Munzy14:

But you have to trust someone..

Your God who lives in Your Brain:
That's why you have to Develop Your Brain enough to Understand Your God inside of it: If not Na wakawaka tire and people go dey push you around:

pansophist:


How about the understanding that you can take a horse to the river but won't make it drink water ?

That is the more reason you don't need to take a horse to the river rather a cow because a cow will naturally drink water when it gets to river without the herdsman forcing it.

seguno2:


How about doing everything to make them work out their own success too as you are going higher?

As their GOD or father? You can't please everyone

pansophist:


How about the understanding that you can take a horse to the river but won't make it drink water ?

You see the kind sense this person you quote Have? That's the kind of person that can bring his rich friend down and can even poison him

emmaodet:


That is the more reason you don't need to take a horse to the river rather a cow because a cow will naturally drink water when it gets to river without the herdsman forcing it.

This your calabar analogy, abeg break am down. Are you saying that a successful person should help someone who is hardworking (the cow) and not lazy (the horse)?

If yes, then it's true. You're right. There is this false notion that when someone is suffering, it's not their fault. That he is suffering because his brother didn't help him, or his father is a drunkard.

In many cases, lots of people are suffering due to their own fault. I know many idiots like that. I am a very empathetic person and hate seeing people suffer, which made me became a magnet for lots of people who need help.

Over the years, I've come to accept the harsh fact that some people are like stone, even if they believe they are seeds. Doesn't matter if you expose them to the brightest sun, freshwater, manure and the most fertile ground, they are loosers. They won't grow.

If you help them up, then you must keep being the foundationso they will keep staying up. If you leave, they disintegrate. Their strength is external, not internal. They are basically scum.

Right now if someone miserable comes for help, I first try to analyse if he is suffering because of a fault that is not his own. If I see that they lived a reckless life and still don't want to own up to it, I ignore. If you didn't knew the story of Cain in the Bible, you'll pity him and wonder why he is suffering.

He will lie and explain how life have not been good to him. But the idiot killed his brother Abel, gave God trash as a burnt offering, and was punished for it. His suffering is legitimate and as a result of his handwork. You don't interfere with nature's work. Leave him.

I know a looser with three baby mamas, smokes and do drugs, lazy and pompous to the core. I hosted this guy in my house for a year, but while I though I was helping, I didn't know I was training a snake filled with envy.

His seasonal Yahoo money was not sustainable, but he wouldnt go get a job. This was far back when I was still a student. I was doing a dirty job, struggling in a foreign land, but when I come back home, I can't sleep on my bed because this idiot brought a girl home.

Until I kicked him out. Up till now, he lives in lonely women's house. Women whom are desperate for a man. He is a leech that needs a host. If you don't know him, he will create stories that will make you pity him and help.

So that's just a good example of how a lot of idiots are the architect of their own problems. So yes you're right. You help a cow, not a horse. Cow that have sense.

Qatar2022:

You see the kind sense this person you quote Have? That's the kind of person that can bring his rich friend down and can even poison him

This is nairaland. Many people no get sense here. But I respond because a young clueless man might be reading, so I give an alternative views.

Im Antisocial.. I don't do friends
Well they are only there in the fairweather days .. once it gets tough they switch.

I have only one person I refer to as a friend ( a bro from another mother ) .. he has been there for me for 13 years now.

