Nigga44:
Abeg keep your yeye fried egg to yourself.

Just because of the little help you provide for a fellow woman in need..... that's why you want to convert her kids to your slaves. And the arrogance you exude is irritating You're not God! That woman has been surviving before you came to that area, and God will always make ways for her.

Calling her on the phone to send her kid to you for errands is insulting. But I guess you're doing that cos you feel you earned that cos you provide fried eggs

This life. me that someone bought pizza to eat for the first time nko? till today I'm still grateful. I will never play God on anyone. I just want them to leave me alone, she shouldn't be calling me. no be by force to do friendship that you will be using to Judge me in the back.

That's why people don't help, it backfires. and you cant even feel hurt when you're wrong cos the world suddenly reminds you that you're arrogant and wicked.

omo.. make everybody dem dey. I have left them and I want them to leave me too.

Brandiebird:


Wow! So you want the children to clean your house too! Let me tell you; Yes! It’s a crime for them to wash your dishes, and run “errands” for you.

A mother is protecting her children and you’re here ranting about why you should be able to exploit them! You sound predatory! It’s disgusting! They were living just fine before you came in to their lives and they will be fine when you see yourself out.

after eating they litter the ground with food particles so they have to sweep up. so I'd wash the plates they used in eating? tell me you're joking. plates they used to eat, they can't wash? what kind of home training is that ? you eat at someone's house and you would leave dish for the person to wash for you?

I'm exploiting her children how? pls go and read the meaning of exploit before you say what you don't know.

buy me ingredients that i will use in cooking for us to eat together is what you call exploit?

Go give birth to your kids so they can assist you.

Ginaz:
I moved into a new neighbourhood and i stay alone. Luckily I came across my childhood friend one fateful day on my way to fill up my cooking gas.

we exchanged contact, I found out we live closed to each other. she now has 6kids with her husband, the eldest child being 13yrs old.

As formal friends and now neighbours I tried to assist her with whatever little I could as they're not doing so great in financially.

I noticed whenever I enter her house, she's somewhat uneasy as she would apologized for the messy state of her house, the dirty floor , the roughness of the building which i don't even care to notice as I am not judging her.

I reduced my entrance into her house due to the fact I didnt want her to feel bad about whatever she might be thinking of her house. it was making feel uncomfortable to hear such complains too.

I usually send her kids on errands, which I give them monetary compensations. I called her on phone one day to send her second daughter to me that I wanna send her on an errand, she replied yes she would but I didn't see the daughter.

I was cooking rice, the kids came. I dished for them and I asked the daughter why she refused to come see me the day I sent for her. she told me it was her mother who told her not to come.

I was shocked ! if her mother didn't want me to send her on a errand she could have told me. I felt like I was disturbing her kids so I blocked her number and stop sending the kids message to run for me.

now she has been calling me but I've refused to answer her calls. am I wrong in wanting to end the friendship?

Can you just end most discussions and visits to her family

You can get into trouble assisting her

Besides don't pity her for having six children and living in that condition

She will still bear more kids and live a life of pity

Ginaz:


we talk on phone. she would call me to know if I'm at home that she's sending her child to get something from me. we usually talk on phone for quicker access .most times I'm not home and she may not be at home too.

You have explained enough, but it is like some people here are intent on misinterpreting what you say or reading evil meanings into it. So, just keep quiet if you can please.

frozen70:


Can you just end most discussions and visits to her family

You can get into trouble assisting her

Besides don't pity her for having six children and living in that condition

She will still bear more kids and live a life of pity

As in, she can start saying the lady is helping her so to steal her destiny and those of her kids. Seen and heard that kind of nonsense too much.

GabrielYulaw:


As in, she can start saying the lady is helping her so to steal her destiny and those of her kids. Seen and heard that kind of nonsense too much.

Honestly,

GabrielYulaw:


As in, she can start saying the lady is helping her so to steal her destiny and those of her kids. Seen and heard that kind of nonsense too much.

Honestly

Ginaz:


we talk on phone. she would call me to know if I'm at home that she's sending her child to get something from me. we usually talk on phone for quicker access .most times I'm not home and she may not be at home too.

There's nothing wrong with you sending her children on errands, you crossed the line when you called her specifically to send her child on errands. We need to learn to help others with clear minds not because of what we might want from them in future.

Ginaz

I think the notion of....

"We need to learn to help others with clear minds not because of what we might want from them in future."

is UTTER BULLSHIT.

You are not obliged whatsoever to help anybody. They've made the decision themselves to sire all those kids. 6?? and the oldest is 13? For fvk sake!!!!

I see you even compensated them for running errands in the past,even though you still assist them in other ways.

I don't get why people are saying "you shouldn't have called the mother to semd the kids on errands," I think that too is UTTER Bullshit..

