DesChyko:
Temptation no dey finish, boss. Even if you pursue this wife, marry the new one, you go still see fine matter for outside wey package better behaviour.

My take for the matter be say if the wahala for the current marriage too much sotee e fit bring problem between you, your woman and still affect the kids, you can quit it if Nah threat to your mental sanity.

But to rush enter another marriage no be game oo. No be say e no fit work but you go need time analyse the reasons why the first one go south; make sure you're in a better place, then go again.

Temptation no dey finish, my gee.

Thanks a lot for your advice. I need to take a break and study the situation before taking any further step

Omo, this one shock me oh

Anyway stay healthy



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7344gHO5o0

All these excuses just to cheat on your wife.

Fear men.

If u have a child, just zero it and go take care of the baby , leave woman, u can have sex secretly but your wife matters, woman and Virgina no dey finish o. U don't know the woman you are in love , finish, but the one you marry. I have been in your shoes several times but na thr baby make me still dey with my wife o.

DigitalLawyer:


Thanks a lot for your advice. I need to take a break and study the situation before taking any further step

it's a good advice bro

DigitalLawyer:


I like your comments because you are direct and without mincing words. Other commenters are not idiot but are expressing their opinion and are entities same. I have so far picked a lot from them. Anyways, I will just watch her for sometime maybe a year and know if she will change. I will likewise watch my wife for a year to know if she is pretending. This will determine my next move. Once again thanks for your advice.

Alright man. I wish you all the best.

Just have it in mind that leopards do not change their spots.

DigitalLawyer:


You are correct my brother. This life is quite funny. But do you advise I end whatever I have with the girl and move on with my wife? But I am afraid she may bring back he’ll because when she was doing this, she knew I was expecting some dollars. I think it’s not about the money but her character. I am just confused.

You already know the fact. Why are you acting all confused?

Anybody that tells you it is about the lack of money is a big, fat Liar.

The fact of the matter is that your wife dies not really love - scratch that - respect you.
If she did, even when the money was not there, she wouldn't have put up the attitude she did.

It is one thing for her to grumble about lack of money, it is another thing for her to openly insult and disrespect you.

If the other lady is indeed very respectful, then she is the right one for you.

DigitalLawyer:


Thanks a lot. I agree with you. It now appears to me all women are the same. I will buy her a car and see whether it will change anything. Once again thanks

You seem like a really good guy, that why I'm still here advising you.
Normally I wouldn't do this, as I let simps burn.

Bro, YOU ARE A BIG SIMP. And this is the genesis of your problems. It was obvious from your NYSC days with her, when she effectively friendzoned you and later married you for 'Beta bucks'.
Sadly, you are still deeply bluepilled.

When will you learn that you cannot buy love, respect and loyalty?
Buying her a car is just placing her on a pedestal and even giving her more tempo to fire you even more ruthlessly when the going gets rough again.


YOU DO NOT REWARD BAD BEHAVIOR IN WOMEN!!!!!

The problem with digitallawyer is that he rushes into courtship too quick bcus of the butterflies in his belly without knowing the flaws of the person he is with but goes after how she makes him feel at the moment
He rushed the first wife despite she and her father showed you her red flag codedly(u must be bouyant enough) but u still went ahead to get her pregnant, and now the new girl, you mentioned only her good side what bout the bad, I see u putting a crocodile and python in ur house both reptiles with different shapes and features but still deadly...

My only advice is this
Test your wife to know if she has completely changed, by acting broke (since she started acting all loved up when your money returned). As she may just be this nice and calm because you have enough now to satisfy her need. But if her attitude remain thesame after acting all broke again then look for a way to restore your love for her, if not apply divorce and go for your new found love.
Also from your narrative you never mentioned if your wife is a FULL TIME HOUSE WIFE or she is working/into Business (so as she can support the family needs with her own little earning).
I will not advice you to cheat on your Marriage but if you are tired of the Union, kindly do the needful (Divorce Her).
All the best!!!

Op.. you saw many red flags precursors to courting her, but you chooses to ignore them and married her.
If you had taken the red pill, you'd ve known that no scintilla of "red flag" should be ignored during courtship
I pity you cos you're on an unending path to hard life and frustration.
You need to double your hustle and marry a second wife that gives you peace of mind, bro.

DigitalLawyer:


Thanks a lot. I agree with you. It now appears to me all women are the same. I will buy her a car and see whether it will change anything. Once again thanks

Awwn, Oya do quick and buy her the car.

This is what you should do, the day you give her the car, wake her up at night and warn her seriously that the day she ever shouts on you, you will bring your second wife home.


