acidtalk:

Please if you are married, kindly share your opinion on what exactly should be the case for couples and issues bothering on financial responsibilities

luckgames:
Kid
You can not do that
The goal here is not to insult you
You talk like we are in the 1960 or 1970
I am very bless, the lord is good to me
So I am not a $5 man
My wife make more money than me now
Yes but I have make lot more than her in the past

luckgames:
Kid
You can not do that
The goal here is not to insult you
You talk like we are in the 1960 or 1970
I am very bless, the lord is good to me
So I am not a $5 man
My wife make more money than me now
Yes but I have make lot more than her in the past

acidtalk:

don't put confusion or twist words here.

Even when a woman earns far more than her husband and the man NEVER raises the issue of 'shared bills or responsibility', no matter how feminist or egocentric that woman is, she will adore and give her husband his full respect as the man of the house.

Those are the kind of executive women who irrespective of tight schedules and late meetings at the office, will sneak home to go and prepare dinner for their husbands and kids and will never travel on official meetings without giving the man few days prior to the travel date.

They are not scared the man will leave them or their lives will crumble without him. But rather they respect him for his self dignity and utmost love and sacrifice for his family.
I agree totally with u



m

jp philips:

bros!! i get am before no be property, he who has the money runs the show,
if your wife earns higher and you expect ''total submission to the will of woman'' then you are just ambitious.
loyalty is a function of consequence, wen you talk as a man in the house, your wife always weighs her options, where she earns higher there is little or nothing you can do to remain in charge.
if your woman earns higher and still loyal (though unlikely) she is doing so at her descreation not necessarilly your influence.
i tell u what, in most homes where women are the bread winners, the man beg for pus.s.y.. will it be the case if she was expecting upkeep cheque from him in few days time? i guess not.
what exactly will you threten her with?
leave my house? hello!! she just paid the rent.
no food in this house anymore? hello!! she can afford all the eateries in lagos while you starve at home.
dont touch the car? haba!!whose car?
i doubt you can do much, and when she has the money buying stuffs for kids and paying school fees where they see their friends, broda!! you are no longer dealing with one enemy but ''principalities and powers''
you cant sanction ur child without the approval of 'i will tell mummy' bros at this level, you are ''finished''
drive down to your village, sew a jumper and start conducting sunday school for kids or hang yourself. those are the realistic options you have.
at the height of starving you with pojo and u make one wrong movement, bros!! not even your area pastor can negotiate your home comming.

acidtalk:

One more Insult from you and I will make Nairaland as a whole in miserable hell for you (not just this thread).

Must your comments be filled with vulgar language? If you can't keep your low self street life off nairaland then it isn't a must you contribute. Must you derail the thread?

Obvious you are a freaking sorry a$5 irresponsible man.

We don talk about none sharing of responsibilities see as him blood don the rush.

Na your kind useless self no go drop money for food begin cross leg in front of tv dey wait for dinner.

emiaby:

@ acidtalk...tot u called someone a moro*on earlier and look at you condemning someone...smh

Murder_X: Na irresponsible men dey say marriage na partnership. Marriage is NOT a partnership. There must be mutual respect but the man is the head and bears responsibility for the future and direction of his family. He has the plan and vision of the family unit and the woman supports him in buildiing this "great vision". When he lacks vision and direction, he is bound to become irresponsible and then the woman assumes the place of planner, organiser and driver.

timmy: I'm married and i share certain responsibility with my spouse. 3yrs gone past and im still looking for the first disrespect. But then, by sharing bills i dont mean equal. I just designated certain responsibilities to her.
Like she pays for the nanny and for the woman who sweeps the compound. She buys toiletries and water for the dispenser. Sometimes she buys the gas, but only if it finishes while she's cooking and im not at home. I'm of the opinion, if a woman chooses to work, then she must make inputs as well. Working is the God given manly role, Home keep is for women. The moment a woman chooses to work, then her proceeds should also come to the house, after all whats or who is she working for. If i earn 300k monthly and my wife 120k, by default, a total of 420k is the monthly income of the family. and should be used for the growth of the family, yes keeping aside the other stuvs she needs to buy like makeups, cloths, aso-ebi's etc.
It just my opinion and it works well for my home.