The first born is completely capable and can lawfully get employed- running such kind of errands is something teenagers in the west do to earn money. That's what differentiate a black man from white man sha.

Black man feels entitled to your hard earned money, and will come back later to tell you that "I didn't ask for your help"..

Abeg, they were surviving before you met them. Leave them! Since they don't want to turn their child to houseboy, they shouldn't also turn you to their "helper."

Africans and the silly notion of "Help someone with clear mind," What the fvck does that even mean? Is there such a thing? Help without motive? abegi!!!

dominique:


There's nothing wrong with you sending her children on errands, you crossed the line when you called her specifically to send her child on errands. We need to learn to help others with clear minds not because of what we might want from them in future.

Was she supposed to send the child of another without the consent of the parent? Or was she supposed to berge into her house and ask the girl directly to go on errand without informing the mum? Is the child independent? We are not talking adults here, are we?

Nicepoker:
Go give birth to your kids so they can assist you.

Hahahahaha.. Why doesn't the woman with six kids also get job, so that her kids don't have to be going to someone's house for daily bread?

Nicepoker:
Go give birth to your kids so they can assist you.

Hahahahaha.. Why doesn't the woman with six kids also get job, so that her kids don't have to be going to someone's house for daily bread?

kkins25:
The first born is completely capable and can lawfully get employed- running such kind of errands is something teenagers in the west do to earn money. That's what differentiate a black man from white man sha.

Black man feels entitled to your hard earned money, and will come back later to tell you that "I didn't ask for your help"..

Come try that here without first getting consent from the parent, and see how it ends for you.

Some people are just saying nonsense here. What is the essence of friendship if I can't benefit from you. Friendship is give and take.

We have friends that we should benefit from each other and we have people we can just help without looking for any assistance from them.

But a friend that we see daily and communicate daily with should always be there for each other.

Sending her kids to get little stuffs within the street is not a bad thing and the op is not asking for too much help from her friend.

All these people saying bla bla, if you call someone your friend and you're the only giver in the so called friendship, won't you get tired?

Op just stay on your lane abeg...some people are not blessed with friends and if you force it, you will regret bitterly later.

Kobojunkie:
Come try that here without first getting consent from the parent, and see how it ends for you.

Which is why she called the mum, isn't it?

Ginaz:


the other small child confirmed that the mother said it. she has been calling me due to her conscience biting her but i won't pick her calls.

I'm not a fool. I wish you good with all my heart but you want to use your children to do wicked against me in your heart.

Ginaz, Calm down pls. Pick her call, hear what she has to say. Going forward, deal with caution and wisdom with her and the children.

Hear what she has to say, if it happens she apologized or try to explain what happened, let her know how you feel .

Ginaz!, Let it slide, you don't need to let bad energy build up around you.

SINisSIN:
Some people are just saying nonsense here. What is the essence of friendship if I can't benefit from you. Friendship is give and take.

We have friends that we should benefit from each other and we have people we can just help without looking for any assistance from them.

But a friend that we see daily and communicate daily with should always be there for each other.

Sending her kids to get little stuffs within the street is not a bad thing and the op is not asking for too much help from her friend.

All these people saying bla bla, if you called someone your friend and you're the only the giver in the so called friendship, won't you get tired?

Op just stay on your lane abeg...some people are not blessed with friends and if you force it, you will regret bitterly later.

My brother, "helo with a clean mind" is a naija man technique for exorting you dry. They will abandon you as soon as things go south. Believe you me, my old man was in the very same spot. gifting out money and even connecting people with jobs. We used to have people visit us per second per second.. the moments pocket dry, booomm.. everybody disappear.. 🤣🤣🤣


Even people that he helped raise through school no dey pick him call.. If the people you help aren't going to help you back, why don't i just save my resources for a stormy day....

yoniehuin:
If you had a kid and people send them on errand as they feel like, will you be happy.

"As they feel like" but was she sending them on errands as she felt like?

henrimoto:
Ginaz, Calm down pls. Pick her call, hear what she has to say. Going forward, deal with caution and wisdom with her and the children.

Hear what she has to say, if it happens she apologized or try to explain what happened, let her know how you feel .

Ginaz!, Let it slide, you don't need to let bad energy build up around you.

so that she will continue to vampire her resources abi? on top pikin wey she no born?? What is ginaz going to gain from the situation-ship?

kkins25:


so that she will continue to vampire her resources abi? on top pikin wey she no born?? What is ginaz going to gain from the situation-ship?

..that is why i said, going forward, Ginaz should tread with caution and wisdom when dealing with mother and the children.

Imagine bruv...see what people are saying here na. People who help too much always receive insults later expecially when you don't have resources to help again. Reason why YOU should always comes first.

