Beware of girls with daddy issues. It never ends well.
I think you should meet her real father,hear his side of the story and seek for his blessings. No matter the hatred your girl may have for her father doesn't change the fact that he contributed half of her biological make up.

In my place, before you get married to someone, your father or an elder will go and research/investigate/ask questions about the family, to know their character traits and health issues.

I have someone with a similar issue, please let us know how the issue was resolved!
Thanks

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Go and see the Father and hear from his side also. There was a man whose wife absconded with their children simply because he reprimanded her for her continues infidelity. The woman died of full blown AIDS. To tell how bad the woman was. before her death, she poisoned the mind of their children so much and planted deep hate to their father in their mind. None of them regard him as anything in their lives. They did not carry him along in anything family neither did they allowed any other person to involve him in all matters concerning their lives

MetaBroadband:


And what if your biological father was deprived of that privilege and responsibility either voluntarily or involuntarily?

Do you think it would be just to keep on denying a man of his own blood?

Don't you think that when she's up against the tradition that it would now become my business?

Keep meddling in what doesn't concern you, you hear? You want to meddle in old family drama despite your fiancee's wish that you accord her stepfather his fatherly dues. Don't start what you cannot finish. You'll only end up hurting the ones you care about and stirring unnecessary drama in a family you're yet to be admitted into.

Octopusssy:

Keep meddling in what doesn't concern you, you hear? You want to meddle in old family drama despite your fiancee's wish that you accord her stepfather his fatherly dues. Don't start what you cannot finish. You'll only end up hurting the ones you care about and stirring unnecessary drama in a family you're yet to be admitted into.

And he thinks he has the intelligence and maturity to be someone's husband. No wonder marriages are having an all time hard time at surviving nowadays. See quality of husbands o

Octopusssy:

Keep meddling in what doesn't concern you, you hear? You want to meddle in old family drama despite your fiancee's wish that you accord her stepfather his fatherly dues. Don't start what you cannot finish. You'll only end up hurting the ones you care about and stirring unnecessary drama in a family you're yet to be admitted into.

Bro calm down
Let's be realistic
Watin the man Dey do mak he no fit take care of he pikin ?
Watin won mak am regret ?
Life no be nollywood
He will only regret if the man is rich and have connections all over the world

manfronthesky:
Go and see the Father and hear from his side also. There was a man whose wife absconded with their children simply because he reprimanded her for her continues infidelity. The woman died of full blown AIDS. To tell how bad the woman was. before her death, she poisoned the mind of their children so much and planted deep hate to their father in their mind. None of them regard him as anything in their lives. They did not carry him along in anything family neither did they allowed any other person to involve him in all matters concerning their lives

Una can talk rubbish
Read story well
Impregnated and run another man adopted her
So if I adopt ur child at a very tender age when is time for marriage u go Dey come
Watin u won come do

OP I know of a situation like urs, lady wasn't picking her Dad's calls even when the man was reaching out each time. I will advise U to see the biological father, meet him and if possible if U can bring him to the mother of ur fiancee and her family to make peace and if possible let them fine him and he pays, then let him be rightful person to collect bride price and he can as well handle same to his inlaws since he wasn't there for the daughter, that's respect and he can bless ur marriage, we men hardly talk, we overlook so many things. Let me ask U, U want to built ur foundation of beef? Don't U think death can be inevitable if U go ahead without his consent, even if he is dead, he has family What if ur children ask after their grandpa, will d stepfather ne their real grandpa when their real grandpa is alive? The fiancee sef no try, don't she know U avn mock her one day, ur blood is ur blood ooo Who knows maybe it was cos infidelity he left the Mom

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

sisisioge:


And he thinks he has the intelligence and maturity to be someone's husband. No wonder marriages are having an all time hard time at surviving nowadays. See quality of husbands o

He wants to see the man and "hear his own side" unto say he is Adviser Nowamagbe. No regards at all for his woman's wishes. You never enter family yet you already want to start drama.

Leave am. Wetin e dey find e go see am

MetaBroadband:


And what if your biological father was deprived of that privilege and responsibility either voluntarily or involuntarily?

