MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

No Matter how gloom a story is, there are always two sides to a story.

Without the Father's consent there is no marriage.

I don't know about Akwa Ibom, but bride price is NEVER EVER paid to the mother.

I have a cousin, who did what you are doing,he is painfully divorced within two years.

In a nut shell there was a huge can of worms that was hidden by not contacting the Father side of his then bride.

Ignorance is not wisdom but KNOWLEDGE is .

Vboot1:


Women and their shallow takes. There's more to it than what you can imagine. The guy MUST seek the blessing of the biological father.

NO
I still don't agree with him meeting her biological father for any reason, except he's trying to call for peace which may be late now because the mom is already married to someone else and so with that it may be difficult but still possible.

A man cannot just disappear to the thin air,all because he doesn't want to take responsibilities of his wife and kids
And tomorrow such a man will appear seeking for what he has forsaken for a very long time.

Talking about him blessing their marriage, I don't think is of any use for now.
Make e Sha go beg e children to forgive am but for the wife, she should keep enjoying the real MAN.

Joseph77200:


For goodness sake how do people take side without hearing from both sides? You never even find out if this was all true or not and you've started castigated the real father and what of if the real mother sold fake narrations to the daughter and denied the father access because of her own selfish reasons? See don't take side until you know what really happened from both side because life is more deep that hearing from one side and the mother might be lying.

In as much I biliv that one should hear from both side...... at ur bolded, what stops father to look for her daughter during upbringing and let her know what really caused the fight? Let her know that he is responsible father.

Something similar happened with a woman we worked together years back, despite the fact that the father frustrating the woman not to see her child, she still found tedious way then, to see him. Then, the boy even though still in still in SS1, he used to console his mother that everything would stop if he eventually enter university.

What about "Churchy and Tonto Dike"? I biliv u know Chuchy still trying his best to reach out to his son, even if it on social media.

That's how to show to ur kids that u re thr for him/ her during upbringing and not totally negligence.

Guy, don't make that mistake... give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar. Why would the step father collect bride price when the biological father is alive? If they hate the man that much, then let them have someone from the fathers family come and collect it.

As an Akwa Ibom man you should be wise in these things.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

TheSuperX:
You can't even spell fiancee and can't type your words appropriately, f*cking illiterate.
Na only icecream and shawarma full ur empty head.

Why are you so pained by my comment😂 😂_😂😂😂 or Are you the father in question😏😏😏😏,Ewu.

Go and see the man.. e get why. Your girl was neither a party nor privy the relationship that led to her birth…so she cannot tell the whole unbiased story. She’s a product of that relationship… so she should not stop you from seeing her biological dad.

If she’s inherited her mom’s beef with her dad.. you’re likely going to have problems in your marriage. In most Naija cultures, bride price is paid to the biological family not step family. Look wella b4 u chop

What rubbish point is this, please? Criminal? "Entrusted" to you by the father? And why couldn't he raise his child himself? Did you truly read through this thread? Na wah, sha..

Biletaste:
Boy, tell them that if you don't meet the father you will not marry her. Simple. My brother it will be criminal for the step dad to play the role of a father without express permission.
I have a young girl entrusted to me by the father to play a fatherly role to her . That doesn't mean that if she wants to marry I should abandon the dad.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Bro I ve been married for 13yrs and i can tell that you are not man enough to get married yet.

Ur responses and still defending reasons why u should see the biology dad is sickening..

Respect her opinion

It's her choice, depends on the role they play in her life. He could be her father but not her Daddy. Some stepfather actually assume that position from childhood. Care, education and all that. He is still her father, only when she say so.

satelliteDISH:


This is a very tough one.
The girls mother is very bitter. She has been nursing that bitterness all her life since she got pregnant. She doesn't want the man that got her pregnant and abandoned her to reap from the gains that come through the girl.
That is her revenge. To her, that is justice served.

To go see the biological father might not go down well with your mother in law and she will hate you for this.
Since your fiancee and her mother have disowned the man. They have acknowledged the step father as their father and husband, go and honour the step father with the necessary traditional items.

