segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

Come out open my friend, any lady in Nigeria that want court marriage have bad intention

Romanoff:
Whether you marry her in church or court, the same rules apply in case of a divorce. Both church and court wedding are guided by the Marriage Act of the Federal republic of Nigeria.

So your fear is unfounded and it gives you off as a dishonest person.

If you love someone, you'll treat them right. Na if you dey plan to do bad to your wife you go dey consider all these things.

E better make you no just marry.

It's a very big lie

AbdulMagaji:


I think there's no marital status as

Married by Court
Married by Church
Married by traditional

Once you are married, you are married and if your wife wants a divorce abroad, it's as simple making a phone call.

Please pray before getting married o, because as humans when dollars starts coming in then you will know the true Color of such person.

And this is the crux of the matter. People neglect the God factor when choosing a life partner

Romanoff:


So your fear is unfounded and it gives you off as a dishonest person.

If you love someone, you'll treat them right. Na if you dey plan to do bad to your wife you go dey consider all these things.

E better make you no just marry.

Very poor, lopsided judgement...

Ralphlauren:


See this idiot. Whether or not you are legally married, as long as she lives in the same house as yourself, she is entitled to a share of your assets. This is what is applicable in all Western countries.

I can't be bothered to share case laws to prove the above.

Why do you think the wealthy sign prenuptial agreements? That's the only thing that protects individual assets and not the availability or non availability of a wedding certificate.

Nigeria is not the West

Sweetplum:

Don't you want to own her?
Thought you men usually boast of owning us after marriage like say we be luggage?
Segtech68, if you don't want to be Segun Carpenter or Segun Alabaru, go and marry her legally. Cos that's one of the criteria for granting couple visa and also she's an asset to you.
Men run from legal marriage cos they want to v opportunity to cheat in future. Make person dey plan future sin in advance. It's demonic. Extra marital affairs has ruined lots of men.

Plum leave this your cheating issue one side, he expressed his fear because human beings can't be trusted 100%. He's scared of the future and the question of "what if".

I feel he should open up to his partner so that they can be on the same page.

BTW who says "men own women after marriage"??

diogo23:

It's a very big lie

Which part is a lie?

Romanoff:
Whether you marry her in church or court, the same rules apply in case of a divorce. Both church and court wedding are guided by the Marriage Act of the Federal republic of Nigeria.

So your fear is unfounded and it gives you off as a dishonest person.

If you love someone, you'll treat them right. Na if you dey plan to do bad to your wife you go dey consider all these things.

E better make you no just marry.

Just for knowledge sake, how about traditional marriage?

babavik:




BTW who says "men own women after marriage"??

Your brethren here said so. And I v seen it as a means used by wife abusers. Always saying they owned their wives after paying bride price etc.

ibkayee:
Anything other than a court marriage is not legally recognised in most places in the west (if not all) so in the eyes of the law, your union is no different than you offering her a ‘promise ring’.

Once you tell her she’ll interpret it as you not trusting her, it will definitely impact the dynamics of your relationship, even if she agrees

Are you scared of her running away with your money or something? Maybe get a prenuptial agreement? (Still implication of distrust but better than no civil contract at all). If the relationship goes bad, you can always get a divorce. Or is there something else you’re concerned about?

Naija is a society where men can get away with anything and have been brought up and, conditioned this way. The west is a society where women can get away with plenty. No one can predict what will happen with their wife when they travel to a place where the power dynamic is flipped. It is what it is

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

Mr man,

Your reasons for avoiding court marriage are not tenable. If you marry in church, you still have to register the marriage certificate with the local government authorities. Same with court. Unless you have some ulterior motives.

If you cannot trust that the woman you are getting married to will be the same when you relocate, then do not commit to the union. As simple as that.

I did court marriage and I never regret it but if you're a good friend to your fiance why worried about what's happening to others abroad?




there are still many couple abroad who cherish themselves. imagine me getting scared with a lady I friend for 10yrs before marriage?

Romanoff:
So your fear is unfounded and it gives you off as a dishonest person.

Not really. Experience by others may have shaped his attitude

Sweetplum:

Your brethren here said so. And I v seen it as a means used by wife abusers. Always saying they owned their wives after paying bride price etc.

Did I mention you on two threads

We know these are unfounded. No one owns anyone, abuse in marriage goes both, society will be sympathetic to the woman while telling men to "swallow" it as a "man". Psycho knows no gender.

CaptainFM1:


Just for knowledge sake, how about traditional marriage?

Customary law is different. I know nothing about customary law.

GloriousGbola:


Naija is a society where men can get away with anything and have been brought up and, conditioned this way. The west is a society where women can get away with plenty. No one can predict what will happen with their wife when they travel to a place where the power dynamic is flipped. It is what it is

I wouldn’t say the power dynamic is ‘flipped.’

At least there’s some kind of objective due process in the West, there are laws to protect her but it isn’t always guarantee that things will swing in her favour

In Naija it’s the man’s way, end of

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

See you talking about marriage when you can't comfortably discuss critical issues with your woman.

Oga go and talk to her..What you more factor in is the right time to talk about it and your valid reasons.

