chaircover:

Thank you everyone for the support, words of wisdom, prayers, advice etc. Thank God for giving that young woman the foresight to shout out for help rather than do something silly.

My take is slightly different on this, which is to try and reconcile Chioma with her parents. Ify I know that you are on ground and you know the situation a lot better than I do regarding the family situation, but I want to believe that as a mother myself, no mother will want to throw away her daughter and grand daughter.

Is there any way that we can stand in the gap and appeal to her parents on her behalf. The only reason why this baby will not have the warmth and motherly care is because of her fear of her parents and if that is sorted out, then both mother and baby will be the better for it.

I don’t think that Fostering and certainly not adoption are the best for this baby. Her mother is medically and mentally fit and If this baby is taken away now, she may never be able to bond with this child even when she is in a position to get her back.

I am also mindful that she has been through a lot emotionally and her hormones will be all over the place and is probably not thinking straight at the moment bless her.

What do you all think?

I agree. Is der some Aunt or Uncle we can reach out to to talk with the parents? What kind of parents re dey? Are they the get pregnant and be disowned parents or the supportive parents who will scold you and hold u with another hand? For her to keep a preggy for 8 months and go thru this lenghts to give up the baby i have a feeling her parents may not be too open to the idea. But that is usually the first thing asked at the welfare office. If the parents will act in a way that will me unhealhty for the baby and mother then adoption or fostering is considered

CC fostering and adoption are always the last option. But they need to be mentioned to avoid any harm out of desperation.
Certainly the family has to be involved. If the family or chioma are able then maybe the finance issue can be solved.

tpia@:

your story keeps changing each time you're asked something.


and for someone in supposedly dire straits, you sound very calm, collected and with a well thought out plan.


not characteristics of a person who just gave birth, sorry.

being nl, no doubt something fishy's involved in this storyline.

Her contact detail is there somewhere.

There is a baby and a mother in physical pain.

She is a student in another State.

She only ran to Lagos to have the baby.

She has been pregnant 8 months and since she decided not to spill her baby's blood on the alter of self, like her mates would have, and despite all the intense pressure she faced to go and flush out the baby, she must have gone through every conceivable emotion under the earth, hence reason she appears somewhat detached and calm. Afterall she can't run away from her body.

All that is foremost in her mind is finishing her course of study this year. I proposed she made fortnightly journeys to see her daughter in the proposed babies' home in Fadeyi. She vouched  she would make the journey weekly, God willing, meaning she wants to keep her baby but is scared of Mum and Dad. And finishinging her course will help her get a proper job so she can come back for the baby.

Now the non-glaring issue now is that she needs to eat because she is breastfeeding. Despite all the demeanour of calmness you can perceive, all she has been eating for the past 3/4 days is "glucose" Reason for this - story for another day. I tried to rally round for help yesterday from an elderly friend but all I heard was "third mainland Bridge and traffic and the day they would 419 you and hypnotise you, ehn, and allsorts". . .But she reassured me a friend was on her way to her and she will get her to bring some food . . .


YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE ANY OF THIS INPUT ON BOARD CHIOMA, I am just thinking out loudly here. Like I told you, you are not the first and you would not be the last. And when I hear stories like this, all I ask is "has it stopped the world orbiting, nope, so the world should move on and thank your lucky stars you only have a baby AND NOT AIDS", afterall they are gotten through the same mean


Now the main issue is helping her in brainstorming when to broach the subject to Mum and Dad. The reasons for parents dissapointment usually centres around she has dissappointed us/after spending so much to let her have a better life/what would the neighbours think/what would people say/we have failed her as a parent. . .

So to help, does any one have any idea when it is a plausible for her to tell her parents?

I personally think if she texts Dad, (not Mum, she will be hysterical and all over the place and Dad might even blame her that she must have known) - so if she carefully rearranges her story and texts Dad saying "I am in a Hospital in Lagos, and i am so weak i have not eaten in 3/4 days but I don't want to die anymore Dad, sorry for bringing shame on you". . .all Dad would think at that time is that "my poor baby is somewhere other than she should be and i need keep it together and appear strong in front of Mum". . . of course he will call and when he detects Chioma is in genuine distress, race to her bedside with Mum. . . and when they get there and discover their baby has another baby. . .who will have time to think what the neighbours would think. . . And on the rare occasion that it crosses their mind, this will be brushed away with the more morbid and forboding thoughts of "she was so scared to tell us, we could have lost her and the baby". . .

