Kayyy:

@ outsrip,

thing is there are loads of people that think they own or rather control some sections on this forum, feel they have tailored made amswers to questions and situations, belive in their perfect way of expressing themselves, i believe if u read thru wat i posted on there i never told the poster wat to neither did i advise her to take a step, all i said was" if u were my sister", she is not , so she has every right to make a decision that suits her very well, i dont know wat is between both husband and wife, all i did was to make her understand if she feels she has done so much, she's passing thru hell, some have done better, some have passed thru worse, and in the end, they worked together.

In your mind, to feel u are right by rendering insults to my dad only shows the kind of person you are, you wouldnt live with someone like him fine, but thank God he has a reasoning person who lived along and helped him thru, they're both happy, enjoying the benefit of their hardwork and they respect eachother as husband and wife, so u are you to dictate what is right or wrong to him, i belive this is about giving advice to the op, so you should do that and not try to dissect and scrutinise watever i have posted. i repeat you dont know him so have no right to insult him cos i havent done that to any one. ok.

Brother you are certainly correct about the bolded: Don't waste your time just ignore them.
They are always here giving poor distressed women the kind of wrong advise they would never take in their own lifes.
Some of them are in worst situations in real life,but because this is an anonymous forum,they can come here to let off steam and escape the harsh realities of their real depressed lives at home with men who treat them like foot mats.
Kudos to your parents story: just hope the OP read it and takes a reasonable final decision.

^^^^^

^^^
Cat got your tongue?

Outstrip:

1 Timothy 5:8
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

They always seem to forget this one. Big surprise.

jennykadry:

Honestly kayyyy, you will make more sense if you just STFU.

Do you understand English at all? Your father did not sit back at home and tell your mum that lots of jobs are beneath him, your father did not borrow money from friends to give to his siblings whilst neglecting your mother.

Are you high on weed or what?

Exactly. Simpletons I tell you.

I feel bad for anyone that asks this board of re-tards for any advice. God Forbid.

@thiefofhearts why are you generalizing the whole thing are you better than everybody here , nonsense

Richvkunt:

^^^
Cat got your tongue?

ThiefOfHearts:

They always seem to forget this one. Big surprise.


Exactly. Simpletons I tell you.

I feel bad for anyone that asks this board of re-tards for any advice. God Forbid.

Bwahahahahahahahaha!!

now i have kept my self out of this for a while,

@ TOF,

why dont you ignore my comments and make yours , must you reply my comment, who had made you judge of wat is right or wrong, who has made you a lord over my view and advice, why dont you choose to ignore it and leave your own advise, who are these ladies that feel its honourable to abuse and insult people cos to them wat they gave as advise is rubbish,MY GOD , are there still women like this, trying to shove your imagination and views on people, i would love see how you people deal with ppl with opposing views from yours in reality, like you would curse them, abuse them, WOW!!!!,

and as for you refering to people as retard , you need to take a good look at your miserable life to see who really is RETARDED!!!!

@ Jenny

it only takes a weed smoker to identify another one, i bet thats wat you relax with, common no wonder there is no value, if those that refer to themselves as women /wives open come out with things like these.

i would repeat again, pls you do not have to carry out surgery on my post, its a forum , if u feel it is rubbish, why dont u ignore it and post yours, for all the english you understand you should know wat a forum means i believe, so DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SHOVE UR VIEWS AND IDEAS ON ME or exhibit your show of shame by passing insult at me.

This phaggot is still whining?

Amazing

UUU!! are the phaggot, shameless piece of rag

just passing thru see you guys later by then hope the area is calm

Lmao look at them struggling with English.

@thiefofhearts cool down your blood just dey hot

Pheeew! So much drama!

The feminists on the forum have succeeded in driving away the OP from her thread.
I think she needs to come back and tell us what she has decided to do,so that some people will stop taking overdoses of panadol for the Original Posters headache.

hold ur hubby ooo

Outstrip:

       Gone are the days when men where men. Apologies to the few real men out there. I mean someone is here telling the woman to go and search for a job for the man that sits at home all day. If he spends the 8 hours a day that the woman spends working looking for a job we will not even be having this conversation. In fact if she came here and says that the man has been working at mcdonalds for the past three years and she feels it is beneath her we would have told her to go eat poo poo. I wonder what the bare minimum of head of household is these days if this is the advice someone gives to a working mother and wife.