You're my friend and I can't benefit anything from you but you always open hands to receive always from me and some dudes here are saying trash. Friend is different from a random person.

Reason why rich move with rich. They don't want poor people drama.

kkins25:


My brother, "helo with a clean mind" is a naija man technique for exorting you dry. They will abandon you as soon as things go south. Believe you me, my old man was in the very same spot. gifting out money and even connecting people with jobs. We used to have people visit us per second per second.. the moments pocket dry, booomm.. everybody disappear.. 🤣🤣🤣


Even people that he helped raise through school no dey pick him call.. If the people you help aren't going to help you back, why don't i just save my resources for a stormy day....

henrimoto:
..that is why i said, going forward, Ginaz should tread with caution and wisdom when dealing with mother and the children.

No, she'd still feel pity and continue to dish out money. How do you know if the friend isn't just pushing the relationship because of th e things she hopes to gain? you think only the rich use people?

SINisSIN:
Imagine bruv...see what people are saying here na. People who help too much always receive insults later expecially when you don't have resources to help again. Reason why YOU should always comes first.

You're my friend and I can't benefit anything from you but you always open hands to receive always from me and some dudes here are saying trash. Friend is different from a random person.

Reason why rich move with rich. They don't want poor people drama.

I watch something on YouTube last week that changed my perception about helping people you have some form of relationship with.. They say charity in such situations is in several phases.

"If you give something to somebody once, you’ll get appreciation. You give it a second time, you’ll create anticipation. If you give it a third time, you’ll create expectation. If you give it a fourth time, you’ll create entitlement. If you give it a fifth time, you’ll create dependency." - - https://verbalbreakdown.medium.com/from-appreciation-to-resentment-80669551f1db#:~:text=If%20you%20give%20something%20to,%2C%20you'll%20create%20entitlement.

Came across this on YouTube at firat about 4 days ago... 😁 😁 Every thing finally made sense..

I’d like to start this off with a quote from a book by Dr. Robert Lupton called Toxic Charity,

“Giving to those in need what they could be gaining from their own initiative may well be the kindest way to destroy people.”

Ginaz:
I'm feeling weird that she doesn't take me as a friend as I take her to be.

This is likely the case.

She doesn't like you like that, but just wants you around for the things she'll benefit.

She gives off a bitter, contentious vibes.

I don't know about others, but it is always very much a thing of "pride" to my parents to have us helping our neighbours run errand. Yes, some people definitely overdo it but that's not what I am defending here.


It is the communal intention behind it that I am referring to...others would also gladly, willingly allow their kids run errand for my parents. Like, we're more of our neighbours' children than our parents' and the idea is about helping each other out and sharing. Like you said, you cook for them too, and give them money. I don't think you're doing that from a bad place.

And the talk of something happening to the children on the way is just funny. Really? Like really? Over a long distance, I get. But kids that play in the streets all the time and go to buy sweets and biscuits for themselves, something bad will suddenly happen to them when you send them on errand. Like everybody goes outside to buy things with the thought of something bad happening to them.

Shey they were living fine before you moved in next door?
And you always get your things by yourself when kids weren't around you?

Great. Just keep your distance and everybody will be fine.

Also, let me add this, you see that person you fought that she went to beg, I'm 99% certain that they've badmouthed you.

There's a Yoruba expression for it, but it's not coming to me, and it is a very terrible attitude.

Two people will fight, with one person being the instigator o, and somebody will go and be begging that person. I really really h8 it.

Even if there was no clear instigator sef, she's your "supposed" friend. Her loyalty should be to you first and trying to pacify you both together neutrally at the scene of fight. But going to meet the person the next day again? Eish.

I guess this is why some people always say to be wary of old friends you reconnected with. They're hardly the same person you knew.

Ginaz:


which errands am I sending them apart from getting me tomatoes or milk or fish within the street as the distance is just 2minutes away.

they come to my house by themselves and sometimes I'd drive them away before they would leave. I never let them go home hungry , whatever I eat, they eat too.

I don't send them to go to the market for me or use as slaves.

u no get leg to Waka the 2 minutes distance

Don't send her kids on errands.

You crossed reasonable lines when you called her to send her daughter over to you.

Most times it is them that try to push their kids to you. If you are married, they would suggest you take the child as your live-in help. Best believe the right thing to do is turn down this offer.

You can choose to discontinue the friendship and allow her handle her 6 kids. They won't die. It is the life she chose for herself.

Ginaz:
I felt bad that she would asked her daughter not to come run errand for me. this is someone who I have been very good and supportive to since I moved here. I don't want to talk about all I've done cos it's between me and God.

the phone she's using i gave her as her own phone got spoilt.

If she could tell her child not to come to me, I'm just wondering the rest things she might be saying behind me.

could her child be lying against her mother ?

this world is wicked though. becareful of those you call friends , they may not have the same good intentions for you.

