WackyJ1:


Everything was fine until the chat in the screenshot.

No everything wasn't fine from his Side.From your side yes...One just don't come up with such warning ...

pocohantas:


It better be. Before you give yourself hypertension.

So what you're telling me is that I cannot ask you a harmless question without you getting petty and emotional about it abi?

Okay.

NoToPile:
Nawa ooo, he has told you you shouldn't address his wife by name, you sef call her iyawo or madam naa.

Chochocho on top small matter. Ahan. 😒

As in! It is very simple! I have no memory of any of my father’s friends calling my mum by her name. This one talks and claims right too much. People like this can drag issues to the end of the world.

4ward4:


No everything wasn't fine from his Side.From your side yes...One just don't come up with such warning ...

Hmmm. Looks like it

pocohantas:


As in! It is very simple! I have no memory of any of my father’s friends calling my mum by her name. This one talks and claims right too much. People like this can drag issues to the end of the world.

The guy mata taya me jare.

Klass99:


You're welcome. This whole drama with your friend just gets interesting and entertaining with each post you make. I read where you said everything was fine until that text but I seriously doubt it.

Did you attend their wedding? Did you play your role as best man or was it on the wedding eve things started to go south, with the hotel room incident?

Anyway bear in mind that public embarrassment will not work on a shameless, jaguda, person who has no qualms with owing money or a bad reputation of themselves. I am speaking in general terms and not specifically referring to your friend to say he is that sort of person.

I think you guys will be fine or not! There's a possibility he will make reconciliation moves down the line when he needs money or he realizes he overreacted about the name thing and was out of line in other ways.

The text incident happened 8 days before the Friday before the wedding.

I still traveled to the state for the wedding despite other male friends telling me not to do it.

5 or 6 days after the text, the same friend who is already owing tens of thousands called me and wanted to borrow money from me.

I told him no, and still added that I had rent to pay for someone soon. He still insisted.

He said "You're the only person I get the effrontery to borrow from"

I refused ofcourse and he said "If I had offended you, I am sorry"

Now, I know that any apology that starts with "If" is a false one. But I didn't say anything. He knows what he did, you cannot be saying "If" except you do not acknowledge any offence in the first place.

On the Friday before the wedding, in the afternoon, he was still asking me for 30,000. I refused.

Around 8pm, I called him to know about the plans for breakfast the next day. That was when he discovered, I had rented my own room.

He started talking to me like I had betrayed him ... for renting my own room.

Mehn story plenty.

This guy borrowed money from me to pay for some rooms in the hotel, he paid me back two days later, (the only condition I agreed to borrow him)

On the wedding day, he told our MSc Class rep that I left angrily at his moment of need, and that he rented 17 rooms in the hotel.

The class rep knows me well and refused to believe his story. In fact, the class rep asked me for the story on the way to the wedding. I refused to tell him, I told him to go first and hear what they will say.

Mehn, the story plenty.

Klass99:


Have you at least recovered the money he owes you or are you forfeiting it as bad debt?

I honestly don't think you did anything wrong by calling his wife her given name. I think as a people we are unnecessarily stuck up on titles and recognition in this part of the world.

I don't mind if a 4 year old calls me Klass without aunty sef. Klass is my name, titles and wanting recognition only reinforces, seniority, authority and barriers to easy relations with others.

I have collected the money.

I sent him a text and he refunded the money minus 1,000 naira. I decided to leave that one for him.

Whatever your name is before marriage is what ill call you after marriage.

I no care

WackyJ1:


I am forfeiting it as bad debt.

I'm not borrowing anyone money again in this life.

It's another story if the wife had a title but she doesn't.

I've known about the relationship since they started.

I am the friend that would always lend him money when others didn't without pestering him for it.

I escorted them to Onitsha for 6 hours twice when they were purchasing products so he could start a business for her.

But he did traditional marriage and suddenly I am disrespecting her by calling her her first name.

It is well.

You have done nothing wrong by calling his wife by her first name.

