life for so long and all you now want to do is settle down and build a family.


Offtopic- I do not see the point in two people who love eachother dearly and want to spend the rest of their lives together not get married. . .I just do not get it. . .If you want to be together why not just get married and have your children in the stronghold of your marriage?

Ivynwa:

I am not saying for none to marry or have children because we will di* someday. I'm only making one of us here that was making it sound like only the unmarried and childless experience loneliness realize that that isn't so.

I love children, I have no problem with people having children they can take care of.

being married or single is no guarantee a person wont be lonely.

It seems like some people get me wrong, I am not against marriage, I want to get married and have kids, but what I am saying is that there is more to life than marriage, a lot of ladies with great potential and talents to do great thing in life,are blinded by this marriage issue, the struggle to get married and bury their dreams. I am not saying ladies should not get married, but what happens if u don't get a proposal or u don't find the man of your choice? Do u have to do anything possible to get a man? Isn't it funny that the bible says" he that finds a wife finds a good thing" but it never said anything about ladies finding husband, but today it seems like its the ladies that are nw in search of husband. Ladies channel that energy and time u use to run around looking for husband from church to native doctor, on career and service to humanity, so that if at the end of the day, u don't get married, whatever it is that u devoted your time and energy doing for years would have given u satisfaction and a sense of fulfillment in life. I love kids and I don't want to see them suffer, I,ll rather live my life in this world alone and die alone, than bring an innocent child into this world when I know I can't take care of myself. Somebody quoted the scripture that said "it is not good for man to be alone" and. " Woe to him that is alone". Well being alone does not mean being single, because u can be married and still be alone. If that's the case, JESUS was alone,paul was alone, they never got married but contributed greatly to humanity.for those quoting the scriptures that say" be fruitful and multiply" when GOD created man and woman, the 2 of them alone could not take care and develope the earth, that's why he commanded them to multiply, but considering nigeria's population and the number of people suffering, I'm Sure GOD will be asking people to slow down in multiplication now.also there are so many other areas in life to apply that fruitfulness and multiplication, besides children.

^^^I have never met anyone who does not want to succeed in life instead all they want to do is get married. . .

Jesus' mission in his life was to come and die but noone knows whether or not he was intimate with Mary Magdalene(God forgive me)

you have to research thoroughly on Paul's meaning on celibacy- which many Christians have misunderstood as being celibate in regards to sex


But since we are talking about commitment:

You either choose celibacy or marriage
As a believer I do think if you are fornicating you should have plans to get married so to not live in sin for the rest of your life but if you don't want to then the next option is celibacy

Btw, you cannot possibly be sure on God's thoughts on the world's population. . .Do not blaspheme

if u are in a relationship with a 9ija babe and she turns 25 and u have not proposed, you are in big trouble, because u would not have peace of mind. she might end up walking away.

@kandi Hmmm,in nigeria today, what young girls consider success is a husband and kids. 80percent of female students in the uni today, ask them wat next after skul, there answer is always" get married and settle down" my mates r getting married. So their life starts and ends in marriage. Now such a person after skul and does not find a husband, there is nothing else they can do because they consider themselves failures because they r not married, then they will do any possible thing to get married because that's what their whole life depends on. As for the mary issue, " no follow ooo".

and why is getting married and settling down a strange goal, in your opinion?

@meka, alright fine. . .Having a a husband and family is part of the success in life for many people. . .Its not all about being successful moneywise or being successful in contributing to humanity. . .

All the above can be possible in a lifetime.

You can be married and still succeed in life.
But if a woman just wants to get married and have a family without any goals in life(money wise or contributions to humanity or building an empire) that is her own bread and butter. . .
I can bet you that these girls who you say only goals in life are to find a husband will marry a sugardaddy instead of a random okada boy. . .

these people must be gay- no other explanation.

Even gay people sef dey marry. . .
They might be asexuals

kandiikane:

There is a huge difference with marriage and having a male "friend" in your life-yes because marriage represents the union between God and his people and also for man and woman. . .Unless you are not spiritual then you do whatever you want but if you have a male friend and you love each other and you both want to spend your lives together the thing to make it whole is marriage.
We are in a world where beliefs are instilled at a very young age and are a part of life. Attraction for the other sex or same for some people comes at a very young age and we know that the end result of this attraction is what leads to marriage. . .Marriage comes from people's beliefs and many do not just one to live with someone without the union of marriage. . .If we were living in a world where spirituality and beliefs were not around then I do not think marriage would be either. . There are many women who are living in places where marriage is not forced on them but  their choice to get married, to have that union with someone. Nowadays, many men just want to sleep with you and leave and many men/women who have beliefs want to have the union first before knowing eachother sexually and because of the lack of many men/women not wanting that it leads to the desperation to find someone who has the same beliefs to them. . .
I do know many women are being forced in marriages they do not want to be in but I also know that many of these women want to find someone they love who loves them back to marry.
If you noticed- the dreams of a human to get married stems from childhood-where they plan the man/woman they want to marry, how they want their weddings to be etc.
We are in the times where people do not respect the constitution of marriage anymore which is leading to women/men having children with different people, having sex with anybody without a care in the world. . .Some people do not want that, some people want to grow up, become successful, get married and have children and most importantly have God in their lives. . .
For the OP to say people who are not married should just live their lives is just silly. . .You have been living your life for so long and all you now want to do is settle down and build a family.