I lived in Lagos and I tell you all, that some parents can be very very strict. Grand child or not cannot change anything.

jennykadry:

I loved in Lagos and I tell you all, that some parents can be very very strict. Grand child or not cannot change anything.

I agree, I have seen girls pulled ouut from school and forced to marry someone they dont love cos they got ppregnant, and lived pretty miserable lives for both them and d child. Thats why i consider that the parents may be a bit strict for her to go thru such lenghts to conceal the pregnancy and the baby. we can blame her all we want but now its time to find a way forward. Its her decision , all we can do is to offer information and alternatives, she came for help when she could have gone to her parents in d first place, lets thread carefully

^^^

debrief08:

I agree, I have seen girls pulled ouut from school and forced to marry someone they dont love cos they got ppregnant, and lived pretty miserable lives for both them and d child. Thats why i consider that the parents may be a bit strict for her to go thru such lenghts to conceal the pregnancy and the baby. we can blame her all we want but now its time to find a way forward. Its her decision , all we can do is to offer information and alternatives, she came for help when she could have gone to her parents in d first place, lets thread carefully

who is blaming her here, all I have said is people brainstorm, cos she does not want to give up her baby, but she is scared of telling her parents

big_bumper:

^^^
who is blaming her here, all I have said is people brainstorm, cos she does not want to give up her baby, but she is scared of telling her parents

I didnt direct that at any one oh, was simply stating that after solving this issue we can have enough room for scolding, heavens knows if my baby sister (if i had one) did this i would toungue lash her after working out a solution.
Not al all in anyway refering to u dear

Big bumper

the title of the thread is who wants a baby girl.

This girl is cold blooded.

And expecting anyone to believe you can allegedly find your way to lagos but couldnt also find your way to an orphanage, is certainly wishful thinking.

You had the child in a hospital, yet nobody there was able to give any info, you were able to open a thread on the web looking for someone to give the baby to, but you didnt think to ask for info on orphanages and when reminded of that option, you quickly started giving excuses because you know your exact plan.

Hmm- may God forgive you if there's an actual baby involved and may he have mercy on you for concocting such a plan.

People have been in these situations long before now and they'll continue to be in them long after- there are ways of going about these things and what you are proposing to do, defies every standard of decency.

It would have been more humane of you to simply drop the alleged baby off at an orphanage, instead of arranging how to sit down in your house and wait for customers to come to you.

tpia@:

Big bumper

the title of the thread is who wants a baby girl.

This girl is cold blooded.

how is she cold blooded

yes she has a baby and it has been confirmed,

she made a mistake and at least she didnt leave the baby at the hospital and run away


@all Ify is working with her at the moment and they will get a solution at the end of the day

^Not sure who you are, but i'm sure you're not addressing me.

Whatever you're confirming na for your own pocket.

^^^^has it occurred to you that this girl is probably weighed down by a lot of fear at this time and so thinking really straight is impossible? Do not judge her. She probably has someone like you for a parent, which is why she cannot go to those closest to her in her trying time.

tpia@:

^Not sure who you are, but i'm sure you're not addressing me.

Whatever you're confirming na for your own pocket.

cus i am addressing you

who the f@ck are you that you are untouchable 

when a mail comes to nairalandcharity inbox then it becomes my problem

so thats your headache if you believe the girls story or not end of

retardedd FOOOOL

tpia@:

Big bumper

the title of the thread is who wants a baby girl.

This girl is cold blooded.

Cold blooded You dont have a clue do you?

She could have gotten an abortion, but she diddn't. She carried the pregnancy! Do you know what she could have passed through during those 8 months?

Try to be a little more sensitive . . . who knows, you might actually enjoy it!

@ all, Chioma does NOT want to give up her daughter for adoption so that closes the adoption chapter.
Some things we all should consider are: she is in her final year in a private university.
She is 24.
Her parents would come around and accept the child but NOT now.
She needs a place to keep her baby for say 6 months. She would be writing her final exams soon.
Her parents are in Lagos.
She just confided in me that she is a little bit broke.

@mutter, I called your friend and she said, we would still have to go to welfare but she is willing to go all the way to the welfare with us then probably help her get a home.
I would be seeing her again this evening.

