acidtalk:

One wife with a single kid alone na load. So why them go marry more than one and numerous children. Na their greed kill them.

jp philips:

picture this scenario, a former colleague was "contributing" to run their home, it happens that the woman was the one that bought both cars they use, out of the woman's cavalier, she knocked her engine down and told the husband to replace not the engine but the car, the guy said he has to save and till the new car arrived,
the guy never used his car again. she monopolized the husband's car simply because she bought it.
haven't you seen where they pay rent and flood the house with useless relatives while you sit helpless,
guy!! just count yourself lucky for the wife you have and stop showing that alligator muscles.
did i mention that the guy was building the house while the woman was buying the cars?

the moment a Nigerian woman feeds you in Nigeria, "YOU ARE FINISHED"
leave Nairaland internet warriors alone, 80% of the good tales you read here are lies.
please don't tell me its a peculiar case, interview most women you know and hear what majority has to say.

can you imagine Nigerian ladies that find it difficult to come out of their pocket as spinsters will automatically become bread winners with ease? if any man puts a Nigerian woman in that position in marriage where she fends for the family, You will see what Jesus saw in the hands of the jews.

luckgames: I have a rule today and for all men
If you make 100,00.00 and you wife make 20,00.00
make her contribute some, she has to have a stalk in the married
If she make 70,00.00 some day, she will still think you have to do it only because you have done it in the past

acidtalk:
Okay! I withdraw my statement. He is a repentant mo*roon not a functional one any more.

Come to think of it, was that your contribution?

Ecalos:

We decided before we got married that responsibilities were going to be shared. We were both on the same page with our ideas on finances and that just worked out well for us. Neither of us had that mentality that he had to be the sole provider and i the sole house keeper.

First of all, we both make similar incomes but his is slightly higher than mine since he works overtime a lot and I dont. I prepared a financial schedule for us and on the spreadsheet, i listed our incomes and then broke down all the bills we will have to pay every month. Based on both our earnings, we shared how best we will allocate resources to those bills, how much goes into savings and investments, how much goes into entertainment (datenight, lunch dates etc) and so on. At the end of it all, what worked best for us is as follows:

I pay the internet bill, the netflix bill and my phone bill while he takes care of our rent, our electricity and gas, our auto insurance and some others. We save a certain percentage after paying all these bills and since the bills I take care of are not that many, the savings percentage comes from my check and goes into our joint account and the rest is shared as follows: we both put a certain percentage to our joint checking which takes care of gas, groceries and household items and the rest goes to both our personal checkings which we use for lunch outings with coworkers, manicures, clothing, surprise gifts and so on.

Around the house, I do most of the cooking and he helps me wash the dishes after I have prepared him a wonderful meal. I hate vacuuming but he loves doing that so he vacuums while I dust and arrange all furniture and I wash the bathroom since I love washing bathrooms.

acidtalk:


God bless you for this.
Seems you are basically the only one seeing things from my point of view or only one just being truthful in here

ikoha:

those figures dey gimme headache, i think they are wrongly punctuated.

acidtalk:

IBO man!
Na only the money (figures) you see to comment on.

Nna mehn! Odikwa very risky.

kinnkw:


Women will screw your life when they are breadwinners. But that is different from what we are saying here.
The topic is sharing/ contributing a percentage of what each person makes to run the home.
This women work for crying out loud, don't argue that right?
Now I affore that she should put part of her earnings it into the family, if you are against it then please tell us what she should do with the money she earns?

bakila:

Which place you learn that one?

ekwah: In other words, men shouldn't expect as much respect from their wives because their wives, unlike in the past also contribute financially to the family Sure say acid no leak into your brain? What has respect got to do with familial provision? Isn't respect supposed to be mutual in the first place? This your argument no get water abeg
By the way u need to tell me what scale you use in quantifying respect.

Ceeno E vu: My wife's money is my money and vice versa. She also knows I'm not planning to change that anytime soon. Moreover when I was the only one working I made it a point of duty to let her know that the salary is for both of us since we are one. I buy things (land and cars inclusive) and I make sure it's her name on it. I therefore did not have any qualms to have her handle the home front financially when she got a good job. I earn a 7 digit on a monthly basis and have worked for over 10 years. She's in the 6 digit range and has worked for about 5. It therefore makes sense for me to be the one applying for loans for capital investments while we use her money for day to day runnings of the house. RESPECT? I won that long time ago when we were still courting. I only work hard at maintaining it. My money can not give me the respect if I don't treat her right and fairly.

acidtalk:

Thanks a bunch for this.
Its obvious you don't reside oin Nigeria but I believe I and so many other people found this comment very useful.

