I can't advise any lady to stay in family house


Tell your man to get an apartment

BluntTheApostle:


The mother is on my side. But she is helpless.

Their type of relationship is like this: the girl is the mother while the mother is the daughter. I hope you understand.

I have spoken to my father, but my father is too liberal. He says I should leave her alone to find her way.

Look, at this point, your niece is still a child. A child that needs to be shown the way. Stand your ground and ensure they get their priorities in place (shelter, a sustainable means of income) etc.

It is only logical for you to be concerned about all these. Years down the line, if things go sour, she will still point her fingers at you and call you a bad uncle for not being decisive enough.

Trust me, in years to come, when she's wiser, she will thank you greatly for not allowing her to take this impending disastrous decision, only if she listens.

Iyaebe:
Shut up and start planning to own a house of your own before ever thinking of bringing somebody's daughter for your families to devour. Your reasoning sucks,may God not let someone like you cross our path.

I guess ur dad built his own at old age with retirement benefit and still incomplete

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to decide on this knotty issue.

She will regret it and will come running to you in tears.

Not even a nuclear family house nor a normal extended family house but a "CLAN".

The worst is they are expecting you to fund the marriage, does the bride's family fund marriages?

The man must first move out not only from that house but from the vicinity before you give your go-ahead.

Some men yeye sha!!!

Just involve the police in the matter by the time that guy gets heavy drilling and is warned to stay away from your niece, trust me he'd start hating her
Case closed, problem solved...........else there's almost nothing that can be done, when a girl is in love there's a thin line between her mentality and that of a mad woman

Beremx:
this your comment is absolutely senseless. Would you advise your sister to do the same? I understand you are a redpiller, but please apply it with common sense.

You sound like Kriss216 though

You miss kriss, obviously

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

If she loves him she can manage. Have a friend who married his wife and they stayed in the parents house me i had my own house. 5 years later my man took his wife to uk with the kids i lost my job and back to my parents house my wife refused to follow me. Not how far but how well

You seem like a protective uncle who's just looking out for his neice. However, you must understand that there are boundaries to these things.
I believe you've done your part by pointing out this concerns, allow your niece and her intended resolve the rest.
Give them your blessings and your assistance - if you can.

Iyaebe:
Living in husband's family house while married is a disaster, ladies should not be deceived by that deceitful words like "his family is my family" your eyes will clear when troubles set in (which you can't totally avoid because fighting your in-laws is like the air we breath, you can't avoid it,just choose your fights wisely by avoiding the very elderly ones but be strong and ready for those young ones that'll come and test you).It's a hard and enduring decision on it's own to marry a man that does not own a house not to talk of marrying one that'll put you in a rent but going further to marry one that'll put you in his family house is what I can't explain.Let me stop here before my nairaland Chief judges begin to rant.

What else should I say? You have perfect it all.

Richy4:
Biko allow her to marry... Or u will be tagged enemy of progress...
Her eyes go soon clear...By the time asoebi dies down, all marriage arrangements over...
She becomes the Mrs that she is so desperately wanted to be..All the marriage euphoria dies down... Then what is remaining was the marriage proper.. her eyes go open pass Adam's eyes... Let her go ahead

Kikikikiki ����

It's never an option no mater how everyone is good to each other... I considered all and still didnt keep my woman with my family even while I dont stay in Nigeria...just 2 months she stayed with my family I kmew what I had to tell everyone for calmness...not that anybody did something bad to the other but a bit of freedom... imagine if ur wife does not feel like eating what's been cooked... ? Wait oo..who will be in chargeof the kitchen...the litle girl or the mother in-law...

Just two months I needed to furnish my house I knew that sharing same house with just parents is a disaster waiting to happen let alone someone planning to stay long...

Make she no think.am oo...now i and my wife have a room in the family house Nd we also have our place where we stay.... las las the two houses is just a 10 minutes drive oo because I needed her not to be too far since i visit naija like twice a year...but still she isnt staying with them and that's a big difference...

Maybe coz i can afford it but it prevented a big issue..now everyone is happy and nobody poke noses into the others business

BluntTheApostle:
A few weeks back, my niece brought a man to me and introduced him as the one she wishes to marry.

Her father died while she was about 15, and I have been the one taking care of her, through school and all. So, she sees me as her father.

Alright, so she brought this young man to me. I have nothing against him. He is finishing up a master's degree, and even though he is not into anything really specific (he is a hustler sort of a person, combining different jobs), I do not have a problem with that. He appears focused, and really hardworking.

However, the problem is that he does not have a place of his own, and does not appear to have any plans in that direction.

So, last week, I asked him a whole lot of questions, and it appears like he would be marrying my baby, and she would live with him in their family house. Other families living there include the man's aged parents, some uncles and aunties, and their children. He was not specific whether aunties or uncles included blood relations and their spouses. I didn't press him on that.

Now, I have also sat my niece down, and had a chat with her. She is only 20+ (would be 21 in June). I tried to be as neutral as possible, but I may have been too blunt sometimes because she has been defensive, including accusing me of not wanting to fund the wedding.