Don't worry, he will be back to ask for more loans as he's seen you as his "loaner."

Klass99:


He was your friend na, you would know best how to get it back. I have recovered money from guys who were owing me in different ways;

1. I told one I will show up at his office and create such an embarrassing scene he would be ashamed to show his face at work for weeks - and it worked, even though I don't think I had the guts to do what I threatened.

2. I told another one a true story about how my neighbour was murdered over money he owed some people and his murder was staged as a suicide. My intent was not to scare him but caution him about OPM (other people's money). In his case I was ready to forfeit the money after sharing the story, but surprisingly he paid me 24 hours later.

3. My friend got her money back from her male cousin by publicly embarrassing him at social functions and family gatherings. She would just ask to everyone's hearing, where is my 100k or when am I getting back this 100k you borrowed.

I have never taken money from anyone and not paid them back, so I think the good will I build and extend to others, comes back to me. These guys could have said do your worse and I won't be able to do anything but forfeit and move on. I always make an effort to recover, leave it to God is not my default reaction, it is a last resort.

I love your fighting spirit. No one can cheat you and get away with it. This is the same trait that works in developed climes.

I hate all these "leave it for GOD" talks.

If it's something that's within the law, I will pursue it to get justice.

.

DonroxyII:
Well .... Whatever Rocks Ya Boat ...Until dem plank you 2by2 for Head you no go Reset ....

Even if Good gestures is misinterpreted I just rendered I'm sorry and Walk Away.... next time I Correct myself in front of such fellow ..... You no get work dey fight unnecessary drama ...

I'm a Yoruba man ... there is "O" there is "e" ... e is a prefix for Respect ...
O is a Prefix for Comradeship..

Once a Female friend is Married ... I changed it to "e" to mark my respect for her marital life and Mix with "O" once we are together ....

A colleague of mine got Married to a girl in my Department she was in 300L while I was in year 2 of Masters .... Very Junior to me age ....

I started using "e"(Prefix for Respect) for Her Once she Married my Colleagues even while they were dating .... E.g Sister Ayoka, e bami ki Bro Seye ..(Sister Ayoka, help me greet seye) ...

That's Our Culture....

I could sound English by Saying "Ayoka ba mi ki Seye" .... (Ayoka, Greet seye):

Next stages of Couples gossips is gonna be on Ya Head.... Next thing is Ore re Baje(Your Friend is Disrespectful, He has been calling me by my first name ... one day one day I go change am for him ....

To avoid stories that Touches the heart ... simply Comply and Move On......

A Yoruba-Man is known for much Diplomatic-Relations na why dem call us Tortoise!

You are very patient with the OP.

If the OP cannot respect his friend's boundaries, he should end the friendship.

How is Oga, Daddy wa, Daddy Shade, Odogwu, Hubby, Madam, Lolo, Lady M, Mummy Titi, Our wife, Wifey etc. takes nothing from me.

Even my colleagues turned friends older than my husband do not call him by name.

WackyJ1:


You're an insane person.

What kind of childish infantile moronic female is this.

If you do not have the mental bandwith to engage in a logical discussion or defend your points in a rational manner then leave this place and go and find your other babies to play with in the Romance section.

Ha!

It is clear where the problem is now. Your pride would not let you admit you did something wrong nor let you understand people's boundaries.

Your friend is better off without you.

belcom10:
I laugh at ignorance of some people here, always comparing Western way of life with ours.

It's a sign of respect for each other family, even though you are calling her name before.

I don't think your friend is not looking down on you .

Some phrase to use:

Your Madam, your woman, your wife.... or let say you visit your friend , maama, our wife.

I just wonder how you would refer to them in the first-person. Nigerians and our convoluted cultures and practices.

People are all in here defending this as "culture". Because it's culture doesn't make it right, same reason why a lot of cultural practices have been abolished.

bukatyne:


You are very patient with the OP.

If the OP cannot respect his friend's boundaries, he should end the friendship.