The biological father cannot come out of the blues and reap from where he didn't invest for over 20+ years of the girls life. It is an unfair trade.

Bride price is paid to the biological family not step family.
It would that his girl and her mom are looking for a husband and son-inlaw to recruit in beefing the man.. pls stay away from such family. You’re about be caged.
I have a friend who did what you are about to do.. he’s divorced now .

zezebabs:
I didn't even know people still get married to Akwa Ibomite and PH women as 98% of them are into prostitution, abi you no dey see wetin dey happen for Lagos etc

You’re very stupid.

turischool:


its not about truth
its about courtesy
why will not seek to know the real parent of a woman you want to spend eternity with all because a woman told you a story

It would be in his best interest to cancel the wedding because if he goes ahead to involve the biological father against his fiancé and mother-in-law’s wishes, there would be problem in that marriage.

PrimadonnaO:


Well sir, I've followed your interactions, and you've actually been missing the point.

Ok please I want to listen to you

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

My brother, you have to do the right thing, even your own father won't buy the idea of making arrangements without the biological father. This is what I know for sure the biological father will be the one to collect his daughter's bride price so far his alive.
To avoid complications, insist that your family must meet the real father, I have witnessed this first hand how the mother played smart and how the smartness almost led her to her downfall.
The only way you can proceed without the biological father is if his not married legally to the mother before she married another man.
Thank you.....

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

My uncle married in this condition....

Although the family of the girl lied to him that he was late and he proceeded to pay her bride price.

Along the line, she died and she died 2013.

Her father surfaces and asked my uncle to do the right thing and marry her corpse.

Till today as I speak to you, her remains has been abandoned at the mortuary and I doubt if those people will keep embalming her body this long.

Last December I was with my cousin and he refused to speak on thile issue but was blaming his father for abandoning his mother without proper burial and his father pushed it to her family member for frustrating his efforts.


I took my time to explain this situation for you to learn from it.

Kobojunkie:
Interesting claim! So in the case the mother got the girl from a sperm-bank donor, your tradition demands you locate the donor — who was probably paid for his sperm at the time — to hand over her bride price to him? Africans— you all need to heal yourselves of what is obvious cultural foolishness!

Call it what ever you like, there’s tradition in Akwa Ibom state, if you choose not to do what tradition demands, you will face the same thing others face. Give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar means something

You better don’t start a curse that will be difficult to break.
The girl’s mother likely doctored the story to demonize the father. The biological father is the one to be paid the bride price period!
How would you feel if you are denied your fatherly rights by your child?
Most women selfishly transfer their bitter and vengeful spirit to their children, unfortunately, these children make everything even worse… that is what your wife to be is doing! It says a lot about the character of the girl & her mum. Expect worse from them if you marry are with this character…. YOU WILL BE THEIR NEXT VICTIM!

Kobojunkie:
A sperm donor does not a father make. Science has more than made that abundantly clear to us all at this point in time. You are not a mother simply because you donated an egg or carried a child to birth — women who work as surrogates can attest to this. Again, science has shown us that on numerous occasions. It is now up to us to update our individual cultures to account for this wisdom or continue to wallow in the ignorance of the past pretending we fulfill some sort of righteousness in our foolishness. That is my opinion.

Don't mind the guy, let him keep wallowing in the delusion of his dark ages "wisdom" in 2023.

Like how do women even involve themselves with something so serious with people like that. Not even a single iota of respect for her and the loving family that raised her to become something in society today, baba wants to bring his own tradition and change theirs when they're not even married oh, what will now happened if they're now married?

And I'm sure she will see this red flag and still continue. Later she would be the one to run to NL for advice.

marcopollo:
Your fiancee determines who she wants as her father, biological or not. Rest.

Yes but Akwa Ibom tradition says otherwise

sisisioge:


And he thinks he has the intelligence and maturity to be someone's husband. No wonder marriages are having an all time hard time at surviving nowadays. See quality of husbands o

continue forming woke...this is Africa, u guys feel everything is black an white. The op is very wise, he needs to see the biological father an hear his own side of story an then make his decision. If things get over complicated then he cancels the wedding plan

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Did her biological father pay her mother's bride price?

