Please help me when i met this guy he wasn't married , about a month later he got married i have been seeing him for a while now i know this is a common topic here but please i need help this is a sin the thing again is i started talking to his wife, very sweet lady she harldy stays with her husband because she is still studying in the states .i feel guilty but its hard to let go of this guy i need serious help i am so into him,at the same time i have my boyfriend too .

pleasseeeeeeeee help what should i really want to get out of this mess

My friend thank u 4 realising uv'e sin not just because u did it with a married man even if he's not married sin is sin no big deal.now let's face reality,determination leads 2 succes,in dis 4rum we only workout 30%& u work de remaining 70% 4ur self,dat is de only way it can work 4 u 2 determine & forget dis man make out time 4 ur young boy friend & get married too.De man is married & his wife is now a woman 4 u,so far as am concern u are still a girl.De chalenge is now on de floor,4u 2 make ur own FAMILY just like de other woman. Determine now in ladies world,no much time 2 waist.I wish u goodluck my friend.

my dear i have been in that situation and i tell you its not easy to let go!

Forget about the guy. (easier said than done) He is taken. Don't mess up your relationship with your boyfriend. If your boyfriend finds out about this, he'll probably dump you and you would have lost both men. Be smart and do the right thing. Don't let your heart lead you astray, let your head take over.

Blacknbold what sort of advice do you want from us.

If you are enjoying a bowl of fufu and I come and tell you that it contains hydrogen Cyanide(a very potent poison that kils fast) will you continue to eat that food simply bacause you are  enjoying it ?

You already know the way out and that is through the open door.

It doesn't take anything to walk out of a relationship.Just know that you are on the wrong lane and get  out of there or else you will be kicked out and then you will be seriously bruised !

you are friends with the wife.

perhaps it is time that the three of you got together.

[/quote][quote author=funloving link=topic=8973.msg253847#msg253847 date=1143253828]
Blacknbold what sort of advice do you want from us.

If you are enjoying a bowl of fufu and I come and tell you that it contains hydrogen Cyanide(a very potent poison that kils fast) will you continue to eat that food simply bacause you are  enjoying it ?

You already know the way out and that is through the open door.

It doesn't take anything to walk out of a relationship.Just know that you are on the wrong lane and get  out of there or else you will be kicked out and then you will be seriously bruised !

Well said  funloving well said.

@BlacknBold
What goes around sis what goes around, you know what to do.Take care

all i got to say is i am disappointed

u better pray that u dont fxck up their marriage and pray 4 god to let u leave these bad feelings u have.

please dont fall 4 tempation

but like i always say do u and let me know the results

Let this man go. Do you want a woman to smile your face and stab you in the back when you are married? And if the wife sent for the husband, would he even come to say goodbye or just for sex? I'm not trying to be vile but that's the facts. It's not lies. Only lies & sex. Walk away while you still have some pride and no bruises. The others have adviced you well well.

blacknbold:
.i feel guilty but its hard to let go of this guy i need serious help i am so into him,at the same time i have my boyfriend too .
pleasseeeeeeeee help what should i really want to get out of this mess

What are u saying here? u have a man? ur boy friend who is not man enough for u or what? I think somehing is wrong with u. U need deliverance

Its always better to go .
No one just gets married in a month. The marrage must have been planned for long.
The man is using u as spar tier till his wife comes back.

Blacknbold, i am glad you realise you are in the wrong boat and so it is the first step to solving your problem. Now how do you completely get out of the boat? You need to take a bold step, a leap of faith! Like your name suggests (blacknbold). First of all, you must end all contacts with the guy ASAP. Stop calling him and do not pick his calls. Let him know you have renewed your mind and you do not want to go on with the relationship. This may not be easy initially but i promise you it will pay off for you on the long run. No one plays with fire and gets unburnt. Above all, pray for God's help and i trust He will show up on your behalf. All the best

Well said dablessed. Blacknbold, am glad u realise u r doing d wrong thing. Also av it in mind dat u 'do unto others what u want to be done to u', determine to leave n take a giant bold step out.

Thanks Dominobaby! Its been ages, how are you? Well lets hope our dear Blacknbold will be bold enough. Cheers

Dablessed, my, my! Yeah, quite an age, am doing gud. Trying to b steady on d forum now, d only thing is dat av got a lot of topics to go thru. Meanwhile, lets hope blacknbold takes cue n does d right thing. Keep us posted will u, blacknbold?