R2bees common behave u not allowed to swear remember

@tpiah

Ur analysis were a bit over d top,I understand a bit of ur critic but u cant base ur script on assumptions.D lady needs help regardless of how she structured d title of her thread,in confusion you can't expect her to think str8.Yes I was baffled as to how she manged to nagivate nairaland dan going to d nearest orphanage,but who am I to assume wen am not in d mental state dat she was.I believe deres a God up dere perphaps y d innocent little gal was spared from been abadoned by d mother.Reading how some folks are lashing out indirectly on Chi is highly disappointing,yes she made a mistake but now is not d time to make her feel unloved.Ify has confirmed her case his genuine so wot else do we want from d dis young lady,abi una go talk Ify dey give us format ni

Ify I repeat wotever u lay ur hands on sha b successful,wotever remains impossible sha be possible for u.Carry go ur Baba dey ur bck.

ifyalways:

@ all, Chioma does NOT want to give up her daughter for adoption so that closes the adoption chapter.
Some things we all should consider are: she is in her final year in a private university.
She is 24.
Her parents would come around and accept the child but NOT now.
She needs a place to keep her baby for say 6 months. She would be writing her final exams soon.
Her parents are in Lagos.
She just confided in me that she is a little bit broke.

@mutter, I called your friend and she said, we would still have to go to welfare but she is willing to go all the way to the welfare with us then probably help her get a home.
I would be seeing her again this evening.

God Bless you, They will get her to sign an undertaken, after 6 months when her issues re settlled and she is ready to care for her baby she can come back and get her, but she must show den dat she is capable of finacially and mentally caring for her baby. Keep us informed please.

Lol
Format ke?
Any other nlder in Lagos can come see her oh. My leg no strong for ground.

tpia@:

Big bumper

the title of the thread is who wants a baby girl.

This girl is cold blooded.

I am aware of this Tpia, but you gotta remember since she decided not to abort that baby, she has been conditioning herself mentally to give her up for adoption, which is a commendable feat because she could have gotten a termination.

And like i mentioned earlier, someone telling me she would love to go and be visiting her baby every week in the babies' home in Fadeyi, all the way from her school in another state is not cold-blooded, just numb and paralysed with fear Plus any orphanage she ends up in would have to eventually notify her parents to give them a first right of refusal hence reason she initially discounted going to one.

debrief08:

I didnt direct that at any one oh, was simply stating that after solving this issue we can have enough room for scolding, heavens knows if my baby sister (if i had one) did this i would toungue lash her after working out a solution.
Not al all in anyway refering to u dear

I understand you dearie, only replied to clarify cos i know some people don't like reading long stories and they could start putting together 2+2 to get 10. . .Sorry for talking over you

jennykadry:

I lived in Lagos and I tell you all, that some parents can be very very strict. Grand child or not cannot change anything.

If na me, na to enter dry well with the baby be that, and if they want to rescue me i will tell them i have disgraced them in front of the whole world so they should just let me go. . .and if they accept and one day start talking down on me, i would tell them they should have left me to rot there then. . . and if they refuse, nor be the same neighbour dem dey worry about go come rescue me come call them wicked for abandoning me inside the well ni. . .if they want drama i have got it by the bucketload. . .

The bottomline is that most Nigerian Parents are often like this because of the perceived shame that child has brought on the family name. . .forgetting the child is still a child who is now with another child who is their flesh and blood.

Happy Birthday babycakes

...

chaircover:

No she is not cold blooded. She has just been through a trauma that many of us won’t wish on our enemies.

While there are women in the delivery suite being fawned over by tear stained & emotional husbands and partners with vases and vases of flowers all over the room, balloons and congratulations cards and with BB Display pictures changing every few minutes and with grandmas busy at home making ogbonna and amala to fele to take to the new mother in hospital, this girl is camped on her own with a new screaming baby and with no one to show her how to bossom feed or a loving mother or MIL to use hot water to massage her tummy for her.

This girl could have taken the easy way out and no one would be the wiser. That alone makes her more of a mother than many. In spite of all the odds she choose to give that innocent child a life and I give her the ultimate respect her for that. Personally I wouldn’t even bother telling her off. What she has gone through/ is going through/ will go through is much more than any scolding I can give her.

