The man should be chased out of the house. He is feeling big because he sees free food. Tell him to be like other men and be responsible. Life is too short to waste for another person. I am in Canada, if i tell you who i am and what i am going through, you will sympathize, at least it pays to work anything and get a regular pay than work in Nigeria without hope. If he feels too big come over to Canada and allow him there to rot

keepingmum:

we are from different tribes. My only concern is my child. How he'll cope without both parents attention and love like he's been used to. He's family in Nigeria have been aware that he isnt employed as they've visited us for extended periods of time and saw the "home" as it were. My MIL says i should stay put in my home and do whatever my husband asks of me.
I have no intention or desire of badmouthing him however i feel like i've given this marriage my best shot, i've given it my all and i dont have anything left to give.
For those of you who keep bringing up the facebook friend thing, let me make it clear that i knew that guy before i met my hubby, he asked me out several times before i met my hubby, if i wanted to date this "guy" wont i have done it then? The fact that i said no to him at the time when i had no obligations should make you realise that i'm not silly to leave my marriage because of another man (frankly, someone i havent seen in 8yrs or had a meaningful conversation with i'd term as a stranger).
I am just tired of the verbal and emotional abuse and threat i get from my husband who feels that insecure and believes its my responsibility to earn his trust and i've made it clear to him that if after 7years of marriage he cannot trust me, then we shouldnt be married. Besides i am a firm believer that you should never date or marry someone you dont trust to avoid heartbreaks/tumoils

If your concern is the child then you stay married.

If your concern is yourself then you get divorced.

If your concern is your FB lover + your child then you start having an affair but dont divorce.

If your concern is your FB lover + yourself then you divorce your present husband and marry your FB lover.

End of story,

@keepingmum dont consider divorce u might end up regretting your actions right now the man needs you more than anything this is the time to hang  on to what you have and prove your love to him when things are like these both of you need to weather then storm together, do u want to remain single all your life?

@OP horny4u and chaircover already gave you all the advice you need. Read it again and act.

Leave that boy-man alone for a while, either by moving away or sending him out. If he refuses to change, divorce his lazy behind.


BTW, who the hell gave you permission to Marry at 18?? Who did that nonsense?? 

One last set of queshiiiiiions:, was your husband working before you married? Did he help you get your immigration papers? Beyond naïveté I'm really wondering why you married him at 18.

nigeria with your child from fry pan to fire if you dare

i am been very practical and realistic. I have hung on and feel as though i have proved myself more than enough. I have no interest or desire for another man outside but at the same time i am tired of toiling and working hard to support a man who is very unappreciative of my efforts.
i am not angry or disappointed at him or myself, rather i feel soooooo cold emotionally and the only energy i have is towards my child. I very much want the dad to be a part of the child's life as i am a strong believer that regardless of what happens between a couple, the children are entitled to the love of both parents.
@Russia lane - I will remarry,  not soon as thats not a priority or even on my agenda but eventually i will marry, i can bet you on that. M not a manhater so i will marry but i'd be wiser. M not even 26years of age yet so i see no reason why i should remain single for the rest of my life. My husband will surely remarry so why shouldnt i?

most of the ppl here giving you advice are not even married they dont even know what marriage is i bet you are taking advice from some bunch of teenagers.

OP,

You are being insincere with yourself. You are lucky you have a man that as you said in your words, still loves you. I live in Abuja where the norm with men is to sleep with as many women as you can lay your hands on. If you found yourself in the same situation as many of the Abuja wives, what would you do?

As for your husband's unemployment situation, I have seen too many cases of men who were broke today and millionaires in less than 6 months. It is never an excuse to pull off a divorce. Do you even love your child? If you do, you should never even mention that word. You do not know what divorce does to children.

I urge you to go and read the story of Senator Patricia Akwashiki, whose husband was sentenced to death by IBB for coup plotting in 1986, then had it commuted to life sentence on the eve of his execution, and spent 8 years in prison before he was let go.