Do you think it would be just to keep on denying a man of his own blood?

Don't you think that when she's up against the tradition that it would now become my business?

but wait o, how's all these you typed your business? Are you trying to reconcile both parents of your fiancee abi you wan marry? I don't get it. Please listen to your fiancee and stop these investigative attitude of yours

But what concerns you with her biological father? Being a father is not just you impregnating a woman but being responsible makes you a father.

Is he coming to reap where he didn't sow?

Abeg op proceed with whoever stood as a father for her.

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

This is very sensitive

Dont go and start asking for an issue you can't solve or get anything out of it

I think you can speak with the mother to know the situation on ground

If she is able to explain to you about what happened

Whatever she tells you accept it

Then ask her, who you will be paying her bride price to

If she said it's her step dad, so let it be

If she says it's to her, you can tell her you did prefer to pay it to a father figure

I think she will handle that aspect base on your request

If a man who pregnant a woman, denys her and abandoned the mother and her child

And was never in the picture of the child till she is set to marry, why should the man have a seat on her marriage day

You can't reap where you did not sow

If you like, take the misguided advise of nairaland's bitter divorced women

Go and see that man!

Besides, if I was the mother's present husband, I must insist the biological father officially knows what's going as long as he's still alive

I appreciate all you comments so far, but I see many of you ignoring traditions and the points I raised because of emotions.

Have you not seen where person was mandated to pay bride price twice either because of one or two mistakes?

That's the girl's story, what if they all lied to her and she grew up with it? What happens if the tradition doesn't permit another man to collect bride price of a girl whose father is still alive?

Please drop emotions and be more critical in this matter I beg you guys. I've heard of a scenerio where they have to change the venue of a traditional marriage simple because it wasn't supposed to be held at the place it was holding then.

Are we simply trashing the traditions when indeed the bride price follows the tradition?

Abeg make we think or ask person wey dey advance for his own opinion before we comment.

What if tomorrow now, they said because of A wasn't supposed to be A, I have to come and pay goat and Elon musk before this and that?

MetaBroadband:
■ I appreciate all you comments so far, but I see many of you ignoring traditions and the points I raised because of emotions.
■ Have you not seen where person was mandated to pay bride price twice either because of one or two mistakes?That's the girl's story, what if they all lied to her and she grew up with it? What happens if the tradition doesn't permit another man to collect bride price of a girl whose father is still alive?
■ Please drop emotions and be more critical in this matter I beg you guys. I've heard of a scenerio where they have to change the venue of a traditional marriage simple because it wasn't supposed to be held at the place it was holding then. Are we simply trashing the traditions when indeed the bride price follows the tradition? Abeg make we think or ask person wey dey advance for his own opinion before we comment.
■ What if tomorrow now, they said because of A wasn't supposed to be A, I have to come and pay goat and Elon musk before this and that?

1. Stop using tradition as an excuse for what is bullsheet. What tradition says you must dig up her sperm-donor father in case she has a step/foster father?

2. Well, then, make sure you get a signed and notarized document from your fiance that no second bride price will be paid anything after you have paid it to her mother and mother then. Stop sheepishly searching for reasons to poke your nose into what is not your business.

3. Are you critically certain you are a husband material to this lady at all? Cause you seem to think your ego should be given higher priority over her request to you?

4. What foolish nonsense analogy is that?

MetaBroadband:
Thank you all for your excellent contributions. Please note the following:

1. They said the man abandoned them, but what if it's not actually what happened, so let's not be emotional.

2. I'm not paying the bride price to the biological father, but there should be an understanding between both fathers at this point. because if the child was taken away from the man or if he had acted as a child then, both parents can come to an understanding so that my wife won't hurt any part of the tradition in the course of our marriage.

3. I know that my mother inlaw would be angry, but I still feel it's my right to know. What if something bad happens to my wife because she married in a way that violates her tradition (give Caeser things to Caesar)

4. I'm doing this for my fiancee not me, because as far as I've paid my bride price nothing can come to me, but if anything comes to my wife, it automatically affects me. So it's not just her and her mum's business.

Thank you as you put this thoughts into consideration as well.