We are doing the right thing, which is to accept that a mistake has been made but moving on and rallying round to help her. We are all sinners and trust me what happened to her can happen to anyone.

Ify please let us know what this girl & baby needs. I will be in Lagos in the next few weeks and happy to take up to 10Kg of luggage from anyone in the UK who wants to send anything to this new baby.

I wish i could give you a hug, u wanna make me cry

ifyalways:

Lol
Format ke?
Any other nlder in Lagos can come see her oh. My leg no strong for ground.

Madam u must finish dis case oo or else I go offload all my agbero quality online for u.U doing well jare,we don't need Jesus to come down and confirm.

Nl na waoooooo

chaircover:

No she is not cold blooded. She has just been through a trauma that many of us won’t wish on our enemies.

While there are women in the delivery suite being fawned over by tear stained & emotional husbands and partners with vases and vases of flowers all over the room, balloons and congratulations cards and with BB Display pictures changing every few minutes and with grandmas busy at home making ogbonna and amala to fele to take to the new mother in hospital, this girl is camped on her own with a new screaming baby and with no one to show her how to bossom feed or a loving mother or MIL to use hot water to massage her tummy for her.

This girl could have taken the easy way out and no one would be the wiser. That alone makes her more of a mother than many. In spite of all the odds she choose to give that innocent child a life and I give her the ultimate respect her for that. Personally I wouldn’t even bother telling her off. What she has gone through/ is going through/ will go through is much more than any scolding I can give her.

We are doing the right thing, which is to accept that a mistake has been made but moving on and rallying round to help her. We are all sinners and trust me what happened to her can happen to anyone.

Ify please let us know what this girl & baby needs. I will be in Lagos in the next few weeks and happy to take up to 10Kg of luggage from anyone in the UK who wants to send anything to this new baby.

good suggestion

Idowuogbo:

Madam u must finish dis case oo or else I go offload all my agbero quality online for u.U doing well jare,we don't need Jesus to come down and confirm.

Nl na waoooooo

madam

sorry jare dont mean to swear. . . its been a crazy monday morning so far

have a crazy person that i am dealing with at office and he has been stressing me with calls since morning

Tpia has the right to express her cynicism anyhow she deems fit, if it does not bode down well with anyone, kindly gloss over it. How can anyone think it is right to attack people for their opinion by trying to ram down their own opinion down their throat, what happened to freedom of speech and tolerance anyone

Who knows what is going through Tpia's mind as she is typing this, who knows what plans she has in mind and what she is putting in place to help this girl but only want to be sure of certain facts? Afterall Tpia is a Christian and her Bible says not to let the left hand see abi know what the right hand is doing, and not to be like the Pharisees who stand by the street screaming about whom they have given alms to Na wa oh, na real wah, hmmm.

Ifyalways the idea of going to welfare is the right one. That way all parties are protected in case of eventualities. My friend is capable and I am sure she will be of great help. I personally am willing to assist.
Please give Chioma a hug and assure her there are people who care. She is a brave girl.

big_bumper:

Tpia has the right to express her cynicism anyhow she deems fit, if it does not bode down well with anyone, kindly gloss over it. How can anyone think it is right to attack people for their opinion by trying to ram down their own opinion down their throat, what happened to freedom of speech and tolerance anyone

Who knows what is going through Tpia's mind as she is typing this, who knows what plans she has in mind and what she is putting in place to help this girl but only want to be sure of certain facts? Afterall Tpia is a Christian and her Bible says not to let the left hand see abi know what the right hand is doing, and not to be like the Pharisees who stand by the street screaming about whom they have given alms to Na wa oh, na real wah, hmmm.

Iya oko mi u fit borrow me dis bling bling microphone u dey use lool.Jokes apart I wasnt forcing my opinion on Tpiah,I jus felt after d feedback from Ify concerning the issue she could have bin more accomodating.Although I b pikin but omode agba ni mi,won ti taba fi owo gba omo leti ka tu fi ikeji fa mo ra(I no sabi d english so sum1 translate kwanu).Yes d poster has done d deed but it would be very insensitive to trash here also IMO,but hey may be everyone has ways of dealing with issues sha.One small cloud can't conceal a sky full of stars,chi might be perceived as cold blooded now but no1 knows her heart except her Creator.

