henrimoto:
..At the bolded, it's an act of respect from Ginaz to the mother. It's not an insult.

It is an insult, degrading and belittling, when you have kids you'd know how it feels, the Op cannot do that to a well to do woman, she can only do that to someone she feels is below her in status and everything,

For someone like Op that started mentioning and counting all she has done for that wwoman just cos of a little misunderstanding has to be feared and totally avoided, personally I cant be friends with such people, for her to even bring it here, imagine the countless number of people she must have told on their street with details of all she has done for that woman, all these street banters sef...smh.

I just see all these shor shor as women wahala. Women don't like themselves just eye service. When there is a deep friendship love, my child is yours, yours is mine.

I have called a friend of mine before to tell him to please send his son to my office ASAP as I will be needing him to run some errands for me. Within 30mins, guy man show. My own little kids see this my friend's children as their older siblings and most times they are always together.

Reason why fake love is everywhere. We show gratitude outside but deep down, we don't even value the person we are calling friends or spouses.

If it is a random Person, op can be blamed but in this case, op claimed they are childhood friends hence the closeness shouldn't be a thing of doubt.

Women and their wahala sha.

Ginaz:


why did she not tell me she doesn't want her kids to run errands for me?

No, she will never mention it to you. And even if she did, your reaction would be worse than what you have already done.

Unsaid words are more powerful, so learn to discern. The moment her daughter refused to show up, you should have gotten the message.

You came seeking for advice yet you quote everybody's opinion that tends to advise or ask questions.

From my observation you are proud and have lots of pride in you.
If you think that people's opinions doesn't matter why bring it here to trash.
Well if you like you take it, it's just my own opinion.
You have no right to call that friend of yours on phone to send her children across to you to run errands. Forget about what you've done or will still do for them. If you feel like becos you always give them something hence this is what they own you in return, then stop because na entitlement mentality you get.
Learn to respect others too and for the fact that you give them today doesn't mean it's forever.
Accept those children as your or rather limit the way you give them items since your payback is errands.
You can as well tell them to stop coming

Nonsense and ingredients

And please don't quote me

kkins25:
Which is why she called the mum, isn't it?

And now the mum says no more permission so why is she incensed?

Look, from personal experience, unless you are in a wheel chair or are offering a child some sort of job where you pay him for his service or something, it is a tad debasing to ask your friend if you could send his kid out on a personal errand.

It isn't a enough reason to call them from their house to send them on errand.

Ginaz:


why did she not tell me she doesn't want her kids to run errands for me? And besides , the same kids come to my house everyday , eat my food and all. Have I ever complained the way they come to my house and scatter my things?
do you know the inconvenience i go through when 5 of them come to my house? I cook and make sure they're ok.

what's little errand they can't help me go? and I give them the change left. so who is stressing more between me and the children ?

What errands?
How long has been this friendship?
What is your social status and his like?

SINisSIN:
I just see all these shor shor as women wahala. Women don't like themselves just eye service. When there is a deep friendship love, my child is yours, yours is mine.

I have called a friend of mine before to tell him to please send his son to my office ASAP as I will be needing him to run some errands for me. Within 30mins, guy man show. My own little kids see this my friend's children as their older siblings and most times they are always together.

Reason why fake love is everywhere. We show gratitude outside but deep down, we don't even value the person we are calling friends or spouses.

If it is a random Person, op can be blamed but in this case, op claimed they are childhood friends hence the closeness shouldn't be a thing of doubt.

Women and their wahala sha.

My own is I have called a senior family friend friend to take permission to send her 17 now 18year old an errand to get a cake for me. She's even a junior friend to my mum.


So this notion of its disrespectful to call the mother to send the child an errand seems very weird to me. Very very weird. I could have called that girl I mentioned directly she would still have gone to inform her mum but I told her mum first, she just called me and said mumsie said you want to send me somewhere. It's courtesy If you ask me.

I find it strange that some people are off the opinion that a so called friend cannot call to ask if their child can help run an errand though. It really is a Yes or No situation. Also the mother had told you her no without words when the girl didn't show up.



Anyway OP cut them off, helping people in Nigeria always has its own issues, make everybody dey their lane.

Pick her call but cut them off, you don't even need quarell, you are pissed obviously but this life no hard just dey your dey, you sef will have peace of mind.

What you did was right.

But you can give them one more chance.
You are helpful to them, overlook small small error and flaws from their end.
We believe there are rewards from God for our actions.

SINisSIN:
I just see all these shor shor as women wahala. Women don't like themselves just eye service. When there is a deep friendship love, my child is yours, yours is mine.