How is Oga, Daddy wa, Daddy Shade, Odogwu, Hubby, Madam, Lolo, Lady M, Mummy Titi, Our wife, Wifey etc. takes nothing from me.

Even my colleagues turned friends older than my husband do not call him by name.

You dey mind me ni, I just want to bring maturity to him because I learnt great deal from Online Myself ....

Op Head dey touch no be small, Na person to dey oil ihm head e want ....

WackyJ1:


Everything was fine until the chat in the screenshot.

My brother, everything was never fine!. How ur friend treated u is how he has always regarded u. No mutual respect.

In this life, if u don't value urself, no one will value u. Pls learn from this experience.
My advice, forget him and move on. Cos he will never change how he regards u.

In the Yoruba culture, it's very, very wrong and disrespectful especially if she's a mother.

You refer to her as 'Madam X' if she's yet to have kids OR call her by her kids name... 'mummy X' if she's got kid(s).

Please kindly help to acknowledge and report to nearest police station if found. Thanks.

Cut the fool off after the wedding. He is an immature and insecure fool

WackyJ1:
Is it a crime to call the Wife of your friend by her first name?

I've known this guy since 2018. He met his wife in 2020.

They've done traditional wedding.

I once followed this guy to law faculty of our school during our Masters program and spent 6 hours typing the project of his then ex.

The same ex ended up blaming him for her misfortune.

I'm the best man for his white wedding tomorrow.

Yet, he's warning me for calling his wife her first name in the same sentence where I also referred to my girlfriend by her own first name.

He claims I was wrong and he has refused to apologise.

I need this one the front page.

Was I wrong?

MORE DETAILS
https://www.nairaland.com/7563621/it-wrong-call-friends-wife/2#120932806

Just call her by her Husband's Name

It's not a question of right or wrong sir.

It's a question of preference of the person and the weight of culture.

Personally, I have never called the first names of the wives and husbands of my close friends... I find that awkward honestly!

I leave it at "your wife" and "your husband"!

Let's not complicate our lives abeg!

He is not a friend

WackyJ1:


Bros.

The insult I don see this night.

I just decided to limit it to this question.

make plans to stay off them. Nigerians and respect are like Tinubu and Agbado

I call my friends wives.. Iyawo or amaria.
How is Iyawo or how is amaria..

@OP What gives you the effrontery to be calling your friend's wife by her name?.. is she your girlfriend or blood relation?

Even when an old man with grown up kids marry a much younger woman.. the woman automatically becomes their step mother and they must regard her as that regardless of age.

Nothing is wrong calling your friend's wife by her name.

If d guy no like am make him go hug transformer.

Richy4:
Abeg no vex, I no understand... Wetin he say make you dey call her again please? I didn't get that part

You re so funny... Lol

bro, that guy is not your friend biko....

If all of you, including his to be
wife were all pally pally before now,
and calling each other by first names,
I don't see how that should change
especially as you are age mates.


Better beware of this your dude.

WackyJ1:
Is it a crime to call the Wife of your friend by her first name?

I've known this guy since 2018. He met his wife in 2020.

They've done traditional wedding.

I once followed this guy to law faculty of our school during our Masters program and spent 6 hours typing the project of his then ex.

The same ex ended up blaming him for her misfortune.

I'm the best man for his white wedding tomorrow.

Yet, he's warning me for calling his wife her first name in the same sentence where I also referred to my girlfriend by her own first name.

He claims I was wrong and he has refused to apologise.

I need this one the front page.

Was I wrong?

MORE DETAILS
https://www.nairaland.com/7563621/it-wrong-call-friends-wife/2#120932806

Wetin he say make you Kan dey call her?


If I were you, that friendship ends .....that's an insult . Except na him dey feed you.....if you let this slide , something embarrassing is swimming your way......

I don talk my own ooooo....

Although I see nothing wrong with the address, but I think it's preference and more respectful to him to address her as "his wife, your woman," etc.