Her mother reasons with me, but the girl has become deaf. She doesn't want to listen.

My point is that the wedding can be put on hold till the young man makes a firm decision on accommodation. All this: "I will consider it; I am considering it; it is a part of my plan" is not conclusive at all, and I don't want her to go and start her married life under the same roof with so many people.

The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?

Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.

Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.

It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

samuel051:
How old is Jesus,I still haven't heard he rented an apartment while on earth or over there in heaven while there are many rooms in his father's mansion.

let me talk to you before is too late, the fear of God is the beginning of wisdom, knowledge and understanding, Jesus came to the world
to suffer, to feel the same pains that mortal being felt, to show us the way, the true and the life that will leads us to heaven and finally to die for the sins of Men, he was rewarded as KING of GLORY and his kingdom will be everlasting, he came to the world as lamb and died like lamb, means he gently surrendered
and sacrificed his life for the redemption and salvation of our soul, he will sit on the judgement THRONE like ANGRY LION to reward both the rightous and the wicked according to the work of their hands, The judgement day is coming and knocking at your door, REPENT before is too late .

I think she's not matured enough to take such decision. I can assure you the young man is manipulating her. Stand on your decision and she will thank you later.

A girl of 20 suppose dey reason how to better her life. But, no marriage be this one problem.

Iyaebe:
Living in husband's family house while married is a disaster, ladies should not be deceived by that deceitful words like "his family is my family" your eyes will clear when troubles set in (which you can't totally avoid because fighting your in-laws is like the air we breath, you can't avoid it,just choose your fights wisely by avoiding the very elderly ones but be strong and ready for those young ones that'll come and test you).It's a hard and enduring decision on it's own to marry a man that does not own a house not to talk of marrying one that'll put you in a rent but going further to marry one that'll put you in his family house is what I can't explain.Let me stop here before my nairaland Chief judges begin to rant.

I live with my wife in my family house. My dad built a storey building containing three bedroom and twin two bedroom and a one bed room. I was given two bedroom. My younger brother stays in the one bedroom. My parents stays in the three bedroom. My wife and I are living peacefully. My parents do not interfere neither do they even come to my apartment uninvited.

Meanwhile to rent a two bedroom flat in my area of PH goes for 600k per annum.

Nigeria is a difficult place. And anything to reduced the burden should be embraced. No condition is permanent.

Abujason:
This is such a useless question!

Why won’t they if the women themselves have no future, good education and drive? When some of them have no homes of their own and nothing to bring in other than toto. They should be happy marrying a guy living under Abule-Egba flyover sef.

If dem no like a man living with his family or my talk, let them build their own houses and come marry the men. There is no law that forbids that or states that the man must die to please women.

Nonsense!

This issue of women setting standards for men and not even setting standards for themselves. It's pathetic

We are in an era where the potentials of anyone be it male or female can be nouruhed to it's apex. The said man in the story is said to be a hustler while the said lady is 100percent dependent and he is considered not to be ready. It should be the other way round because the man is far more ready than the lady in this scenario.

A man gets married to an abled bodied adult she is considered his responsibility and they are expected to be partners in same relationship?

Different strokes for the guys from the society especially from this part of the world. That is why it is pertinent for guys to go with ladies of same social class if not more, that's when you can even have some opportunity to be in partnership.

Iyaebe:
Living in husband's family house while married is a disaster, ladies should not be deceived by that deceitful words like "his family is my family" your eyes will clear when troubles set in (which you can't totally avoid because fighting your in-laws is like the air we breath, you can't avoid it,just choose your fights wisely by avoiding the very elderly ones but be strong and ready for those young ones that'll come and test you).It's a hard and enduring decision on it's own to marry a man that does not own a house not to talk of marrying one that'll put you in a rent but going further to marry one that'll put you in his family house is what I can't explain.Let me stop here before my nairaland Chief judges begin to rant.

She's already angry that you don't want to finance it. She's a child in deed. And a child should not be allowed into marriage yet till she's mature. What does she know about life?
Does she even know what it means to live in a family house with in-laws everywhere.
I so much pity this girl. She will be turned to their house help. And I bet with you she can never please them all no matter what she does.
You have to be blunt. Stand your ground. Tell her you are not in support j til the man has a place of his own, bit if she wants to go ahead they should bear all the costs themselves.
If they want to marry they should finance it themselves yours is only to support.

Mariangeles:
Is your niece marrying into an Indian family?

Anyways, find a way to solve the issue amicably, before she “accidentally” falls pregnant for the guy.

Whether my daughter likes,she should get pregnant for a guy I don't support their union,them no go still marry!

Zonefree:

You miss kriss, obviously

I know it’s you. You can change your monikers but you cannot change your style of comments.

