Get him to commit to marriage before you bring him over.. that's the only guarantee you have but expectations has to be clear to both parties and agreed to be respected.

Disclaimer: Be sure he has a thing for you so you don't end up miserable, you cannot keep a man that doesn't want you.

femo86:
This one dey miss anaconda dick....wait till winter start...cold go finish you patapata..

Rubbish

you no well

grandstar:


Maybe our girls are changing now. I am from back in the day. When my sister married an Oyinbo in 1999, it was basically a basic ceremony in America.
Back then, women felt girls that who frolicked with white men were prostitutes. Even Kate Henshaw that married a French man did receive some flak for doing so.

same here. You are very correct but i think things have changed a bit....African ladies have evolved, their distinguishing feature that made them special and different from the white ladies are no longer nurtured(or lets say suppressed), it appears more like they now want to compete with white ladies......the good side of that is more independence(finacial and others), better career, but the other side sef dey. The ones that can be a hybrid though, men irrespective of race are still super fond of them

byrron:
You are asking faceless stranger's on a faceless platform to advise you on what to do for someone you know very well but is unknown to the stranger's whose advise you seek for?

Your intentions for the man doesn't seem to be for altruistic purposes rather, it comes off like you already have a premeditated plans at the detriment to the man that are best known to you and for those unknown reasons, you are a red flag to the man.

If I'm the man in question, I will respectfully decline your proposal of coming over to Canada with you except if there are clearly stated expectations and end-goals from both parties ab initio.

All the best.

The end goal here is he must not cheat her, must not jilt her even if hes not happy im the relationship because she gave him eternal life helped him move to canada to be with her..

If the guy talks too much in that relationship she will remind him.how he brought jim to canadannnn
.the only way out of that relationship that it wont turn into problems is if she breaks up with him by herslf.

Confusedgirlie:
I knew him before leaving the country. He was in Nigeria and was doing quite okay, even though I was earning more than him.

We separated for a while since I wanted to focus a little on my new life. But recently, we connected again. I'm just realizing I still have something for him in spite of the time and distance. But I'm really confused about starting anything because it will mean that I have to bring him over.

What are the chances he won't take advantage of me?

What do you mean bring him over? Canada na your papa house? If he wants to go to Canada, he can do that by himself. Stop deceiving yourself, get a boyfriend over there and help him. I know some black folks do not give a damm about black single ladies in Canada.

Confusedgirlie:
I knew him before leaving the country. He was in Nigeria and was doing quite okay, even though I was earning more than him.

We separated for a while since I wanted to focus a little on my new life. But recently, we connected again. I'm just realizing I still have something for him in spite of the time and distance. But I'm really confused about starting anything because it will mean that I have to bring him over.

What are the chances he won't take advantage of me?

do you know if you are the God has has destined to change his life? if deep down your mind tells you to help him then help and forget about if you both will end up as a couple or not, just do what your mind tells you and if you both ended up having the wedding of the year someday so be it. because there are still some good people with good heart out there but they are few. because you dont know what tomorrow holds

faithfull18:

we know your type, Mr. Macho on NL and you are in some girl's DM acting all jelly, continue.

So having a personal and objective opinion about this issue means he's forming mr macho........the way some of u women on this forum talk about your DM is just funny....is it a shameful thing for a man to enter you DM again??

... this woman is making it look the guy's life is useless and she's the one that wants to chnage his story...... she said this guy is doing well...so he is also making sacrifice leaving his life to be with her...but she's behaving like the risk is all on her because she's in canada...

princewarri1985:
do you know if you are the God has has destined to change his life? if deep down your mind tells you to help him then help and forget about if you both will end up as a couple or not, just do what your mind tells you and if you both ended up having the wedding of the year someday so be it. because there are still some good people with good heart out there but they are few. because you dont know what tomorrow holds

Which life is she changing...is this not for her benefit too...??
Which help are u talking, is he suffering in nig.
The guy is doing well...he will be making sacrifice leaving too to leave nigeria....u people are just making it look as if the guy is one hopeless case at the mercy of the woman....

superCleanworks:

calm down bro! She didn't mean no harm by saying she earn more than him, she just want to give us the whole story so she can get the best advice from sensible nairalanders because thats what she really needs right now

A man can never write this thing you wrote here if is a girl he loves. But look at you showing the world how you are a feminist. Continue!!!

Confusedgirlie:
I knew him before leaving the country. He was in Nigeria and was doing quite okay, even though I was earning more than him.

We separated for a while since I wanted to focus a little on my new life. But recently, we connected again. I'm just realizing I still have something for him in spite of the time and distance. But I'm really confused about starting anything because it will mean that I have to bring him over.

What are the chances he won't take advantage of me?

advanceDNA:


Which life is she changing...is this not for her benefit too...??
Which help are u talking, is he suffering in nig.
The guy is doing well...he will be making sacrifice leaving too to leave nigeria....u people are just making it look as if the guy is one hopeless case at the mercy of the woman....

do you know if he has already asked her to bring him over? Please stop jumping in to conclusions!

