GloriousGbola:


The Qur'an says when your wives misbehave first step is to beat them lightly
Hindu proverb - women animals and children and worthy of being beaten
African adage - the broom used to beat the old wife will still be used to beat the new wife.

As to privilege - just as white men are totally unaware of their privilege and believe everything they have they earned through hard work, same for African men. The whole point of privilege is all but the most self aware are aware of it.

I don’t believe for one second that Naija men aren’t aware of these particular privileges, in fact their self awareness is what makes it even more sinister to me.

[quote author=segtech68 post=119915620]I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise



I understand your position, because i was there before,in my case i knew her when I was already in Europe through the internet i propose to her before I even came down.After the trad and church wedding,make we go court go finish up i begin to develop feet cold after listening to my family,at last we went 2yrs later i brought her with my son here, believe me bro,marrying my wife legally in court is one of the best decision i have taken in my life.
All the rules i gave her before she came over she has been abiding by them,there are lots of benefits here when you 're legally married.
But the truth, lot of women use the right they are given here to torment their husbands,you have to study her very well make her even swear oath before bringing her here .for the court you hv to do it... good luck.

You never marry, you are already thinking of how you will japa out of the marriage once the going gets rough. Recipe for disaster. Sorry to bust your bubble but that document you sign in the church is a legal document. If you do only trad, it will not be recognised when you apply for visa

Romanoff:


Both church and court marriage are subject to the marriage act of the federal republic. Please enlighten yourself.

It's the court that gives licence to the church to conduct marriages based on the marriage act.

I ask again, are you married?

Your response is going to inform the direction of my subsequent answers to you.

Buddha3:


I ask again, are you married?

Your response is going to inform the direction of my subsequent answers to you.

Yes I am.

Romanoff:


Yes I am.

Very well.

And did you have your matrimonial signing ceremony in a church or registry?

Buddha3:


Very well.

And did you have your matrimonial signing ceremony in a church or registry?

At a registry, due to covid, even though I wanted a church wedding.
It was through my church wedding preparation that I discovered that both court and church wedding are guided by the same marriage act.

Court or no court , people travel

In the western countries, even a long term relationship is treated like marriage with benefits to the woman incase of separation.

If you dont trust her, why consider marriage?

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

Sweetplum:

Don't you want to own her?
Thought you men usually boast of owning us after marriage like say we be luggage?
Segtech68, if you don't want to be Segun Carpenter or Segun Alabaru, go and marry her legally. Cos that's one of the criteria for granting couple visa and also she's an asset to you.
Men run from legal marriage cos they want to v opportunity to cheat in future. Make person dey plan future sin in advance. It's demonic. Extra marital affairs has ruined lots of men.

What of all the ladies boyfriends starting from school before she got married? Now its the mans turn to enjoy you guys are calling it cheating - what of all the womans cheating before she got married

BigBashiru:


What of all the ladies boyfriends starting from school before she got married? Now its the mans turn to enjoy you guys are calling it cheating - what of all the womans cheating before she got married

Why not construct an equation or plot graph to show who cheat the most btw male and female?
You ll notice you creatures with 3rd legs are so pathetic

Romanoff:


At a registry, due to covid, even though I wanted a church wedding.
It was through my church wedding preparation that I discovered that both court and church wedding are guided by the same marriage act.

Peachy!

And at the registry, were you read through a couple of laid down constitutional provisions, one of which was the fact that either of the partners is liable to a jail term of 5 years (without the option of fine), should you abscond from the marriage, when not properly divorced? Were you also told that after serving the 5 year jail term, you are still legally mandated to return to that marriage you absconded from?

Buddha3:


Peachy!

And at the registry, were you read through a couple of laid down constitutional provisions, one of which was the fact that either of the partners is liable to a jail term of 5 years (without the option of fine), should you abscond from the marriage, when not properly divorced? Were you also told that after serving the 5 year jail term, you are still legally mandated to return to that marriage you absconded from?

Yes. As proposed in the marriage act.

Sweetplum:

Why not construct an equation or plot graph to show who cheat the most btw male and female?
You ll notice you creatures with 3rd legs are so pathetic

Its not about who "cheats more". its about everyone enjoying themselves at their best. no one disturbed you wen you were enjoying yourself...now i am in my own peak and i have a wife and 3 children (an example) and i also want to enjoy myself....

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

Do you have answer to the most important question,

WHAT IS HER BODYCOUNT?

HAS SHE SENT NUDES TO HER EX(S) BEFORE...

IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANSWERS TO THIS, TRUST ME,
SHE'S NOT DECENT
SHE'S NOT A GOOD GIRL
YOU ARE ON A LOOOONG THING.