Please excuse typos

May God not let my daughter come across men like this.

MetaBroadband:
I appreciate all you comments so far, but I see many of you ignoring traditions and the points I raised because of emotions.

Have you not seen where person was mandated to pay bride price twice either because of one or two mistakes?

That's the girl's story, what if they all lied to her and she grew up with it? What happens if the tradition doesn't permit another man to collect bride price of a girl whose father is still alive?

Please drop emotions and be more critical in this matter I beg you guys. I've heard of a scenerio where they have to change the venue of a traditional marriage simple because it wasn't supposed to be held at the place it was holding then.

Are we simply trashing the traditions when indeed the bride price follows the tradition?

Abeg make we think or ask person wey dey advance for his own opinion before we comment.

What if tomorrow now, they said because of A wasn't supposed to be A, I have to come and pay goat and Elon musk before this and that?

So if they mandate you to pay the bride price later then pay it and stop whining. You are getting a full human being to satisfy your whims and needs, and make multiple trips to hell’s gate (labour room) for you. How much is the bride price abeg? Is it one million? Stop looking for excuses and be respectful of the woman you want to marry and her mother.

So annoying!

Hhansome:
Trust me, they're all lying against the man. Woman has filled her (daughter) up with bitterness and you should be worried.

meaning? Don't men deny pregnancies and abandon the kids and the mothers and move on with their lives? Honour should be given to whom it is due and that right there is her step father!

Poster seems you lack knowledge and information. A man that didn't pay the bride price of his child's mother cannot take that of the child. All the men telling you to locate that infidel is because egos are being trampled on. Give honour to whom it is due, to raise a child from infancy to adulthood is not a child's play not to talk more of another's child,when it's time to reap the fruits of his labour and you deem it fit to give it to an infidel? it would be a crime against nature and humanity and sin against God for a man shall not reapeth where he did not soweth. Let sleeping dogs lie!

Kennie28:
Poster seems you lack knowledge and information. A man that didn't pay the bride price of his child's mother cannot take that of the child. All the men telling you to locate that infidel is because egos are being trampled on. Give honour to whom it is due, to raise a child from infancy to adulthood is not a child's play not to talk more of another's child,when it's time to reap the fruits of his labour and you deem it fit to give it to an infidel? it would be a crime against nature and humanity and sin against God for a man shall not reapeth where he did not soweth. Let sleeping dogs lie!

where i came from, if the man didnt pay the bride price for the child mother, when the child get married the father is invited to witness the ceremony, but he wont get the bride price of his daughter, when the son in law pay the bride price to the father, the parents of the mother now collect their bride price from hims (aka the father

Therefore in simple terms, "you didnt pay for the child's mother bride price, now you wont get the bride price of your daughter, its goes to pay for the child's mother bride price

So idea works in two ways one, whether you were raised by a step father from day you were born, bride price should be received by your bloodline, your father but if your father is owing the bride price, his own in laws will demand it therefor the father will walk with just a token but the rest has been grabbed by the in laws, ad for the step father she shouldnt recieve bride price for bloodline which is not his, no matter how much he contributed to the child

Then the reason they want the father to be there on the bride price day its to do
with spirituality, whereby through either traditional worship or christaing, its about the unification of those two biological parents of the child, eg in african spirituality your ancestors/forefathers are told that out child is married etc, a step father can not do that becoz there have no blood or spiritual/forefathers link

Remember in african spirituality there are problems were one is asked to bring biological parents, it can mom or daddy's size, with a step father how is going to do that ?

Step father is usually appriciated by the person he raised

U are a real man! Good point, most times these women manipulate and poisoned minds of these children and probably hard to live with and frustrate ur fatherly responsibility. In fact enough of these single mothers, single guys avoid ladies with Daddy issues, only a simp will agree to be someone else father when obviously the real father is alive except with his consent

Nigga44:
If you like, take the misguided advise of nairaland's bitter divorced women

Go and see that man!

Besides, if I was the mother's present husband, I must insist the biological father officially knows what's going as long as he's still alive

MetaBroadband:
I appreciate all you comments so far, but I see many of you ignoring traditions and the points I raised because of emotions.