Emmydarsy:
I met this friend of mine, Ayo during our school days in one of the schools in ondo state, that was in 2005. Infact, we got along with eachother immediately we met when doing our course registration, since we were admitted into same Accounting dept. Afterwards, we got so closed to a point where we had to share the same room till our final year. So, while in 200l, I was dating a 100l girl, which happened to be the only babe I was dating in school, even though I had one other I was dating in Lagos before I got admission. There was much love between us that almost everyone on campus knew about our relationship. It was just like we were married. I dated this babe till our first semester, 400l before I began to observe some changes about her which I never knew and understood the cause till we finished from school, went for service and all go out different ways. Ay, on the other hand used to be those serious type that would read and study on their own after lectures, spend most times in the library, which made his social life bored, that he only managed to have only one particular girl and their relationship never seems to last. But that never changed the fact that we were good friends who helped eachother in all manners of ways, financially, spiritually, educationally all through our stay in school, and even till present. Now, here is the point....After school, I lost contact with this said girl and she became the past but Ay has been there as my usual friend, even though we base in a different state. We are used to travelling to attend any special occasion of ours. I'm married with kids and he is married too with kids, and life has been fair to us, atleast.
But last month, this my ex sent me a request on FB and we got each other's contact, so after so much conversation thereafter, there was a confession and revelation from her about my friend. In a nutshell, Ay told her about the girl I was dating in Lagos, that each time, I say I want to travel to Lagos to go see my parent and fetch some money, it's a lie, that it's my Lagos gf I was missing and going to check upon. Well, which was truely part of the reason I do travel then, as I will always tell my friend about my Lagos gf. That he further told her I never loved her and was playing on her. And this my babe was always comfortable staying and sleeping in our room then even when am away as she is just so fond of our side. Laslas Sha, that my Friend took advantage of her n they bleeped. That it was because of that she gave me and "us" distance, as she couldn't look both of us in the face, that she was ashamed of herself. Lol, A scene of over 15years got fresh in my memory and got me wondered. She asked abt him, that do we still talk? I told her Yes! And she begged me not to tell him, that I should just forget it, since we all are happily married now. Cos she is married too with her own kids. I had to call Ay and ask because, he was and still a good friend to the best of my knowledge. To my surprise, even before I asked him, he already had a hint of what I wanted to ask him, because I first asked him if he remember her(mentioned her name) and he said yes, that did I come across her somewhere, I said yes, that she reveal some things to me, lol. He immediately start begging that it's been long he had wanted to tell me himself and apologized. I told him it's okay....that I genuinely forgive him, just that i was surprise and never believe. Even, If he had deny that she lied against him, I might probably be forced to believe him. So I told him it's cool, that have forgiven him. But the question is, till date, if he has any business in Lagos, he still come to my house to pass the night, even when am on night shift. Is it advisable to still trust him 100%? Note: Aside this stain, Ay is a nice guy and would do anything within his capacity for me as a friend!!!

Not everyone is perfect, he made a mistake. No one is above that kind of mistake(Including you) , plus he was young..

pansophist:


This your calabar analogy, abeg break am down. Are you saying that a successful person should help someone who is hardworking (the cow) and not lazy (the horse)?

If yes, then it's true. You're right. There is this false notion that when someone is suffering, it's not their fault. That he is suffering because his brother didn't help him, or his father is a drunkard.

In many cases, lots of people are suffering due to their own fault. I know many idiots like that. I am a very empathetic person and hate seeing people suffer, which made me became a magnet for lots of people who need help.

Over the years, I've come to accept the harsh fact that some people are like stone, even if they believe they are seeds. Doesn't matter if you expose them to the brightest sun, freshwater, manure and the most fertile ground, they are loosers. They won't grow.

If you help them up, then you must keep being the foundation so they will keep staying up. If you leave, they disintegrate. Their strength is external, not internal. They are basically scum.

I know a looser with three baby mamas, smokes and do drugs, lazy and pompous to the core. I hosted this guy in my house for a year, but while I though I was helping, I didn't know I was training a snake filled with envy.

His seasonal Yahoo money was not sustainable, but he wouldnt go get a job. This was far back when I was still a student. I was doing a dirty job, struggling in a foreign land, but when I come back home, I can't sleep on my bed because this idiot brought a girl home.

Until I kicked him out. Up till now, he lives in lonely women's house. Women whom are desperate for a man. He is a leech that needs a host. If you don't know him, he will create stories that will make you pity him and help.

So that's just a good example of how a lot of idiots are the architect of their own problems. So yes you're right. You help a cow, not a horse. Cow that have sense.