BigBashiru:


Its not about who "cheats more". its about everyone enjoying themselves at their best. no one disturbed you wen you were enjoying yourself...now i am in my own peak and i have a wife and 3 children (an example) and i also want to enjoy myself....

Don't personalize it to me cos I can speak for myself as a woman of virtue.

Romanoff:


Yes. As proposed in the marriage act.

I particularly singled out that one instance to drive home a point.

Yes, a church wedding certificate and a court marriage certificate are both validated under the Nigerian Marriage Act. But, it is an entire falsehood when you give anybody the impression that both work under the same guidelines and principles. Church marriages are very flexible. They create a matrimonial environment where one partner can easily manipulate the eventual outcome because there are no legal ramifications to be wary of. Both partners simply conform to the religious blanket laid over the marriage and when that fear of God is gone from the home, anyone can just pack their bags, up and be gone without a second thought.

I have seen partners leave their marriages, go to distant lands and remarry without ever bothering to properly end their first marriage, simply because the vows were signed in a church. You cannot try that in a court marriage set up. I have read through a handful of comments in this thread and shook my head at people's ignorance. Assuming my wife gets tired of the marriage today and I am not, even if she moves out of the home and I choose not to sue her for absconding, I can deny her freedom by refusing to sign the divorce papers for the rest of her life. She can never remarry anywhere in this world that there's a functional legal system and she can never have any child for any other man, even if she decides to have other sexcapades.

My dear, there's absolutely no way you can put both marriages on the same plane and make same cases for both. There's a reason most men avoid court marriages and it has more to do with inheritance after death and less to do with sharing formula post-divorce.

Buddha3:


I particularly singled out that one instance to drive home a point.

Yes, a church wedding certificate and a court marriage certificate are both validated under the Nigerian Marriage Act. But, it is an entire falsehood when you give anybody the impression that both work under the same guidelines and principles. Church marriages are very flexible. They create a matrimonial environment where one partner can easily manipulate the eventual outcome because there are no legal ramifications to be wary of. Both partners simply conform to the religious blanket laid over the marriage and when that fear of God is gone from the home, anyone can just pack their bags, up and be gone without a second thought.

I have seen partners leave their marriages, go to distant lands and remarry without ever bothering to properly end their first marriage, simply because the vows were signed in a church. You cannot try that in a court marriage set up. I have read through a handful of comments in this thread and shook my head at people's ignorance. Assuming my wife gets tired of the marriage today and I am not, even if she moves out of the home and I choose not to sue her for absconding, I can deny her freedom by refusing to sign the divorce papers for the rest of her life. She can never remarry anywhere in this world that there's a functional legal system and she can never have any child for any other man, even if she decides to have other sexcapades.

My dear, there's absolutely no way you can put both marriages on the same plane and make same cases for both. There's a reason most men avoid court marriages and it has more to do with inheritance after death and less to do with sharing formula post-divorce.

As long as the marriage act guides both church and court wedding, they are subject to the same rules and court judgment.

Can a church divorce a couple?

Romanoff:


As long as the marriage act guides both church and court wedding, they are subject to the same rules and court judgment.

Can a church divorce a couple?

My point exactly.

A church cannot divorce a couple. A court does.
But because most people who do church weddings are not read through the detailed provisions in the marriage act, they marry in ignorance. I can bet you my monthly earnings that most couples who got into marriages through the church do not know that you can sue a partner for absconding. They don't even know nothing about the marriage act, just that they have to conform to the marital vows shared on the church altar. It's the reason anybody can walk out on their partner and kids because he or she is tired and fear no repercussions and you'll see the partner on the receiving end walking sheepishly to the church pastor day in and out, seeking religious guidance and intervention.

You're even making my point for me.

Buddha3:


My point exactly.

A church cannot divorce a couple. A court does.
But because most people who do church weddings are not read through the detailed provisions in the marriage act, they marry in ignorance. I can bet you my monthly earnings that most couples who got into marriages through the church do not know that you can sue a partner for absconding. They don't even know nothing about the marriage act, just that they have to conform to the marital vows shared on the church altar. It's the reason anybody can walk out on their partner and kids because he or she is tired and fear no repercussions and you'll see the partner on the receiving end walking sheepishly to the church pastor day in and out, seeking religious guidance and intervention.

You're even making my point for me.

I don't know why some churches don't tell couples that their marriage is guided by the marriage act. Most couples don't even bother to find out if the church they are getting married in is licensed to conduct marriages.

