B) also many guys out there aint got nothing to offer women than gifts and outings where they pay for food etc. they have no communication skills, no "game", no qualities. they simply portray some false security (with their money), the same security that any women searches for. so in fact, they are just teaching women to be stingy and look for these "made men".

H) lastly, ask any 9ja woman (or her mother) what she believes is a perfect candidate for marriage and you are sure that his financial status will be close to the top reason (for the majority). in 9ja, most people dont value people or character, they value SECURITY OF LIFE. so money is like the password that you must show before you can be viewed as a potential mate. so if THEY (women) were generous, then they wouldnt be able to figure out if we were, or not, potential mates. you still following me guys? lol!

27naira:

@OP

You made some valid points. However, there is this stereotypical perception that "giving" is a factor for successful relationship. Though this might appear to be true because we have consistently factored it into our Psyche, a successful relationship can only occur when both parties feels a sense of equality in shared responsibilities.  The motive behind the giving is what truly matters. I believe that one should readily offer assistance to a friend without expecting a payback of whatever form. However, it is only natural for guys to put up some form of defense immediately a female friend makes giving a "criteria" for you to exist as her friend. Sadly, this is the case with most Nigerian girls i have come across. It doesn't need to be pronounced but you can "feel' it. To buttress this point, most (Not all) ladies believe that it is a man's responsibility to see to the welfare of his girlfriend financially. I believe that a man should assist whenever he is capable but we should continually purge our minds of this concept. Even the United nations have preached "equal opportunity" employment to ameliorate wealth distribution among the sexes. In the present world, Money is evenly spread among the sexes, so everybody should pay his bill!

[size=14pt]When the two individuals in a relationship realizes that “There is more happiness in giving, than there is in receiving”, they’ll work towards giving more of their time, affection and gifts, to the significant other and simultaneously, they are both receiving. Just how happy do you think those two would be?[/size]

sexkillz:


When the two individuals in a relationship realizes that “There is more happiness in giving, than there is in receiving”, they’ll work towards giving more of their time, affection and gifts, to the significant other and simultaneously, they are both receiving. Just how happy do you think those two would be?

Natasha,,:

So in others words I can't ask my bf for something if I'm in need of it and he shouldn't help me because I asked?

27naira:

Quit being idealistic and get real. I support giving but you'll end up making them girls feel like "that's how its suppose to be"
Afterall, if you can't give material things, you can give moral and emotional support including all na still giving

sexkillz:

[size=14pt]This is as realistic as it gets! if you dont understand the semantics of a relationship, you have no business being in one. . .[/size]

tutuwater:

    @Natasha     No, you really do not have to ask if your bf knew you cant afford your tution fees and he can. you dont have to pester him before he helps with it. Pestering him about it makes it sound like you are his responsibility and he doesnt have a choice if he wants to keep the relationship.      He might help if you asked once in a while because he loves you but it is no more a gift. He is mainly answering your request cuz  you are his soulmate. The yoruba would say the person you are sharing bed with is the person you can hit while sleeping. So in some loving relationship he can answer your request.

Mrs, Chima:

Na wa oo

27naira:

culprit!

27naira:

culprit!

MRbrownJAY:

you see,the above in bold is the reason why so many women BEG rather than go find a JOB (or something) to sort their lives. why would anyone expect to receive gifts etc to SORT THEIR LIVES?! if they really have problems, shouldnt they talk to their FAMILY (parents, siblings, uncles aunts etc)?!
think of this issue like the beggars at street junctions: instead of giving them kobos (which will keep them begging FOR LIFE), teach them to be self sufficient. . . . . . . unless you are the kind of man that WANTS your gf to depend on you.

we are the ones who teach these women to be OUR responsibility, by these silly acts. if a woman has problem, TELL/HELP HER TO GET A JOB, TELL HER TO GO ASK HER PARENTS, TELL HER TO SELL HER BB TO RAISE THE FUNDS, TELL HER TO CUT ON NONSENSE SPENDING. . . . . . . . . . the fact that she would come FIRST to you, before trying to sort the issue out in the ways i just mentioned (and you quickly oblige), is the reason why many become professional beggars.

when did dating meant that someone became your responsibility?! FEAR is the reason why so many men pay up.
- the FEAR that some other guy could help her and thus make you look like you are poor (that's your stoopid ego talking)
- the FEAR that some other guy could help her and thus get closer to her (that's your insecure self talking)
- the FEAR that she may do something crazy (like runz) to get the money (but then you are simply dating a who.re)
- the FEAR that because you didnt give her the money, the r/ship will be over (but then the basis of this r/ship is completely wrong).

