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@27Naira
That admonition is actually found in Proverbs 14:1.
EVERY "MARRIED" WOMAN needs to meditate on it daily.
Its ironic that even the BIBLE thinks only a "foolish woman" (no disrespects to women, as l am not the Bible!) would "scatter her own home", with her hands!

I think every christian married man needs to meditate on 1 Timothy 5:8 daily.
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

@stillwater:

I think every christian married man needs to meditate on 1 Timothy 5:8 daily.
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

Thank you very much for providing that 'scripture'.
It is a FACT!

But can l ask you: Does "providing" for his home means providing ONLY "MONEY"?

If a man is unemployed (and therefore cant provide money) has he denied the faith?

Does "taking care of the kids" in your family count as "a provision"?

Does helping with house chores and "hard work" like carrying heavy things your wife cant carry, repairing broken down appliances/toilet fittings, e.t.c "yourself" (so as to save money for the family), count as "a provision"?

Does assisting your wife to achieve success in life (educationally, financially, emotionally, e.t.c) when you  the husband is having a  rough-time, job-wise, count as "a provision"?

Does providing "emotional and physical balance" in the kids life, while your wife is at work, count as "a provision"

Or is it all about MONEY ONLY, that was being referred to in that scripture?

Why am l asking these questions?: So that you, me and others can benefit in a wholesome manner, from them.

Cheers,

Lastpage.

BTW: I am not "diminishing from the importance" or requirement of a man to financially provide for his family but l also understand that at times, seeking and securing a job is more than just 'effort' on your part as a man, there are other "extraneous factors" (where you live, your academic pedigree, state of the economy, language, relocation to new environment, 'connections', e.t.c) that can affect how successful that job-quest is, and how quickly your dreams are realized. Individual qualities like out-spokeness, public confidence, intuitiveness, e.t.c can also have a bearing on how quickly you get a job.
Tx

if l may add: The "Op" never said the man "beats her up".

She specifically mentioned "two crimes" he has committed!

1.) Does not have a job (and therefore money!)
2.) Got angry that she is flirting (When a former "toaster" is given the opportunity to tell his married 'former toatee" "Hi Love", thats what l will call it), flirting online!
[b]
She even went further to "credit him" for being a dotting fathe[/b]r: That shows he cares about the home and does things for their child!

Lets work on what we have for now, at least the man is not here to "add more"!

Cheers.

lastpage:

@stillwater:
Thank you very much for providing that 'scripture'.
It is a FACT!

But can l ask you: Does "providing" for his home means providing ONLY "MONEY"?

If a man is unemployed (and therefore cant provide money) has he denied the faith?

Does "taking care of the kids" in your family count as "a provision"?

Does helping with house chores and "hard work" like carrying heavy things your wife cant carry, repairing broken down appliances/toilet fittings, e.t.c "yourself" (so as to save money for the family), count as "a provision"?

Does assisting your wife to achieve success in life (educationally, financially, emotionally, e.t.c) when you  the husband is having a  rough-time, job-wise, count as "a provision"?

Does providing "emotional and physical balance" in the kids life, while your wife is at work, count as "a provision"

Or is it all about MONEY ONLY, that was being referred to in that scripture?

Why am l asking these questions?: So that you, me and others can benefit in a wholesome manner, from them.

Cheers,

Lastpage.

BTW: I am not "diminishing from the importance" or requirement of a man to financially provide for his family but l also understand that at times, seeking and securing a job is more than just 'effort' on your part as a man, there are other "extraneous factors" (where you live, your academic pedigree, state of the economy, language, relocation to new environment, 'connections', e.t.c) that can affect how successful that job-quest is, and how quickly your dreams are realized. Individual qualities like out-spokeness, public confidence, intuitiveness, e.t.c can also have a bearing on how quickly you get a job.
Tx

Good points. In traditional African marriages, man provides the money, woman takes care of the home.
That is why my first response to this thread talked about restructuring the family. He taking his role as a househusband and [b]formally [/b]relinquishing the position you traditionally give to the husband to the wife. I don't think there would be too much of a problem if these things are primarily spelt out.

...