During my church marriage counselling, a lawyer was brought to explain these things to us.
If you did a church wedding and your spouse absconds to marry another person, you can go to the court, judgment will be made based on the marriage act, not based on the church doctrine where you wedded.

So whether na church wedding o or court wedding o, you do anyhow, the court will come for you.

Romanoff:


I don't know why some churches don't tell couples that their marriage is guided by the marriage act. Most couples don't even bother to find out if the church they are getting married in is licensed to conduct marriages.

During my church marriage counselling, a lawyer was brought to explain these things to us.
If you did a church wedding and your spouse absconds to marry another person, you can go to the court, judgment will be made based on the marriage act, not based on the church doctrine where you wedded.

So whether na church wedding o or court wedding o, you do anyhow, the court will come for you.

You were one of the unique cases that had a lawyer in attendance to explain the legal ramifications of your marriage journey, during your church counselling.
I can confidently tell you, you are one in a hundred cases.

Or should we consider the scenario where relatives of a man can walk into his home upon his death, muscle their way through his assets and depriving the widowed wife and orphaned kids of what's rightfully theirs, simply because the marriage was done in a church and the woman has no knowledge whatsoever about the legal rights that protect her total ownership of everything the man left behind?

My dear, signing a church marriage certificate in Nigeria no be am, for any serious minded man who loves his wife and wants to properly embark on that journey.

Are you sure you are matured for marriage?

Buddha3:


You were one of the unique cases that had a lawyer in attendance to explain the legal ramifications of your marriage journey, during your church counselling.
I can confidently tell you, you are one in a hundred cases.

Or should we consider the scenario where relatives of a man can walk into his home upon his death, muscle their way through his assets and depriving the widowed wife and orphaned kids of what's rightfully theirs, simply because the marriage was done in a church and the woman has no knowledge whatsoever about the legal rights that protect her total ownership of everything the man left behind?

My dear, signing a church marriage certificate in Nigeria no be am, for any serious minded man who loves his wife and wants to properly embark on that journey.

We were fortunate. I attended an RCCG and they don't play about their marriage counselling.

That's how I knew that the marriage certificate from the church is same with the one from the court, it just has the name of the church as the venue of the wedding.

So there's no need being afraid of court wedding. Even if na church you wed, na the same rules go guide una marriage.

Are you both planning to relocate abroad as single persons?
If you call her your wife on the documentation you fill, if she changes her name to yours on her passport, if you start living together and perhaps even have children together, if you had any type of marriage ceremony, how do you want to escape the tag husband?

You can do so by telling her you don't want court marriage. Simple

If you like do only traditional marriage. Customary court still dey to dissolve the union. Just be an honest and trustworthy person and you won't gave some kind headaches.

Are you trolling? Or are you an actual adult man?

Anyways, just in case you're an actual person, there's such a thing as Prenup agreement.

Read up, draw an agreement, both of you sign.


Simple.

** Edit, for those that raised the issue of demise of either partner, a prenup still allows you to dictate who inherits your estate on your demise. Simply draw up a suitable will to handle this.

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

segtech68

Just get wedded.

Awon leeches, na them.

Sweetplum:

Don't you want to own her?
Thought you men usually boast of owning us after marriage like say we be luggage?
Segtech68, if you don't want to be Segun Carpenter or Segun Alabaru, go and marry her legally. Cos that's one of the criteria for granting couple visa and also she's an asset to you.
Men run from legal marriage cos they want to v opportunity to cheat in future. Make person dey plan future sin in advance. It's demonic. Extra marital affairs has ruined lots of men.

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

And how I wish I can get opportunity to tell the lady she hasn't found a husband?

God bless you Buddy, oil dey your head.

Romanoff:
Whether you marry her in church or court, the same rules apply in case of a divorce. Both church and court wedding are guided by the Marriage Act of the Federal republic of Nigeria.

So your fear is unfounded and it gives you off as a dishonest person.

If you love someone, you'll treat them right. Na if you dey plan to do bad to your wife you go dey consider all these things.

E better make you no just marry.

segtech68:
I'm in a very serious relationship which will likely lead to marriage before the middle of this year. she's a good lady, very decent, God fearing and has a good Job. We both love each other so there's no point waiting than to marry her. We've talked about it and she loves the idea. Also , i've met her family and her parent treated me kindly.

The issue is, we are both planning to relocate after marriage to any of the western countries, we are both credible financially and i'm very sure we won't get denied but the stories i've heard about women changing after getting abroad makes me want to think twice about the court marriage. I would love to do every other marital right except court marriage.

How do i tell her politely without losing her? please i'll appreciate your advise.

Thank you.

Except your mouth no dey function., Try sign language maybe she go understand.