Ecalos: I sense a lot of Ego wars going on amongst some men..

Let me break this down with my own opinion.

First and foremost, Money DOES NOT equal to respect. It never did and it never will. Material Wealth will never ever bring any one respect. It might bring an illusion of some flattery but that can never be described as respect. What is respect? It is a positive feeling of esteem and it could also mean to genuinely honor another and to treat the other the way you will love to be treated.

I think the kind of "respect" the poster is referring to is more of subordination and it seems like he is implying the man providing for his family will make his wife "fear" him the way we all feared our parents when we were kids because of what they could do to us if we messed up. That may be ok in parent-child relationship but the relationship between a man and a wife is totally different. Its supposed to be like the relationship between best friends where everyone recognizes their strength and try to fill in the gap where the other is weak.

My husband earned his respect from me way before we got married so if a man is just trying to start the process of gaining respect while he is already married, the in my opinion something is wrong somewhere.
With that said, here is what we do in our home. How did he earn his respect? He is a man of his word, he treats other people and not just me with dignity, he is humble, he is gentle and very forgiving. He does not insist on his own way and above all he seeks God first before making any decision no matter how trivial.

So at this point no matter how little or how great he makes monetarily, he has my respect as he continually shows himself as a man of integrity which for me will never ever be earned with money...

Ecalos: I sense a lot of Ego wars going on amongst some men..

Let me break this down with my own opinion.

First and foremost, Money DOES NOT equal to respect. It never did and it never will. Material Wealth will never ever bring any one respect. It might bring an illusion of some flattery but that can never be described as respect. What is respect? It is a positive feeling of esteem and it could also mean to genuinely honor another and to treat the other the way you will love to be treated.

I think the kind of "respect" the poster is referring to is more of subordination and it seems like he is implying the man providing for his family will make his wife "fear" him the way we all feared our parents when we were kids because of what they could do to us if we messed up. That may be ok in parent-child relationship but the relationship between a man and a wife is totally different. Its supposed to be like the relationship between best friends where everyone recognizes their strength and try to fill in the gap where the other is weak.

My husband earned his respect from me way before we got married so if a man is just trying to start the process of gaining respect while he is already married, the in my opinion something is wrong somewhere.
With that said, here is what we do in our home. How did he earn his respect? He is a man of his word, he treats other people and not just me with dignity, he is humble, he is gentle and very forgiving. He does not insist on his own way and above all he seeks God first before making any decision no matter how trivial.

So at this point no matter how little or how great he makes monetarily, he has my respect as he continually shows himself as a man of integrity which for me will never ever be earned with money...

Shinatu:


|@timmy

Please, which of her home keep roles do you share, since she must share your God given manly role because she is working, or she simply adds some of your own roles to hers? does that sound fair?

luckgames:
I cook sometime, clean and wash the cloths
I do 90% Shopping for the kids

luckgames:
Sorry Bro
I am well to do on my own
I have a secure job and things the will always bring me money
She run a small business , I have made more money than her in the past
I pretty well can tell any middle class woman to F off if she fool with me.
And replace her

jp philips:

guy, this is the point where you should be thankful for having a good wife, replace her!! ur joking right?
lemme ask you, can that small money of yours run that home perfectly?
she is nice to you not because you made money in the past but she is just ur blessing so stop shouting.
most women in Nigeria would have reduced you to a nanny in ur present condition not minding the magic u worked in the past.
60% of women i know will put you in chains, the only real intimacy you get will be from the house girl. if you are in doubt, Ask madam NAFDAC

jp philips:

guy, this is the point where you should be thankful for having a good wife, replace her!! ur joking right?
lemme ask you, can that small money of yours run that home perfectly?
she is nice to you not because you made money in the past but she is just ur blessing so stop shouting.
most women in Nigeria would have reduced you to a nanny in ur present condition not minding the magic u worked in the past.
60% of women i know will put you in chains, the only real intimacy you get will be from the house girl. if you are in doubt, Ask madam NAFDAC

ayox2003: If provision for the family is what makes a woman respect her husband, it clearly shows that the OP is decades away from marriage. What a view?! If you want your woman to respect you, give her room to explore her talents and enterprise, okay?
Just make sure you read Communication, Sex and Money by Edwin Lewis before you get married.