NOTHING should happen to your r/ship if you dont give her the money, if something does then i am safe to say that you ARE indeed in the wrong r/ship.
btw: unless it is a REPAYABLE LOAN, there is no reason why anyone should pay someone's (they aint LEGALLY married to) school fees.

tutuwater:

    @Natasha     No, you really do not have to ask if your bf knew you cant afford your tution fees and he can. you dont have to pester him before he helps with it. Pestering him about it makes it sound like you are his responsibility and he doesnt have a choice if he wants to keep the relationship.      He might help if you asked once in a while because he loves you but it is no more a gift. He is mainly answering your request cuz  you are his soulmate. The yoruba would say the person you are sharing bed with is the person you can hit while sleeping. So in some loving relationship he can answer your request.

:oAnd who is talking about tuition fee?   , I'm not talking about pestering anyone anyways I understand you

tutuwater:

@Natasha No, you really do not have to ask if your bf knew you cant afford your tution fees and he can. you dont have to pester him before he helps with it. Pestering him about it makes it sound like you are his responsibility and he doesnt have a choice if he wants to keep the relationship. He might help if you asked once in a while because he loves you but it is no more a gift. He is mainly answering your request cuz you are his soulmate. The yoruba would say the person you are sharing bed with is the person you can hit while sleeping. So in some loving relationship he can answer your request.

Brooo . , You nailed it . . .

Please send me your bank Info . . .You need to be reward for this kind of comment . .

carlinks:

i so miss MrBrownJay, you dey always speak truth, i had an experience some weeks ago, met a lady and we became friends,i was bored one day and invited her to my house,on getting there,she saw i had quite an array of shirts and asked for a couple of polo shirts.I gave her 2 not cause i wanted anything in return but cos i had much and could part with a few, after that episode,i tried calling her,texting her and pinging her but she did not respond to any of them, one week later she pinged me and she said she had been going through issues that was why she didn't keep in touch.After pressing her for the details,she said " if you must know i am trying to raise money for my school fee and i am 60k short.I have been trying to get it from anywhere, i didn't wana tell you about it so you wouldn't think am taxing you and not check on me again", mind you this is a girl that gave me the impression she was comfortable and she was still seeking admission next fall, when i confronted her with the story she told me,she flared up and told me to stop asking her smart questions that i should go ahead and just help her and if i wasn't ready,i should let her be, if she had been polite about it,i might have helped her with something but she felt since i was on the verge of asking her out,then i must cater to her whims and caprices

Now Sexskillz, what do you call that?

27naira:

LMAO @ tell her to sell her BB
BB is a status check for a typical naija babe. She'll rather go hungry than sell it. If you doubt me, ask Mrs Chima. 

divine2043:

freecocoa, do not get it wrong. This is about commenting on the post and contributing.

I have met many ladies who are very hard working and have got everything to make a guy feel proud - many ladies who are more than a blessing. However, there are not many out there and it is sad that many Naija ladies live up to the bad stereotype.

It is something that can be done - some girls choose not to.

divine2043:

freecocoa, do not get it wrong. This is about commenting on the post and contributing.

I have met many ladies who are very hard working and have got everything to make a guy feel proud - many ladies who are more than a blessing. However, there are not many out there and it is sad that many Naija ladies live up to the bad stereotype.

It is something that can be done - some girls choose not to.

divine2043:

Ha ha ha Seedord,

Honestly, there are ladies out there that make you feel proud. I can send you a 'through -pass' if you want. LOL.