On the following day, take her, and the car to your in laws, repeat your warning so that you can have a witness.


You will never hear pim.

P. S. Keep that girl's number just in case.

DigitalLawyer:


Thanks for your advice. This is what I thought before allowing myself to love the girl. I am thinking of asking my wife what led to this sudden change in character but I believe you because you are likewise a woman and you are talking from their point of view or what would be their state of mind in this situation. Once again thanks.

Thanks dear

You don't need to ask her anything, she understands what she is doing but wants you to ask her why the change

That doesn't stop her from who she is
She is just doing so to calm you from going out

But it's getting late already because your happiness is somewhere while your body is in the house

Sad story , All of you are to be blamed including the lady who went into entanglement with you knowing fully well your marital status

Truly nobody is above taking an advice.

You can never know the true character of a woman until you have married her.

DigitalLawyer:


Thanks for the advice.

if you are yet to decide

Test the both of them who fails bye

Saintmary:


Awwn, Oya do quick and buy her the car.

This is what you should do, the day you give her the car, wake her up at night and warn her seriously that the day she ever shouts on you, you will bring your second wife home.


On the following day, take her, and the car to your in laws, repeat your warning so that you can have a witness.


You will never hear pim.

P. S. Keep that girl's number just in case.

Lols. Thanks, actually before even meeting the girl I had earlier warned her that I am not yet cheating and she is treating me this way and one day another woman will come and drag the house with her.

edunaragold:
If u have a child, just zero it and go take care of the baby , leave woman, u can have sex secretly but your wife matters, woman and Virgina no dey finish o. U don't know the woman you are in love , finish, but the one you marry. I have been in your shoes several times but na thr baby make me still dey with my wife o.

My brother na true. Only that it is been long this shit started and I have been keeping it to myself. It is when I started falling sick and having depressions that I knew that it is high time I do something. Once again thanks.

satandeterrible:

You seem like a really good guy, that why I'm still here advising you.
Normally I wouldn't do this, as I let simps burn.

Bro, YOU ARE A BIG SIMP. And this is the genesis of your problems. It was obvious from your NYSC days with her, when she effectively friendzoned you and later married you for 'Beta bucks'.
Sadly, you are still deeply bluepilled.

When will you learn that you cannot buy love, respect and loyalty?
Buying her a car is just placing her on a pedestal and even giving her more tempo to fire you even more ruthlessly when the going gets rough again.


YOU DO NOT REWARD BAD BEHAVIOR IN WOMEN!!!!!

She has two children for me. I am doing it so that whenever I leave she will always know it was her fault and not mine.

First of all, that baby miscarried was not yours. You fell into your wife's trap, made your poor dad sell his land. O boy you still never wise up? Na wa oh

This is a very interesting story I must confess, I was laughing while reading especially during your service .

You loved your wife despite the fact she was with someone else. You made her pregnant along the way hence you had to marry her. At first, she told you that you were not financially capable from the onset but you kept pushing on ( I love your determination but it was uncalled for ).

You started experiencing financial issues as a result, and your wife's attitude changed ( that is expected from most women if we are to be realistic ).

Despite the various flaws from the onset, your wife is still with you but you aren't happy with her again. I would advise repeating the funny behaviour you exhibited at the beginning of your relationship as it seems your wife has a soft spot for it. Now that everything is alright, learn to love your wife again and she would repeat the same if otherwise, you can then consider the nuclear option lol.

Now to that other lady, I understand you both feel very comfortable with each other and she helped you to be sane again which in turn has HELPED!!! your marriage become PEACEFUL. She's a good FRIEND.
Don't you think that a woman who sees nothing wrong in dating a married man has issues with VALUES?

I don't want to say much, but with what I've said combined with your logical thinking you should be able to come to a nice decision.


N.B don't forget, because she made you happy today doesn't mean she can't also make you sad!!! When you are sad with her would you also jump at the next nice girl that would make you happy!!! Lol.
That's a vicious circle oooo!!!!
Be stable with your finances and let your wife get a job. That should address your problem

slimprinx:
My only advice is this
Test your wife to know if she has completely changed, by acting broke (since she started acting all loved up when your money returned). As she may just be this nice and calm because you have enough now to satisfy her need. But if her attitude remain thesame after acting all broke again then look for a way to restore your love for her, if not apply divorce and go for your new found love.
Also from your narrative you never mentioned if your wife is a FULL TIME HOUSE WIFE or she is working/into Business (so as she can support the family needs with her own little earning).
I will not advice you to cheat on your Marriage but if you are tired of the Union, kindly do the needful (Divorce Her).
All the best!!!