luckgames:
Like I told you Nigerian Woman or foreign
I am doing OK for myself, so stop playing
I am a little bit crazy Nigerian that will not any person F??K with me
money or no money

conyema12: Any established lady that needs to keep her ego intact while manning her own house should do well to live alone and forget about a husband bossing her arround else she should be submissive to her lawfully wedded husband. Even if she decides not to share the responsility with her husband, the man will always run the house effectively.

We should not let the western tradition obscure our respect for values in african cultural setting... One of the problems we have in this country is that we love to imitate other ppls culture while throwing ours in the garbage. A wife should accord the same level of respect that our grand mothers gave to their husbands.

We can re-adjust our economic dynamism, but our cultural values should kept intact.

... Am not supporting disrespecful husbands.

acidtalk:

Nice contribution and very enlightening comment I must confess.

Please, I am curious to know, Do you share responsibilities with your husband? And at what point did you both decide on who does what (financially) in the marriage? Was it prior to when you both got married, few weeks/months after, or when things became quite unnearable for the man?

I will really appreciate your response.
Thanks in advance.

jp philips:

picture this scenario, a former colleague was "contributing" to run their home, it happens that the woman was the one that bought both cars they use, out of the woman's cavalier, she knocked her engine down and told the husband to replace not the engine but the car, the guy said he has to save and till the new car arrived,
the guy never used his car again. she monopolized the husband's car simply because she bought it.
haven't you seen where they pay rent and flood the house with useless relatives while you sit helpless,
guy!! just count yourself lucky for the wife you have and stop showing that alligator muscles.
did i mention that the guy was building the house while the woman was buying the cars?

the moment a Nigerian woman feeds you in Nigeria, "YOU ARE FINISHED"
leave Nairaland internet warriors alone, 80% of the good tales you read here are lies.
please don't tell me its a peculiar case, interview most women you know and hear what majority has to say.

can you imagine Nigerian ladies that find it difficult to come out of their pocket as spinsters will automatically become bread winners with ease? if any man puts a Nigerian woman in that position in marriage where she fends for the family, You will see what Jesus saw in the hands of the jews.

Ecalos:

We decided before we got married that responsibilities were going to be shared. We were both on the same page with our ideas on finances and that just worked out well for us. Neither of us had that mentality that he had to be the sole provider and i the sole house keeper.

First of all, we both make similar incomes but his is slightly higher than mine since he works overtime a lot and I dont. I prepared a financial schedule for us and on the spreadsheet, i listed our incomes and then broke down all the bills we will have to pay every month. Based on both our earnings, we shared how best we will allocate resources to those bills, how much goes into savings and investments, how much goes into entertainment (datenight, lunch dates etc) and so on. At the end of it all, what worked best for us is as follows:

I pay the internet bill, the netflix bill and my phone bill while he takes care of our rent, our electricity and gas, our auto insurance and some others. We save a certain percentage after paying all these bills and since the bills I take care of are not that many, the savings percentage comes from my check and goes into our joint account and the rest is shared as follows: we both put a certain percentage to our joint checking which takes care of gas, groceries and household items and the rest goes to both our personal checkings which we use for lunch outings with coworkers, manicures, clothing, surprise gifts and so on.

Around the house, I do most of the cooking and he helps me wash the dishes after I have prepared him a wonderful meal. I hate vacuuming but he loves doing that so he vacuums while I dust and arrange all furniture and I wash the bathroom since I love washing bathrooms.

jp philips: https://www.nairaland.com/newpost?topic=967818

Next time don't skip the part that you are not in Nigeria thanks!!