@chaircover you have a valid point but still not a reason lo divorce him

CC did you meet your hubby in the UK?

If you don't mind my asking.

Russialane:

@chaircover you have a valid point but still not a reason lo divorce him

says who?

Must people be miserable in "marriage" because Russialane says so?

All these eunuchs claiming to be men nowadays, what kind of guy isnt ashamed to have his wife carry majority of the burden or over 3 years. Awon losers oshi

many nigerians here do jobs that are beneath them, i have seen more than enough here already and still many nigerian men here in the uk do not work they depend mostly on their wives thats why her case is not different either the issue i see here is shes really tired and stressed out shouldering all the responsibilities i do not blame her shes right in the uk here husband and wife must work to balance things out and its difficult for one person to carry alone with all manners of bills and taxes you pay here most times i dread seeing those crazy all sorts of bills on my doorstep they give u heart attack

LMAO@ TOH . Stay diaaaaa. Marriage to some ode's is a do or die thingy.

_{Missed you dearie}

@thiefofhearts have u ever been married?

what most young ladies must understand is from the moment you say I DO HMMMMMMMMMM be careful anything can happen now because things are hard the guy no get job una want make she bail out ok, fast forward if he marry the next guy the song change dia again the solution should be divorce again abi nonsense look lets face reality thats life anything can happen even if you marry the richest man he fit become poor tommorrow as some ppl here always suggest DIVORCE, Nonsense

lol your username sounds cheeky @thiefofhearts

jennykadry:

LMAO@ TOH . Stay diaaaaa. Marriage to some ode's is a do or die thingy.

_{Missed you dearie}

Missed you too babe

This is why I kept taking sabbaticals from NL. All these dat threads. The eunuchs telling her to stay, would they accept their sisters going thru the same crap? The husband is supposed to provide and protect the family. or 3 years he has failed. Time to MOVE ON. Of what use is it or her to stay with him? Is he adding anything to the household? NO. If anything she'd be saving money not feeding his lazy arse.
Maybe when he sees that she's serious he'll change, i not at least she's not losing anything. What example is she showing her kids? Stay with a lazy bum? I dont understand how people reason.

Same old threads with the same daft responses from the same ignorant group o illiterates. Abeg. Im tired.

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I'm almost an example of what you are trying to do. circumstances for divorce may be different. But I tell you d end result will be
the same. Was 4yrs when it happend. mum had to continue her life,dad travelled abroad for school. Went to live with grandma.
I was good in school, passed Fed.College warri entry exams(overall 2nd) but grandma could not pursue the admission.
had to go to a public school(Urhobo College). University was not it, cult, girls, ended up not graduating. I have been struggling ever since
with life. The products of my dad's marriage and my mum's marriage to other people are doing very well. Now I'm married with 2 beautiful girls
Moral of my life, There's nothing in the world that will make me leave my wife.

My dear you should work it out.

Your story was pointless.

...

Russialane:

what most young ladies must understand is from the moment you say I DO HMMMMMMMMMM be careful anything can happen now because things are hard the guy no get job una want make she bail out ok, fast forward if he marry the next guy the song change dia again the solution should be divorce again abi nonsense look lets face reality thats life anything can happen even if you marry the richest man he fit become poor tommorrow as some ppl here always suggest DIVORCE,  Nonsense

The last I checked, both the BRIDE AND GROOM say I do. So why only charge the ladies to be "understanding" of changes that might come after the I DOs?

There's a thread on this same section where a guy is asking how to handle his wife because she doesn't seem to give a rat's patootie about him. Since he didn't say otherwise, so we can assume she cares for the kids (just like OP's husband cares for his son). We can also assume she works but still manages to carry out her duties. His cause for concern - She is indifferent to him, she doesn't care if he comes or goes and this bothers him. Do you know the advice he's been getting - KICK HER OUT and it is coming from the same people preaching to this OP about sticking to her marriage.

Just in case you don't get where I'm going this with this, allow me to break it down to the basic. . .

DIVORCE the woman who loves her children but is indifferent to her husband, CUDDLE and KILL WITH LOVE AND UNDERSTANDING the husband who loves his child but who refuses to get a job and help with his family's upkeep.


