downcasted:

Dear nairalanders

Im an adent follower of this forum but mainly spends time reading more till today i decided to come forward with my depressing issue.

i left nigeria to cyprus for my msc since last year and after leaving tried all i could to keep in touch with my woman (22) whom ive been dating for the past 4years, although we had issues then but i tried to remain positive on the relationship and wanted to serious see if she could stand the test of time, i cut down all financial aspects at my young age (25),  I wanted to see what she had to offer and if she could wait for the one year duration, to cut all story short may this year reports started getting to me bout my woman dating a dude  a 400level finals student like herself, i confronted her with this story and she denied it - i pressed on, she opened up that she had to give in to the pressure of the dude during a period when we had some misunderstanding and that he guy has only kissed her and helped her out financially but hasn't slept with her, My world came crashing before me, my 4year relationship was going down - 

I had to run back to Nigeria and i indeed confirmed tins for myself, flooded in her fone were pics of this guy, she had locks on all her fone and was so phone concious the whole time, I gave her a ring which she accepted after some serious talks trying to make her remember the past we shared before i departed the shores of Nigeria, she agreed but the next day - I noticed the ring was no where to be found on her hands -i asked her and she claimed it was missing somewhere in her room, i ignored it knowing fully well that she might have kept it
and whenever I asked why, she said the feelings were not there and that "like you said, they would come back with time" although we still Were Intimate but it was terrible as her mind didnt seem to be in it

Fast forward to a week later we had issues again as a result of that same dude and in the midst of anger, demanded my ring back cos im very temperamental and she returned the ring, i was ready to break it off this time and head back to europe - her family intervened and got the info of the dude and asked him to leave the girl alone (so i was told) had a couple of words with her and then she wanted a meeting  - which i acknowledged, she wanted space to work on ourselves so she claimed - she said she no longer felt love for me any more and that she had like 40% love for me - tears rolled down my eyes knowing im so emotional but she wasnt moved - i wished her all the best and we agreed to give ourselves the space, she claimed she could always call me - try to keep in touch etc but i made up my mind that the sooner i left nigeria, the better for me as im going to delete all contacts of her from my life.

Sorry its quite long but it sure would make me feel better typing this all out - 2days after she asked for the space, she got in touch with a friend of mine and told her she needed tins to work out and then proceeded in asking me that we should make things work, I would like to maintain that ive since cut off all financial aspects away from the relationship which she never complained about - My family went behind me and my father personally asked her himself that we do some sort of introductions before i leave the country back to cyprus and she turned the offer down saying she wasnt ready - My family whom she was so close to saw how depressed i was and knew exactly what was happening to me as i took to alcohol and they were amazingly shocked - they washed their hands away from this girl and everyone within my family circle hated her

This time she seem ready and was more back to her senses but then a problem happened, her birthday happened to be october 19th and on the 18th nite to the 19th morning - i asked her to spend the night at my place after much talking she agreed but then she did something which i noticed and frowned at cos she stays at her school hostel - before coming to spend the nite at mine, she bought a new sim and placed it in her fone leaving her real sim back in the another fone at her hostel - i believe her intention was to avoid calls from whoever she was expecting calls from to wish her a happy birthday wish - 12am that nite she was sleeping already, i got up and called her line it kept ringing but her phone right in my hand was mute then i knew something was up, i woke her up and complained why wont she drop this cheating habit of hers and she said she did it knowing my temper decided to avoid any issue that would cause us having an arguments

the next day 19th (her day) , she decided to read that nite for her upcoming exams which i agreed to because i value education so well - i was completely cool with it, then 20th afternoon - i saw a friend who asked me where was my girlfriend last nite and i was quick to defend her that she was reading the whole nite back in her hostel the guy laughed and asked me to ask her well where she was last night - then i knew i was in trouble again.

I approached her house and on getting there she wasnt in but her bag was in the living room, i angrily took the bag dropped it in my car and sped off waiting 4 her to call me so she cud tell me where exactly she was last nite, she didnt call. 6pm that evening the 20th october her mom rang me on my way there, i met a friend who confided in me that my girl did some birthday bash in a club that nite and that same boy whom her family has warned she stay away from was indeed there and after the birthday on their way to her hostel or where-ever got arrested by the police and locked up in prison, i thanked him for this info and went to see her mom on getting there - broke the news to the woman who apologized to me, reported her dad and he threatened to disown her after her entire family kept apologizing to me.

the 21st she came to meet me and went on her knees and confessed that it was a friends birthday bash after reading decided 2 go with some of her friends and met the guy coincidentally in the same club and by 11pm he was going to drop she and her friends off when they got arrested, she also confessed only kissing the guy and collecting money for up keep from him but never Were Intimate with him (Who cares) her father had a meeting with me a day before i travelled and it was agreed that December this year, i should come for some family introduction but my family are not in anyway ready for this because they hate this girl now so much cos of what shes done to me and the fact that she couldnt wait - they seem to have their own way of getting info about my girl from random sources close to her (all eyes fixed on us)

I met another young lady during my stay bout 2weeks before i left just to allow me get this girl off my head and my family immediately accepted her but truth to be told, i dont really love this girl as much as i love my original girlfriend.

Im back in europe again and she has started yet again,her attitude hasn't changed since i left - infact its even worse - I'm so confused n dnt knw wat to do again , her eyes seem to be so outside I dnt knw wat she's loookin for out there - 4days ago  we had sum miss understandin and I angrily sent her a text she forwarded d message to her mom and brother who calld me and told me all sorts of Bullshiit -

I got talking with a friend of hers whom i happen to know through her and stays very close to her room in the same hostel and here was what the girl told me -
In quote " I know since ,she told people dat she loves d guy,dat d guy is caring,she said u always shout at her.when d boy called her, she said my boyfriend is calling me and i know becos she was wishing him sucess in his exam.a friend of mine stay close to d boys house and she told someone dat (my girl) do spend nite in d guys house.all her room mates and friends know about this."