I have called a friend of mine before to tell him to please send his son to my office ASAP as I will be needing him to run some errands for me. Within 30mins, guy man show. My own little kids see this my friend's children as their older siblings and most times they are always together.

Reason why fake love is everywhere. We show gratitude outside but deep down, we don't even value the person we are calling friends or spouses.

If it is a random Person, op can be blamed but in this case, op claimed they are childhood friends hence the closeness shouldn't be a thing of doubt.

Women and their wahala sha.

Loool you really think women don't love themselves.

The bolded is also my stance, would rather ask the parent for permission.

GboyegaD:


Wasn't the bolded the reason you blocked her number? Do you know the daughter might have misinterpreted what the mother said? In fairness to her, you should at least ask her otherwise, you never saw her as a friend.

You might not know but the fact that she felt uncomfortable whenever you visited could mean so much in terms of the aura you release. For you, it might be you just been you but to her, it might be an overwhelming feeling that makes her feel less You might tell her you don't care but the way it is said/how it is perceived too matters. Rather than stop going to her house, should you find yourself in a similar situation, learn to make the person feel more relaxed by discussing it with them. I know we are not used to having such conversations however, I have learnt it is good to hold some conversations no matter how awkward as it helps bring out the best in/of situations.

In conclusion, hear her out. You don't even have an idea why she is trying to reach out.

Na man, or whatever, be dis.



The "friend" should also bring it up sha, if she feels she is being looked down on. I suppose the OP should give more, expect less, as they say. Or, give from a distance.

To be fair to the OP, she has really tried. Allowing that many kids to walk into her home whenever they please is something. Personally, I can't deal. I'll develop instant mental breakdown and trauma. 5-6 children ke?

Another strange thing is why the woman allows her children to visit someone she doesn't want her kids to run errands for. That's not very common in Nigeria. If someone lets their children visit you and eat freely in your house, you can bet they feel safe around you and treat you like family.

So yes, the op has a strong point for feeling "used." There is no free lunch anywhere, whether we all agree or not. Even if a younger relative (family) comes visiting, you'll need to get used to doing some work in the house, or you visit with your personal chef and maids.

But then...... Would I send another man/woman's child on an errand, especially someone I haven't met in a long while? I don't think so. It's not because there's anything wrong with that or with feeding them in my opinion, but personally, I don't want to take responsibility for any problems. I don't want anyone connecting any dots when your kid develops stomach ache.

As some posters have mentioned, some Nigerians (especially the poor) have a strange mentality. Some NGO folks were accused of trying to steal the destiny of school children recently. Their offence? They distribute free sanitary pads to school children (as seen on Twitter).

Acidosis:
■ To be fair to the OP, she has really tried. Allowing that many kids to walk into her home whenever they please is something. Personally, I can't deal. I'll develop instant mental breakdown and trauma. 5-6 children ke?
Another strange thing is why the woman allows her children to visit someone she doesn't want her kids to run errands for. That's not very common in Nigeria. If someone lets their children visit you freely, you can bet they feel safe around you and treat you like family. So yes, the op has a point for feeling "used." There is no free lunch anywhere, whether we agree or not. Even if a younger relative (family) comes visiting, you'll need to get used to doing some work in the house, or you visit with your personal chef and maids.
■ But then...... Would I send another man/woman's child on an errand? I don't think so. It's not because there's anything wrong with that in my opinion, but personally, I don't want to take responsibility for any problems. As some posters have mentioned, some Nigerians (especially the poor) have a strange mentality. Some NGO folks were accused of trying to steal the destiny of school children. Their offence? They distribute free sanitary pads to school children (as seen on Twitter).

1. No be Nigeria we dry talk about again where kids are free to roam on their own sometimes?

2. If I am not offering the kid a part-time gig or paying for the service, I would do it. Friendship with the parent should not be construed as right to the friend's kids.

Kobojunkie:
1. No be Nigeria we dry talk about again where kids are free to roam on their own sometimes?

2. If I am not offering the kid a part-time gig or paying for the service, I would do it. Friendship with the parent should not be construed as right to the friend's kids.

No, you can't pay a kid for his or her services. That is child labour. Errand, on the other hand, is part of our upbringing in Nigeria.

Acidosis:
■ No, you can't pay a kid for his or her services. That is child labour. Errand, on the other hand, is part of our upbringing in Nigeria.

That is not what child labor means abeg!

Kobojunkie:
That is not what child labor means abeg!