If that lady were to open her mouth and tell you what she suffered during her husband's incarceration, you will know that
marriage is not a bed of roses and only the strong can determine that they will pull through and survive. You should get close to such women and learn from them.

in life as you grow the wiser you become you have learnt something most people have no idea i can see you have started to develop thick skin to certain situations it will help you in the long run with your future decisions.

@Russialane - that i married @ 18 and spent 7 years of it raising a family whilst training myself through school in a foreign land away from my parents, siblings and without support should make you realise i aint no kid. I might be young in age, physically fragile but certainly mentally matured and emotionally strong which i've developed through years of doing things by myself and relying on just me and my GOD.

This is what is called the seven year itch, most marriages go through this on the 7th year!!!!!!

Surely there must be some good things in the marriage? try work on the possitives and work on your stroking your man's ego, you would be surprised that the man would even take on a cleaning job to support the family if you find the right buttons to press!!

Try talking to him or asking him of his ideas on how he intends to support the family and do make him know that it is his role, but do not have this discussion with any sort of aggression( its all about stroking the ego).

Try talking to someone that you believe would say things the way it is and not just tell what you want to hear or try get some sort of councelling( there are a few charities that offer this free of charge).


PS

Nothing is impossible, impossible is nothing

Sicherheit:

She should be helping him find a job? Do you think at all?

Look Capt save the hoes,I think I have had enough of your dumb remarks on this forum.
Do you in your infantile mind think it is wrong for a woman to help her husband secure a job?
Look here you piece of shyte,so you mean it is better for her to be on facebook chatting with an ex lover and stupidit.y for her to help her husband look for a job.
Please stay on your bleeping lane and let me stay on mine.Azzhole!

stagger:

OP,

You are being insincere with yourself. You are lucky you have a man that as you said in your words, still loves you. I live in Abuja where the norm with men is to sleep with as many women as you can lay your hands on. If you found yourself in the same situation as many of the Abuja wives, what would you do?

As for your husband's unemployment situation, I have seen too many cases of men who were broke today and millionaires in less than 6 months. It is never an excuse to pull off a divorce. Do you even love your child? If you do, you should never even mention that word. You do not know what divorce does to children.

I urge you to go and read the story of Senator Patricia Akwashiki, whose husband was sentenced to death by IBB for coup plotting in 1986, then had it commuted to life sentence on the eve of his execution, and spent 8 years in prison before he was let go.

If that lady were to open her mouth and tell you what she suffered during her husband's incarceration, you will know that
marriage is not a bed of roses and only the strong can determine that they will pull through and survive. You should get close to such women and learn from them.

Very intelligent and well thought out post.
@OP,A word is enough for the wise.

@keepingmum  you sound intelligent and you really know what you want but rite know its not all about you any more am more particular about your son because whatever you do from now on affects him either way

Lol @ post. This is why 'gender equality' is such a joke; I'd stab anyone that tells me that junk. I've never seen a man that is saddened (let alone contemplates divorce) because of the fact that he is the sole breadwinner. . .or because of his wife's inability to get a job. When women foot the bills, they regard it as an anomaly; a big deal. Fine. But then when the man foots all the bills and sees no 'big deal' in it, it amazes me that the redundant women would still want to claim equality in spite of the fact that they contribute nothing. If the man 'cheats', the woman would also feel she has an equal right to do so too; imagine that. It's all very ridiculous.

Notice how the poster says that the husband is a great father to their child; and I guess a decent husband in most ways. . .except that he is jobless and she is the breadwinner. . .and that is sufficient to divorce him. But if it's the other way round (man as breadwinner and woman as 'jobless' lazy thing), everybody would be happy. Yet they insist on gender equality and hate the word 'submissive'. Clever by half jokers.

proO1:

Lol @ post. This is why 'gender equality' is such a joke; I'd stab anyone that tells me that junk. I've never seen a man that is saddened (let alone contemplates divorce) because of the fact that he is the sole breadwinner. . .or because of his wife's inability to get a job. When women foot the bills, they regard it as an anomaly; a big deal. Fine. But then when the man foots all the bills and sees no 'big deal' in it, it amazes me that the redundant women would still want to claim equality in spite of the fact that they contribute nothing. If the man 'cheats', the woman would also feel she has an equal right to do so too; imagine that. It's all very ridiculous.