On a second thought, if you plan relocation, then you sure know court wedding is necessary....You only have to make sure you understand who you really want to do this lifetime with.
Humans change at anytime they want to..it could be -ve or +ve.

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

Abroad doesn't recognise any marriage except court wedding and certificate

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

It's simple, just tell you're no more interested in the marrying her

Then u should consider a prenuptial agreement with ur wife before getting married let this Prenup be legalized by your solicitor or attorney, with more than 5 witnesses as signatory then signed by a renowned Judge, this prenup is to be upheld even upon ur demise, make sure you have children cos if u don't, the state would trsf ur estate to your wife who would look for a younger lover and tour the world with ur hard earned money with a dammed rotten fool

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

It's simple, just tell her you're no more interested in the marrying her

ibkayee:

I wouldn’t say the power dynamic is ‘flipped.’

At least there’s some kind of objective due process in the West, there are laws to protect her but it isn’t always guarantee that things will swing in her favour

In Naija it’s the man’s way, end of

Maybe for a man raised in obodo oyibo. A naija man will be at sea and have no idea what to do. I can see the man in court saying to the male judge it was just a small slap while his lawyer facepalms.

The thing is a lot of relationships in Nigeria are transactional at their core. Bad they are zero sum /lose-lose games.

There are also a lot of things women will tolerate in Nigeria Because it is expected that they will not tolerate abroad.

Sorry I just got back from work. Make your own damn food! Sorry I am too tired for sex (_{and I know there is no side chick for you here} ) you have to help the kids with their homework too

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

Lmfao @bolded. Marry never even start this one don go

Op I have only one thing to say to you which is "marriages favour the men in Africa while it favours the women more in western countries", imagine your wife kicking you out of your own house , ,so look very closely before you leap, I may have sounded very harsh but it's the truth.

Romanoff:


Customary law is different. I know nothing about customary law.

I don't think there's any hold back/contract binding in customary marriage.

well you sounding as if you dont trust her enough, well things to note is that most good women will feel insecure if you tell her that you are not interested in court marriage, she on the other hand will think you are up to something. the best best is if you really love her and shes that God fearing as you claimed then you should not be scared of during court wedding with her, and i think thats part of the documents you will even need if you both want to travel as a couple.

my humble suggestion for your consideration.

advanceDNA:


His fear makes so sense as long as he's traveling abroad with her....even if all he does is trado wedding.... if he lives with her abroad, having kids, and theres proof of their relationship......the law over there can still allow her take his house if they separate and make him pay child support ..... so weda he does court marriage or not doesnt matter..... the law still stands

The fear makes sense . That’s why he is asking for advice. He thinks voiding court here will protect him there . I believe if he gets a prenup ( I don’t know how that will work - not a legal expert) , he might be able to protect himself ….and by extension the wife too if she turns out more successful than him .

No matter how uncomfortable it might be , it should be discussed . Very important . Without communication , a marriage is nothing but two strangers living together

GloriousGbola:


Maybe for a man raised in obodo oyibo. A naija man will be at sea and have no idea what to do. I can see the man in court saying to the male judge it was just a small slap while his lawyer facepalms.

The thing is a lot of relationships in Nigeria are transactional at their core. Bad they are zero sum /lose-lose games.

There are also a lot of things women will tolerate in Nigeria Because it is expected that they will not tolerate abroad.

Sorry I just got back from work. Make your own damn food! Sorry I am too tired for sex (_{and I know there is no side chick for you here} ) you have to help the kids with their homework too

I feel like this is infantilising the guy, a ‘small slap’ is universally bad so I don’t think we can blame this on a cultural gap, he knows it’s bad but he does it because he knows he’ll get away with it

The only reason he’ll be ‘lost’ is because he’s used to a certain type of privilege that he’s fully aware of and is happy about. I’ve even seen Naija men boast about it

The ‘fear’ is from being held accountable

God bless you. People like to mislead people.
Read the laws under the country you want to travel to. It is not compulsory you must do court wedding.

That was how they said my wife cannot do nysc service where the husband resides except you do court wedding. Absolutely lie.

I did traditional marriage only and my wife served where I reside.

Romanoff:
Whether you marry her in church or court, the same rules apply in case of a divorce. Both church and court wedding are guided by the Marriage Act of the Federal republic of Nigeria.

So your fear is unfounded and it gives you off as a dishonest person.

If you love someone, you'll treat them right. Na if you dey plan to do bad to your wife you go dey consider all these things.

E better make you no just marry.

Lol.... When the inequality of marital legality backfites... Tone would change.

Just tell her.

ibkayee:

I feel like this is infantilising the guy, a ‘small slap’ is universally bad so I don’t think we can blame this on a cultural gap, he knows it’s bad but he does it because he knows he’ll get away with it

The only reason he’ll be ‘lost’ is because he’s used to a certain type of privilege that he’s fully aware of and is happy about. I’ve even seen Naija men boast about it

The ‘fear’ is from being held accountable

The Qur'an says when your wives misbehave first step is to beat them lightly
Hindu proverb - women animals and children and worthy of being beaten
African adage - the broom used to beat the old wife will still be used to beat the new wife.

As to privilege - just as white men are totally unaware of their privilege and believe everything they have they earned through hard work, same for African men. The whole point of privilege is all but the most self aware are aware of it.