She is working, but I earn more than she does.

DigitalLawyer:


You are correct my brother. This life is quite funny. But do you advise I end whatever I have with the girl and move on with my wife? But I am afraid she may bring back he’ll because when she was doing this, she knew I was expecting some dollars. I think it’s not about the money but her character. I am just confused.

The grass is not always greener on the other side.


But are you saying you can't tell if your wife change was genuine or money induced?

You could sit her down and discuss with her to gauge her mindset.

Let that girl be for the now.

Getdabag:
The problem with digitallawyer is that he rushes into courtship too quick bcus of the butterflies in his belly without knowing the flaws of the person he is with but goes after how she makes him feel at the moment
He rushed the first wife despite she and her father showed you her red flag codedly(u must be bouyant enough) but u still went ahead to get her pregnant, and now the new girl, you mentioned only her good side what bout the bad, I see u putting a crocodile and python in ur house both reptiles with different shapes and features but still deadly...

I agree with you on the fact that I rushed into marriage. I didn’t want an abortion and I was trying to save her face but did not put my happiness first. Maybe I was inexperienced and that was my first serious relationship. I knew that if I refused to marry her she may abort the baby and I don’t want that. This was the flaws i did not advert my mind to. As each day goes by, I lived with the feeling that I made a mistake in toeing the part of marriage that early. I also wished I could turn back the hands of time where I will find someone who love me more than I love her.

My advice for bachelors on this forum, please make sure a woman loves you more than you can imagine before contemplating marriage. Love is not foisted and it is not earned but it comes naturally and you don’t need to stress yourself for her. She will rather do the loving and your work is to reciprocate. Again too much attention spoils modern day women.

Your foundation is faulty!!! What can the righteous do when the foundation is faulty?
Unfortunately you are not your wife's type and I kinda like your wife, she made 2 things clear initially

1. She needed a well to do man to fund her life style in marriage.

2. She was dating another man.

But because of your lust and the " home advantage " you had over her in service year, you impregnated her. Ask yourself this question

Can your wife marry you assuming you did not impregnate her during her service year?

Look if your wife loves you, she will take your excesses, she is just not in love with you, " na condition make crayfish bend" , from your narration you have not even done so much misdeeds to deserve that level of hate from your wife, but because the innate feelings is missing from her side, she will resent every of your move when the chips are down.

No advice for you from my side today because the foundation is already faulty.

Next life, if you come to planet Earth,
Marry a woman that loves you more or that appears to love you more.

OP, though this your story looks superstory but let me just pretend like it is true.

See, all parties pretend during courtship, most especially when they want something out of the relationship. So, in most cases, you don't truly know your partner until you are married to them.

For some women, you don't truly know them, even in marriage until your finance status is in bad state.

For your wife, I think you have seen her true colors, anytime you start struggling financially again, the peace you see now might disappear.

For the side chick, you will have to take her through some tests. Pretend to her that you have started struggling financially again. Everything that you and your wife have fought over in the past, throw them at her and see her reactions. Remember, any red flag is what you are looking for. If she didn't show any red flag, then you have found the good one.

E be like say death dey call u, same way ur wife lure u with kindness into poverty nw u wan do another one instead to go better ur life financially. Guy u no like ur life. Broom wey dem take beat house husband, the new sisi go use am beat u too

Pretend ur money is finished again, and see what ur wife will do

DigitalLawyer:


Lol. There is a saying that it is the wearer of the shoes that knows where it is paining him. You won’t understand what I have been going through for 4 years now. I would have called it quit long ago but my only restraint was my moral and church obligations.
I have built myself and have all I need for now. Hard times happens to everyone no matter how hard working you are but it does not change your worth. I will just maintain normal friendship with the girl and see how things goes.

Then call it a quit. If you know you can't take it anymore... Your own happiness is what matters most no church obligation suppose to hold you down when it comes to ur happiness. I alws follow my heart not what other think.

DigitalLawyer:


Thanks for the advice. But what if she resumes her wahala again. Where will I run to. Crying in beer parlor again?. I am not that very strong to bear all these. But I will give it a second chance.

U might both need a marriage counselor.

DigitalLawyer

Oga,
Na trouble you dey look for! Just keep to your first wife. It's for better or for worse ((Read Psalms 15:1,4c)

I feel sorry for you, married to a woman like that. But having a second wife will only worsen things. You're still in the romance stage with this your mistress. Marriage is a whole other ballgame. She can change.