Offtopic- I do not see the point in two people who love eachother dearly and want to spend the rest of their lives together not get married. . .I just do not get it. . .If you want to be together why not just get married and have your children in the stronghold of your marriage?

Kandinwa (Kandi baby)
You just said what I also said which is that there is a difference between having a man friend and being married to a man, the two are choices. I did not express what I feel about the two different unions and from what I gathered from your post above you seem to be expressing what you feel about that which is lovely.  You are entitled to your opinion about these just like others may have a different view about it, we seem to have close takes to it and a bit different views too. Our differences are one of the things that make us different. Smile!  

The environment, knowledge and our beliefs shapens our outlook on things. If you ask me what I think about these two unions when I was young, I will negate one and accept the other. Now I am open to the two as in I see nothing wrong with two adults that decided that they do not want to be legally bonded to themselves as husband and wife sharing love, friendship and companionship.

God created man and woman and made us in such a way that we compliment ourselves especially in the s-e-x-u-a-l aspect _{this is one of the reasons why I don't support homosexuality but that is not what we are talking about here}). It is true that religious wise, we use the line that "marriage is ordained by God" but I haven't read where the First man and woman Adam and Eve got married. I think that man himself brought about the laws of legalizing marriage. I am not cancelling marriage or saying that it is needless. In my opinion, marriage is very necessary for a man and woman that intend to have kids so that the kids can grow under the love of both parents. Marriage may also be necessary for a man and woman that want no children but want to live together and benefit from the rights the marriage laws of their land has in place (like bearing the name of the man & inheriting the properties of each at the event of de*th of the other). A man and woman that has no need of these are supposed to be free to live their lives. Should they run and get married just because they want to respect the constitution of marriage (as you said) or because everybody around them are married? God created Eve for Adam after realizing that Adam needs a help meet. Naturally men and women long for themselves because of the natural urge they have in them and a man and a woman that decide to be help meet for each other and fancies each other should be free to be with each other. I haven't seen a society that sends police to arrest a man and a woman because they are living together apart from countries with strict religiously influenced laws.

I don't support wild living in which a woman or a man sleeps around with any different woman or man that they come across each day and fancies, I only have nothing against a man and a woman that decide to live together and complement and love themselves (as in the case of Orprah). Men and women have a right to the choice of marriage and they have a right to the choice of procreation but in my opinion marriage should back up procreation for the health of the family.

In my own opinion again, an unmarried lady approaching menopause and wants kids should be able to have kids. The same society that has it that a woman should not go and marry a man should allow women have kids if they don't marry. They were not given the same rights the menfolk were given to marry who they desire so it is unfair on them to be childless if they want children. It is beautiful if a child is afforded the opportunity to be together with his/her two parents but an unmarried woman that has no husband and has a child cannot help that situation. It is enough that the society denied her a right to her choice to go for a husband she wants.

You may agree with me, you may not. Another person may agree with some opinions of mine and disagree with some, nothing changes the fact that we are all entitled to our opinions.    

cap28:

---------------------- i therefore say that if you cant find the right person its best to focus on other posjitive things, i noticed someone said that getting married and having a family guarantees that you will never end up alone - not necessarily - there are many people who get married and have children who still end up alone for one reason or the other, there are no guarantees in life.

Ivynwa:

oes not ensure a loneliness-free life. There are married couples that have such great divides between themselves that they are lonely even while married. There are kids that grow up and leave home without caring about their parents, I have seen a woman complain that her married children do not bother with her and that she needs to get a man for herself    (Lol, don't mind that my neighbour----she is still the same one that loves Naija men like crazy  )[/color]
Husband-o-o, children-o-o, me o-o and you-o-o. A day is appointed for us all to mud/delete/di*( I no wan di* yet abeg  ) and husband and children may even journey ahead of you leaving you lonely. Like Cap28 said "Nothing is guaranteed".

author=tpia@ link=topic=690613.msg8527316#msg8527316 date=1308186900
[b]being married or single is no guarantee a person wont be lonely.

Different unique persons, same line of thought here. 

I agree with the poster only as far as the advice to moderate the desperation for marriage.The fact is that is this generation,the one before and the one after it,there will be many good women who will not marry in their lifetime.This is not because they are the worse women around.They may actually be very good women but for some inexplicable reason they would have never met and dated a man who at that point in his life was ready for marriage.
Marriage is not compulsory but in or world today not just in africa but even so in the developed world,there is simple anecdotal and empirical evidence that the companionship,friendship,sharing and the opportunity for shared parenting that comes with marriage makes it something worthwhile.
Do not be deceived by headlines of a few marriages that did not work or news of growing divorce rate.Probably true but their is a much larger number of ordinary folk out there for whom life would have been horrific but for the gift of their patners.
It is not easy to advice women about marrital choices because every case is unique but you must respond to the hand that fate has dealt you adjust your expectations as the days go by.
Africa had a safety valve to manage down the number of eligible but single women by way of various forms of poligamy.But christianity and the brainwashing and misinterpretation of the scripture coupled with a rise in awareness and living standards and certainly not helped by economic forces have combined to force men to keep one wife and play the field.The decision to marry or not to marry have serious ramifications for the individual and the life he or she will live.In africa an enduring marriage is a large part of our social security plan.