To make my point clearer @outstrip, yes, I said she should apply for jobs for him. Why, because it shows support, encouragement, love. That simple move could be the little push he might need to get up and do something for himself. I do commend her anyway for forwarding the job ads she found. But you might have to go the extra mile. Marriage is hardwork, if you think you won't work hard as a man or woman, then you are not yet ready for it. The saying "love conquers all" no be for mouth, you have to practise it. Your husband/wife is your flesh. Treat him/her so.

@last page, congratulations! May God bless you for your insightful and inspiring posts.

@ lastpage

Mistake!

0.75 + 1.25 = 2 husbands/men!

One is the current "looser", the second is the FaceBook sweetheart!
.
.
.
.
.
Dont mind me, l know its a Typo, am only pulling your legs computer screen!

I was referring to the 1 + 1 that equals 1 in marriage. If her husband not working makes him to be seen as less than that 1, and she by providing makes her to be seen as more than 1, they still equal 1 at the end of the day if they work togther on their marriage!

Kayyy:

@ Jenny

it only takes a weed smoker to identify another one, i bet thats wat you relax with,  common no wonder there is no value, if those that refer to themselves as women /wives open come out with things like these.

i would repeat again, pls you do not have to carry out surgery on my post, its a forum , if u feel it is rubbish, why dont u ignore it and post yours, for all the english you understand you should know wat a forum means i believe, so DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SHOVE your VIEWS AND IDEAS ON ME or exhibit your show of shame  by passing insult at me.

I hope you are not like the OP's husband? jobless, sitting at home and living on nairaland and Jenny's backside while your wife is busy working her Bottom off to provide you food to chop?

Where are the Men in this forum?

There is something I dont understand.


is this saying "WHAT A MAN CAN DON A WOMAN CAN DO BETTER" just lip service?


If this dude is working and providing for the wife and kid, will we all will not be here dissipating energy?


What would have happen had this dude been found with another woman/girl?


Among the group asking you to throw ur husband out , I hope divorcees are not more than married?


If divorcees are more , you know what that means?

@ lastpage
That was Very thought provoking and straight on point.
Something tells me the poster married this so called'jobless hubby' to regularize her stay in the UK and now that she's gotten her pport she just realized how he's been jobless and not supporting the family.whatever goes around surely comes around because karma is certainly a biatch.have a rethink please and sheath the pride and the I did this myself or I am this and that mentality.

@chillbabe you may be right you know she might be married to this jobless guy just to regularise her stay since she said she was once a student and ONE OF the ways a student with a student visa can regularise her stay and become a wife in the UK is getting married to a uk citizen either born or naturalised which i think she took advantage off.

I've read quite a few comment here and am quite ashamed to say the least of some the advise i read

Why are people to quick to say divorce,

Even though am not married but with six sisters all married and loads of cousin,

If ur husband is not physically or mentally abusive(no woman beater)

Don't cheat on u,while you're working helps around the house and try to make things better for u

Your husband is still a good man,u just have to behave like a good and supporting woman,

Don't understand men sef(if he had taken his time to marry someone closer to his age instead of marrying a child an 18yr old)

All this might probably not happen as well,

The poor child probably wants to enjoy,

She has been caged for so long and this is uk

Such a shame though

jennykadry:

I hope you are not like the OP's husband? jobless, sitting at home and living on nairaland and Jenny's backside while your wife is busy working her Bottom off to provide you food to chop?

Where are the Men in this forum?

Rofl

They have left NL for better places. All that is left are phags.

@ Poster:

I read thru from page 1- 8 and am quite impressed with the advice given by some people.

I know you are tired of the whole situation and want out but one thing you must remember that marriage is[b] "for better and for worse" "in sickness and in health" "till death do us part"[/b]

As individuals, i wont be shocked tat we share deferring opinions on life and how we handles matters. You might be young in age but must have garnered some experience on life.

Pls dont leave ya husband ooo. It is only death that shld separate a couple according to the vows that we took when everything was going well.

Pls, i think you need to stop seeing divorce as an option. . if you think he is just been lazy then ask God to give you wisdom. Wisdom on how to talk him out of his comfort zone and you need need say it all the time cos it is obvious for us to see. This is your cross though it seems heavy but[b] YOU CAN[/b] bear it. Prayers can move mountains and turn situation in your favor. It may take a while but your desired change will manifest as much as you confess and believe that it can be achieved. We are humans and down moment will come but learn to shake it off as soon as possible.

God will intervene in this situation. My prayers are with you.

^^I cant believe you are a woman and you said THAT

Are you joking?

@op they said death can only separate you and your husband

Better give am gammalin20 so you can move on. Nonsense

Many times people divorce, get married to other people, then realize in retrospect that they could have done things differently to help their first marriage work. Sometimes the same issues and attitudes follow into the next marriage, and it's only then that people roll up their sleeves and to what it takes to help hold the family together.