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

It would have been nice to see the bio father but on what basis? What is the link or connection to follow. In all your dating days you were not introduced to the bio father at any time.

If your girl has introduced her "father" and mother to you and you have been interacting with them ever since then you do not have any reason to go beyond that level.

You may only go to the biological father if your girl says so or if the bio father somehow got wind of the marriage and requested that you see him.

Jovialjune1:



Emotional attachments to quickly support the deadbeat with assumptions doesn't allow for sense of good reasoning

How do you also know that the father has tried to see them?

I would believe the mother's version even if I'm not part of the story, because that is what was presented to us here, if you are so pressed to hear and believe the deadbeat's version, do well to get him here to report himself to us


What if they are also not trying to hide any real truth? What if the mother's version is the real truth?

It's not complicated, he should report himself to us let us hear his side, very straight forward, till then, I stand by my previous comments.

You jumped into conclusions first,I didn't...



Have a nice day

IamMobisola:

It would be in his best interest to cancel the wedding because if he goes ahead to involve the biological father against his fiancé and mother-in-law’s wishes, there would be problem in that marriage.

You are absolutely correct it's toxic and divided family already it's better not to marry the lady

virginprincess:
Why are you so pained by my comment😂 😂_😂😂😂 or Are you the father in question😏😏😏😏,Ewu.

Olori pelebe 😡

If truly this is what happened, then it's a no brainer that the biological father is a useless person who deserves to be cancelled. However, all we're trying to base our judgement on is one person's side of the story. I've broken up with a gf in the past because I caught her cheating. Do you expect her to be sincere whenever she tells the story of why we separated to her friends and coworkers who all knew us to be lovebirds? Of cause, not. She'll most likely do and say things to portray herself as the victim. We've seen cases where a young guy gets a girl pregnant and the girl's parents make sure he never gets to see the pregnant girl or whatever comes out of the pregnancy again. We've seen people run away to be with a richer, "better" man. Would such people happily tell their children that they left their dad because they found a "better deal"? Now, no reasonable man wants to get married to the daughter of a dangerous woman because most times, the closest person to your wife is her mum, so you want to be sure the mum isn't a bad person. I know that you're a woman yourself and might naturally want to assume a woman is always the victim, but inside this life, a lot dey happen. Many men are terrible, but some women too would do things that will shock even the devil.

frozen70:


This is very sensitive

Dont go and start asking for an issue you can't solve or get anything out of it

I think you can speak with the mother to know the situation on ground

If she is able to explain to you about what happened

Whatever she tells you accept it

Then ask her, who you will be paying her bride price to

If she said it's her step dad, so let it be

If she says it's to her, you can tell her you did prefer to pay it to a father figure

I think she will handle that aspect base on your request

If a man who pregnant a woman, denys her and abandoned the mother and her child

And was never in the picture of the child till she is set to marry, why should the man have a seat on her marriage day

You can't reap where you did not sow

On second thought it could be an opportunity to bring reconciliation and closure to an age long issue. Carry bitter blood attracts no blessing.
Insist on meeting with the bio father

Osombo:
Let this teach women decency especially if the daughter was gotten out of wedlock, to avoid repeat of history, I can father orphans from orphanage or whose parents are late or children of relatives I can cater for them. For the stepdad as U asked, he definitely knew from onset that child is not his biologically so he should face his decision from onset

You really don't know what you are talking about. So you believe that every woman that was abandoned was indecent? Have you not heard of legitimate husbands who run away from their homes when things get tough and never looked back? Even for those who were born out of wedlock, does it not take two to tangle? It is in fact really unfortunate the way pre-marital sex is no longer a problem but having children out of wedlock is. Which one leads to the other?

Please look for him and get his blessings. Father's blessing is so important that Jacob's mother rigged Esau out of his Father's blessings.
Women are cocky fellows and turn their children against their fathers easily. Seeing the real father may open your eyes to what you are about to enter.