I feel for you. I am in a similar situation. I am involved with a married man. I have only met the wife once but I felt like shit. I am trying to just be friends with this man but it is so hard to let go. I don't want to lose him totally. Alot of people have alot to say who are not in the sitation but unless you are it is easy to judge. I believe you can not help who you love. Good luck and God bless.

wat u just said is true

but dont be a home recker

and pray against bad love. the reason why this love is wrong is because even u know it. so its probably not even love. just pray against

but like i say do u and let me know the results.

eww women, i am out of here.it seems that only succeful men that get all this girls around them. Why all this competion even when u have lost him totally?

@ tasnsc (& original poster)

I tried to respond to you on the other thread. Please check what PAPERMOON has to say. Start with "Part ONE" on Feb. 15th. I got a lot out of her story though I've never been in that situation. I hope you will too.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-16.64.html#msg210246

Thank you I did just read the story it was very enlighting to my situatuion, You should know while i was reading it the married man called me and i did not answer the phone, Very tempted to call back but I am not doing it. I would really like to tell him and not just avoid him but it is really hard to talk to him and not get sucked in. HOW DO i DO THIS THE RIGHT WAY??

You can help whom you love by not getting involved with a married man in the first place. The right way to cut this relationship is to cut him off completely. No need to be nice since the relationship is illicit anyway.

You read all the parts, right? As for your question, I'm hardly the expert. Once when I no longer wanted to talk to a shady man I called him and confronted him, albeit politely. I said "you lied when you said such-and-such. You led me on when you did-such-and-such. You deceived me when you did such-and-such." I also admitted my mistakes and complicity but I was very straight forward in that I was taking issue with his behavior. At the time I knew dates and details. It was a conversation though not a condemnation. I wanted him to know that I knew and that today was a brand new day so to speak. I said "You really really hurt my feelings" several times b/c it was true. (A friend instructed me not to cry or I would have. Other than that everything I said and did was honest to the core of my heart.) In your case, talk about your ex-hubby & how it felt to have a family broken up. Tell him your pain. Try to tap into that grief and explain. Also, tell him you need a man who is available to you and only you.

Convos are important. That way the man couldn't call months later, pretend to miss me, and feign ignorance. That's happened to me before as well. I then took his number out of my phone and deleted all the texts. I STILL thought of him. I ended up writing him a farewell letter and mailing it w/ his b-day gift. Yes, it was kind of corny but it helped my wrap up some things. Not all. Oh, on the phone after I confronted him he was like "we can still be friends" and I allowed for a "pregnant silence" before I said goodbye. In your case (if you're brave) say "That's not what's best for me right now." That's not a lie either. You've seen that ya'll are sexually inclined etc, so why play with matches Who's to blame if a fire starts.

But, seriously, next time you see [b]PAPERMOON [/b]on Nairaland, I'd ask her from advice. She's tried & true. She'll be real w/ you.

i have heard all your advice but you guys , please see it form my point of view this guy has always been there for me , my boyfriend doesnt treat me right (most times and i kind of find comfort in this guys arms) i would have let my boyfriend go but this guy advices me not to just let go of my boyfriend like that because he(married man) knows how much i love my b/friend. even when i was down to the last this guy stood by me , my b/friend was not there for me especially when things were wrong.

i know what i'm doing aint right but its so hard considering all what this man has done in my life

Then think of what he did not do.
He did not marry you and he wants to have his cake and eat it.

blacknbold:

i have heard all your advice but you guys , please see it form my point of view this guy has always been there for me , my boyfriend doesnt treat me right (most times and i kind of find comfort in this guys arms) i would have let my boyfriend go but this guy advices me not to just let go of my boyfriend like that because he(married man) knows how much i love my b/friend. even when i was down to the last this guy stood by me , my b/friend was not there for me especially when things were wrong.

i know what i'm doing aint right but its so hard considering all what this man has done in my life

Well in that situation, tell your boy friend that u need a break. Tell married man that u need a break. I know u will be missing something by doing this but ur well being is the best of what a guy will give to u. Provided u can pay ur rent, just stay away from the two and see if a new guy will come ur way

@larger, well said man, well said.

Stay away from them for a while?, NO, stay away for a season.