Have you not seen where person was mandated to pay bride price twice either because of one or two mistakes?

That's the girl's story, what if they all lied to her and she grew up with it? What happens if the tradition doesn't permit another man to collect bride price of a girl whose father is still alive?

Please drop emotions and be more critical in this matter I beg you guys. I've heard of a scenerio where they have to change the venue of a traditional marriage simple because it wasn't supposed to be held at the place it was holding then.

Are we simply trashing the traditions when indeed the bride price follows the tradition?

Abeg make we think or ask person wey dey advance for his own opinion before we comment.

What if tomorrow now, they said because of A wasn't supposed to be A, I have to come and pay goat and Elon musk before this and that?

So like this now, you think you have made sense? Isonu omo leleyi sha

It seems you have made up your mind to look for him without her mother's permission, so what do you need nairalands opinion for? You will regret this path you want to take which will teach you a lesson to always mind the business that pays you,

Very annoying a creature.

Lmao, my dad left us when we were young and now I am married.

I just cannot imagine my husband telling me then that he wanted to go look for my dad, bro , you will go to my state and look for my dad to ask of his side of story as to why he abandoned 3 children below 5 years old?

I will leave you in that relationship with my dad as such a person can never be trusted, as that is a red flag and you’re an aspiring deadbeat husband and dad. God forbid bad thing.

I wish I can see your fiancée and tell her to run as far as her legs can take her away from you.
What nonsense.

Kobojunkie:
It seems you don't respect your fiance at all, and that there is a major issue as far as your relationship. Are you certain you are ready for marriage at all?

She said you shouldn't do it, so why do you think it your place to carry wetin no be your business for head? What gives you the right to disturb those waters? Because you want to marry her?

@ sisisioge MetaBroadband, Biglittlelois, mrmislim

Bride price/wedding stuffs, are all "just a formality.."

Just do whatever you think is right to balance all sides to fulfill all righteousness and after everything, a few days, it's all over.

You don't owe anybody any explanation again

Any how the bride want to handle her family side relations thereafter, is her headache.

It doesn't concern the husband again.

So just a few days, close eyes and clear everything. Nothing bad in that.

If the bride or her mother are insisting on not contacting the biological father, its a sign of toxicity/bitterness, Its better to leave the relationship because that toxicity/bitterness can be served to the husband in the future.

If the bride in particular and her mom cannot accept to relate with her biological father for a few days just for the purpose of wedding, then it means after marriage they cannot tolerate/will be rigid and uncompromising ... It's big red flag.

The kind of home, you will call wife, sit down let's talk... She no go hear word dey form strong head

oweniwe:


@ sisisioge MetaBroadband, Biglittlelois, mrmislim

Bride price/wedding stuffs, are all "just a formality.."

Just do whatever you think is right to balance all sides to fulfill all righteousness and after everything, a few days, it's all over.

You don't owe anybody any explanation again

Any how the bride want to handle her family side relations thereafter, is her headache.

It doesn't concern the husband again.

So just a few days, close eyes and clear everything. Nothing bad in that.

If the bride or her mother are insisting on not contacting the biological father, its a sign of toxicity/bitterness, Its better to leave the relationship because that toxicity/bitterness can be served to the husband in the future.

If the bride in particular and her mom cannot accept to relate with her biological father for a few days just for the purpose of wedding, then it means after marriage they cannot tolerate/will be rigid and uncompromising ... It's big red flag.

The kind of home, you will call wife, sit down let's talk... She no go hear word dey form strong head

You must be a deadbeat dad if you are even a dad at all, or an aspiring one, I don’t think you’ll be a responsible man to take care of your home and it is a pity, I pity your innocent children (future children) I have no right to conclude but I am concluding on your personality without regrets.

“Just close your eyes and clear everything, nothing bad in that” can you listen to yourself? Just close your eyes, invite and clear everything after 24years!!! Ahh, may God have mercy on your soul. This thing really vex me ehn

It is someone like you that will abandon wife and children and will say the children will always look for you (oju e a bo)

You said it is bitterness that will make them not to contact the deadbeat, wait o, who should have been bitter if not those that were abandoned? So you want them to move on like nothing happened? Joker.