According to Maslow, the five levels of human needs are related in sequential order. Whn one crosses the Physiological and safty need, then comes the social need, feeling of belonging, love and affection, family etc, at this stage if the need is not fufilled, one becomes restless and desperate.
So getting married is one of man's basic need when the time comes for it.

Tpia you seem not understand what people have said here, have you read someone saying is against marriage? I don't think so, the matter is do we have to marry because of love or society? that's the point! again bro a woman should have the right to choose her life without being unfairly criticised.

Mostimes women are desperate to get married,basically due to security reasons, financial security, emotional security, physical security(cos they know they fade fast like d sunset), and when married, they put all d security burden on a man and take his name in exchange for the burden, dont get me wrong here, i do not mean women do not contribute to a home financially and otherwise, but their mind is now in a state of absolute rest(and dats why they easily blow up, even without eating)
. And for you brothers, thats when you know the innate character of most women(most times u re shocked at how callous nd terrible they can be). So ladies cut that crap of sharing your love with someone nd bla bla bla, women re basically the happiest on their wedding day, inrespective of what they feel for a man, cos now they have got a life mugu, while they can now be madams nd express all their negative attributes.

MEN BEWARE: Marriage should not be rushed into cos of feminine pressure, societal pressure,or love pressure(cos reality always dawns),u should be aware of what you are going into, women always do change, nd most times for the worse.Marriage is the biggest school of life,it teaches you  of the infallibility and inconsistency of the human nature.Its never a destination,its a journey, nd d road can get bumby at times.

My final message, expect the best but prepare for the worst as well, but there is a magical beauty in all of this, the touch of divinity, a beauty unexplainable, a feeling unattainable, d pinnacle of affections, the day you hold your child in your arms(hope he is yours anyway). Goodluck and may God help us all in this inevitable journey of life

I know of a case of a young lady who was so obsessed with gettnig married that she married a man who she knew very little about, today she has four children and the man has left because he only entered into the marriage for ulterior reasons, the lady is struggling to bring up four children by herself, the man rarely sees his children - the lady almost had her children taken away from her by social services because of how difficult it is to bring them up on her own, now is this lady better off having put herself through marriage to a man who was not prepared to stick around long enough or should she simply console herself and say - at least i have kids and i wont end up alone?

People need to understand that marriage is a life long comittment, many men and women jump into marrying people they dont know, the shock comes when the persons true colours start to reveal themselves and by that time the kids have come along, i dont think it is fair to bring childdren into the world where they have to suffer, there are so many things this lady can not do for her kids because she doesnt earn enough money, in addition the "husband" does not support her or them financially, but if anyone would have told her that this is how things would turn out she would not have beleived it.

Instead of channelling her energy into building up a career she spent her entire time trying to get married and in the end out of desperation married a man she knew nothing about. Now that she has the kids the man is gone, this is a cautionary tale which many ladies (and men, because men get disappointed too) should take on board before jumping into a nightmare you did not bargain for.

Both the man you know and the one you dont know, can end up as jerks with no respect for women or marriage.

So, can we have another scenario plz.

Op you still havent come clean on what the thread is really about.

IMO, Women want to get married by hook or crook because it has being wired in their DNA from creation and there is nothing anyone can do about it. That is just how women were created. Infact God's own commandment to mankind was to go into the world and multiply and obviously because women carry the womb, we feel the urge more to do this. That is why as they get older, they get more desperate because the maternal desire to breed (which is inbuilt) begins to get more apparent.

If you look in the book of Genesis 3 vs 16, you will see that God cursed woman specifically to what she was created to do by making it harder for her to give birth and for her desire to be for husband always.

So folks, we cant fight it. Its the way God made it.

For the person who said married women look down on unmarried women and single woman get jealous of married women, again this is normal, because again, its the way it is, From the Beginning.

Nayah can i meet you?

IB you are so knowledgeable about the bible. Pls where are you now

quadrant4, [/b]u don see pix now, u don wan meet her,

u no even know if na she dey dere sef, na wa some guys o!!!! NA SO THE THING HOLD UNA RICH

U no even watch other things and attributes, u don wan meet am.

i no para for u o!, but i cant remeber u wanting to meet other posters with (f) in front of their ID, is it cos most have no pix make i re confirm.

no vex o!! i just dey give u point of direction.

PLS WHERE IS MY [b]BABE! OOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

^^ Why are shouting my name now---wats up?

Babe! Dear , Da doctor dey o!!!

see me see wahalas oh!

thats why i shout for help,

How you dey na,

Hope say u dey kampe