Lol

kurlz:


She's already angry that you don't want to finance it. She's a child in deed. And a child should not be allowed into marriage yet till she's mature. What does she know about life?
Does she even know what it means to live in a family house with in-laws everywhere.
I so much pity this girl. She will be turn to their house help. And I bet with you she can never please them all no matter what she does.
You have to be blunt. Stand your ground. Tell her you are not in support j til the man has a place of his own, bit if she wants to go ahead they should bear all the costs themselves.
If they want to marry they should finance it themselves yours is only to support.

I'm confused at one thing,is it the responsibility of the lady or her family to finance the wedding?
It's the man that is coming to marry her na.

People can be very unpredictable..... She can go live with them by the end of the day they might turn her into a housemaid because by age she's the youngest, she'll wanna please everyone as a new iyawo, the house isn't her own so she's gonna be limited to everything there including space in the house . She won't get that security she yean for because her husband to be isn't the breadwinner, bills payer, or someone who they'll assume a complete Man.

No offense please.....
If u know you cannot take care of yourself, please don't add another person's daughter (whether she's an asset or liability).

Let's assume they're expecting a baby who takes care of the responsibilities of raising the young one.

Too many things are wrong with this guy's move.

I don't have issues with the girl.... She's still a kid....
But the guy isn't 10% ready.


Let's call a Spade a Spade.....

Saintmary:



Exactly.

She needs to farabale and plan her future.


A responsible man will not put his bride in his family house.

Stop saying responsible.Wat ifbd man lose his job nonsavings ,sudden job loss and family have a very big house,will u be homeless or how many friends will accommodate them,Life no balance have seen people that lived in Lekki a guy I know and from for 12 years and from dr to Ikorodu and wife left him and from Ikorodu back to family house in Surulere,sis just pray 4 a stable income

In phyno's voice:


When your eyes go clear o
Dem nor dey telli person.


I am yet to see couples who lived in family house ,and the wives had glorious testimonies. I hope she has a lot of tolerance, patience, yes sir attitude, compromise, forgiveness in her, cos she will need them all.


Like someone said, she will need backup funds when e set.

BluntTheApostle:
The man is 30 (although he looks older to me), and I am beginning to feel that he is manipulating her.

What do you think?
Which of you has experienced living in your husband's family house? How was the experience?

For me, I think of it just like living in a polygamous family, and it makes me uneasy because this girl is too young, and too fragile.
Your opinions and experiences are highly welcome.
It may be all that I would need to reach a decision concerning this knotty issue.

A 30-year old man, in the year 2022, who thinks as you claim is a thing of great concern to me. Your niece being 20 leads me to believe him some sort of predator or -ish. .

Op, why not properly investigate the man's background for yourself. Find out exactly who those who live in that family house of his are and there exact relationships to each other, and also understand how big that structure is for them all to fit into it.

Beremx:
I know it’s you. You can change your monikers but you cannot change your style of comments.

Lol

Wasn't hiding.

How have you been?

akpunda86:


Stop saying responsible.Wat ifbd man lose his job nonsavings ,sudden job loss and family have a very big house,will u be homeless or how many friends will accommodate them,Life no balance have seen people that lived in Lekki a guy I know and from for 12 years and from dr to Ikorodu and wife left him and from Ikorodu back to family house in Surulere,sis just pray 4 a stable income

Please calm down before responding.


He is a young man just starting life, and hustling. Not stable yet. Not that he has had a job and lost it. If that's the case, it will be seen differently, at least he tried.

This guy wants to put his new bride in a family house, he has never been responsible for a place of his own, he wants to add a wife to the equation.



That reminds me, OP please ask her if she's pregnant. They may be rushing because of shame.

Ralphokoemu:
People can be very unpredictable..... She can go live with them by the end of the day they might turn her into a housemaid because by age she's the youngest, she'll wanna please everyone as a new iyawo, the house isn't her own so she's gonna be limited to everything there including space in the house . She won't get that security she yean for because her husband to be isn't the breadwinner, bills payer, or someone who they'll assume a complete Man.

No offense please.....
If u know you cannot take care of yourself, please don't add another person's daughter (whether she's an asset or liability).

Let's assume they're expecting a baby who takes care of the responsibilities of raising the young one.

Too many things are wrong with this guy's move.

I don't have issues with the girl.... She's still a kid....
But the guy isn't 10% ready.


Let's call a Spade a Spade.....

Exactly!

Zonefree:

Wasn't hiding.

How have you been?

very well thanks. Enjoy the rest of your day

Kobojunkie:
A 30-year old man, in the year 2022, who thinks as you claim is a thing of great concern to me. Your niece being 20 leads me to believe him some sort of predator or -ish. .

Op, why not properly investigate the man's background for yourself. Find out exactly who those who live in that family house of his are and there relationships to each other, and also understand how big that structure is for them all to fit into it.

Absolutely correct. He is a predator.

2braithe:


I'm confused at one thing,is it the responsibility of the lady or her family to finance the wedding?
It's the man that is coming to marry her na.

Abi o. Anyone that wants to marry should be ready to bear the cost. But trust Nigerians na. Especially Yoruba's the girls family will not want to be left out. Its not totally bad though. But the man should have a source of living and be up and promising.