We had people to bounce my dad and his relatives out of my wedding venue if they made any attempt to attend, but thank God they respected themselves and stayed away, my elder brother sat as my dad.

I have long forgiven him but he can’t even move an inch close to any of his 3 children. He got what he deserved!

oweniwe:


@ sisisioge MetaBroadband, Biglittlelois, mrmislim

Bride price/wedding stuffs, are all "just a formality.."

Just do whatever you think is right to balance all sides to fulfill all righteousness and after everything, a few days, it's all over.

You don't owe anybody any explanation again

Any how the bride want to handle her family side relations thereafter, is her headache.

It doesn't concern the husband again.

So just a few days, close eyes and clear everything. Nothing bad in that.

If the bride or her mother are insisting on not contacting the biological father, its a sign of toxicity/bitterness, Its better to leave the relationship because that toxicity/bitterness can be served to the husband in the future.

If the bride in particular and her mom cannot accept to relate with her biological father for a few days just for the purpose of wedding, then it means after marriage they cannot tolerate/will be rigid and uncompromising ... It's big red flag.

The kind of home, you will call wife, sit down let's talk... She no go hear word dey form strong head

Una dey talk rubbish for this Nairaland. Being a father is more than being a sperm donor. This one was simply a sperm donor. Somebody that abandoned them before her birth, they should now go look for for purpose of wedding. Him sef no get shame say him no go show face. In a saner climate he would be owing thousands of dollars in child support, but in Nigeria na to dash them child price money, give them a pat on back for a child they didn't raise. A slap in the face to the stepfather who did all the work in raising her.

mrmislim:


You must be a deadbeat dad if you are even a dad at all, or an aspiring one, I don’t think you’ll be a responsible man to take care of your home and it is a pity, I pity your innocent children (future children) I have no right to conclude but I am concluding on your personality without regrets.
It is someone like you that will abandon wife and children and will say the children will always look for you (oju e a bo)

You said it is bitterness that will make them not to contact the deadbeat, wait o, who should have been bitter if not those that were abandoned? So you want them to move on like nothing happened? Joker.

We had people to bounce my dad and his relatives out of my wedding venue if they made any attempt to attend, but thank God they respected themselves and stayed away, my elder brother sat as my dad.

I have long forgiven him but he can’t even move an inch close to any of his 3 children. He got what he deserved!

You dey mind am? Na only deadbeats would refuse to step up to their responsibilities but still expect some respect.

You should hear from the biological father, and let him tell you more.

You might learn a thing or two from the biological father to avert future "had I known"

MetaBroadband:
Good morning mature men and women in the house. Please I need your help on this topic.

My Fiancee told me about how her biological dad abandoned her and her mum after getting her mum pregnant.

Her mum later married another man who adopted her as his child.

Now she's grown and I've proposed to her, I wanted to go for her official introduction and list collection.

Would it not be nice to hear the biological father's opinion? Should I just ignore the fact that the man is still alive and proceed with the marriage arrangement?

Although she said I should not bother about that, but this is Nigeria and as an Akwa Ibomite I don't think it's proper. Although she's against me trying to find out about the man's opinion. Should I care?

What can you say about this?

Note: she only told me that the man abandoned them, but what if it was her mum that actually took her away?

Even though I only read the headline, my answer is YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES

This is a family matter, make the both parents/guardians discuss, there's a way she can present the matter for peace to reign.










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Neptunium:
Una dey talk rubbish for this Nairaland. Being a father is more than being a sperm donor. This one was simply a sperm donor. Somebody that abandoned them before her birth, they should now go look for for purpose of wedding. Him sef no get shame say him no go show face. In a saner climate he would be owing thousands of dollars in child support, but in Nigeria na to dash them child price money, give them a pat on back for a child they didn't raise. A slap in the face to the stepfather who did all the work in raising her.

Ding dong!

In Nigeria, here we have some saying he should be rewarded for squirting out sperm that made the girl. Imagine such nonsense!

In your shoes...

I would just pay bride price to both of them and keep it to myself.