@ ono a season, thats not fair i havent been without a man for a complete month since i was 18 i am now 20 something , a complete season??

i dont think i can do that

i wish i could

blackenbold Am really sorry 4 you.
dont say you are dependent on a man .
You have to get your act together.
U have to learn zo take care of u self first. be $ you take care of a relationship or men will always dance on your head.

blacknbold:

i have heard all your advice but you guys , please see it form my point of view this guy has always been there for me , my boyfriend doesnt treat me right (most times and i kind of find comfort in this guys arms) i would have let my boyfriend go but this guy advices me not to just let go of my boyfriend like that because he(married man) knows how much i love my b/friend. even when i was down to the last this guy stood by me , my b/friend was not there for me especially when things were wrong.

i know what i'm doing aint right but its so hard considering all what this man has done in my life

My dear, the married man wants you to keep your boyfriend b/c he DOESNT LOVE YOU ENOUGH to be w/ you ALL THE TIME. Don't you get it? If you didn't have a boyfriend than you might call his house or show up and then he'd have to EXPLAIN TO HIS WIFE. He only loves you in the dark? When's the last time ya'll held hands in the light?

And the boyfriend? Honey, he's not there b/c he can TELL THAT YOUR UNFAITHFUL. What kind of man is "there" for a woman who's fucking someone else? I'm sorry, I have to be real. Be truthful. Whatever you do, don't lie.

blacknbold:

@ ono a season, thats not fair[b] i havent been without a man for a complete month since i was 18 i am now 20[/b] something , a complete season??i don't think i can do that i wish i could

Therein lies the problem. You need to be BY YOURSELF. Running from one man to another is not a dignified way to live. Is it ok to have a man, yes, but only if you can live without him. Life is made up of these sorts of paradoxes.

blacknbold:

@ ono a season, thats not fair i havent been without a man for a complete month since i was 18 i am now 20 something , a complete season??

i don't think i can do that

i wish i could

Blacknbold: You must get your head back! You can never know the extent of true love by "opening up your legs" - trust me. By the way what is your definition of love? Giving in to a guy's sexual demands? Nahh. Sex only beclouds you, you are not able to use your head anymore. And please, for crying out loud, forget about all the "good" things the guy may have done for you, He could not have done more that God could he? So please, dont let that hold u back. You have got to break all contacts with him and like someone rightly said, take a break, stop seeing the two guys, u will be in a better state to think and make reasonable and valuable decisions.

blacknbold first and foremost you need a change of name, so chose among these:

blacknstupid, or
blacknsick, or
blacknselfish

one of those will do you well because they all fit you and your case. Lets face it, you are not helpless but heartless and selfish, you are merely here to garner some quietude to you ailing mind because you feel Nairaland will understand and condone you, sorry ma no way!

Youre sick because you know what is right and you are insisting on doing what is wrong and yet seeking approval for your actions, so there are no more caring single men?

Youre stupid because you know what? married men DONT leave their wives just so, you want to bet? he stays(ed) by you? thats a big laugh, you'll soon realise what a loser you are if you don't retrace your steps sharp sharp.

rubbish. Someone saying its hard to let go, what is hard to let go? with a married man and you know youre hurting someone else and persists? if you think education is costly try ignorance for size.

God help your soul, nevertheless i'll say a prayer for you. you need it 

nicetohave:

blacknbold first and foremost you need a change of name, so chose among these:

blacknstupid, or
blacknsick, or
blacknselfish

one of those will do you well because they all fit you and your case. Lets face it, you are not helpless but heartless and selfish, you are merely here to garner some quietude to you ailing mind because you feel Nairaland will understand and condone you, sorry ma no way!

Youre sick because you know what is right and you are insisting on doing what is wrong and yet seeking approval for your actions, so there are no more caring single men?

Youre stupid because you know what? married men DONT leave their wives just so, you want to bet? he stays(ed) by you? thats a big laugh, you'll soon realise what a loser you are if you don't retrace your steps sharp sharp.

rubbish. Someone saying its hard to let go, what is hard to let go? with a married man and you know youre hurting someone else and persists? if you think education is costly try ignorance for size.

God help your soul, nevertheless i'll say a prayer for you. you need it

]
I know where u r getting at and that is why i said i will hurt the girl more if she does this to my family but concidering that we r here to amend things, pls lets help the poor girl so she does not commit suicide