Anyways Badosky don talk her collabo o,na waoooooooooooo.

big_bumper:

Tpia has the right to express her cynicism anyhow she deems fit, if it does not bode down well with anyone, kindly gloss over it. How can anyone think it is right to attack people for their opinion by trying to ram down their own opinion down their throat, what happened to freedom of speech and tolerance anyone

Who knows what is going through Tpia's mind as she is typing this, who knows what plans she has in mind and what she is putting in place to help this girl but only want to be sure of certain facts? Afterall Tpia is a Christian and her Bible says not to let the left hand see abi know what the right hand is doing, and not to be like the Pharisees who stand by the street screaming about whom they have given alms to Na wa oh, na real wah, hmmm.

This issue has been treated on this forum before. Just because someone decided to bring his/her problems to this place doesnt give us the right to be insensitive.

It's one thing to express her doubt about the truth of the story (which has already been confrimed by Ify), and another thing to be downright insensitive. If she hasn't evenr been in that young lady's shoues, she has not right to call her 'cold-blooded'!

^^^^^madam stranger. . . . how far

where have you been. . . still on honeymoon

Idowuogbo:

Iya oko mi u fit borrow me dis bling bling microphone u dey use lool.Jokes apart I wasnt forcing my opinion on Tpiah,I jus felt after d feedback from Ify concerning the issue she could have bin more accomodating.Although I b pikin but omode agba ni mi,won ti taba fi owo gba omo leti ka tu fi ikeji fa mo ra(I no sabi d english so sum1 translate kwanu).Yes d poster has done d deed but it would be very insensitive to trash here also IMO,but hey may be everyone has ways of dealing with issues sha.One small cloud can't conceal a sky full of stars,chi might be perceived as cold blooded now but no1 knows her heart except her Creator.

Anyways Badosky don talk her collabo o,na waoooooooooooo.

Nor be you take me go shopping spree to buy the bling bling microphone to bribe me when you were still toasting my pickin ni, oruka ti de owo innit, so why would you not be mouthed .

My post was addressed to everyone on Tpia's case, not just you oh iyawo omo mi atata Moreover, Tpia was not really condemning the act but doubting the authenticity of the story hence reason she was thinking out loudly, by the way it was some other people that were preaching about morals etc.

Ujujoan:

This issue has been treated on this forum before. Just because someone decided to bring his/her problems to this place doesnt give us the right to be insensitive.

It's one thing to express her doubt about the truth of the story (which has already been confrimed by Ify), and another thing to be downright insensitive. If she hasn't evenr been in that young lady's shoues, she has not right to call her 'cold-blooded'!

You wan try how many people dey forum and the rate at which members come and go, so how is one supposed to know what has been treated before? Besides it would be preposterous for everyone to toe the same line of reasoning na?

Saying this though, all Tpia was driving at was that she was in doubt and was just deliberating, and if for example like someone said that was her headache, why not allow her use the medication she deemed fit to cure herself, and if this involves talking out loudly, so be it.

Ujujoan you be Naija na, how many people have become jaded about helping people to the extent that people no longer stop at the scene of an accident for fear of their samaritan deed blowing up in their face! No be say people just dey shake head waka pass dey go their way ni!

Can I suggest this girl is advised to go for serious counselling once a perfect temporary solution is formalised

jay bee:

Can I suggest this girl is advised to go for serious counselling once a perfect temporary solution is formalised

Social Welfare in Abuja does dat and the counselor must clear you before u get ur baby back. i dont know if they do that in lagos.

Ifyalways you are such a wonderful woman,may the almighty continue to bless all your endeavors.


@Tpia please take it easy,if chioma is cold blooded she would have aborted the child or even abandoned her in the hospital,believe me some parents are strictness personified,my sister has a friend who was in chioma's position,in her own case she even went as far as ghana to have her baby,it was when her parents started looking for her that my sister was forced to disclose her whereabouts.

You won't believe that even after her father heard the story he went ahead to disown her for disgracing the family as he called it.
The only good thing about the girl's case is that the person responsible did not deny her,he took responsibility,though the girl lives in Abuja with the guy responsible now,her father has still not accepted all the pleas from his daughter,this incident happened almost 3 years ago but the man has not forgiven her still.

So tpia you can't be sure she planned all this,her parents may really be strict.