I believe what this girl is saying but im blinded by love so is taking it all as lies, even if its true - theres notin i can do cos ive seen worst things from her

Nairalanders i understand you peeps would say read the handwriting on the wall which i have already done but im just having difficulty moving on - on the 30th of this month we would have been 5years together and shes graduating today from uni but ive decided not to call her again and so far till now she hasnt called me to tell me anything - This was a girl i paid her got admission for into her 100level botany nearly 5years ago - while i was in my finals

Please Nairalanders please dont advice me on how to go back to the 2nd girl who is more calm and collected than my first as i have no feelings for her but all i need is advices on how to save my first relationship and make things work out again - there is nothing i haven't tried under the sun, calling messaging, everything but yet still same issue especially when im away from the country

I have pleaded with her to tell me the truth - if shes going out with this guy but she denies every single time and flames up wanting to know whos been telling me things and that talks like that are what pisses her off
If she wants to be with the dude, i just want her to come clean and i would wish her the best of luck and move on with my life - shes not the first to double date, if she claims he is more caring than myself then  tell me and i would go - whats the need keeping me when you are in the hands of someone else -

Im just confused, please insult me or call me names, i deserve it - i just need an advice on how to save my relationship once again
she means alot to me

Maybe i should have never left nigeria - she wants a bb torch by xmas and 25,000 naira to block all her final year school exams so she dont get an extension -
till i left nigeria tried giving her the ring but she refused saying keep it when the time's right i'll accept it

Now shes started acting weird again

downcasted:

I dont know, I Just dont know what to do, I cant do this on my own, i just need her to push me. Shes the best thing ever happened to me emotionally - why cant she Just come out straight and maintain that shes in a relationship with this guy


why keeping me stranded in the wild - if shes happy with him, she should simply tell me and i'll quietly move on, I dont know why this ever happened to me - I feel so empty and lost over here - i should have never left nigeria  
A close friend of mine said she has used black magic on me (who cares) I just want to face reality, I had an interview today and i messed it up cos i didnt even read last night all cos i couldnt focus on what i want now in life

I feel so empty and horrible, spoken to alot of female friends bt this and they've asked me to stop or dont call her which im currently doing, @Iyatrustee, the financial aspects of the relationship was broken as an advice from my mother who said - now u are aware would be the best time to stand the test of this girl and please cut off all financial spendings on this girl so as to see her true being, which i did and landed me in this catatrosphic mess

Money isnt my problem and she knows this, but why couldnt she just hang in there, she knows im so weak towards her and cant stand her - the day she apologized after getting arrested, i came running back into her hands cos that was all i needed -

I just need advice on how to get my girl back from this 400level dude
or
Just want her to confirm if shes really dating dat dude so i can move on with my life, why is she denying dating this dude, why cant she be straightforward its not like shes getting any money from me any longer

she wants a bb torch by xmas and 25,000 naira to block all her final year school exams so she dont get an extension -

downcasted:

I dont know, I Just dont know what to do, I cant do this on my own, i just need her to push me. Shes the best thing ever happened to me emotionally - why cant she Just come out straight and maintain that shes in a relationship with this guy


why keeping me stranded in the wild - if shes happy with him, she should simply tell me and i'll quietly move on, I dont know why this ever happened to me - I feel so empty and lost over here - i should have never left nigeria  
A close friend of mine said she has used black magic on me (who cares) I just want to face reality, I had an interview today and i messed it up cos i didnt even read last night all cos i couldnt focus on what i want now in life

I feel so empty and horrible, spoken to alot of female friends bt this and they've asked me to stop or dont call her which im currently doing, @Iyatrustee, the financial aspects of the relationship was broken as an advice from my mother who said - now u are aware would be the best time to stand the test of this girl and please cut off all financial spendings on this girl so as to see her true being, which i did and landed me in this catatrosphic mess

Money isnt my problem and she knows this, but why couldnt she just hang in there, she knows im so weak towards her and cant stand her - the day she apologized after getting arrested, i came running back into her hands cos that was all i needed -

I just need advice on how to get my girl back from this 400level dude
or
Just want her to confirm if shes really dating dat dude so i can move on with my life, why is she denying dating this dude, why cant she be straightforward its not like shes getting any money from me any longer

[size=14pt]It wont be easy to get her back, neither is it impossible. It depends on you, and how much you are ready to condescend! Leave male pride out of this, else another guy go finally carry am go. Remember, she is not committing any sin by not marrying you, and on the contrary, if you keep maltreating her, by your word or actions, you are only confirming to her that she could actually be making a mistake with you. . . Do you want her back or not?

Brother, she's dating the guy, but she doesn't love him as much as you think she does. She still loves you, very well. But with your actions, she's not seeing that love for her! Please send her money and everything, like you used to. You want her back or not? Be honest to yourself o. I was in a similar mess. I had to talk to 3 of my married friends, na them give me scope o. . . [/size]

Yorisb:

I give up!

iyatrustee:

@ sexkills,[s]Now i see why you had to BRB. Gosh!, na competition between you and the poster on who writes the longest?[/s] but you had strong points there.

tellwisdom:

NIGERIAN GURL FOR THAT MATTER

you don carry your "oyinbo" girl syndrome reach here? i hope the duo of lefulefu and 190 dont follow suit.