Midas01:
But it's okay when men do remind their wives they brought her out of the gutter and tell her he'll send her packing after arguments ??

I love how you guys can't take what you give.

the one thats happening in nollywood movies abi?

princewarri1985:
do you know if he has already asked her to bring him over? Please stop jumping in to conclusions!

Una no dey read....This is her statement below.

"But I'm really confused about starting anything because it will mean that I have to bring him over"

They are just catching up...they've not even started dating ....she's the one feeling like she doing him a favor because she live in canada...

Midas01:
But it's okay when men do remind their wives they brought her out of the gutter and tell her he'll send her packing after arguments ??

I love how you guys can't take what you give.

Lol. Delightful watching them cry and try to gaslight her. She should have created the thread as a man. Then you would see their true opinion on this issue.

chigoziri2403:
What is your aim of bringing him to Canada
To be your errand boy and Tomboy?
And make him sleep outside anytime you have any misunderstanding
Loneliness has hit you, you are now remembering the people you dumped

Spot on!

advanceDNA:


The end goal here is he must not cheat her, must not jilt her even if hes not happy im the relationship because she gave him eternal life helped him move to canada to be with her..

If the guy talks too much in that relationship she will remind him.how he brought jim to canadannnn
.the only way out of that relationship that it wont turn into problems is if she breaks up with him by herslf.

Then, it doesn't worth the hassle.

The answer you seek lies within.

DaniWhizbang:
And what package do you have for him soon as he arrives? If you're not the type that go on wailing and cursing men with the "after all I did for him" then I suggest you weigh the situation. If the cost outweighs the benefits, then you know what to do.

Meanwhile, I can't really understand why a man will leave his home for a woman. Never a good move to make. It should be the other way round





This is exactly why men shouldn't leave their home to go join a woman especially when they are building something stable. From the thinking of these two, you can be assured that they will fully depend and hope to be fed by a woman.

If you're a man with a tail between your legs, don't think like this. It's the fastest way to lose your self respect and worth. Build yourself up, set standards and any woman who doesn't meet those standards should be left alone.

I understand you, but I think their arguments is that their girl friend bring them over to Canada is a means to japa . They are not going there to stay idle. They will work and get life too in Canada

Confusedgirlie:
I knew him before leaving the country. He was in Nigeria and was doing quite okay, even though I was earning more than him.

We separated for a while since I wanted to focus a little on my new life. But recently, we connected again. I'm just realizing I still have something for him in spite of the time and distance. But I'm really confused about starting anything because it will mean that I have to bring him over.

What are the chances he won't take advantage of me?

This question deserves intellectual response. Ask it on Quora where intelligent folks are. Some nairaland folks IQ is something I don't understand.

To be candid, life is a risk. We sometimes marry spouses who at first appear great but later get disappointed after 20 - 30 years of marriage. It could begin with a little quarrel, our inability to resolve it quickly, malice for weeks and months, confiding on the opposite sex rather than our spouse, staying out late, clubbing, hanging out with friends, selfishness, hot temper, impatience, verbal insult/physical assault, inability to make compromise, cannot sacrifice our time/convenience/resources for the one we claim to love and inability to forgive offenses without brawl or pride that can't make us apologize.

Though we cannot predict what people become but since you dated him before. Try to access what you experienced while dating him against the criteria above. Also honestly access yourself with the above too to know if you will make a great spouse. The problem sometimes is not the other person but we ourselves. So be honest and tick the short coming above if you possess them. Also tick them on another sheet of paper for your fiance. If none of you possess those character traits, then you shouldn't have any fear. Both of you will make great marriage. If you or him have those character traits, then I advise you keep dating a little longer while discussing how to improve your character. If after a year, there are no improvements, there is no guarantee of a lasting marriage. But if there are real improvements, you may go on. You must not let him know your plans at the initial moment. For you to ever remember him, I feel you enjoyed the relationship while it lasted. But you shouldn't look down on him because of difference in wages, that destroys every man's ego and is the fastest way to ruin your marriage. Rather appreciate him like you too love to be appreciated even if you don't earn. Western societies have opportunity for all so I expect he will do well and play his role too. If you have looked down on him in the past, apologize for it, be sincere about it so if he has any resentment he can open up and you both move on to your El dorado and marital bliss

The key here is don't rush things. But that depends if you still have age on your side. Take more time to date him and learn if there are character /personality changes that have evolved since you left him. He may have changed for the best or even worst. You too may have changed.
There was a reason you cut off from him on arriving Canada, only to start thinking about him. He didn't cut off from you. He probably was nice to you but less opportune. So, it could be you looked down on him or felt he is below your level. That attitude is typical of Africans generally. if It was truly there, it will not help you. This is the reason most comment above crucified you. It's a stereotype but could be fallacious in your own case. But you need to base your present decision more on first hand experience you got while dating

pocohantas:


Lol. Delightful watching them cry and try to gaslight her. She should have created the thread as a man. Then you would see their true opinion on this issue.