Lol

The friend has SIX children in today´s world.
She open her eyes and have six children.
Probably perdition them and herself to poverty and suffering.

Ginaz:


which errands am I sending them apart from getting me tomatoes or milk or fish within the street as the distance is just 2minutes away.

they come to my house by themselves and sometimes I'd drive them away before they would leave. I never let them go home hungry , whatever I eat, they eat too.

I don't send them to go to the market for me or use as slaves.

What happens to your own kids

Please stop sending them on useless errands as if they have nothing doing in their house

Apart from your from the father of those kids may be uncomfortable with, I personally won't take such nonsense for my kids

If it's minutes away fucking go your damn self, they ain't your kids and they ain't your friend either, send your friend if your must send someone not the innocent kids

The kids may even be the one complaining their parents behind your back

OP, I'm with you. Keep your distance from them. Only thing they want to do is take and take. Set that boundary so everybody go know where there dey.

Kobojunkie:
And now the mum says no more permission so why is she incensed?

Look, from personal experience, unless you are in a wheel chair or are offering a child some sort of job where you pay him for his service or something, it is a tad debasing to ask your friend if you could send his kid out on a personal errand.

The woman did not say no, kobo. She said yes, but didn't allow the girl to go. You see, that's the difference here. Why lie? This is what troubles the OP.

Kobojunkie:
1. No be Nigeria we dry talk about again where kids are free to roam on their own sometimes?

2. If I am not offering the kid a part-time gig or paying for the service, I would do it. Friendship with the parent should not be construed as right to the friend's kids.

The OP has also stated, that she compensates the kids any time she sends them on errands.

You guys are arguing based on this "ore, send your child over i want to send them on errand," when she probably said, "please, can you send you child over let him help me with something."

If the so called friend can tell her "yes" to her face, but went behind to with a different answer, this should warrant the OP to evaluate their relationship. To me, it seems like a parasitic one, which isn't so uncommon.

kkins25:
■ The woman did not say no, kobo. She said yes, but didn't allow the girl to go. You see, that's the difference here. Why lie? This is what troubles the OP.
■ The OP has also stated, that she compensates the kids any time she sends them on errands.
■ You guys are arguing based on this "ore, send your child over i want to send them on errand," when she probably said, "please, can you send you child over let him help me with something."
■ If the so called friend can tell her "yes" to her face, but went behind to with a different answer, this should warrant the OP to evaluate their relationship. To me, it seems like a parasitic one, which isn't so uncommon.

1. The mother has a right to change her mind.

2. I am afraid I didn't see her state that she compensates the kids for their errand service offered. Where is this comment?

3. I am against the part in bold since that would not be how I would phrase it if I were asking for help with promise to pay for the child's time and service.

4. Op should call up the friend and ask why the change of mind. Simple!

Kobojunkie:


1. The mother has a right to change her mind.

This was not communicated to OP. The woman's daughter relayed the information. It's okay to send her 6 children to go and eat dinner at "aunties" place, but the line is drawn when OP askes for a common courtesy?

Is OP running an IDP camp?

2. I am afraid I didn't see her state that she compensates the kids for their errand service offered. Where is this comment?

Here you go:

do you know the inconvenience i go through when 5 of them come to my house? I cook and make sure they're ok. what's little errand they can't help me go? and I give them the change left. so who is stressing more between me and the children ? https://www.nairaland.com/7884131/may-wrong-wanting-end-friendship#126519152

3. I am against the part in bold since that would not be how I would phrase it if I were asking for help with promise to pay for the child's time and service.

That's not what I meant. You can send the child and still go "Junior, take 5 Naira, thanks for coming."

4. Op should call up the friend and ask why the change of mind. Simple!

Nah! OP is not an IDP camp! Neither is she the one who needs help raising 6 kids.

wunmi590(m): 5:06pm On Oct 20



the other small child confirmed that the mother said it. she has been calling me due to her conscience biting her but i won't pick her calls.

I'm not a fool. I wish you good with all my heart but you want to use your children to do wicked against me in your heart.

May be she feel the way you have been sending her children on errand is getting too much, but she's doesn't know how to tell you, she decided to do that through the kids, but she guffed...

Just let it slide, that shouldn't stop you from helping the children if they need your assistance, at least the kids likes you and are kind enough to tell uou what their mother said....

Let love lead

Which basturd love??

Kobojunkie:
1. The first is a miss on your part. You for sit her down, look her in the eye, and tell her pop and plain that you do not mind the mess at all, and so she should stop complaining about it.