What if the child is not saying the truth, you shouldn't have outrightly block her at least find out from the mother to ascertain if what the child said is truth. Children of nowadays can lie eh

Ginaz:


which errands am I sending them apart from getting me tomatoes or milk or fish within the street as the distance is just 2minutes away.

they come to my house by themselves and sometimes I'd drive them away before they would leave. I never let them go home hungry , whatever I eat, they eat too.

I don't send them to go to the market for me or use as slaves.

It's not about the errand, but the frequency of such errand. Once in two weeks is okay. But sending them on an errand 3 - 4 times in a week can become annoying.

It seems you don't have younger siblings to actually know how it feels when people frequently send them on errands. I have a younger brother and I wouldn't be happy if someone turn him to an errand boy all in the name of petty compensation.

If they were in a better position financially I doubt you will turn the kids to your slaves. This is daylight manipulation. You feel you can easily control them because your life is better and they are struggling.

Nigga44:
Abeg keep your yeye fried egg to yourself.

Just because of the little help you provide for a fellow woman in need..... that's why you want to convert her kids to your slaves. And the arrogance you exude is irritating You're not God! That woman has been surviving before you came to that area, and God will always make ways for her.

Calling her on the phone to send her kid to you for errands is insulting. But I guess you're doing that cos you feel you earned that cos you provide fried eggs

..At the bolded, it's an act of respect from Ginaz to the mother. It's not an insult.

You say you called the lady and asked her to send her daughter to come and help you with an errand. In my opinion, it is wrong. It is only okay to send the children on errand when they visit you or if they are playing around, but it's not polite to pick your phone to call the woman to send the child to come run errands. She doesn't need to tell you anything.

Helping people doesn't mean we should expect something from them in return. Because you help her, is not enough grounds to constantly make her children run errands. You should only send them on errands once in awhile.

Ginaz:


why did she not tell me she doesn't want her kids to run errands for me? And besides , the same kids come to my house everyday , eat my food and all. Have I ever complained the way they come to my house and scatter my things?
do you know the inconvenience i go through when 5 of them come to my house? I cook and make sure they're ok.

what's little errand they can't help me go? and I give them the change left. so who is stressing more between me and the children ?

Nothing goes for free, even those hypocrites abusing the op.

She's helping the family and the family should also help her. She's not a NGO or charity organisation, she has needs,likewise the family She's helping.


Funny enough, none of the critics have decided to ask the op for the family's Info to help them, but they will criticise op for doing it and expecting a lil favor in return.


Even God doesn't do anything for free!!!!

kkins25:
Ginaz

I think the notion of....

"We need to learn to help others with clear minds not because of what we might want from them in future."

is UTTER BULLSHIT.

You are not obliged whatsoever to help anybody. They've made the decision themselves to sire all those kids. 6?? and the oldest is 13? For fvk sake!!!!

I see you even compensated them for running errands in the past,even though you still assist them in other ways.

I don't get why people are saying "you shouldn't have called the mother to semd the kids on errands," I think that too is UTTER Bullshit..

The first born is completely capable and can lawfully get employed- running such kind of errands is something teenagers in the west do to earn money. That's what differentiate a black man from white man sha.

Black man feels entitled to your hard earned money, and will come back later to tell you that "I didn't ask for your help"..

Abeg, they were surviving before you met them. Leave them! Since they don't want to turn their child to houseboy, they shouldn't also turn you to their "helper."

Africans and the silly notion of "Help someone with clear mind," What the fvck does that even mean? Is there such a thing? Help without motive? abegi!!!

Maybe it's because I'm a mother myself, that's why I see why her friend was slighted by the way she called specifically to send her child on errands. Imagine this scenario. We're both friends, we hang out a lot in the neighborhood. In times you need stuff done while we're both hanging out, I can suggest that you send my kids. Now I'm home with my children, you now call me to send one of my kids over for you to send on errands. There's no way I won't feel insulted and I don't think there's any parent who won't feel insulted by that.

Was she supposed to send the child of another without the consent of the parent? Or was she supposed to berge into her house and ask the girl directly to go on errand without informing the mum? Is the child independent? We are not talking adults here, are we?

Can't she not do these chores on her own? Why must you call other people's children to get things done for you? Are you an invalid? if she was ill and her friend is well aware of her condition, she won't even need to ask before her friend volunteers her kids to come and assist. That was the case withe when I was pregnant with my 3rd and I was always tired. My close friend in the area used to send her older kids to come and assist. Most times I tell them not to bother, I'm managing on my own and my then 8 year old son assists within his own capacity too but she won't hear. Imagine me being perfectly healthy, and I just pick up my phone and call my friend to send her children to my house to do work for me. It's only a non parent that won't find that condescending.