How's that for double standard? But we can't bring this up or we will be accused of being a feminist cabal. Yeah, anyone is asking for a woman to be seen as a human being is part of the feminist cabal. Ijits!

ThiefOfHearts:

Missed you too babe

This is why I kept taking sabbaticals from NL. All these dat threads. The eunuchs telling her to stay, would they accept their sisters going thru the same crap? The husband is supposed to provide and protect the family. or 3 years he has failed. Time to MOVE ON. Of what use is it or her to stay with him? Is he adding anything to the household? NO. If anything she'd be saving money not feeding his lazy arse.
Maybe when he sees that she's serious he'll change, i not at least she's not losing anything. What example is she showing her kids? Stay with a lazy bum? I dont understand how people reason.

Same old threads with the same daft responses from the same ignorant group o illiterates. Abeg. Im tired.

I swear I second Jenny's MISS YOU! Lol!!

Seriously, I stayed away from this thread because of the nauseating responses. Dude makes no effort to get off his lazy behind and do something worthwhile (how won't he have time to know who is doing what on facebook, jobless eediot) and some people wanna blame the wife for being tired of working herself to the bone. All of a sudden, she's a gold digger looking for a rich man, she's not supportive enough, she's not understanding enough, she should be grateful he loves their child (o jebi)

My God! How do some people manage in their day to day life because clearly they don't have a working brain.

@ThiefOfHearts. Don't expect you to understand. Whoever reads it carefully will understand. The child(ren) suffer a great deal, emotionally, psychologically etc. NEGLIGENCE sets all other outcomes in motion.

chaircover:

TOH I think what he is trying to point out is that kids somrtimes do suffer when their parents divorce. In his case mum and dad both got on with their lives and he got "lost in the system"

Well everyone knows divorce isnt easy but at times it is necessary. His own story isnt the norm for many divorced homes. How many women send their kids away? if anythng it's the man who runs away while she is lkeft to carry the burden which is what the OP is going thru except her husband still lives with them
Notice his parents ended up happily with different people. They werent meant to be.
I dont believe kin staying for the kids if home life will just be miserable, that's why parents take their misery out on their kids and alot of mess happens.

All these stories doesnt change the fact that OP's husband isnt providing for his family like he should be. It's been 3 years, how much longer should she wait? Until she commits suicide? I actually respect her for not being stupid enough to have more kids in this situation.

SiSi, Im so bored with this ish

I hope the OP ignores the thread and does what she feels is best for her and her child.

Missed you!

It is better you stay with your Husband after all you both swear to an oath that in health or sickness, in rich or poor, till death do u part. why now? Do you know how is going to be like in the next place you are heading to? This is your husband trying period, so you should not leave now. as leaving now is dangerous to be of you. Good time will surely come sooner than you anticipated. wish you luck.

@thiefofhearts have u been married before or u be one of those fine ladies wey dey get everything for free

in the uk here single mums dont find life easy its tough especially with a child

Seems like Russialane is confusing me with his mother.

Poor tard.

Single mothers pass tru hell my dear,i want u 2 understand that there is no marriage that is made in heaven,as result,any thing u see after Ur marriage face it,it's Ur own cross. apply these options {1}Down on your knees and ask God to come for your aid {2} On his good day approach him for some talks
{3} Do not invite your parents in this case yet because i can see a beautiful future belonging to you.
{4}Must learn the stuff he is made of ad try to adopt to it.
     A CATHOLIC ? If ye visit blessed sacrament 3 times in a wk YOU MUST CREATE TIME FOR THIS
Read psalm chapter 50 v15: ps 136 v1 to end and Mathew 18 v18. NO CROSS NO CROWN!!!!!!!!!!

@thiefofhearts u are very cheeky and dodgy you know nonsense

@chaircover.  No parental guidance , no control, see groooooove!!!  naim cause am o!

Is All at the same time part of the advice needed by our friend?

Russialane:

@thiefofhearts have u been married before or u be one of those fine ladies wey dey get everything for free

Ha ha ha funny

Why do you people just call women that don't side with evil, frustrated, lonely, old ,single e.t.c?

Seriously?