2. I take offense to you sending her kids on errands. Sending them with a message to their own mother, maybe, but sending them on your own personal errands, no.

This bros dey muzz me

kkins25:
■ This was not communicated to OP. The woman's daughter relayed the information. It's okay to send her 6 children to go and eat dinner at "aunties" place, but the line is drawn when OP askes for a common courtesy? Is OP running an IDP camp?
■ Here you go:
do you know the inconvenience i go through when 5 of them come to my house? I cook and make sure they're ok. what's little errand they can't help me go? and I give them the change left. so who is stressing more between me and the children ? https://www.nairaland.com/7884131/may-wrong-wanting-end-friendship#126519152
■ That's not what I meant. You can send the child and still go "Junior, take 5 Naira, thanks for coming."
■ Nah! OP is not an IDP camp! Neither is she the one who needs help raising 6 kids.

1. OP could simply have sent the kids back home -- the end.

2. I originally saw in her OP that she mentioned giving them monetary compensation but knowing how things work in Nigeria, I immediately assumed she meant giving them a tip which is nothing like actually paying for service rendered. For a minute there I thought I was wrong but here you confirmed it that Op was only giving them her change and not in fact paying for the service.

Look, if you call on the neighbor to let her son help mow your lawn or deliver goods for you, you better be ready to state upfront how much you will pay the boy for his time, or your risk damaging a good friendship pretending your change or a meal will do.

3. Rubbish! Who goes on errand for Naira 5 in this day and age? At least promise the kid(depending on age) Naira 50/per errand or Naira 100/hour. -\

4. Op wasn't forced into this according to her so stop asking this IDP camp nonsense! She opened her home to them is why.

Ginaz:


That's what I've been thinking. even the children I do drive them to go home cos they like coming to my house a lot. so it's not I'm using them as I want.

If they can assist me to run small errands what's bad? is life not give and take?

why do they feel they're entittled to me but I can't ask them to assist me buy tomatoes.

Don't we all send little kids on small errands like "buy me Maggie or salt "? we were sent errands when we were small nobody complained.

I get you… na to lock up sure pass.

Person wey get mind to send 5/6 children to person house at once, still get mind to refuse one of the kids to help you when you had a need. This shows that the relationship is one-sided. You really don’t need that kind of friendship.

Kobojunkie:

1. OP could simply have sent the kids back home -- the end.

Thankfully, the OP has more conscience than the woman to know that it's not the kids fault.

I originally saw in her OP that she has mentioned giving them monetary compensation but knowing how things work in Nigeria , I had immediately assumed she meant giving them a tip which is nothing like actually paying for service rendered. For a minute there I thought I was wrong but here you confirmed it that Op was only giving them her change and not in fact paying for the service.

Look, if you call on the neighbor to let her son help you mow you lawn or deliver goods for you, you better be ready to state upfront how much you will pay or your risk damaging a good friendship by suggesting what you will give is your change or a meal.

Even in the West, I know for sure that it doesn't always involve money. Parents often get their child to help babysit for their friends. So, this "she must pay for the services rendered" argument holds absolutely no water. Plus, don't forget, the two ladies are "friends."

3. Rubbish! Who goes on errand for Naira 5 in this day and age? At least promise the kid Naira 50/per errand or Naira 100/hour. -\

I meant that figuratively. Again, if both parties are friends, and one party is already a beneficiary to other incentives, which cost money, who in their right mind, will demand that the OP should pay the child for the errand. The mobile device, according to the OP, that the woman is currently using, belongs to the OP.. Nobody with a good conscience will demand for pay, for a once in a while something.

4. Op wasn't forced into this according to her so stop asking this IDP camp nonsense! She opened her home to them is why.

Aha! That's why my new motto is if they don't ask, mind your business. Even if they ask, na who go help you, I go help.

Let somebody not later tell me that "I didn't ask you for your help" just like a therapist was told yesterday on Twitter by an abused woman she was paying 30k every month so she got back to her fit. Now, will the therapist bother assisting any woman in future? Come on!!!

eniolorunfe:


I get you… na to lock up sure pass.

Person wey get mind to send[b] 5/6 children[/b] to person house at once, still get mind to refuse one of the kids to help you when you had a need. This shows that the relationship is one-sided. You really don’t need that kind of friendship.