OP, I don't know what to tell you because you know what you want to do. Just think long and hard about the underlying issues that caused him to change. Please don't rush into anything that you will regret later. It's sad though that some people need the jolt of permanent seperation to finally get the big picture.

Nekai:

Many times people divorce, get married to other people, then realize in retrospect that they could have done things differently to help their first marriage work.

and many times they realize that second marriage/relationship is actually what they needed. why flog a dead horse? if it wasnt meant to be, so be it.

yogun:

@ Poster:

I read thru from page 1- 8 and am quite impressed with the advice given by some people.

I know you are tired of the whole situation and want out but one thing you must remember that marriage is[b] "for better and for worse" "in sickness and in health" "till death do us part"[/b]

As individuals, i wont be shocked tat we share deferring opinions on life and how we handles matters. You might be young in age but must have garnered some experience on life.

Pls dont leave ya husband ooo. It is only death that shld separate a couple according to the vows that we took when everything was going well.

Pls, i think you need to stop seeing divorce as an option. . if you think he is just been lazy then ask God to give you wisdom. Wisdom on how to talk him out of his comfort zone and you need need say it all the time cos it is obvious for us to see. This is your cross though it seems heavy but[b] YOU CAN[/b] bear it. Prayers can move mountains and turn situation in your favor. It may take a while but your desired change will manifest as much as you confess and believe that it can be achieved. We are humans and down moment will come but learn to shake it off as soon as possible.

God will intervene in this situation. My prayers are with you.

Unbelievable. Seriously? did you sleep type or your brain's been eaten by ants? God forbid I have a family member with the type of your mentality.

I weep for you.

I just want to say thank you all to every1 who contributed to my solicited advice. God bless you all. I pray you dont find yourselves in the situation i am in.
In september, i turned 8 yrs in marriage. Still married to a jobless man. Attended a few interviews for better payin jobs only for my hubby to tell me i cant move town for xyz reasons.
My FIL has told my hubby to rtn 2 nigeria because he doesnt want his son controlled by a woman. And to those who think i married my hubby for papers, i did not. He is not a citizen.
We r not citizens. Heck we got married in 9ja. I was 18 going on 19 wen i married.
I would like to hv a 2nd child but i cant because falling pregnant at this time is just irresponsible of me.
Alot has happened over the past yr and it just hurts me so baf. I was a good girl, i had 2 bf's b4 marriage. Very intelligent n sociable n brought up with good morals. I spent 3 yrs in uni b4 i got married and i Got married a virgin. I had rich men wanting to date/marry me but i ignored wealth n choose potential n love.
Right now i feel alot of hurt, regret, disappointment. I just pray God helps me.

keepingmum: I just want to say thank you all to every1 who contributed to my solicited advice. God bless you all. I pray you dont find yourselves in the situation i am in.
In september, i turned 8 yrs in marriage. Still married to a jobless man. Attended a few interviews for better payin jobs only for my hubby to tell me i cant move town for xyz reasons.
My FIL has told my hubby to rtn 2 nigeria because he doesnt want his son controlled by a woman. And to those who think i married my hubby for papers, i did not. He is not a citizen.
We r not citizens. Heck we got married in 9ja. I was 18 going on 19 wen i married.
I would like to hv a 2nd child but i cant because falling pregnant at this time is just irresponsible of me.
Alot has happened over the past yr and it just hurts me so baf. I was a good girl, i had 2 bf's b4 marriage. Very intelligent n sociable n brought up with good morals. I spent 3 yrs in uni b4 i got married and i married a virgin. I had rich men wanting to date/marry me but i ignored wealth n choose potential n love.
Right now i feel alot of hurt, regret, disappointment. I just pray God helps me.

Hi a lot of time has gone by since ur original and its sad to see things have not improved. i have a friend going through the same issue with her husband saying jobs are beneath him.it can be really frustrating.i also have a friend that was a single mom in the UK but had to relocate to Nigeria cos to her being a single mom in the UK is pretty difficult.unlike in Nigeria where u can employ a full time nanny and u have the support of family members. also on the issue of Joint custody with your husband i suggest u go for full custody with visitation right for him cos with joint custody ur child cant travel without his written consent and all and it might be an issue if he gets upset and bitter after the divorce.I understand how u feel about a husband that doesn't provide for his family no woman will be happy in such home.and in such situations it gets harder cos the mans ego wont like it so hes gonna give u issues n try to put u down at any opportunity just to enable him feel like the "Man in the house"

Good Luck with ur future.