Once again, thanks so much.

Ecalos:

Nigeria or no Nigeria the same concept applies and thats the point I am trying to drive across...I lived in Nigeria for 24 years before moving to the States...My parents have been married for 28 years and what i just described to you is how my parents have been sharing their resources. They still live in Nigeria and still do the same.. There are times where my dad made more and he contributed more and times where my mum made so much more and contributed more than my dad did..At this present moment, my mum makes more than my dad and they still share resources equitably. They both shared in paying school fees and all that. That has and will never stop my mum from respecting my dad because he sure is a man of integrity who treats her right and never let his ego get the best of him..My dad still washes dishes, he still cooks for my mum and all that so Nigeria or no Nigeria, the same rule and concept applies

acidtalk: When young Nigerian men complain today on how their wives don't give them full respect as the man of the house unlike during their childhood days when their mothers basically 'worshipped' and feared their fathers. She dare not disobey his instructions and even if she was displayed at his actions, she doesn't point it out to his face in the public.

What so many (larger percentage) men of this generation fail to realize is that, their Fathers catered for the needs of the family 100% without asking a dime from his wife to support the family. Bust now, its a norm for men to share responsibilities with their wives like Feeding, house rent, power, water, security, childrens school fees, dstv, phone, feeding and even groceries bills with their wives and this same men expect to get 100% (full) respect and accord from their wives?

Where on earth is it possible for one 'partner in business' to be a slave to another when you hold equal or sometimes majority investment in the business.

Nigerian men if you want 100% respect and loyalty from your wives, then start taking 100% responsibility of the needs of the family and home from.

didadavid:

I wish there was a "dislike" botton.

Ceeno E vu: My wife's money is my money and vice versa. She also knows I'm not planning to change that anytime soon. Moreover when I was the only one working I made it a point of duty to let her know that the salary is for both of us since we are one. I buy things (land and cars inclusive) and I make sure it's her name on it. I therefore did not have any qualms to have her handle the home front financially when she got a good job. I earn a 7 digit on a monthly basis and have worked for over 10 years. She's in the 6 digit range and has worked for about 5. It therefore makes sense for me to be the one applying for loans for capital investments while we use her money for day to day runnings of the house. RESPECT? I won that long time ago when we were still courting. I only work hard at maintaining it. My money can not give me the respect if I don't treat her right and fairly.

kinnkw:


Women will screw your life when they are breadwinners. But that is different from what we are saying here.
The topic is sharing/ contributing a percentage of what each person makes to run the home.
This women work for crying out loud, don't argue that right?
Now I affore that she should put part of her earnings it into the family, if you are against it then please tell us what she should do with the money she earns?

jp philips:

picture this scenario, a former colleague was "contributing" to run their home, it happens that the woman was the one that bought both cars they use, out of the woman's cavalier, she knocked her engine down and told the husband to replace not the engine but the car, the guy said he has to save and till the new car arrived,
the guy never used his car again. she monopolized the husband's car simply because she bought it.
haven't you seen where they pay rent and flood the house with useless relatives while you sit helpless,
guy!! just count yourself lucky for the wife you have and stop showing that alligator muscles.
did i mention that the guy was building the house while the woman was buying the cars?

the moment a Nigerian woman feeds you in Nigeria, "YOU ARE FINISHED"
leave Nairaland internet warriors alone, 80% of the good tales you read here are lies.
please don't tell me its a peculiar case, interview most women you know and hear what majority has to say.

can you imagine Nigerian ladies that find it difficult to come out of their pocket as spinsters will automatically become bread winners with ease? if any man puts a Nigerian woman in that position in marriage where she fends for the family, You will see what Jesus saw in the hands of the jews.

acidtalk:

I am in no where against it.
My major concern was if a woman is made to contribute financially in the running of the home won't she one day start putting up unwarranted ego and attitude? But to be honest, I am impressed with what I have read so far and even willing to learn more as this is certainly going to help young men and women know how to handle financial expences and still remain united in their respective homes.

ur post is the reason why most Nigerians abroad that spent the better part of their lives there don't do well with Nigerian wives.
i find it appalling when i see peeps that have lived abroad for donkey years coming home to take these local champions, the mentalities are light years ahead, and it is a fact.

look at the expose written by that poster that stays abroad, there is a mutual balance in their marriage and i don't need a counselor to tell me their marriage is successful.