My parents would call them Battalion

kkins25:

My parents would call them Battalion

Na so 😁😂

kkins25:
■Thankfully, the OP has more conscience than the woman to know that it's not the kids fault.
■ Even in the West, I know for sure that it doesn't always involve money. Parents often get their child to help babysit for their friends. So, this "she must pay for the services rendered" argument holds absolutely no water. Plus, don't forget, the two ladies are "friends."
■ I meant that figuratively. Again, if both parties are friends, and one party is already a beneficiary to other incentives, which cost money, who in their right mind, will demand that the OP should pay the child for the errand. The mobile device, according to the OP, that the woman is currently using, belongs to the OP.. Nobody with a good conscience will demand for pay, for a once in a while something.
■ Aha! That's why my new motto is if they don't ask, mind your business. Even if they ask, na who go help you, I go help. Let somebody not later tell me that "I didn't ask you for your help" just like a therapist was told yesterday on Twitter by an abused woman she was paying 30k every month so she got back to her fit. Now, will the therapist bother assisting any woman in future? Come on!!!

1. If you believe so.

2. ROFLMAO ...An 11-year-old will explain to you how your friend is not necessarily his friend. Look, the two ladies are friends does not give the one right to the other's kids. Those kids are not her friends or her right in friendship. Treating them as such is just not right.

3. Nonsense! So because say dem be friends, OP fit also borrow the woman husband or mama like her kids? Friendship does not give you right to other people --- kids are people-- around that person. It is courtesy you pay for their time much the same way you would pay others.

4. Op said she was doing it out of kindness. Nothing wrong with being kind to your neighbor.

I have never been comfy sending people or other people's kids on errands sha....as in them no be my slave.

Biko blocking her and wanting to end the friendship so suddenly is somehow, better to ease off gradually fa. It is well.

Next time, dey your lane jejely. That kind friendship no dey end well.

Magnoliaa:


This is likely the case.

She doesn't like you like that, but just wants you around for the things she'll benefit.

She gives off a bitter, contentious vibes.

I don't know about others, but it is always very much a thing of "pride" to my parents to have us helping our neighbours run errand. Yes, some people definitely overdo it but that's not what I am defending here.


It is the communal intention behind it that I am referring to...others would also gladly, willingly allow their kids run errand for my parents. Like, we're more of our neighbours' children than our parents' and the idea is about helping each other out and sharing. Like you said, you cook for them too, and give them money. I don't think you're doing that from a bad place.

And the talk of something happening to the children on the way is just funny. Really? Like really? Over a long distance, I get. But kids that play in the streets all the time and go to buy sweets and biscuits for themselves, something bad will suddenly happen to them when you send them on errand. Like everybody goes outside to buy things with the thought of something bad happening to them.

Shey they were living fine before you moved in next door?
And you always get your things by yourself when kids weren't around you?

Great. Just keep your distance and everybody will be fine.

Also, let me add this, you see that person you fought that she went to beg, I'm 99% certain that they've badmouthed you.

There's a Yoruba expression for it, but it's not coming to me, and it is a very terrible attitude.

Two people will fight, with one person being the instigator o, and somebody will go and be begging that person. I really really h8 it.

Even if there was no clear instigator sef, she's your "supposed" friend. Her loyalty should be to you first and trying to pacify you both together neutrally at the scene of fight. But going to meet the person the next day again? Eish.

I guess this is why some people always say to be wary of old friends you reconnected with. They're hardly the same person you knew.

Couldn't have put it better. Thumbs up!

Acidosis:
To be fair to the OP, she has really tried. Allowing that many kids to walk into her home whenever they please is something. Personally, I can't deal. I'll develop instant mental breakdown and trauma. 5-6 children ke?

Another strange thing is why the woman allows her children to visit someone she doesn't want her kids to run errands for. That's not very common in Nigeria. If someone lets their children visit you and eat freely in your house, you can bet they feel safe around you and treat you like family.

So yes, the op has a strong point for feeling "used." There is no free lunch anywhere, whether we all agree or not. Even if a younger relative (family) comes visiting, you'll need to get used to doing some work in the house, or you visit with your personal chef and maids.

But then...... Would I send another man/woman's child on an errand, especially someone I haven't met in a long while? I don't think so. It's not because there's anything wrong with that or with feeding them in my opinion, but personally, I don't want to take responsibility for any problems. I don't want anyone connecting any dots when your kid develops stomach ache.

As some posters have mentioned, some Nigerians (especially the poor) have a strange mentality. Some NGO folks were accused of trying to steal the destiny of school children recently. Their offence? They distribute free sanitary pads to school children (as seen on Twitter).

They are not being sent on errand to mold cement or go up NEPA pole and reconnect light. They are being sent 2 minutes away from home to buy food ingredients that they themselves will eat. So I don't get why so many here are freaking out about that.