You are right.
I have come to notice also that if you keep helping people, they will keep coming back again and before you know it, your reoccurent expenditure is almost up to your income and you save or do no tangible things with your money and if you go broke, they will be the first to ask - what did he used his money for? If you tell them they are the reason, they will ask how much did you give me sef? No be 5/10k? But they forgot that a 5k here, a 10k there if garthered is what makes money.
A drop of water fills a drum.
Like you said, some people are just deadweights. My immediate brother is also like your friend.
The family has tried to give him a life but it seems no matter how many times you throw a cutlass up, it will always come down flat and not pointed into the soil.
Got him a job of 50k in Nigeria in 2017 has a teacher and hostel warder - he doesn't pay house rent since he stays in hostel house and he eats hostel food. Collects money from parents weekends who come to see their kids and also collects 10k per term for after school lesson to kids whose parents are interested.
He was making money yet no savings, infact he will be calling home for more sef.
A single guy fahh.
Okay, after so much complain about Nigeria been hard and telling everyone at sight that I don't want to help him, my mum and I decided to bundle him to UAE
Got a job through an agent in Ibadan for a private driving work with a company in Dubai for 150k naira equivalent with accommodation.
My bro did this job for 5 years but no savings.
Company didn't renew his work permit and he is back to Nigeria 2 weeks ago after 5 years.
No savings, no investment, no wife, no kids, no lands, just Nothing
I mean Nothing.
A bag of liability. So unfortunate he is a man in his mid 30s. Wished he is a lady, we would have arranged a Hot thirsty simp to marry her off and take such liability off our face but unfortunately he is a man.
Where do we start from now?
My uncle that went to the same Dubai and same company a year after he left has turned his wretched family life around. Roofed his house last November.
Sent his kids to better school and moved from a face me I slap you room to a flat.
Same company ooo and this is even a married man with 3 kids compared to a hopeless single bachelor.

emmaodet:

A bag of liability. So unfortunate he is a man in his mid 30s. Wished he is a lady, we would have arranged a Hot thirsty simp to marry her off and take such liability off our face but unfortunately he is a man.

Egbon una no go kill me for this Nairaland.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 @ Hot Thirsty Simp.

emmaodet:


You are right.
I have come to notice also that if you keep helping people, they will keep coming back again and before you know it, your reoccurent expenditure is almost up to your income and you save or do no tangible things with your money and if you go broke, they will be the first to ask - what did he used his money for? If you tell them they are the reason, they will ask how much did you give me sef? No be 5/10k? But they forgot that a 5k here, a 10k there if garthered is what makes money.
A drop of water fills a drum.
Like you said, some people are just deadweights. My immediate brother is also like your friend.
The family has tried to give him a life but it seems no matter how many times you throw a cutlass up, it will always come down flat and not pointed into the soil.
Got him a job of 50k in Nigeria in 2017 has a teacher and hostel warder - he doesn't pay house rent since he stays in hostel house and he eats hostel food. Collects money from parents weekends who come to see their kids and also collects 10k per term for after school lesson to kids whose parents are interested.
He was making money yet no savings, infact he will be calling home for more sef.
A single guy fahh.
Okay, after so much complain about Nigeria been hard and telling everyone at sight that I don't want to help him, my mum and I decided to bundle him to UAE
Got a job through an agent in Ibadan for a private driving work with a company in Dubai for 150k naira equivalent with accommodation.
My bro did this job for 5 years but no savings.
Company didn't renew his work permit and he is back to Nigeria 2 weeks ago after 5 years.
No savings, no investment, no wife, no kids, no lands, just Nothing
I mean Nothing.
A bag of liability. So unfortunate he is a man in his mid 30s. Wished he is a lady, we would have arranged a Hot thirsty simp to marry her off and take such liability off our face but unfortunately he is a man.
Where do we start from now?
My uncle that went to the same Dubai and same company a year after he left has turned his wretched family life around. Roofed his house last November.
Sent his kids to better school and moved from a face me I slap you room to a flat.
Same company ooo and this is even a married man with 3 kids compared to a hopeless single bachelor.

Last last, na them de suffer. Just don't interfere, because no matter what you do, it will make it worse for him. If you keep helping and pushing his Armageddon far into the future, the urgency to sit up will not come.

Also, he would be convinced that he has shock absorbers, in form of families that will rescue him. The mindset of loosers are very different to winners, and until you can think like them, you won't know how they operate.

One thing everyone must come to accept is the simple fact that the evil we hate outside sometimes is in us, in our families, especially parents, children and siblings. Your son might become a thief, your parent a drunkard and wife a narcissist.

Just like we all know we shall die one day, but live our lives like it's other people that will die, and not us, it's the same thing. Bad and lazy folks can be our family too. And this we must accept.

His first responsibility is towards himself, and his behavior doesn't seems like someone that is responsible for himself, so his actions has release you from any obligation to be responsible towards him.

Even the Bible said, "do not cast pearls to swines", meaning you don't give value to a person who can't utilise it.

I mean, you're not a Superman. You want ally as a brother, not a permanent dependant. You want him to rescue you if you ever need help. The assistance has to be mutual, not one-way.

Your family have given him the sword (education, financial help etc) to fight for his financial freedom, but if he refuse to fight, then leave him there. The battleground is unforgiven and will deal with him until he learns.