Notice how the poster says that the husband is a great father to their child; and I guess a decent husband in most ways. . .except that he is jobless and she is the breadwinner. . .and that is sufficient to divorce him. But if it's the other way round (man as breadwinner and woman as 'jobless' lazy thing), everybody would be happy. Yet they insist on gender equality and hate the word 'submissive'. Clever by half jokers.

Yes oo. Gender equality in certain situations but not when it comes to the issue of money.

The man is jobless so he doesnt have the RIGHT to complain about her facebook flirting and cheating.

You have spent 7 years building up your home, do not use your own hands to pull it down. Your husband is not being realistic, with the current economic situation now in the UK, i dont think it makes sense for any him to say any job is beneath him. IMO, i think the situation you are in, is partly your fault, because you gave your husband the impression that you could do it alone, hence his laid back attitude.
Instead of divorcing him, i think he just needs a wake up call, first and foremost, stop settling his debts and transferring money to his account, even the bible says he that does not work, should not eat, by the time you cut off all his allowance, no one will teach him to move his behind and look for ANY job until he gets his much desired dream job.

@omotofine good advice from you nice one which i agree with instead of all these silly advice from these teenagers giving nonsense advice

At first, I thought my wife was the poster. My wife of 8 yrs wants a separation after 3 kids because I have not work for 3 yrs due to injuries at work.  We live in UK and I brought her to this country and got her the UK passport. She took the kids away to the and refused to let me see them. I have told the police that I will rather abandon her and the children and I will return to naija to start a new life. I have no desire to start applying to court for access to see my own children.

*** still Reading***

Outstrip:
Keep the relationship with the child and his dad as healthy as possible. Don't deny him access to his child especially since he is very close to the child.

How sure are you that she will get custody of the child should there be divorce?. The law does not automatically hand over the child to the woman. A jobless husband like hers' can create time and win custody of that child. Let her hops not rest on keeping the child after divorce unless the man is not interested like most of them do anyway.

Obodo999:

At first, I thought my wife was the poster. My wife of 8 yrs wants a separation after 3 kids because I have not work for 3 yrs due to injuries at work.  We live in UK and I brought her to this country and got her the UK passport. She took the kids away to the  and refused to let me see them. I have told the police that I will rather abandon her and the children and I will return to naija to start a new life. I have no desire to start applying to court for access to see my own children.

According to Your Signature. You said you are always untop ladies. . .  why his your untop of you now

proO1:

Lol @ post. This is why 'gender equality' is such a joke; I'd stab anyone that tells me that junk. I've never seen a man that is saddened (let alone contemplates divorce) because of the fact that he is the sole breadwinner. . .or because of his wife's inability to get a job. When women foot the bills, they regard it as an anomaly; a big deal. Fine. But then when the man foots all the bills and sees no 'big deal' in it, it amazes me that the redundant women would still want to claim equality in spite of the fact that they contribute nothing. If the man 'cheats', the woman would also feel she has an equal right to do so too; imagine that. It's all very ridiculous.

Notice how the poster says that the husband is a great father to their child; and I guess a decent husband in most ways. . .except that he is jobless and she is the breadwinner. . .and that is sufficient to divorce him. But if it's the other way round (man as breadwinner and woman as 'jobless' lazy thing), everybody would be happy. Yet they insist on gender equality and hate the word 'submissive'. Clever by half jokers.

Men and women are not the same, so how can we be equal , we compliment eachother.