Most Nigerian women live in a world of their own.

if they are not competing with Tv, they are competing with magazines, or colleagues or neighbors, or relatives, it is a luxury for most of them to carve a niche for themselves in their marriage, there is always an external influence that the husband has to deal with and that is the warfare, most Nigerian women call marriage.

the lucky ones that got enlightened or mingled with exposed peeps in and outside the country might be different but not when the archaic influence of their parents still has a role to play. they still fall back to the norm.

i was forced to agree with acid talk completely except the point where he misconstrued "loyalty" for "disrespect".
in my presence, a mother inlaw has slapped a husband and father of 39yrs and the man insisted the inlaw must leave the house that day.

i ended up separating the wife and and the husband because the woman insisted that the mother will not leave, temerity sought from the fact that she paid the rent that year, can you imagine?
meanwhile her able bodied husband has received a cataclysmic, thunderous, mazanbula from the overzealous inlaw. all she advocated was " i will talk to my mum" in the face of catastrophe
yet she had no issues enjoying the years the husband was paying the rent.

the guy was s!lly to ask her to pay the rent because he felt the woman was having much money where he shoulders the whole responsibilities, now see what that move has resulted.

if you want to know how people live in Nigeria, come to Nigeria, don't sit behind a PC to assume.
IMHO, if you share responsibilities with your wife, her loyalty is gone with it.
read the comments of most ladies here and get a picture of what im saying.

quote author=Ecalos]

Nigeria or no Nigeria the same concept applies and thats the point I am trying to drive across...I lived in Nigeria for 24 years before moving to the States...My parents have been married for 28 years and what i just described to you is how my parents have been sharing their resources. They still live in Nigeria and still do the same.. There are times where my dad made more and he contributed more and times where my mum made so much more and contributed more than my dad did..At this present moment, my mum makes more than my dad and they still share resources equitably. They both shared in paying school fees and all that. That has and will never stop my mum from respecting my dad because he sure is a man of integrity who treats her right and never let his ego get the best of him..My dad still washes dishes, he still cooks for my mum and all that so Nigeria or no Nigeria, the same rule and concept applies

jp philips:

depends on your understanding quotient bro, will she monopolize your car if you bought it? that is the question you should be asking, the monopoly was borne out of who bought what? and what is wrong with asking for a ride? do you understand the word MONOPOLIZE?

guy, sharing and being the bread winner is inconsequential to a woman in marriage and it is common sense, if you eat from her coffers, she equally calls the shot.

Ecalos: the koko of the dodo is a man should not try to buy respect through his role as the main contributor of financial resources in the household...he should earn respect not just from his wife but also from society by being a man of integrity spcially mentally spititually intellectually and in all other areas...that way people will see him and truly call him blessed

Shinatu:

Another good one from Ecalos. You used the word 'should' but is that what happens? those who are lacking in these virtues that you have listed desire respect too, so they try to get it by other means i.e Financial manipulation/intimidation, they are the ones who complain that their wives left them shortly after they lost their jobs, the poor woman was probaly hanging around for her kids to get trained, like many of our mothers did that time.


@Ecalos,
I observed that you used the word 'help' to describe your husband washing of the plates in an earlier post,i.e 'he helpes me to.....' but did not use the same word when you mentioned the bills you pay, i.e 'I pay......', you did not say 'I help him pay......',is it that you beleive that house work is mainly your thing and if he does it he is helping you, but financial responsibility is both yours and his?


Why I ask is that, this is the general beleive in Nigeria, people are quick to let you know that if your husband does anything in the house, he is just helping you, you see working mothers with husbands with no
jobs looking for house helps/keeper to manage the home, because you are not expected to'turn your husband into a househelp because he does not have a job/money!'

I love Naija