I have given her a very honest answer above, no bashing. Her kind of question will get beautiful intelligent response if asked on Quora. From observation, Nairaland is for banters and humor - not for serious issues

advanceDNA:


So having a personal and objective opinion about this issue means he's forming mr macho........the way some of u women on this forum talk about your DM is just funny....is it a shameful thing for a man to enter you DM again??

... this woman is making it look the guy's life is useless and she's the one that wants to chnage his story...... she said this guy is doing well...so he is also making sacrifice leaving his life to be with her...but she's behaving like the risk is all on her because she's in canada...

Please rest, I hope you maintain same perspective when your fellows come here to say the same thing infact they do this all the time. And yes, these kind of guys are in every lady's DM begging for attention. Case closed, no time for back and forths on this matter.

When it's time for a woman in Nigeria to do something for her man , it looks like she is about to do the unthinkable and wants the world to know it..why But when it's the man's turn he does it asap and without qualms.... African women are the worst

Look for someone that can control you in canada not someone you will toy with from nigeria

advanceDNA:


So having a personal and objective opinion about this issue means he's forming mr macho........the way some of u women on this forum talk about your DM is just funny....is it a shameful thing for a man to enter you DM again??

... this woman is making it look the guy's life is useless and she's the one that wants to chnage his story...... she said this guy is doing well...so he is also making sacrifice leaving his life to be with her...but she's behaving like the risk is all on her because she's in canada...

Guy leave her alone...she is an African woman... Nigerian for that matter how can you reason with them.

faithfull18:

Please rest, I hope you maintain same perspective when your fellows come here to say the same thing infact they do this all the time. And yes, these kind of guys are in every lady's DM begging for attention. Case closed, no time for back and forths on this matter.

Sigh....show the proof he begged for attention
....men ask women out and they do it nicely... no biggie.... trying to shame him for that or for having an opinion about an unrelated issue is just clout chasing and unnecessary

advanceDNA:


Sigh....show the proof he begged for attention
....men ask women out and they do it nicely... no biggie.... trying to shame him for that or for having an opinion about an unrelated issue is just clout chasing and unnecessary

Biko, stop quoting me, I shared my opinions, I have a right to that, you don't have to agree, go and read his post I quoted objectively again and stop trying to play the devil's advocate, the role doesn't suit you.

faithfull18:

Biko, stop quoting me, I shared my opinions, I have a right to that, you don't have to agree, go and read his post I quoted objectively again and stop trying to play the devil's advocate, the role doesn't suit you.

So U dont like being patronized....but u thought it was nice patronizing someone else for having an opinion about a matter.....well done...

faithfull18:

Please rest, I hope you maintain same perspective when your fellows come here to say the same thing infact they do this all the time. And yes, these kind of guys are in every lady's DM begging for attention. Case closed, no time for back and forths on this matter.

learn how to use your mouth without being insulting to your husband. Learn it. No big deal In a lady supporting a man, there is no lady who has not benefitted massive financial support from their boyfriend or husband. So there is no point blowing a whistle because someone wants to send an invite to an already successful man coming to Canada on the strength of his own success and on the ground of marriage. He has to resign his job or close his business to be with a woman who he doesn't know only needed a sperm to make kids and after that could trash him like funke akindele did to her husband. Marriage is risk to both parties, ladies should stop blowing trumpet about the fear of marriage, men equally have fears but don't sound it. Women with incompatible character are dumbed because of such fear not because men hate them or deliberately want to hurt them. Men are much more selfless than women anyday, if they see a good woman. They respect them and love to keep them as wives. There are a few exemption nothwithstanding

Because I say she dey miss cucumber, una delete the comment...


I repeat again....she dey miss black cucumber and WINTER is around the corner...Cold go show am shege and she go hear am taya

Richy4:


I don't mean to quote you. I just did based on your comment (red ink)... why do you feel it's a big deal for a lady to take a Nigerian man abroad.... but Many Nigerian men have been doing/done it and some are even planning to do it... why should one raise a dust when it comes to female doing it...but if it's a man, it's normal?

It is probably as a result of their selfishness.

Ruke1989:
learn how to use your mouth without being insulting to your husband. Learn it. No big deal In a lady supporting a man, there is no lady who has not benefitted massive financial support from their boyfriend or husband. So there is no point blowing a whistle because someone wants to send an invite to an already successful man coming to Canada on the strength of his own success and on the ground of marriage. He has to resign his job or close his business to be with a woman who he doesn't know only needed a sperm to make kids and after that could trash him like funke akindele did to her husband. Marriage is risk to both parties, ladies should stop blowing trumpet about the fear of marriage, men equally have fears but don't sound it. Women with incompatible character are dumbed because of such fear not because men hate them or deliberately want to hurt them. Men are much more selfless than women anyday, if they see a good woman. They respect them and love to keep them as wives. There are a few exemption nothwithstanding

Oga, this epistle for what Well, incase you didn't check well, I am not the OP.

femo86:
Because I say she dey miss cucumber, una delete the comment...


I repeat again....she dey miss black cucumber and WINTER is around the corner...Cold go show am shege and she go hear am taya

You too like vawulence ....