By the way I have met many men who leave their wives because she has become fat and fugly and wears clean but trendless clothes or simply because he now has money and she is no longer up to his standards.
I donot think divorce is a solution except thir if physical or psycological abuse but OP's husband is Lazy what does he do at home in the afternoon , watch jeremy kylie or judge judy, a job is good but there are other ways to earn money.

Obodo999:

At first, I thought my wife was the poster. My wife of 8 yrs wants a separation after 3 kids because I have not work for 3 yrs due to injuries at work.  We live in UK and I brought her to this country and got her the UK passport. She took the kids away to the  and refused to let me see them. I have told the police that I will rather abandon her and the children and I will return to naija to start a new life. I have no desire to start applying to court for access to see my own children.

She has no right to disappear with your children. As a matter of fact, if it is in the US, you can report to the police and they slam her with a kidnap charge.

dayokanu:

Yes oo. Gender equality in certain situations but not when it comes to the issue of money.

The man is jobless so he doesnt have the RIGHT to complain about her facebook flirting and cheating.

That's how slow some women can be. Personally, I do not believe the story OP is telling here. The real problem is that FaceBook flame and she really needs a reason to hop into his bed and a convenient one seems to be "my jobless husband". All I can say is that it looks good at the beginning; may be he is the guy who she desperately wanted to marry but decided to "manage" her current husband so as to beat age pressure. Now she is back to square one because she found her old flame on facebook. OP, you know I am saying the truth and don't worry, I know the deal. You are desperately looking for emotional comfort and that facebook flame may be a far cry to what you need and before you discover that, it may be too late.

Obodo999:

At first, I thought my wife was the poster. My wife of 8 yrs wants a separation after 3 kids because I have not work for 3 yrs due to injuries at work.  We live in UK and I brought her to this country and got her the UK passport. She took the kids away to the  and refused to let me see them. I have told the police that I will rather abandon her and the children and I will return to naija to start a new life. I have no desire to start applying to court for access to see my own children.

LOL -

It still may be your wife - maybe she's changed a few details.

Check her computer ohhh - dont take your eyes of her.

She's plotting. . . . . .

I am certain I aint ur wife of 8yrs and mother of 3kids. I'd never have bn able 2 train myself thru sch that way.
@ aloyemeka- I believe its d moderators that put this thread on frontpage and gave it a Tabloid grabing headline not me. And for the upteenth time I never dated the FB guy in question + I didn't even reply his msg wen he sent it.
I have no desire for comfort, when I said I feel soo cold I meant expressionless and indifferent. I meant emotionallly m exhausted and cannot fight 2 defend myself. I meant d only strenGth I have left is 2 be channeled 2wds my child

@poster why? Just imagine if u were to be in his shoe, d jobless wife and your hubby says he is tired of takin responsibility all by himself, files a divorce, and d judge rules dat since u dnt hav a job, u will nt take custody of d kids! Thereby deprivin u d love of your children how will u feel? Pls if u love your man then put him in prayers! I am suprised nobody asked u to call on God frm all previous post! He is able to do all things, be strong for your man even as u cry to your father in heaven. Pls i like u to stay with u husband. May God restore peace and love back to your home in Jesus name. AMEN.

@keepingmum its no more about you now the big picture is your son because whatever you do now you do because of him even if you work extra hard it is still because of him your son.

i believe there is a more to this story, this is just a sweetened version of facts designed to make the poster the oppressed.
A pity we cant subpoena the husband to give his own version.

@op
there is something you are obviously not telling

women should realise that life is about stages and phases shit happens.

@ Op : Pity abt your troubles, especially in this foreign land , and no family members around.

If some jobs are beneath your man, maybe you should discuss some horny4u business ideas , maybe HE is business type, and don't want work anybody.

Meanwhile, thank horny4u for those idea , sure it will benefit savvy once in this forum.

Also, before you throw him out, do discuss this unfortunate situation with yours and his family , maybe there could be someone that could talk sense into him.